# Embarrassing urinary noise **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [August 19, 2016, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322 "2016-08-19T17:48:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Woodrow\_W\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a4c791/32.png) [@Woodrow\_W\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Woodrow_W_Smith)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/1 "2016-08-19T17:48:51Z")
The subject came up in my college years. You’ve been invited to your girlfriend’s parents’ home for dinner. You excuse yourself to use the bathroom. Where you find the commode so full of water, there is no “dry land” to aim for. How do you avoid making an embarrassing noise, one wall away from the diningroom? We came up with only two good solutions. (Running the sink loudly and long merely underlines the problem–and could create the impression that you peed in the sink.) First: kneel down, insert your member into the water, and cut loose in total silence. Second, and best: remove your trousers, shorts, and one sock. Place your bare foot in the water and pee down that leg. Use the guest towel before re-dressing. Hope this helps… ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/2 "2016-08-19T18:02:32Z")
Alternatively, you could not be a psycho and just go normally. ---
**Author:** ![Crotalus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crotalus/32/41_2.png) [@Crotalus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crotalus)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/3 "2016-08-19T18:07:17Z")
Or just sit. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/4 "2016-08-19T18:07:19Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > Alternatively, you could not be a psycho and just go normally. I assume girlfriend’s parents are familiar with the concept of human urination. ---
**Author:** ![TroutMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/troutman/32/6721_2.png) [@TroutMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroutMan)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/5 "2016-08-19T18:09:22Z")
I’m guessing by the time you’ve earned a dinner invite, your girlfriend has already figured out that you sometimes pee. This isn’t new information she’s getting based on hearing a faint splashing noise. Unless you are doing something else in there that is creating noises I’m not familiar with. Also, I notified a mod to move this into a more appropriate forum where more people will see it. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/6 "2016-08-19T18:09:27Z")
Sit. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/7 "2016-08-19T18:23:18Z")
OP, you joined in 2011. You have posted twice. Once, in 2011. And again, just now. With that. Let me be the first to say “Dafuq?” 😕 ---
**Author:** ![quiltguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/e47774/32.png) [@quiltguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quiltguy)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/8 "2016-08-19T21:37:16Z")
One pees in the bathroom sink. Why do you think they are installed at such a convenient height? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/9 "2016-08-19T21:58:40Z")
> [@Woodrow\_W\_Smith](#): > > Running the sink loudly and long merely underlines the problem–and could create the impression that you peed in the sink. Doesn’t everybody? ---
**Author:** ![purplehearingaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@purplehearingaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehearingaid)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/10 "2016-08-19T22:24:31Z")
I would be very upset if someone let my water run while peeing! I can’t stand wasting water especially when we’re having the worst drought in years . ---
**Author:** ![Peanuthead](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peanuthead/32/360_2.png) [@Peanuthead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peanuthead)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/11 "2016-08-19T22:41:13Z")
Doesn’t that bathroom have a window? ---
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2016, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/12 "2016-08-19T23:41:11Z")
Sounds like somebody needs to start a Kickstarter for “the urine silencer.” ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Strangelove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.strangelove/32/6613_2.png) [@Dr.Strangelove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Strangelove)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/13 "2016-08-20T00:02:48Z")
I pull back before the end, doing the splash-splash-splash that usually signals a finish. Then I let out an “ahhhhh” and start again, aiming for maximum noise. If I really have to go, I may do a third round. Upon return, I ask the parents if they’ve ever been to Niagara Falls. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/14 "2016-08-20T00:22:40Z")
> [@quiltguy](#): > > One pees in the bathroom sink. Why do you think they are installed at such a convenient height? 😃 The sink in _the bathroom_! :smack: No wonder I never heard from that girl again. ---
**Author:** ![JackieLikesVariety](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackielikesvariety/32/296_2.png) [@JackieLikesVariety](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JackieLikesVariety)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/15 "2016-08-20T01:27:09Z")
> [@Peanuthead](#): > > Doesn’t that bathroom have a window? I really don’t think peeing out the window is the answer here ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/16 "2016-08-20T04:21:14Z")
> [@Woodrow\_W\_Smith](#): > > Second, and best: remove your trousers, shorts, and one sock. Place your bare foot in the water and pee down that leg. Use the guest towel before re-dressing. > > Hope this helps… Best? For some values of best, I guess. Of course your hosts may wonder why there are a bunch of urine soaked towels in the bathroom. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 7:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/17 "2016-08-20T07:24:24Z")
> [@Dr.Strangelove](#): > > I pull back before the end, doing the splash-splash-splash that usually signals a finish. Then I let out an “ahhhhh” and start again, aiming for maximum noise. If I really have to go, I may do a third round. > > Upon return, I ask the parents if they’ve ever been to Niagara Falls. Slooowly I turned. Step by step. Inch by inch. ---
**Author:** ![aldiboronti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc348/32.png) [@aldiboronti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aldiboronti)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 10:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/18 "2016-08-20T10:10:27Z")
I’m minded of Swift’s glorious poem [The Lady’s Dressing Room](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/50579) in which the besotted Strephon sneaks into his beloved’s bedroom and spies on her preparing to go to bed. Growing more and more disillusioned as he watches, the last straw is when she makes use of the chamber-pot. He reels from the room amidst the rising stink: > [@](#): > > Thus finishing his grand survey, > Disgusted Strephon stole away > Repeating in his amorous fits, > Oh! Celia, Celia, Celia shits! I suspect your inamorata would not be equally appalled to discover that you piss, although I know what you mean about embarrassing sounds. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 10:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/19 "2016-08-20T10:39:07Z")
Fortunately, I don’t have to kneel down to insert my member into the water. Because I have no legs. ---
**Author:** ![EmilyG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emilyg/32/364_2.png) [@EmilyG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmilyG)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/20 "2016-08-20T15:12:12Z")
If people see you going into a bathroom, what do they think you’re actually doing in there? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322.md?page=2)