Huh, I wondered if that ever happened in reverse.
Having lived in Japan and Korea for the last 13 years, and yet not having really mastered either language, I have several. I’m not up to admitting anything embarrassing right now, though. This story happened to a friend of mine, in my presence.
We were having lunch in a restaurant, and since the friend had the best Korean of anyone at the table, he ordered for all of us. We wanted raw tuna on rice, chamchi top-bap. Omitting the “m” sound, however, he ordered penis on rice for everyone. They worked out the problem before relaying the order to the cook.
Well, that puts a whole new meaning on the old spinoff sitcom, “Joanie Loves Chachi”!! :o
I was in Tokyo. Before I left I played Japanese tapes for months, and studied as best I could. I went to one of the fancy department stores on the Ginza, and decided to ask where the robes were. So I found a clerk, and she was very confused, and she asked another clerk, who was equally confused, and so it went until they found someone who spoke enough English. When I got back to my room, and looked it up, I found I had been asking for the gangster. 
The robes cost several years salary, of course, but I did find a nice one at a stand in front of a temple.
I quite recently almostalmost had one.
We have recently (last night, in fact) returned from a 2-week trip to Germany and Spain. My wife is fluent in Spanish, I am not.
At one point, however, she had a big headache and had to lie down for a while. Seeing as how I was in a major foreign city at the time, I decided to spend that time wandering around soaking in the sights. She asked that I pick up some aspirin while I was out. So I figured I’d poke my head in a couple of corner stores and grab some for her and be the Hero upon my return. Unfortunately, I found that corner stores do not carry aspirin. Only overpriced books on the history of Seville in several languages.
So I made a last-ditch effort to fulfill the Hero role. I attempted verbal communication:
Me: Hola…huh…mi esposa…hm?
Him: Si.
Me: Uh…oh! Uh, dolor, uh…
Now, it should be noted at this point that while my wife handled the Spanish, I handled a lot of the German and all of the French. I know French. I don’t know Spanish. I know “head” in French is “tete” (with an accent). I did not know what it was in Spanish. But I also knew that a lot of French words translated almost word for word into Spanish.
So what I almost said was:
Me: Uh, dolor, uh…in teta.
Just to ensure he knew what I was talking about, I would have pointed to my head at the same time.
This would not have turned out well. Fortunately, I remembered just in the nick of time that teta, in fact, translates to “teat.” Or, if you will, boob, boobie, tit. So in essence, I would have, while pointing to my head, been saying:
Me: My wife has a pain in the boob.
As it was, I just grunted incoherently and pointed to my head, and then nodded enthusiastically while he gave me directions (which I had no hope of understanding) to the local pharmacy. I was not the Hero that day.
But I wasn’t the Boob, either.
I had a blast running around in germany with nothing more than a 5 year olds vocabulary [that i learned when i was 5 years old, 30 mumble years ago…=)]
Most people I ran into spoke english or french, and we managed to work things out, but I am certain I was the cause for hilarity for more than a few people=)
I had fun at a green grocers buying in pantomime=)
Apparently. I read once in a similar thread on a travel board the anecdote of an exchange student, who, wanting to apologize to her host parents for a too wild and noisy party she had held, told them, to their horror, that she was now “embarazada”.
The Coño Sur?!
The Southern Pussy?
“Coño” means “pussy” or “twat,” but I get the impression that it’s considered a bit cruder than either of the English translations I posted here.
A cone is a “cono.”
I spent so much mental energy avoiding that one, Scribble.
Okay, so an errant tilde found its way into my posts (it probably escaped from something tomndebb was posting in GD, and wandered the board aimlessly until a kindly hamster steered it toward my post, where it found a home).
Sheesh!!
The potentials for double entendre are so deep on the ground there that I’m just going to observe the fact, and walk away… 
In Portuguese, the sentence you use to ask someone how old they are is the exact same sentence you use to ask someone how many sphincters they have. Leads to much childhood glee on the Brazilian playgrounds, I assume.
I’m sorry, matt_mcl. Maybe I’m just a weaker person than you are, but I couldn’t resist.
Heh, heh.
Slight hijack here. You can cause embarrasing things to happen if you speak the language and your friends don’t.
I lived in Indonesia for a while and got fairly fluent in Bahasa Indonesia. One of my friends was scared by his driver one day in a fairly close call, it seems, and he asked me how to tell the driver to slow down, which is “Pelan, pelan”.
Silly me. I “confused” the two words and told him “Cepat, cepat”. Which of course means to go faster. He arrived at work the next day in a mild case of shock and I spent most of the day hiding from him. 
For years, I’d been telling busboys I wanted them to put the table over there. “* Ayer! AYER! *”
Ayer is yesterday.
Alli is there.
A friend of mine went to Paris to see friends. The night before a dinner out, she braided her hair and twisted it into a bun so that it would be wavy the next day. Whene she was asked, in French, how she did her hairstyle, she replied, in French, that she had slept with a Chinaman on her head.
She MEANT to say chignon. What she actually said was chinois.
My aunt moved to France many years back, and at some point was having a discussion about some of the differences in lifestyle between the US and France.
One topic was food. She wanted to say that American food has a lot of preservatives in it…not knowing the word but following the general rule that anything ending in -ive in English generally has a French cognate ending in -if, she told them that American food had a lot of preservatifs.
Everyone present (except for her) burst out laughing. She had just claimed that American food was full of condoms.
A spanish speaking, wise-ass friend of mine used to tell people that if one was thirsty, and one wished to ask for a drink of Cola in spanish, the proper phrase was “bese mi culo”.
He got a measure of comeuppence one time when he was having dinner with a spanish speaking family. He was goofing off and laughing with one of the daughters at the dinner table, and she turned to her father and, in spanish said “Make him stop, he’s bothering me”. Apparently, the verb “to bother” in spanish is molestar. My friend became deathly serious as he turned to the father, hastily denying what he had thought she said.
Went into a Chinese bakery asking for “egg tarts,” which was a new word for me.
I repeated myself about five times … “dan tar” “dan taaar” “dahn taaar” “don tahhhr” No dice; she gave me an embarrased smile and laughed.
I was getting pissed and starting to raise my voice, when I realized the problem; it wasn’t with my pronunciation of “dan tar” … it was that I was concentrating so hard on that that I was brain farting on the rest of the sentance.
Instead of saying “wo yao yige dan tar” (I want an egg tart), I was saying, over and over, in exasperated tones like she was the idiot: "wo shur yi ge dan tar.
“I am an egg tart.”
Poor girl still probably thinks I’m a loon.
A friend of mine was suffering for translation fatigue and told the Germab couple he was staying with, “Ich werde heute abend verrücktkommen” instead of “Ich werde heute abend zurückkommen”.
verrückt = crazy
zurück = return
Took a school trip to Costa Rica a few years ago, with a handful of others from my Spanish class. It was during Passover, and one of my Jewish friends wanted to see if he could find a local synagogue and maybe get a Spanish-Hebrew Haggadah or some such. Found a synagogue in San Jose, no problem.
The only guy there, though, seemed a bit put off, when my friend kept trying (despite my attempts to intervene, as my Spanish was way better) to request “Un libra de judeo.”
Libro is book.
Libra is pound. He was asking for a pound of Jew. :smack: