# "Elves" are discovered to exist. How does the world react? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 2, 2010, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923 "2010-08-02T19:56:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/21 "2010-08-03T07:17:49Z")
The government would find a way to make money off of them. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/22 "2010-08-03T07:21:19Z")
I’d wonder where the other two researchers went. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 8:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/23 "2010-08-03T08:40:10Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > I’d wonder where the other two researchers went. Yeah, that does seem to be the [Chekhov’s gun](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chekhov%27s_gun) in **Skald** ’s story. There just seems to be something ominous about it. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 9:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/24 "2010-08-03T09:46:12Z")
They’ll be fine as long as they fly their flags correctly! [http://http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=572922](http://http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=572922) ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/25 "2010-08-03T12:32:03Z")
Being advanced means more about Economy of Scale, Need and Access to Resources than the duration of your civilization. No way that small of an isolated and resource poor civilization is more advanced than ours. ---
**Author:** ![42fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/b487fb/32.png) [@42fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/42fish)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/26 "2010-08-03T13:55:38Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > -Demand our orphaned socks back. That would be gnomes, not elves. (At least the gnomes are responsible for underwear in ‘South Park,’ and there’s a Far Side cartoon where they’re hiding car keys, so I assume they have a sock-grabbing division somewhere on the org charts.) ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/27 "2010-08-03T14:24:43Z")
All I want to know is have their females got the necessary bidness for inter-species congress? > [@Chimera](#): > > Being advanced means more about Economy of Scale, Need and Access to Resources than the duration of your civilization. No way that small of an isolated and resource poor civilization is more advanced than ours. That assumes that their civilization began developing at the same time as ours. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/28 "2010-08-03T15:23:20Z")
> [@Agnostic\_Pagan](#): > > I would also think that they must find us sexually repulsive on some level, or sufficiently incompatible to mate with us - similar to us and the great apes (yeah, a few may have tried relations, but that just doesn’t wash with the vast, vast, vast, vast majority of our race.) Any sexual relations would be considered bestiality and extremely taboo to them, or else we would have more interesting legends and urban myths about tall exotic elves (or succubi, devas, demons, etc.) I’m not sure I agree. As I described them, they’re not that dissimilar from humans. Yeah, they’re tall and all, but still within the range of human variation. And since their language shows a family relationship with Sanskrit (something they surely knew before we did) they certainly consider themselves part of the human family. I don’t see the split as having happened more than 6,000 years ago. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/29 "2010-08-03T15:29:56Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > All I want to know is have their females got the necessary bidness for inter-species congress? As I just wrote, it’s INTRA-species, but interRACIAL. I think a big part of that would depend on how similar their culture is to the American norm. I think I wrote that the women average 6’6" tall; they’ll be taller than most men and tower over not a few. A lot of women in our culture would have a problem having sex with a man that much smaller than they are, I think; and since the Yon women are acculturated to be shorter than the men, rather than typically taller than them, there may be some preconscious distaste going on there. About the men, I dunno. > [@Chimera](#): > > Being advanced means more about Economy of Scale, Need and Access to Resources than the duration of your civilization. No way that small of an isolated and resource poor civilization is more advanced than ours. > [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > That assumes that their civilization began developing at the same time as ours. This. They may have–probably did have–a much larger population in years past. As to the resources issue: who knows what technological solutions they have? I doubt replicators (because I think replicators are probably impossible), but maybe something else. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 3:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/30 "2010-08-03T15:56:24Z")
Taking a slightly different tack, I think there would be some degree of fear of these “magical” beings. It would not surprise me to see one or more cults involving them pop up–some seeking to worship the Elves, some seeking to kill them. Also think it would rock the more hard core religious right pretty hard–all of a sudden, humans are not necessarily the top of the food chain and/or God’s finest creation. Also think a bunch of elves are probably gonna die, unless they have the means to defend themselves and or willing to use said means vigorously… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/31 "2010-08-03T15:59:33Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > Taking a slightly different tack, I think there would be some degree of fear of these “magical” beings. It would not surprise me to see one or more cults involving them pop up–some seeking to worship the Elves, some seeking to kill them. > > Also think it would rock the more hard core religious right pretty hard–all of a sudden, \*\*humans are not necessarily the top of the food chain \*\*and/or God’s finest creation. > > Also think a bunch of elves are probably gonna die, unless they have the means to defend themselves and or willing to use said means vigorously… Are you feverish? We’re not at the top of the food chain _now._ The food chain goes sunlight, maize, pig, human, shark, bacteria. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/32 "2010-08-03T19:07:55Z")
I tend to think that we’d regard them as humans. Say we discovered some Cro Magnon society somewhere, but on the other end of the scale developmentally. While not h. sapiens sapiens, we’d tend to consider them human, and probably want to work with them and study them and send missionaries to them. Still, they’d be humans. So these “elves” would be regarded as human. Longer lived, but we’d not drive 'em off like Methusala’s Children. More technologically advanced, kind of like we are to the people of Fiji. I don’t think anyone would really be all the impressed with the people. Technologically, a more direct parallel would be something like, what if the first decade of the 20th century world just discovered that the 21st century USA existed? In our current perspective, we’d know that nothing is magic, and there would tend to be all sorts of analogous items, thoughts, tools between us. For example, and early 20th centurier would understand the concept of a cell phone, just not merely its technology. We’d certainly be impressed, though. So with that in mind, I’m certain that h. sapiens elfus would have a broad understanding of whom or whom not to befriend, nation-wise. They’d also have already established the certainty that they’re safe from invasion attempts prior to any first contact with us. Aliens from another planet, though, would be something else entirely. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/33 "2010-08-03T21:30:52Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > I agree, the major thought would be, “Let’s kill them and take their stuff.” The word “War” flashed through my head instantly. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/34 "2010-08-03T23:19:05Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > That assumes that their civilization began developing at the same time as ours. That is largely meaningless, as civilization doesn’t advanced on a clear and linear scale. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/35 "2010-08-03T23:24:39Z")
> [@carnivorousplant](#): > > I agree, the major thought would be, “Let’s kill them and take their stuff.” :mad: That’s incredibly cynical! For my part, I foresee a widespread demand for elf porn. ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2010, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/36 "2010-08-03T23:29:04Z")
> [@GHO57](#): > > [The problem is, they’re too much like human. They’re superior in every conceivable way… but I can’t see “niceness” being an evolutionary advantage. They’re most likely just as bad as humans deep down. [Or worse.](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheFairFolk) > [@](#): > > More traditional Fairies are a bit of an odd duck of a trope. Old as anything, long forgotten, they’re starting to re-emerge in modern fiction with a vengeance. Fairies may present themselves as amazing, beautiful, graceful and magical— but underneath all the glamour, they’re creepy little buggers for whom empathy is a concept as alien as the idea of blue as a number. They might take a shine to humans, but at best, it’s the love a human feels for a pet, and descends down through the love an entomologist feels for a rare insect, continuing down through the love a glutton feels for prime rib… and you really don’t want to see what it’s like at its worst. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/37 "2010-08-04T00:05:14Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > > [@carnivorousplant](#): > > > > I agree, the major thought would be, “Let’s kill them and take their stuff.” > > :mad: That’s incredibly cynical! Maybe if they brought cookies. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/38 "2010-08-04T00:16:06Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > but underneath all the glamour, they’re creepy little buggers for whom empathy is a concept as alien as the idea of blue as a number. Now that would really be something. If they really were the dark fey of old, utterly foreign and unfathomable, yet tantalizingly familiar. Seductive in appearance, dangerous as all getout in actuallity. Of course, we’d be over-run with Fey wannabe’s. People who actively seek them out, foolishly thinking it will somehow be different for them. Guys who pretended to have contact and allegiances with them, primarily to attract stupid women who like bad boys. People who do it as a claim on power they don’t have. Deluded fools who think they can be accepted and become part of the Fey. People who seek their favor. People who seek their alliance in petty games of power. ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/39 "2010-08-04T00:22:04Z")
I’d be all shook up. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2010, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923/40 "2010-08-04T00:38:42Z")
Had these been [Sylvia Townsend Warner Elves](http://www.answers.com/topic/sylvia-townsend-warner), I’d have been all over this thread. Shame on you, Skald, shame! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/elves-are-discovered-to-exist-how-does-the-world-react/548923.md?page=3)