# Embarrassing urinary noise **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [August 19, 2016, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322 "2016-08-19T17:48:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/21 "2016-08-20T15:14:03Z")
I just never pee. ---
**Author:** ![purplehearingaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@purplehearingaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehearingaid)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/22 "2016-08-20T16:25:47Z")
The OP could just wear some Depends and not use the bathroom . ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/23 "2016-08-20T17:30:09Z")
Quote from “Barney Miller” Dietrich has just told Harris that Harris’ girlfriend had called while he was out. Harris: “You told her I was in the bathroom?” Dietrich: “Well, that’s where you were.” Harris: “I know! But that’s no reason to go destroying people’s illusions!” Dietrich: “Oh, I’m sorry…I thought she knew.” ---
**Author:** ![NeonMadman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/58f4c7/32.png) [@NeonMadman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NeonMadman)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/24 "2016-08-20T17:58:49Z")
> [@purplehearingaid](#): > > The OP could just wear some Depends and not use the bathroom . [Which immediately reminds me of this.](http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/geritech/n9762)The relevant part is from about 0:35-1:30, but the whole thing is great. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/25 "2016-08-20T20:44:58Z")
Reminds me of my late uncle. When the family would gather at our house, the men would be in the living room, the women at the dining room table and the kids downstairs. This uncle would wander downstairs to “check on the kids” and eventually end up using the bathroom. At some point, people put two and two together and his wife asked why he didn’t just use the upstairs bathroom. It was next to the dining room. He didn’t want to use it with the women so close by. Eyerolls all around. These were all long married women. They didn’t care about noises. So, I’ve never worried about it myself. ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/26 "2016-08-20T20:53:28Z")
The water in the toilet would have to be pretty high indeed, you can just pee on the side of the bowl and not the water. Honestly peeing is not a big deal but what sucks is if you have that one toilet available that’s right next to the kitchen and separated by a thin wall and you have to take a ginourmous bowel-shaking shit in the toilet and it just keeps coming, no way to save face after that one. ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/27 "2016-08-20T22:50:45Z")
> [@cochrane](#): > > Slooowly I turned. Step by step. Inch by inch. Can’t beat the classics. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/28 "2016-08-20T22:57:29Z")
> [@gnoitall](#): > > OP, you joined in 2011. You have posted twice. Once, in 2011. And again, just now. With that. > > Let me be the first to say “Dafuq?” 😕 And let ME be the first to say, “Linky?” ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2016, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/29 "2016-08-20T22:57:40Z")
> [@Grrr](#): > > Fortunately, I don’t have to kneel down to insert my member into the water. She deep, too! ---
**Author:** ![TonySinclair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@TonySinclair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TonySinclair)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2016, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/30 "2016-08-21T03:35:37Z")
I’m so disappointed with this thread. When I saw the title, I though it would be something like, “Boi-yoy-yoy-yoing! Ah-ooo-ga!” ---
**Author:** ![Lulu8360](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Lulu8360](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lulu8360)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2016, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/31 "2016-08-21T20:18:16Z")
If you want to limit the noise, and I can well understand why you would, take a wad of toilet tissue and pee into it. Sitting down also helps. The closer you are to the water the less noise you’ll make. Urinating into tissue may get your hand wet, but, believe it or not, urine is sterile. You wash your hands afterwards, anyway, don’t you? Sterile urine on the hands never hurt anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/32 "2016-08-22T01:30:55Z")
> [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](#): > > I just never pee. What, you just excrete little pellets of dried uric acid, like mice in the Kalahari? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![John\_W.Kennedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_w.kennedy/32/1031_2.png) [@John\_W.Kennedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_W.Kennedy)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/33 "2016-08-22T02:19:41Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > What, you just excrete little pellets of dried uric acid, like mice in the Kalahari? 😕 Or pretty much anything that lays eggs on land. (In fact, gout in humans is caused by the evolutionarily outdated uric-acid mechanism being accidentally activated.) ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/34 "2016-08-22T02:30:30Z")
On reflection, I’ve decided I don’t really want to know how **Elendil’s Heir** deals with uric acid disposal. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Lendervedder](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/happy_lendervedder/32/8488_2.png) [@Happy\_Lendervedder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Lendervedder)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/35 "2016-08-22T03:21:32Z")
Avoid the embarrassing urination noise by eating a bowl of cabbage and beans before you arrive for dinner. Then whenever you excuse yourself to pee, mask the tinkle sounds with loud flatulence and everyone will just think you’re taking a massive dump. ---
**Author:** ![purplehearingaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@purplehearingaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehearingaid)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/36 "2016-08-22T04:09:52Z")
> [@NeonMadman](#): > > [Which immediately reminds me of this.](http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/geritech/n9762)The relevant part is from about 0:35-1:30, but the whole thing is great. LOL ! Funny ! ---
**Author:** ![purplehearingaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@purplehearingaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehearingaid)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/37 "2016-08-22T04:15:24Z")
The OP could date a deaf woman with deaf parents and not have to worry about them hearing it take a piss ! I can’t hear people what people are doing in the bathroom so I never think of this ! LOL ! ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/38 "2016-08-22T13:58:54Z")
> [@Northern\_Piper](#): > > On reflection, I’ve decided I don’t really want to know how **Elendil’s Heir** deals with uric acid disposal. :eek: You are wise, my friend. ---
**Author:** ![Whiskey\_Dickens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9fc348/32.png) [@Whiskey\_Dickens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiskey_Dickens)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/39 "2016-08-22T18:14:57Z")
> [@Lulu8360](#): > > If you want to limit the noise, and I can well understand why you would, take a wad of toilet tissue and pee into it. Sitting down also helps. The closer you are to the water the less noise you’ll make. Urinating into tissue may get your hand wet, but, believe it or not, urine is sterile. You wash your hands afterwards, anyway, don’t you? Sterile urine on the hands never hurt anyone. Why does the myth that urine is sterile persist? ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/40 "2016-08-22T18:27:04Z")
> [@Whiskey\_Dickens](#): > > Why does the myth that urine is sterile persist? Why does the myth that it is **not** sterile (at least when initially voided by a healthy person) persist? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322.md?page=3)