# Elfbabe goes to prison
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [May 2, 2005, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096 "2005-05-02T18:35:57Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 3
### Author:  [@Balle\_M](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balle_M)
#### Post date: [May 3, 2005, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/41 "2005-05-03T18:49:47Z")
> [@Daithi Lacha](#):
>
> Because he walked up to a woman and shat’n 'er?
>
> 😛
I just sprayed hot tea all over my screen.
\*\*Qad/B], I think I need _my_ meds adjusted…
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### Author:  [@Cerowyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cerowyn)
#### Post date: [May 3, 2005, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/42 "2005-05-03T19:08:10Z")
> [@silenus](#):
>
> Is Emiril cooking for cons now?
Wow, how cruel are you?
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### Author:  [@rowrrbazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rowrrbazzle)
#### Post date: [May 3, 2005, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/43 "2005-05-03T22:48:19Z")
> [@silenus](#):
>
> Over-acting? 😃
Aha. A 4-12.
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [May 3, 2005, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/44 "2005-05-03T23:10:32Z")
Wait…so **Quadgop** ’s prison gives tours? Am I the first one who thought of a GREAT place activity for a Dopefest?
😃
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### Author:  [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)
#### Post date: [May 3, 2005, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/45 "2005-05-03T23:12:14Z")
Sorry, **Qadgop**.
:smack:
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### Author:  [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)
#### Post date: [May 3, 2005, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/46 "2005-05-03T23:28:03Z")
> [@Shirley Ujest](#):
>
> And you didn’t answer the question about the Gift Shop…as a Female Doper it is your job to critique these important things. Human Rights Be Damned! Were their trinkets and postcards available?
My ex and I took a tour of the Colorado State Prison Museum (territorial days, famous executions, famous jailbreaks, and so on) and they did have trinkets made by the current inhabitants. I got a refrigerator magnet.
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### Author:  [@unclviny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unclviny)
#### Post date: [May 3, 2005, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/47 "2005-05-03T23:33:06Z")
> [@Maus Magill](#):
>
> ::snip:: By the time I in clooege ::snip::
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!, that is the funniest typo I have seen in a long time!!
“last week I couldn’t spell college graduate, now I are one”
**Maus** thanks for the laugh.
Unclviny
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### Author:  [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/48 "2005-05-04T00:21:14Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#):
>
> Wait…so **Qadgop** ’s prison gives tours? Am I the first one who thought of a GREAT place activity for a Dopefest?
>
> 😃
Two days out of the year, I can take 6 guests at a time in with me, for about 2 and a half hours maximum. You have to be able to pass a background check first, make sure you’re carrying no cell phones, pagers, knives, guns, drugs, etc. Have a photo ID ready. Empty your pockets for inspection. No purses. Then pass thru the metal detector. If you’re wearing an underwire bra you’ll be asked to take it off and go thru the metal detector again.
Finally, you’ll be allowed to pass into the inside with me as your guide, and go to pre-selected areas. You’ll only see inmates who want to be seen, and not much of them. But you will get an up close and personal feel for “life on the inside” and see typical cells and cell blocks, along with seeing the prisoner transfer bus. Along with the cute little bus toilet seat. Tour the kitchen which makes over 7000 meals a day (inmates and staff), see the prison law library and the medical unit, including _my office_! And the gym! Eat cookies and drink tart lemonade in the group room. Marvel at the staff smoking lounge (tobacco is contraband for inmates).
Then, when I’m ready to leave, best be ready to go with me, or you _might not get out_! :eek:
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### Author:  [@Cheez\_Whia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheez_Whia)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/49 "2005-05-04T00:30:46Z")
> [@rowrrbazzle](#):
>
> Aha. A 4-12.
These kids are too young to get this!
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### Author:  [@odaran](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/odaran)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/50 "2005-05-04T00:34:18Z")
Thanks, now I feel old because I did get it.
Thank you Dr. Demento!!
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### Author:  [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/51 "2005-05-04T02:17:29Z")
> [@rowrrbazzle](#):
>
> Aha. A 4-12.
Christ, that’s obscure. My face is sore from grinning - but I have to say THANKS!
Holy crow, I love this place!!! 😃
> [@tucketfan](#):
>
> Would you settle for some jeans?
Just for the record, my workplace blocked this link under the “Glamour/Intimate Apparel” blockage rule!
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### Author:  [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/52 "2005-05-04T02:21:42Z")
“ **Tuckerfan** ,” of course. All apologies.
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### Author:  [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/53 "2005-05-04T05:50:14Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#):
>
> Two days out of the year, I can take 6 guests at a time in with me, for about 2 and a half hours maximum. You have to be able to pass a background check first, make sure you’re carrying no cell phones, pagers, knives, guns, drugs, etc. Have a photo ID ready. Empty your pockets for inspection. No purses. Then pass thru the metal detector. If you’re wearing an underwire bra you’ll be asked to take it off and go thru the metal detector again.
