# Engagement rings **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 30, 2004, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217 "2004-08-30T12:53:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2004, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217/21 "2004-08-31T19:26:17Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I am probably going to get attacked for this but it is what I have always heard. The engagement ring always belongs to the man even after the woman wears it on her finger. If the couple breaks up, then the ring should be returned to the man. The one exception is when the ring is given to the woman on a holiday such as her birthday or Christmas when it is considered part of _her usual present_ and then it belongs to her completely. You’re almost right - except there is no exception (birthday/Christmas present doesn’t count). If the engagement ends, the ring goes back to the man. The only question is whether the woman tearfully hands it back to him or flings it back at him in anger. Until the wedding - at which point it’s hers. As for the OP, the ring would probably be part of the pre-nup (“Well, we can buy a ring, or you can have my mom’s, under these conditions…”). And your mom’s conditions wouldn’t bother me, so long as she was willing to amend it to add that if there were kids, the ring could go to one of the kids (in the case of divorce), so it would still stay in the family. ---
**Author:** ![smartini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/22d042/32.png) [@smartini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smartini)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217/22 "2004-09-01T06:00:31Z")
> [@Green Bean](#): > > What you have “always heard” is incorrect. Go back and read **Mauvaise** ’s explanation. Oh, I’ll just quote it for you. > **Johnny** : Does your mom think you’re not hitched because you’re too cheap to buy a ring? 😛 Definitely tell her “thanks but no thanks.” Tell her that if you ever do get engaged, you want to give your fiancee a genital piercing instead. Oh, thanks 🙂 I didn’t get back to this until tonight. I did read that response. I just don’t agree with it. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mauvaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mauvaise/32/11084_2.png) [@Mauvaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mauvaise)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217/23 "2004-09-01T13:15:46Z")
> [@smartini](#): > > I didn’t get back to this until tonight. I did read that response. I just don’t agree with it. 😉 You know it’s not an opinion, right? But rather a fact of Law. You may not _agree_ that a woman should have to give the ring back if the engagement gets broken, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t legally entitled to do, and that a judge won’t make her give it back if the guy sues her for it. ---
**Author:** ![smartini](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/22d042/32.png) [@smartini](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smartini)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217/24 "2004-09-01T13:27:24Z")
> [@Mauvaise](#): > > You know it’s not an opinion, right? But rather a fact of Law. > > You may not _agree_ that a woman should have to give the ring back if the engagement gets broken, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t legally entitled to do, and that a judge won’t make her give it back if the guy sues her for it. I understand that also, but I think minor laws such as this can vary quite a bit, dependent upon the location of the civil judgement as well as the circumstances of the dissolution of the engagement. As a rule it would seem wise to me to consider locality and specifics of the case, esp. in regards to minor rulings, rather that rely on generalizations. Unless of course we want to Amend the Constitution, which seems to be in vogue these days :rolleyes: – j/k of course 🙂 [http://family-law.freeadvice.com/engagement\_breakup\_ring.htm](http://family-law.freeadvice.com/engagement_breakup_ring.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217/25 "2004-09-01T14:14:52Z")
> [@even sven](#): > > I’d pop the question with a simple substitute ring, and later give her the option of your mother’s ring. It sounds beautiful, but a bunch of contracts are not very romantic nor are they an inviting way to join a family. If she’d rather have something without your mom’s demands on it (and a fiance may want the engagment to be about you and her, not you her and your mom) then you two can go out and pick out a ring together. Well put. Well put. ---
**Author:** ![burundi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ec8ea/32.png) [@burundi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burundi)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217/26 "2004-09-01T20:36:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Abbie Carmichael** > _I would refuse Mom’s offer, Johnny. Tell her to keep the ring and leave it to you in her will, and then give it to your daughter someday._ This is a great idea. My parents’ gave me my grandmother’s engagement ring as a graduation gift, and I treasure it, not just because it’s beautiful, but also because it’s a link to her. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217/27 "2004-09-01T20:56:47Z")
I admit I wouldn’t actually take somebody else’s family heirloom and sell it, but it’s a lovely thought in its own way. I have my great-grandmother’s original wedding ring, from when she was married in 1921. It’s this little gold band, not fancy at all, and I adore it. She got a much fancier ring set at their 50th anniversary, but I don’t like it nearly as much as I like this ring. It’s little and pretty. I’d happily use it as a wedding ring myself; who knows, maybe I will! She’d love that. ---
**Author:** ![whiterabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/cab0a1/32.png) [@whiterabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/whiterabbit)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217/28 "2004-09-01T20:59:29Z")
> [@whiterabbit](#): > > I admit I wouldn’t actually take somebody else’s family heirloom and sell it, but it’s a lovely thought in its own way. Whoops, hit submit too early. When I was still angry about the breakup, it was a nice fantasy to have, is what I meant. I don’t know if I could have legally gotten away with it or not, and I don’t think I’d have tried. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2004, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217/29 "2004-09-01T22:04:39Z")
My ex kept the damn ring! I often wonder why any woman with any self-respect would do this…surely she must remember me if she wears it? And WHY would she wear such a token? Women are weird! ---
**Author:** ![Essured](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/278dde/32.png) [@Essured](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Essured)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217/30 "2004-09-02T01:14:08Z")
> [@cazzle](#): > > I can’t imagine being thrown into a situation where the first I heard of his mother’s engagement ring and the strings she’d attached to passing it on was when we got engaged. I agree 100% with **Cazzle**. This should come up well before the actual engagement. From the mother’s POV, it seems to me that she is not ready to let go of the ring yet. She doesn’t even know the DIL yet, so it isn’t personal, but she just isn’t ready to pass the ring on, and fears its loss too much. From the (imaginary) DIL’s POV, it seems that it isn’t really a loving, trusting gift if you have to sign contracts. Gifts don’t have strings, loans do. If it were me, I’d politely choose to get my own, new ring that was to my and my future husbands taste. I would not want a ring that signified my bond with my husband to be looked on as a ‘loan’ or for my MIL to feel she has ‘ownership’ of any part of my marriage. The financially and emotionally valuable ring should stay with the owner, IMO, until she was ready to pass it on (probably in a will to a favoured grandchild, or something). ---
**Author:** ![Abbie\_Carmichael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/49beb7/32.png) [@Abbie\_Carmichael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abbie_Carmichael)\ **Post date:** [September 2, 2004, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217/31 "2004-09-02T02:29:20Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > My ex kept the damn ring! I often wonder why any woman with any self-respect would do this…surely she must remember me if she wears it? And WHY would she wear such a token? > Women are weird! There are lots of reasons to keep the ring: 1. To piss him off 2. To sell it and go on a vacation and find herself a real man 3. To have the diamond reset and made into a ring/necklace all her own 4. To piss him off [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-rings/262217.md?page=1)