# Emancipate The Mitochondria **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 1, 2014, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120 "2014-04-01T21:05:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/1 "2014-04-01T21:05:33Z")
I’m not one to shy away from a controversial issue so let me just go on record as saying: **Slavery is bad.** Well, to my shock it has come to my attention I, and you, and even me are all slave holders. We harbor trillions of slaves in our cells. Somewhere in our checkered past our cells took in proteobacteria and we’ve been profiting from their labor ever since. Our lazy cells keep them imprisoned and soak-up all their energy for our own perverted purposes… How is it there isn’t a huge outcry for the poor mitochondria? We need to passes legislation outlawing the keeping of these cell bound slaves. Open your cells people and let the little mitties into the light! ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/2 "2014-04-01T21:20:18Z")
that’s why they’re called cells. ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/3 "2014-04-01T21:22:11Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > that’s why they’re called cells. Why do you say that? ---
**Author:** ![Peaton\_of\_peat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecae2f/32.png) [@Peaton\_of\_peat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peaton_of_peat)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/4 "2014-04-01T21:23:07Z")
They’re for holding prisoners. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/5 "2014-04-01T21:27:45Z")
You’ve got it all backwards. We give the mitochondria a home, and protection against the cruel elements, and what thanks do we get? Accusations of slavery! ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/6 "2014-04-01T21:33:00Z")
Yeah, don’t think of the ATP as theft. Think of it as rent. ---
**Author:** ![swampspruce](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampspruce/32/261_2.png) [@swampspruce](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampspruce)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/7 "2014-04-01T21:59:03Z")
Hey Mike,… you and me we have a little arrangement, see? You pass me a little ATP once and a while, and I make sure nothing…unfortunate…happens to you. It’s a nasty world out there my friend, and I’m here to keep you safe… I hear Jimmy Cagney’s voice as I imagine this little exchange. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/8 "2014-04-01T22:00:12Z")
Chloroplasts are people too. Smash the so called ‘Vegetable Kingdom’! ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/9 "2014-04-02T01:49:20Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Chloroplasts are people too. Smash the so called ‘Vegetable Kingdom’! Indeed, what is with monarchy in this day and age? _Animalia_ and _Plantae_ both need to get with the modern world and become constitutional republics. The USA should invade to bring them democracy. Lions to the guillotine! ---
**Author:** ![Aquadementia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aquadementia/32/555_2.png) [@Aquadementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aquadementia)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/10 "2014-04-02T01:59:14Z")
> [@Peaton\_of\_peat](#): > > They’re for holding prisoners. Cells are medieval. Why do we even have them in this day and age? > [@Sunspace](#): > > You’ve got it all backwards. We give the mitochondria a home, and protection against the cruel elements, and what thanks do we get? Accusations of slavery! Speaking like a true tyrant. Setting yourself up as a father figure for the little organelle. Like they couldn’t live without you. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/11 "2014-04-02T01:59:40Z")
I’m reminded of a short story I read many years ago in which the Second Coming happened, and all the mitochondria were yanked out of people’s bodies and sent to Heaven. ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/12 "2014-04-02T02:11:54Z")
> [@Aquadementia](#): > > Like they couldn’t live without you. They might survive, but without our careful nurturing they will never achieve spiritual perfection and ascend into Mitichlorians. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/13 "2014-04-02T03:50:34Z")
Mitochondria being independent is pretty much the plot of _Parasite Eve_. By the title, they aren’t the ones being exploited (slash eaten by creepy monster things). ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/14 "2014-04-02T15:02:51Z")
It’s worse than you think. Most of the mitochondrial DNA has been HIJACKED by the cells, and most of the essential genes are being held hostage in the nucleus. So even if the mitochondria escape, they won’t get far. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/15 "2014-04-02T16:28:08Z")
I thought this was going to be a _Star Wars_ thread. ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/16 "2014-04-02T18:31:28Z")
Next you’ll be calling for war between the states - liquid vs. solid vs. ga. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/17 "2014-04-02T18:40:44Z")
> [@Doctor\_Jackson](#): > > Next you’ll be calling for war between the states - liquid vs. solid vs. ga. The organisms that only breathe in a Georgia-based environment are at a disadvantage when warring anywhere but the homefront. Rumors are of pockets of Georgia in Eastern Europe. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/18 "2014-04-02T20:27:04Z")
Wait until the mitochondria unionize! Then you’ll be sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/19 "2014-04-02T20:39:29Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > Wait until the mitochondria unionize! Then you’ll be sorry. Actually, being ionized is key to mitochondrial function, seeing as how they’re powered by separation of charge, so unionizing them would be really bad… ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2014, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120/20 "2014-04-02T20:51:14Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > I’m reminded of a short story I read many years ago in which the Second Coming happened, and all the mitochondria were yanked out of people’s bodies and sent to Heaven. Yes!!! I read this and several other short stories in an issue of Omni magazine, back in the mid-1980’s. There was one story with a woman visited by the Trinity - a lion, a lamb, and a dove ([here it is](http://books.google.com/books?id=_J9AdpBgClAC&lpg=PA6&dq=the%20visitation%2C%20greg%20bear&pg=PA405#v=onepage&q=the%20visitation,%20greg%20bear&f=false)). There was another with a guy who was fielding phone calls from people as God, and another from some scientists who had tracked down a third-world child believed to be a reincarnation of Jesus. I can’t remember all of them, but yes, I remember there was another one in which someone figured out that the mitochondria were destined to go to Heaven without us, and then the story ended with exactly that happening. Can’t seem to find that one online… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/emancipate-the-mitochondria/685120.md?page=2)