# Engagement/Wedding rings - What makes a diamond so important? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 15, 2007, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822 "2007-07-15T03:04:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/21 "2007-07-16T00:46:59Z")
I’m not into jewelry much, so I didn’t want my husband to spend a lot of money on my engagement ring. I told him I didn’t want one at all, but he wanted to give me one, so we settled on an aquamarine, which is both of our birthstone. I don’t see any necessity for a diamond engagement ring at all. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/22 "2007-07-16T03:20:26Z")
I am a little disappointed by the smug posts that are ignoring **kittenblue** ’s excellent points. Of course diamonds as a status symbol are as odious as all status symbols, but their durability makes them practical for everyday, all-day wear. Some people find it important to have rings they can wear while kayaking and not have to worry about the gem being crushed or working loose from the setting. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/23 "2007-07-16T03:39:26Z")
I got engaged back in January, and I got my fiancee a 1.75 carat medium blue sapphire flanked by 1/2 carat diamonds. That way I could get her something big & sparkly, but still stay within a reasonable amount of money. The best part about it is that she gets an inordinate amount of compliments and curiosity from other women precisely because it’s big, sparkly and not a diamond. It probably helps that it’s a fair amount lighter than most sapphires; it’s light enough that you can see sparkles from the facets on the underside, which is kind of uncommon based on most of the sapphires I checked out. And, since sapphires (and rubies) are a form of corundum (crystalline Al2O3), they’re not much less hard or durable than diamonds(9 vs 10 on the hardness scale), so that’s one less thing to worry about. ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/24 "2007-07-16T05:31:21Z")
I’ll go with **jayjay** that the reason diamonds are so “popular” is that advertising has made them the _de facto_ “engagement” stone. Long before “blood diamonds” were common knowlwdge, Deb mentioned that she was not enthralled by diamonds and preferred a different stone. I was wise enough to ask her , “Well, which stone?”, so that, much later, when I popped the question I surprised her with the smoky topaz she had mentioned (and had forgotten having discussed). ---
**Author:** ![toadbriar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bb73d2/32.png) [@toadbriar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/toadbriar)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/25 "2007-07-16T06:35:30Z")
Just chiming in as another no-diamonds girl. **Manda JO** I love the stainless bands idea! We got plain sterling bands from a vendor at a street festival. No engagement rings - we weren’t even sure when, exactly, we started being ‘engaged’. I don’t tend to like faceted stones anyhow, so we figured why cave to convention when it’s not even something actively desired? Learning more about the diamond industry served only to strengthen the inclination. I know I’d get cross every time I looked at it. Not even for marriage reasons! I can’t make you or her not want a diamond if you/she wants one. But I can make you feel less like a weirdo for not getting one, if you so choose. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/26 "2007-07-16T13:47:59Z")
[This site](http://www.gemsociety.org/info/igem6.htm) has info on gem hardness & wearability. “Diamond is the hardest substance in nature, but it will break if struck properly by a piece of steel, which is only 5 or 6 in hardness.” Setting definitely affects a ring’s sturdiness. Check the index for details on each gem. Here are some fairly nifty [ruby](http://www.antiquejewelrymall.com/anruenrianru.html) engagement rings. Hey–rubies are pretty hard. These are _practical!_ Or have a craftsman make the ring. Or buy “something practical” instead. Or skip the engagement ring & just go with wedding rings. (Even Tiffany has some lovely, simple ones that aren’t that expensive. And the Tiffany name does have a certain glamour.) Diamonds are _not_ compulsory for engagement rings. This article shows how De Beers created that “[tradition](http://www.slate.com/id/2167870/).” But if she really _wants_ a diamond, do some research on Non-Conflict Diamonds. Let’s hope the happy couple can coordinate this decision. It’s not the only one they will face. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/27 "2007-07-16T13:55:57Z")
