# Embarrasing moment at dinner out last night...what do you think? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 22, 2018, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742 "2018-09-22T19:41:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tzigone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/839c29/32.png) [@Tzigone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tzigone)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/61 "2018-09-23T22:12:48Z")
> [@](#): > > He DID stand up for you. No, he did not. Doing nothing is not standing up for someone - even when it’s the wiser course. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/62 "2018-09-23T22:23:12Z")
It seems strange to be embarrassed by something and repeatedly post about it. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/63 "2018-09-23T22:28:14Z")
[https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21208047&postcount=57](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21208047&postcount=57) [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21131139&postcount=1](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21131139&postcount=1) [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21130634&postcount=1](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21130634&postcount=1) [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21106302&postcount=6](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21106302&postcount=6) The shart: [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20960704&postcount=21](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20960704&postcount=21) [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20532381&postcount=28](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20532381&postcount=28) [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20475038&postcount=79](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20475038&postcount=79) ---
**Author:** ![Napier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ce73a5/32.png) [@Napier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Napier)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/64 "2018-09-23T22:36:40Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > If a man unzipped and unbuttoned, in view of others, sitting in a Starbucks I’d think you’d find out pretty swiftly it’s more than just a custom! > > Why not go give it a try and report back what kind of attention you received? > > Feeling bloated is not a medical condition that precludes one from having a little discretion. Just untuck your shirt first, no one would have seen or cared, it’s not that hard! I have given this a try, in a restaurant (not a Starbucks in particular though). Nobody said anything, or even noticed as far as I could tell. For some reason when middle aged men adjust their clothing, few people feel entitled to comment. Really, laurieb had the misfortune to experience some pain, she adjusted her waistband, she didn’t put out another soul in even the slightest way, and nobody has any need at all to embarrass her. With all the suffering in the world, whyever would anybody need to add insult to physical pain? ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/65 "2018-09-23T23:21:11Z")
No doubt Emily Post would advise you to step to the ladies’ room to unbutton your pants. However, she would also say that your mother should have refrained from calling further attention to it. A discreet, “Are you all right, dear?” out of earshot of the others would have been fine. Her response was rude. The remark about your weight was utterly rude. I’m appalled by those who have commented that your weight is unhealthy, as if it’s perfectly polite to comment publicly on the weight of someone as long as she is–in _their_ view–overweight. If you were 5’ and weighed 350 pounds, it STILL wouldn’t be OK. One _never_ comments on the weight of others in company, period. To do so in front of your boyfriend’s mother was especially egregious. As for your boyfriend, give him a pass this time. Now that he knows you felt attacked and defenseless, he could say, " I think your daughter is gorgeous as she is," and resolutely change the subject. Hopefully one day you won’t need him to. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/66 "2018-09-23T23:24:01Z")
> [@Tom\_Terrific](#): > > We have had this discussion before. [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=838787](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=838787) . It even is the same OP. > > I agree with the go to the restroom and unbutton, put your shirttail down and act like nothing happened. It appears though, that she also unzips her pants so coming back from the restroom may be problematic. OK, since this is a redux then my answer changes. Buy some clothes that fit. Wear a dress/kilt/poncho/stretch pants to get through your diner pregnancies. Change your diet. Eat more roughage. Take Gas-X. In other words, DO SOMETHING to affect change in your life. You are the one in charge of your body. Even if your mom moves to Mars you’re still going to have these issues. BTW, I’ve had abdominal pain so bad it dropped me to the floor in the bathroom. For up to 30 minutes. Apparently if I got “backed-up” to a certain point it would press against a nerve and cause a serious reaction. My heart rate would shoot up, I’d start sweating profusely and it would trigger an additional level of pain I’d describe as being kicked in the gut. I made changes to my routine until it stopped happening. I eat less at each meal, take fiber tablets, buy looser fitting clothing, drink plenty of fluids etc… Best wishes going forward. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/67 "2018-09-23T23:59:42Z")
> [@laurieb](#): > > I would agree with you, but I kinda wish my boyfriend stood up for me. I talked to him about it later on, and he said it just was “getting kind of awkward.” It would have taken an almost perfectly crafted line from your boyfriend to simultaneously support you but at the same time not disrespect your mother. Staying quiet was probably the best he could do under the circumstances. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/68 "2018-09-24T00:02:24Z")
> [@Napier](#): > > …she adjusted her waistband… She _adjusted her waistband_? This is what she said in the OP: > [@laurieb](#): > > …I had to pop open the top button of my jeans and unzip them… mmm ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/69 "2018-09-24T00:24:31Z")