>
> Finally, you’ll be allowed to pass into the inside with me as your guide, and go to pre-selected areas. You’ll only see inmates who want to be seen, and not much of them. But you will get an up close and personal feel for “life on the inside” and see typical cells and cell blocks, along with seeing the prisoner transfer bus. Along with the cute little bus toilet seat. Tour the kitchen which makes over 7000 meals a day (inmates and staff), see the prison law library and the medical unit, including _my office_! And the gym! Eat cookies and drink tart lemonade in the group room. Marvel at the staff smoking lounge (tobacco is contraband for inmates).
>
> Then, when I’m ready to leave, best be ready to go with me, or you _might not get out_! :eek:
Where’s your prison again? Not close to me IIRC, and that’s too bad, because–and I say this with all sincerity–that sounds like a hell of a good time! I’ve worked with a few ex-cons and work-release folks befoer and I’d love a glipse of life on the inside. I can’t imagine a more enjoyable and interesting way of getting one than with one of the board’s most popular Dopers.
Of you do agree to this, please email me in case I don’t see the thread. With the right company, I might even be willing to travel for it. Only space for five more!
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### Author:  [@Alan\_Smithee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alan_Smithee)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/54 "2005-05-04T05:51:15Z")
It’s a good thing they don’t put people away for typos. Do they?
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### Author:  [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/55 "2005-05-04T12:50:20Z")
> [@Maus Magill](#):
>
> By the time I in clooege, Central has stopped allowing work release prisoners from working at Fraternity houses. Apparently, we were a bad influence. That was too bad, because we couldn’t afford a decent cook for a couple of years.
Good googly-moogly. I really need to have more coffee before I start posting.
My father also likes to tell about the time he and some fraternity brothers drove up the street to Central and asked if they could see the gas chamber. The surprising thing? The guards took them to see it. Things really were different in the early sixties.
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### Author:  [@Mr.Goob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Goob)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/56 "2005-05-04T14:25:11Z")
**QtM** mentioned not being able to get out. I used to drive a truck, I’ve made deliveries to about a dozen different prisions.
I’d thought the oddest feeling I could have is when the huge 30’ tall door closes behind you at Attica. Holy shit you think, this isn’t fences you can see out of, it’s stone walls. [Not my page, but cool pictures](http://www.pbase.com/kjosker/image/25165269)
The worst feeling was the time a count was off and everything was locked down for an hour until they found the knucklehead. I was sitting in the sallyport with the CO’s twiddling my thumbs to be let out. Spooky feeling.
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### Author:  [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/57 "2005-05-04T14:55:55Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#):
>
> Noone’s admitting to being the shouter yet, so all 104 of them are getting their meds adjusted!! :eek:
Have you considered prescribing castor oil?
In half-pint measures? 😃
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### Author:  [@elfbabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfbabe)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/58 "2005-05-04T16:10:30Z")
> [@Alan Smithee](#):
>
> Where’s your prison again?
Sorry **Al** , but we’re up in Wisconsin, and those two days out of the year are two days chosen by the prison, not by **Qadgop**.
Plus, we’re not anywhere NEAR exhausing the pool of inquisitive friends and family members.
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### Author:  [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/59 "2005-05-04T16:34:09Z")
Since there’s already been a couple brief hijacks, allow me to indulge…
As a lad of maybe 14, I, Bus-Guy-dad, and Bus-Sister were driving down a 2-lane road past the penitentiary near our town. Dad came from a pretty rough (for the 40’s) neighborhood in Chicago, and although HE was a straight arrow, some of his boyhood friends weren’t. So as we drive down the road in our '66 Galaxy, there’s a trustee walking down the road, back to us in the same direction we’re going. Dad comments, “hey, that guy walks just like Mike”. Drive up to where we pass the guy…“hey! that IS Mike!”. We hit the brakes, and make a panic turn into the driveway of a home, that as it turns out is the WARDEN’s house. Except all my sister and I know is that 500 yards away are guards in towers probably taking aim at dad as he gets out of the car and runs back down the road and proceeds to dance and hug his old pal. Just then, another guard comes out of the house with some big-ass shotgun in the crook of his arm.
When I got the courage to climb off the floor of the car, it was to see dad, Mike and the guard all having a nice chat, introductions all around and being asked by Mrs. Warden if I’d like some lemonade or something.
Seems that in the past 10 years, Mike has become the model prisoner and is working in the wardens house as his valet or some such thing.
10 years or so after when Mike was paroled, I saw him at a family/friend party and he still laughed at my expense telling everyone how I must have soiled myself that day.
Jerk.
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### Author:  [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)
#### Post date: [May 4, 2005, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elfbabe-goes-to-prison/302096/60 "2005-05-04T16:45:32Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#):
>
> …You have to be able to pass a background check first…
What kind of background check? When I was living in Miami, a guy who had been living in the same boarding house during the summer (for some grad course) applied for some kind of paperpusher job in Justice and we got visited by two morons straight out of Central Casting - they scared my 5’2", Jamaican-born landlady almost half to death.
Would this check here be something like “ok, looks like the data he’s given us fits what we have in the computers” or will your ex-landladies be getting nasty visits?
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