I did not want a diamond for a variety of social and economic reasons. My SO wanted to me to pick out something “perfect” (he proposed with an inexpensive and pretty ring, and said it was a huge challenge to find something _without_ any diamonds). I chose a Tsavorite ring with side Moissanites – Moissanites are almost as hard as a diamond and more sparkly. Supposedly it is common for fine jewelers to misidentify them _as_ diamnds (20/20 did an expose). While all jewelry moissanites are lab-created, they do exist in nature and are found at meteor impact craters. They are extremely practical hard-wearing stones. The tsavorite (which is a type of rare garnet) is a beautiful grass green, and stronger than an emerald which is generally not recommended for a ring worn daily due to brittleness. I am so in love with my ring and it is guilt-free. Check it out here (although my ring is SO much prettier in person): [![](http://www.wedge.net/images/tsav3stone.jpg) ](http://www.wedge.net/images/tsav3stone.jpg) PS I chose a Palladium setting, not because I have something morally against Platinum, but its much cheaper and identical in most respects, I’m just thrifty I guess. If anyone is looking for a Moissanite/gemstone ring I can thoroughly recommend [moissaniteco.com](http://moissaniteco.com) – they do beautiful custom work at a very reasonable cost. (They beat my other quotes by $500-$1,000). If someone really DOES want a diamond, I would suggest [www.greenkarat.com](http://www.greenkarat.com) – all recycled stones and materials. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/28 "2007-07-16T14:05:11Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] I am a little disappointed by the smug posts that are ignoring **kittenblue** ’s excellent points. Of course diamonds as a status symbol are as odious as all status symbols, but their durability makes them practical for everyday, all-day wear. Some people find it important to have rings they can wear while kayaking and not have to worry about the gem being crushed or working loose from the setting. [/QUOTE] Thre are options other than diamonds though, many of them inexpensive. Moissanites, as I already mentioned, also clear sapphires are inexpensive and durable (9 on the hardness scale, just under a diamond). Declaring that diamonds are the only “clear, durable” stone is just buying the hype. Example of a clear sapphire: [http://www.thenaturalsapphirecompany.com/nscnet/expandedstones.aspx?stoneid=U2111](http://www.thenaturalsapphirecompany.com/nscnet/expandedstones.aspx?stoneid=U2111) ---
**Author:** ![N9IWP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/n9iwp/32/3154_2.png) [@N9IWP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/N9IWP)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/29 "2007-07-16T14:16:52Z")
There was good Frontline on diamonds, and the DeBeers monopoly (though I’ve heard it isn’t as stong now) [http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/programs/transcripts/1209.html](http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/programs/transcripts/1209.html) Brian ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/30 "2007-07-16T16:30:54Z")
You could always go for something like [this](http://www.brilliantearth.com/fair-trade-diamond.aspx) if you wanted a diamond. Or you could do what we did and get an Australian diamond. ---
**Author:** ![BaneSidhe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/c5a1d2/32.png) [@BaneSidhe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BaneSidhe)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/31 "2007-07-16T16:43:10Z")
My engagement ring has two wee tiny diamonds on the side of the stones, but the main stones are an amethyst and a blue topaz. daHubby asked me what stones I liked and those two are my fave; I also told him I didn’t want a diamond. When we got engaged, people slagged us for being “cheap” by his buying me the ring he did. Nowdays I see lots of brides to be wearing colored stone engagement rings. ---
**Author:** ![Lilairen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/32 "2007-07-16T19:25:29Z")
[QUOTE=oft wears hats] Ladies, how would you feel about the concept of a diamond-less engagement ring? [/QUOTE] I tend to think that the whole obsession with diamonds is pretty much pure marketing. Since the pure marketing hasn’t caused me to fancy colourless stones, I basically told my husband that if _he_ bowed to marketing on the subject rather than respected my own aesthetic preferences, I would be Cranky. We actually wound up picking out the engagement ring together. It’s set with a sapphire. ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/33 "2007-07-16T19:32:46Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] I am a little disappointed by the smug posts that are ignoring **kittenblue** ’s excellent points. Of course diamonds as a status symbol are as odious as all status symbols, but their durability makes them practical for everyday, all-day wear. Some people find it important to have rings they can wear while kayaking and not have to worry about the gem being crushed or working loose from the setting. [/QUOTE] There’s no reason the gem would work loose, if it is a quality setting, no matter what kind of gem it is. And as far as other damage, if it WERE to occur, it’s a heck of a lot cheaper to replace most other gems than it is to replace a diamond. ---
**Author:** ![Lilairen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lilairen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lilairen)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/34 "2007-07-16T19:34:02Z")
[QUOTE=dangermom] If I were going to get a diamond, I’d want an artificial one. I think those are cooler. [/QUOTE] Some friends of mine recently got engaged. I can’t remember what the stone was, but she would wander around waving it at people and loudly proclaiming “It’s LAB GROWN! Isn’t that COOL?” When people laughed, she would cock her head to one side and say, “See? Geek girls are better.” ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/35 "2007-07-16T19:52:31Z")
