# Email to Jesus - 1 question only please **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [October 30, 2001, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590 "2001-10-30T20:12:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![jesse\_morrison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bcef8e/32.png) [@jesse\_morrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesse_morrison)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/61 "2001-11-01T00:16:58Z")
Was Mary your only ho, that you pimped out to your trick disciples, and did Judas take over your operation? jesse,wp ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/62 "2001-11-01T01:04:59Z")
My question to Jesus would be: Why? It might take a while to answer. ---
**Author:** ![JepSnertRF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@JepSnertRF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JepSnertRF)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/63 "2001-11-01T02:46:35Z")
I talk straight to God, I don’t need any pope as a middle man. Jesus died on the cross for me, he doesnt need an agent. ---
**Author:** ![Efrem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d78d45/32.png) [@Efrem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Efrem)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/64 "2001-11-01T02:58:30Z")
Why is it that I am the only one in this world that is not a jerk? Stupid a\*\*holes… ---
**Author:** ![JepSnertRF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@JepSnertRF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JepSnertRF)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/65 "2001-11-01T03:04:39Z")
Thanks, that was helpful. ---
**Author:** ![obidiah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ed655f/32.png) [@obidiah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/obidiah)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/66 "2001-11-01T04:39:20Z")
In all vulgarity, the question would have to be… What the fuck,dude? ---
**Author:** ![HubZilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ccd318/32.png) [@HubZilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HubZilla)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2001, 9:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/67 "2001-11-01T21:52:35Z")
Who would win, the Enterprise or a Star Destroyer? ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/68 "2001-11-02T02:39:07Z")
Foregone conclusion, HubZilla. Photon torpedoes travel faster-than-light, and turbolasers don’t. Enterprise backs up at warp 1.1 and lobs photorps at the Star Destroyer until it explodes. Even if the Star Destroyer does a microjump to put itself (or its turbolaser bolts) directly in Enterprise’s path, it has to anticipate where Enterprise **will** be a second or two later, and Enterprise can foil those calculations simply by making small, rapid, erratic changes to its course while it’s backing up. That is, if Picard doesn’t surrender immediately. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/69 "2001-11-02T03:53:43Z")
Where the hell are my car keys? Oh, crap, I shouldn’t have said “hell” in front of Jesus. Oh eff, I shouldn’t have said “crap…!” ::continue ad infinity:: ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/70 "2001-11-02T04:01:12Z")
“Hey, Jesus, man, how’s it goin’?” _Pretty good._ _poof!_ “So anyway, I was wondering why… hey… where’d he go? Hey! I haven’t asked a question ye… oh.” ---
**Author:** ![NiceGuyJack](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/niceguyjack/32/3069_2.png) [@NiceGuyJack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NiceGuyJack)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/71 "2001-11-02T06:47:39Z")
Here is my question: Looking over the past 2000 years of history since you walked the earth and considering the death and torture of millions of people and the rivers of blood shed in your name, do you now wish you could have kept your mouth shut? Knowing what the results are, would you have done things differently? ---
**Author:** ![Kaje](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f04885/32.png) [@Kaje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaje)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/72 "2001-11-02T07:21:37Z")
“Very funny… now seriously…stop fucking with the diamondbacks and let us move on with the series.” > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by toadspittle \* > \*\*I’m with Beelz: > > Jesus, please tell us which parts of the Bible are true and which are false. > Oh. Except that’s not a question. That’s an order. OK, then: > > Jesus, will you please tell us which parts of the Bible are true and which are false? > > Of course, my fear is that his answer will be, “No.” \*\* You could just ask “Which part of…” If Jesus said all that stuff about the Bible being written by ordinary men and blahblah, while most people would say “duh”, I think quite a few (and in fact it would be those who need it the most), would be taken aback at the least, and it would certainly change things dramatically. My favorite question is by far scotth’s…bravo. I think my question would be something along the lines of “Could you clear up that whole ‘thou shalt not kill’ thing?.. apparently it’s still not getting through” ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 11:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/73 "2001-11-02T11:57:47Z")
Come on, from my selfish point of view, there’s only one possible question. “Presuming there is life after death, how can I get into the good section?” ---
**Author:** ![Liberal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/848f3c/32.png) [@Liberal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liberal)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2001, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/74 "2001-11-02T12:04:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NiceGuyJack \* > \*\*Here is my question: > > Looking over the past 2000 years of history since you walked the earth and considering the death and torture of millions of people and the rivers of blood shed in your name, do you now wish you could have kept your mouth shut? Knowing what the results are, would you have done things differently? \*\* He already answered that: > [@](#): > > “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’” — Matt 7:21-23 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2001, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/75 "2001-11-03T16:12:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by flodnak \* > \*\*"You know that walking on water trick you did? > > Does it still work, y’know, with the holes in your feet and all…?" 😃 \*\* Now that is funny. Since I can’t ask for winning lottery numbers, I’m going with “What’s the third word ending in ‘gry’?” ---
**Author:** ![JerseyDiamond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8491ac/32.png) [@JerseyDiamond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerseyDiamond)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2001, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/76 "2001-11-04T00:22:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Arnold Winkelried \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by SisterCoyote \* > > I don’t believe Peter was the first Pope. > > But he was. > [Popes of the Roman Catholic Church](http://www.infoplease.com/ce6/society/A0839708.html) \*\* In order for people to believe anything in that link, they would have to believe what the RCC teaches. We should just ask God our questions, if we do not receive an answer, it was not for us to know. ---
**Author:** ![Imaginary](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ecb155/32.png) [@Imaginary](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imaginary)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2001, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/77 "2001-11-04T13:15:39Z")
How detailed is His answer going to be? Because he could answer questions like this: Q: Why do we exist? A: Why not? Q: Jesus, when will the world end? A: Soon enough. Q: Jesus, why all the suffering in the world? A: ummm… And providing he will answer the question in complete detail, including diagrams then here is my question: Jesus, how do you extract zero-point energy in large workable quantities? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Shill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_Shill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Shill)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2001, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/78 "2001-11-04T15:37:20Z")
A different type of question… So jesus, how do the laws of Quantum mechanics hold true without the world dissolving into a heap of radiation? Or alternatively… Hey dude, where did all the antimatter go? ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2001, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/79 "2001-11-04T16:08:19Z")
**Beelzebubba** wrote: > [@](#): > > Well, we’re presuming Jesus himself is answering these questions, which presumes the existence of Jesus and the fact that he is the Son of God. Those revelations in and of themselves would change my life, being that I consider myself atheist. Yes, but a belief that a guy called Jesus existed about 2,000 years ago is not necessarily inconsistent with atheism. There seems to me (and i’m an atheist, too), based on the little i’ve read about the subject, to be a reasonable amount of evidence to indicate that there was a guy called Jesus, and that he did enough while alive to impress a few people. But, even if he was around, i don’t believe that he was the son of a deity, and no answer he could give to any question i might ask would prove that to me. As someone suggested before, maybe the OP should have been directed only at believers. But, given that i believe it possible that some guy called Jesus did exist, even if he was just a man, then maybe i should ask him a question. I suppose i’d ask: Hey, given that you were born and grew up in a really hot and sunny place, in an area populated by Arabs, Egyptians and other dark-skinned peoples, were you really as lily-white as all the pictures and TV shows make you out to be? ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2001, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590/80 "2001-11-04T16:30:56Z")
Hey hey, Big J., why yo fuckin’ wit us, bro? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/email-to-jesus-1-question-only-please/90590.md?page=5)