# Elfbabe goes to prison
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [May 2, 2005, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096 "2005-05-02T18:35:57Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/1 "2005-05-02T18:35:57Z")
This past Friday, the prison at which my esteemed father, **Qadgop the Mercotan** , dispenses his medical wisdom had its annual tour day. Prison employees can bring in a few selected and prescreened friends or family members and lead them around, and this year _I_ got to go! Oh, rapture!
Touring a max security prison brings up all sorts of thorny issues involving human rights, drug policy, the nature of the individual and the self, race relations, education, religion, and many others.
But I’m not going to talk about those. I’m going to tell a funny **Qadgop** story.
The **Qad** -group, along with some other prison tourists, were led into the common area of one of the cell blocks. The prisoners were all in their cells, which encircle the common area on two floors. As maximum security prisoners don’t tend to get out much, our visit was a thing of special interest, and most of them were at the little windows in their doors peering out at us. There were the usual hoots and hollers associated with seeing OMG WOMEN!!! … but one voice quickly began to ring out over the others.
“ **Mercotan**!”
(more hooting and similar)
“ **MERCOTAN**!”
(hoots)
“ **MERCOTAAAAAAAAAN**!”
We all started snickering, trying not to make it obvious, and retreated to the safety of the small kitchen area for an instructive speech on prison food. A few minutes later, when we re-entered their field of view to leave the cell block, most of the prisoners seemed to have quieted down a bit. **Qadgop** ’s fan, however, retained all of his former enthusiasm.
“ **MERCOTAAAAAAAAAN**!”
“ **MERCOTAAAAAAAAAN**!”
“ **MMMMMMMEEEEEERRRRRCOOOOOOOTAAAAAAAAAN**!”
The others were silent, possibly in awe. Finally, He Of Great Lung Capacity was able to impart to **Qadgop** his vitally important message.
“ **Mercotan**!
…
…
…Let us out, man!”
As we were let out, and as I tried not to fall over laughing, I heard **Qadgop** muttering, “_Someone_’s getting his meds adjusted.”
---
### Author:  [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/2 "2005-05-02T18:37:27Z")
_falls off chair laughing_ That is priceless!
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### Author:  [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/3 "2005-05-02T18:40:17Z")
You had me at “Qad-group”. All the rest was just icing on the cake! 🙂
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### Author:  [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/4 "2005-05-02T18:43:17Z")
Damn, I was hoping for a women’s prison-themed smut-a-thon; however, this is almost as enjoyable.
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### Author:  [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/5 "2005-05-02T19:46:27Z")
> [@elfbabe](#):
>
> As we were let out, and as I tried not to fall over laughing, I heard **Qadgop** muttering, “_Someone_’s getting his meds adjusted.”
Noone’s admitting to being the shouter yet, so all 104 of them are getting their meds adjusted!! :eek:
---
### Author:  [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/6 "2005-05-02T19:56:41Z")
I am disappointed that \*\* Quad\*\* did not immediately recognize the voice pattern…
So how was the gift shop (the best part of any field trip)?
😃
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### Author:  [@lno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lno)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/7 "2005-05-02T19:58:35Z")
> [@plnnr](#):
>
> Damn, I was hoping for a women’s prison-themed smut-a-thon; however, this is almost as enjoyable.
Huh, I thought I was the only one.
But, hey, free meds? Maybe I gotta get myself incarcerated.
---
### Author:  [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/8 "2005-05-02T19:59:10Z")
Man, I’m sorry to piss on this parade, but I gotta know: is the tour for the educational benefit of the tourists or the amusement of the prisoners?
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### Author:  [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/9 "2005-05-02T20:01:26Z")
> [@lno](#):
>
> Huh, I thought I was the only one.
Actually, me too. The title alone sounds like it’s straight from late night on Cinemax, or something… 😃
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### Author:  [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/10 "2005-05-02T20:11:09Z")
> [@elfbabe](#):
>
> …and retreated to the safety of the small kitchen area for an instructive speech on prison food.
How instructive could it be? Is Emiril cooking for cons now?
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### Author:  [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/11 "2005-05-02T20:17:55Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#):
>
> Noone’s admitting to being the shouter yet, so all 104 of them are getting their meds adjusted!! :eek:
Are you sure that’s wise, doc? I mean, the fellow’s obviously _happy_, and I’d think that a happy prisoner would be less likely to cause problems. Seems to me that the best thing you could do was dope 'em all up, like Dr. McCoy woulda done.
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### Author:  [@Batsinma\_Belfry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Batsinma_Belfry)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/12 "2005-05-02T20:27:48Z")
> [@silenus](#):
>
> How instructive could it be? Is Emiril cooking for cons now?
Sometimes prison food is incredibly good. The kitchens are staffed with inmates, practicing for outside jobs as cooks and chefs. They grow their own produce and sometimes have their own livestock.
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### Author:  [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/13 "2005-05-02T20:32:44Z")
> [@Daithi Lacha](#):
>
> Man, I’m sorry to piss on this parade, but I gotta know: is the tour for the educational benefit of the tourists or the amusement of the prisoners?
It’s for the edification of family and friends of people who work every day in corrections, and for the communities in which these institutions exist, so they can understand better what it is we do. It helps our families also be less afraid for us by seeing what it is like.
Greater understanding brings greater acceptance, both for the difficulties inherent in our jobs as correctional employees, and the difficulties the inmates may face when they get out. And the vast majority do get out again and go back to communities.
“Knowledge is good”
-Emil Faber
---
### Author:  [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/14 "2005-05-02T20:42:49Z")
I wish my dad were alive to take me on a tour of prison.
Your dad rawks.
And you didn’t answer the question about the Gift Shop…as a Female Doper it is your job to critique these important things. Human Rights Be Damned! Were their trinkets and postcards available?
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### Author:  [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/15 "2005-05-02T20:52:12Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#):
>
> Are you sure that’s wise, doc? I mean, the fellow’s obviously _happy_, and I’d think that a happy prisoner would be less likely to cause problems. Seems to me that the best thing you could do was dope 'em all up, like Dr. McCoy woulda done.
Dammit, **Tuckerfan** , he’s a doctor! not a… oh wait.
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### Author:  [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/16 "2005-05-02T21:09:24Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#):
>
> “Knowledge is good”
> -Emil Faber
😃
---
### Author:  [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/17 "2005-05-02T21:26:15Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#):
>
> “Knowledge is good”
> -Emil Faber
“I’m gonna get me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see”
-Garret Morris
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### Author:  [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/18 "2005-05-02T21:27:50Z")
At first, I thought somebody really was yelling “Mercotan!” and you had discovered that one of the prison inmates was a Straight Dope reader.
Then I realized you were just replacing your dad’s real name with his screen name, for our benefit.
Oh, well. Funny story anyway.
---
### Author:  [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/19 "2005-05-02T21:36:22Z")
> [@Jpeg Jones](#):
>
> At first, I thought somebody really was yelling “Mercotan!” and you had discovered that one of the prison inmates was a Straight Dope reader.
>
> Then I realized you were just replacing your dad’s real name with his screen name, for our benefit.
She was?!?
☹
Damn. Way to rain on my parade.
---
### Author:  [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)
#### Post date: [May 2, 2005, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/20 "2005-05-02T21:56:04Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#):
>
> I am disappointed that \*\* Quad\*\* did not immediately recognize the voice pattern…
Because they were speaking english, not elvish.
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