Seems like a strange obsession, maybe go see a Doctor about these issues. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/70 "2018-09-24T01:04:24Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21208047&postcount=57](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21208047&postcount=57) > > [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21131139&postcount=1](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21131139&postcount=1) > > [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21130634&postcount=1](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21130634&postcount=1) > > [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21106302&postcount=6](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21106302&postcount=6) > > The shart: [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20960704&postcount=21](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20960704&postcount=21) > > [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20532381&postcount=28](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20532381&postcount=28) > > [https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20475038&postcount=79](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=20475038&postcount=79) Whoa! 1. We seem to have run the OP off. 2. She needs some elastic-waisted pants. They have cute ones at Wal-Mart. 3. She needs a gastroenterologist or a NEW gastroenterologist. 4. I’m outta here. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/71 "2018-09-24T01:06:38Z")
**laurieb** , I’m so sorry this happened to you. I don’t have IBS, but after my abdominal cancer surgery, my gut was a lot more touchy than before. I get bloated, too, and it comes on at random times. I know the pain of needing relief _right then_ and not be able to wait until you get to the bathroom. I deal with it by wearing stretchy pants when I’ll be in a situation where I don’t know how my gut will react. Sometimes that isn’t even enough. As for your boyfriend, this is the time to talk to him about how you’d like him to respond in a situation like that. My DH knows it hurts like heck and will cover for me/help me however he can. Maybe if your mother or anyone does that again, he could innocuously say, “She’s in pain”, then ask if you’re ok, do you need help, whatever. That way he doesn’t get confrontational, but he’s still supporting you. Your mom was cruel. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/72 "2018-09-24T03:38:53Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > In the United States, the average adult man has a BMI of 26.6 and the average adult woman has a BMI of 26.5. So she’s healthier than average, based on that statistic alone (which we shouldn’t even use like that). And a lot healthier than most of my patients, that’s for sure. > > And as already noted, one can say very little about one’s health based on BMI alone, especially when it’s less than 30. BMI is one of most misapplied and poorly understood health statistics there is, in the hands of the general public. Just because a lot of Americans are overweight doesn’t mean it’s healthy. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/73 "2018-09-24T03:53:53Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > Just because a lot of Americans are overweight doesn’t mean it’s healthy. According to the BMI (which isn’t at all accurate on an individual basis, just population averages), she’s only 7 lbs “overweight”. Depending on the size of her frame, shoulder width, rib cage size, pelvis size, musculature, etc, she might not even be overweight. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/74 "2018-09-24T05:51:58Z")
After reading the OP’s previous posts on bloating and gas, I smell a skunk. It seems some of us have been had. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/75 "2018-09-24T06:10:27Z")
Dear OP, 1. Your mum is a dick. 2. Buy some new pants. Or a nice a-line dress or something. Seriously, whipping your pants open in the middle of a restaraunt really isn’t a normal thing to do. Sure, if it happens once as an emergency, fine. But it sounds like it happens every time you go out. Just get something different to wear out to eat. ---
**Author:** ![Sloe\_Moe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8797f3/32.png) [@Sloe\_Moe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sloe_Moe)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 8:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/76 "2018-09-24T08:28:31Z")
I’ll play the odd man (person) here and side with the Mom. I rarely see a dinner with parents on both sides and you two aren’t even married yet. In such a case both families would want theirs to be impeccable. Yes, it was a good idea to make the whole thing casual, but a mother has to open her mouth and this was one instance. I’m just mystified at her words, talking to you like you’re 13. Does she always speak to you like that? And you, madam, ought to know your limits in eating. Barring that, more comfortable clothes will help. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/77 "2018-09-24T09:14:49Z")
FTR, I understood the unzipping to be partial just from the first post. If that’s the case it’s not any kind of “exposing yourself”, specially if the trousers in question have a high waist. Your Mom is a dick, and you may want to speak with the bf about ways you two can make “I’ve got your back” here clear to each other when a situation with family comes up. Most couples I know have a “my family, my problem to fix” rule, but many also have ways to extract their partner out of a bad situation or things like that (one of my aunts would suddenly remember she and hubby had tons of papers to grade, oops, must leave, c’mon boys… _pushes her gang of five out the door_). ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/78 "2018-09-24T09:53:29Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > After reading the OP’s previous posts on bloating and gas, I smell a skunk. It seems some of us have been had. Looks like bloating runs in the family: > [@For fellow Women: When did PMS start for you?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/for-fellow-women-when-did-pms-start-for-you/821363/1): > > My niece, who is 12, came over to stay at my boyfriend and I’s apartment for about a month over the summer. > > One morning, she came downstairs, looking tired and stressed. > > “Aunty Laurie, I’m bloated again. My jeans hurt.” > > I looked over at her. Her stomach was swollen, and she couldn’t button her jeans. She was almost on the verge of tears… ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/79 "2018-09-24T10:44:59Z")
That last quote weirdly has the tenor of acdetish story. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742/80 "2018-09-24T12:18:09Z")
The mother was quite rude. No need to comment on someone’s weight. I say the if the unzipping was necessary for the sake of comfort and no indecent exposure was the result, what’s the problem? Eating out should be an enjoyable event, having pants uncomfortably tight is not fun. When I first saw the thread title, I thought a long and noisy fart was the issue. If you were holding one in, I’d say “Hey mom! I was bloated because I was holding THIS in” and then let it rip. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrasing-moment-at-dinner-out-last-night-what-do-you-think/821742.md?page=5)