# English muffins are the spawn of Satan **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 7, 2003, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466 "2003-02-07T15:10:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/1 "2003-02-07T15:10:21Z")
Dry, flavorless, foul-textured, nasty little things. Discuss… ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/2 "2003-02-07T15:15:10Z")
That was a thrilling OP. There is nothing wrong with English muffins. Try those rice cakes some time. ---
**Author:** ![Skerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Skerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skerri)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/3 "2003-02-07T15:15:37Z")
Nay! Slap some butter and honey on those things. They are sooooo good! ---
**Author:** ![LolaCocaCola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7cd45c/32.png) [@LolaCocaCola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LolaCocaCola)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/4 "2003-02-07T15:22:20Z")
Toasted with butter dripping through the cracks and crevices. Oh, yum. ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/5 "2003-02-07T15:28:52Z")
A good English muffin is a fine breakfast. Toasted and with plenty of butter, as **Lola** indicates. Of course, they vary in quality. Thomas’ are about the best. Locally, there are Freihofers, which are acceptable. But the store brand are gummy tasteless things, which probably is the reason for the OP. Get the good ones, and it’s a treat. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/6 "2003-02-07T15:39:03Z")
Not due to my nationality, but due to common decency and a higher sense of ethics, I must inform you that you’re utterly wrong. Hold on a minute - do you mean the kind that Egg McMuffins come in, or some other object? ---
**Author:** ![panache](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c77e96/32.png) [@panache](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/7 "2003-02-07T15:58:50Z")
I also submit that a reasonable topping for an english muffin is the thinnest layer of cream cheese topped with apricot jam. Crunchy, hot, creamy, sweet- What quality is missing? It is not only an acceptable breakfast, it is an _ideal_ breakfast! ---
**Author:** ![Finagle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@Finagle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Finagle)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/8 "2003-02-07T15:59:50Z")
Well, from a numerological standpoint, they do (usually) come six to a pack. So if you have three packs in your freezer, I guess I can understand the tenuous link to Satan. ---
**Author:** ![Cyrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Cyrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyrin)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/9 "2003-02-07T16:01:45Z")
Instructions: Take 1 “Dry, flavorless, foul-textured, nasty little thing” Slice Toast Add heaping amounts of butter (Quickly, while still piping hot) Add layer of Peanut butter Problem solved! ---
**Author:** ![curly\_chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@curly\_chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curly_chick)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/10 "2003-02-07T16:33:58Z")
This verytopic came up in mu house last night, to consternation all round. An American guest said he wanted English muffins because they were bound to be more authentic here (In Ireland - but I let that one go) I told him that I didn’t know what one was. Are they as my compatriot ex-pat comrade **Jiimm** says, the thing McDonalds put an egg on or are they something else? Do resident English people know what they are? Are they an American invention? Do they exist, under another name in their alleged homeland? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/11 "2003-02-07T16:39:28Z")
**curly** , I have a sneaking suspicion that they are actually a misnomer for the hellspawn that we call “crumpets”. ---
**Author:** ![Felonious\_Mink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Felonious\_Mink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Felonious_Mink)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/12 "2003-02-07T16:39:41Z")
**Curly Chick** , English Muffins in the States are actually supposed to be modelled on crumpets. Except for the fact that they’re nothing like crumpets either…and nothing like muffins… ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/13 "2003-02-07T16:43:51Z")
Aha, I’m right, according to [url=http://imaginatorium.org/words/muffin.htm]this[./url]: > [@](#): > > In the original [Harry Potter book], a character is having tea with crumpets, but for American readers these have been turned into “English muffins”. Therefore I retract my original statement: English Muffins are lovely, if they’re actually muffins from England. However, _crumpets_ are horrid rubbery spongy things with holes in them, that leak melted butter like seives, and I heartily agree with your disdain. Now if you’ll only get your nomenclature correct, we’ll all get along. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/14 "2003-02-07T16:45:03Z")
How did that dot get in there? [This](http://imaginatorium.org/words/muffin.htm). ---
**Author:** ![panache](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c77e96/32.png) [@panache](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/15 "2003-02-07T16:47:39Z")
No, not like muffins…not like muffins at all…and ARE to, credit the OP, subject to some rather unfortunate meddlesome commercial bakers. McDonalds does in fact slap an Egg and a Mc on them and call them food. Those are not the good kind at all. Those are rubbery, slimy, dry and utterly inedible. I’ll back Thomas’ or my most recent fav “Whole Foods generic brand.” ---
**Author:** ![CRorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CRorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CRorex)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/16 "2003-02-07T17:21:06Z")
They are totally inedible unless they have creamy peanut butter. ---
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/17 "2003-02-07T17:21:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gorgon Heap \* > \*\*That was a thrilling OP. > \*\* I know. I’m so useless today… ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/18 "2003-02-07T17:37:35Z")
What’s really good- for you vegetarians out there- is to stick a toasted chick patty and lots of mustard (and maybe cheese and lettuce and stuff if your feeling fancy) in beteen the two halves of an English muffin and eat it for lunch. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/19 "2003-02-07T17:38:39Z")
Personally I prefer a bagel slathered with cream cheese. ---
**Author:** ![sidle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee59a6/32.png) [@sidle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sidle)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466/20 "2003-02-07T17:48:27Z")
Hm. HATE peanut butter (more spawn…) Honey is good in tea, and nowhere else. Maybe it was the brand, or the fact that I’ve got a little stomach virus, and pretty much nothing’s gonna make me happy? …except… a BAGEL! SURELY no one can dispute than the bagel is the superior food? (dadgum no-bagel-selling company cafeteria) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-muffins-are-the-spawn-of-satan/153466.md?page=2)