There’s a lotta heat on the guy to come through with a “big rock”. Had I tons of money at the time, I still would have resented the assumption of a big rock. I was impoverished and had not the money for any diamonds. I bought a lovely opal ring with two tiny diamonds next to it in a very cool setting. Gave it to her on her birthday. Asked her the next day. It just seemed to set-up to ask her right then and there. So, during a tickling session the next day, I asked. She never referred to it as her Engagment Ring, though, and has for many years cut me down for never giving her a proper engagement ring. ( Including in front of company, friends, etc.) :mad: Diamonds are not as pretty as colored stones, IMHO. Cartooniverse ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2007, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/36 "2007-07-16T19:52:45Z")
The next time I get married, I want [this ring,](http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/accessories/756e/) practical, and long lasting! ---
**Author:** ![oft\_wears\_hats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/7993a0/32.png) [@oft\_wears\_hats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/oft_wears_hats)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/37 "2015-07-01T22:02:58Z")
So, nearly eight years later, I am finally quite close to getting married. I am happy to report that I managed to achieve my original goals with respect to the ring. I should also add that the actual fiancee exceeded my most optimistic expectations. My fiancee is an academic whose main area of study is the Mycenaean Greek script known as “Linear B.” So for the engagement ring, I got her a silver 3D printed ring, inscribed with “philia” (love) in Linear B. She loved it so much that she insisted that I get a copy made for myself. We’ve been wearing them for the past year since our engagement last June. The wedding rings finally arrived today, after months of working with a out of state jeweler. I wanted to get the wedding rings made out of tantalum, with the same inscription. I’m an electrical engineer, and tantalum is widely used in electronics. I liked the idea of having the rings being made out of a metal important to my career, and inscribed with a language important to hers. As it turns out, tantalum [just looks really cool as well](http://i.imgur.com/3Ci8HRI.jpg). We’re really happy with how they turned out. ---
**Author:** ![racepug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@racepug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racepug)\ **Post date:** [July 1, 2015, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/38 "2015-07-01T22:27:19Z")
My opinion is that: **A** ) diamonds are overrated. WAAAY overrated, in my view. Sure, they’re the hardest substance known to man but so what? They have no color which means they’re BORING. I like COLOR. So MY “solution” was to go with a precious stone _other than_ diamonds for me and my wife’s wedding rings. **B** ) Yes, there’s some pretty bad sh_t that’s gone down in terms of getting diamonds to market. REALLY bad sh_t, actually. I’m no expert on the matter but suffice it to say that far from “pure” and “innocent” means have been used to extract many diamonds from the earth. Which is aNOther reason I didn’t go for diamonds for my wedding ring. Thankfully my wife was 100% on board with me on _that_ decision! ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/39 "2015-07-02T00:12:46Z")
nm ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [July 2, 2015, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822/40 "2015-07-02T01:04:15Z")
> [@oft\_wears\_hats](#): > > So, nearly eight years later, I am finally quite close to getting married. I am happy to report that I managed to achieve my original goals with respect to the ring. I should also add that the actual fiancee exceeded my most optimistic expectations. > > My fiancee is an academic whose main area of study is the Mycenaean Greek script known as “Linear B.” So for the engagement ring, I got her a silver 3D printed ring, inscribed with “philia” (love) in Linear B. She loved it so much that she insisted that I get a copy made for myself. We’ve been wearing them for the past year since our engagement last June. > > The wedding rings finally arrived today, after months of working with a out of state jeweler. I wanted to get the wedding rings made out of tantalum, with the same inscription. I’m an electrical engineer, and tantalum is widely used in electronics. I liked the idea of having the rings being made out of a metal important to my career, and inscribed with a language important to hers. > > As it turns out, tantalum [just looks really cool as well](http://i.imgur.com/3Ci8HRI.jpg). We’re really happy with how they turned out. This is really great. Congrats on the engagement and pending wedding, the rings are awesome. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/engagement-wedding-rings-what-makes-a-diamond-so-important/411822.md?page=3)