# Embarrassing urinary noise **URL:** \ **Category:** Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports\ **Created:** [August 19, 2016, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322 "2016-08-19T17:48:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Whiskey\_Dickens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/9fc348/32.png) [@Whiskey\_Dickens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whiskey_Dickens)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/41 "2016-08-22T18:46:17Z")
> [@Canadjun](#): > > Why does the myth that it is **not** sterile (at least when initially voided by a healthy person) persist? I hate to hijack such a productive thread, but… Cite? ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/42 "2016-08-22T18:51:58Z")
Hah… Worrying about peeing? Nothing to be embarrassed about there. When you have terrible gas during a Christmas party, go into the bathroom in the other room to pass it rather loudly, and come out to find out that the bathroom’s walls have NO sound insulation, and you happened to let loose with your tuba solo just at the same time as a lull in the party noise, then we’ll talk. ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/43 "2016-08-22T19:04:05Z")
> [@Whiskey\_Dickens](#): > > I hate to hijack such a productive thread, but… > > Cite? Oops. :smack: I stand corrected. Fascinating. ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/44 "2016-08-22T19:37:18Z")
I hate to raise a complete irrelevancy so late in an illustrious and fascinating thread :rolleyes:, but what column does this have anything to do with? ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/45 "2016-08-22T19:58:53Z")
Good point. I’ve flagged it for a moderator to move to MPSIMS. And urine is not sterile: > **[Urine is not sterile, and neither is the rest of you](https://www.sciencenews.org/blog/gory-details/urine-not-sterile-and-neither-rest-you)** > > Despite what the Internet says, urine does contain bacteria, a new study finds. And so does your brain, the womb, and pretty much everywhere else. > **[Turns Out Urine Isn’t Actually Sterile](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/turns-out-urine-isnt-actually-sterile-180954809/?no-ist)** > > New research debunks the myth that urine doesn’t contain bacteria…and calls traditional lab techniques into question > **[Study debunks common myth that urine is sterile](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/04/120409164156.htm)** > > Researchers have determined that bacteria are present in the bladders of some healthy women, which discredits the common belief that normal urine is sterile. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2016, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/46 "2016-08-22T20:32:46Z")
> [@purplehearingaid](#): > > The OP could date a deaf woman with deaf parents and not have to worry about them hearing it take a piss ! I can’t hear people what people are doing in the bathroom so I never think of this ! LOL ! This little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell and it’s silent.” The doctor says “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.” The next week the lady goes back. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly.” “Good”, the doctor said, “now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing.” ---
**Author:** ![TubaDiva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tubadiva/32/507_2.png) [@TubaDiva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TubaDiva)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2016, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/47 "2016-08-23T10:11:13Z")
> [@gnoitall](#): > > I hate to raise a complete irrelevancy so late in an illustrious and fascinating thread :rolleyes:, but what column does this have anything to do with? > **[Urinal 101: Aim for the back wall or the water?](https://www.straightdope.com/21343581/urinal-101-aim-for-the-back-wall-or-the-water)** Urinal 101: Aim for the back wall or the water? ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2016, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/48 "2016-08-23T11:12:16Z")
Truly, **Cecil** has addressed all matters of public import. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2016, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/49 "2016-08-23T13:47:52Z")
This is relevant. 😉 “Hey partner, relax…” “Show that turd who’s boss!” “How about a courtesy flush?” ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2016, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/50 "2016-08-23T14:34:39Z")
All this seems a waste of perfectly good territory-marking pee. Scratch at the door until someone let’s you out, then pee just a little on all the vertical posts around the yard, try to make a circle. And pay attention, make sure they’re posts and not someone’s leg or anything. ---
**Author:** ![Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7cd45c/32.png) [@Elendil\_s\_Heir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elendil_s_Heir)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2016, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/51 "2016-08-23T20:42:48Z")
> [@watchwolf49](#): > > All this seems a waste of perfectly good territory-marking pee. > > Scratch at the door until someone let’s you out, then pee just a little on all the vertical posts around the yard, try to make a circle. And pay attention, make sure they’re posts and not someone’s leg or anything. Obligatory _Far Side_ link: [https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/dd/48/10/dd4810617f1a6093f08c43739cba91b0.jpg](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/dd/48/10/dd4810617f1a6093f08c43739cba91b0.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/52 "2016-08-25T16:58:15Z")
A word of warning, make sure it’s a printed image of a fly on the back of the urinal and not a real fly. A real fly will fly off and if you continue to aim for it, the guy next to you will get pissed off … or pissed on … so please be mindful of such … ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/53 "2016-08-25T17:15:00Z")
On a field trip with another university a bunch of people were coming over to my room that night to watch a movie. So I prefilled several gallons of water in jugs beforehand and stashed them under the bathroom sink. Midway through the movie I went to pee and holding the jugs high above the urinal poured as loudly and forcibly as I could those gallons into the water. The lengthy fluid symphony was tremendous. Exiting I was sure everyone would be giggling and wondering wtf? but they all sat uncomfortably transfixed to the TV. Later I asked one girl “Didn’t y’all hear all that?” Somewhat relieved, she said “lieu, we just thought you had one bigass bladder problem.” ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2016, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/54 "2016-08-25T20:06:33Z")
> [@watchwolf49](#): > > A word of warning, make sure it’s a printed image of a fly on the back of the urinal and not a real fly. You guys get games to play while peeing? No fair! ---
**Author:** ![demarke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@demarke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/demarke)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2016, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/55 "2016-08-26T06:03:28Z")
> [@TubaDiva](#): > > [Urinal 101: Aim for the back wall or the water? - The Straight Dope](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2450/urinal-101-aim-for-the-back-wall-or-the-water) > > Urinal 101: Aim for the back wall or the water? Neither, lean a little left or right and aim at an angle with the parabolic shape in the back, it’ll never splash back, just follow the angle of the back wall. Going straight at the back or straight at the water are the best ways to increase your chances of splashback! ---
**Author:** ![TreacherousCretin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/treacherouscretin/32/476_2.png) [@TreacherousCretin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TreacherousCretin)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2016, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/56 "2016-08-26T16:35:28Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > You guys get games to play while peeing? No fair! We aim to please. ---
**Author:** ![watchwolf49](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e9c0ed/32.png) [@watchwolf49](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/watchwolf49)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2016, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/57 "2016-08-26T22:04:50Z")
> [@demarke](#): > > Neither, lean a little left or right and aim at an angle with the parabolic shape in the back, it’ll never splash back, just follow the angle of the back wall. Going straight at the back or straight at the water are the best ways to increase your chances of splashback! I just want to say how much I appreciate **The Master** bringing to our attention such an important and relevant matter. This gives us something to think about other than the deep and spiritual meaning of the words “SLOAN - Pat. Pend.” ---
**Author:** ![TBG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c89c15/32.png) [@TBG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TBG)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2016, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/58 "2016-08-29T18:55:19Z")
If the toilet bowl is so full you can’t pee in it, imagine trying to poop. I guess that’s what the tank is for. Upper decker ho! (ho as in an exclamation such as land ho, not insinuating anyone here is a whore) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Ace](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/6bbea6/32.png) [@Johnny\_Ace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Ace)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2016, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/59 "2016-09-01T01:05:10Z")
[Dinner with Ruprecht](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUiXJ4ZIOEE) (1:10 to 1:30) ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2016, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322/60 "2016-09-01T14:33:03Z")
Of course the obvious solution to the OP’s dilemma is to turn the fan on. I installed a nice LOUD fan in my powder room for that very purpose. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/embarrassing-urinary-noise/763322.md?page=4)