# English Pub Etiquette - "... and one for yourself" **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 10, 2012, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998 "2012-01-10T01:46:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/21 "2012-01-11T01:33:14Z")
I’m not going to post again on this debate here. My post #74 in the other thread covers the point. I cared enough to start this thread because I was puzzled about my experience vs the first few posts on the topic in the other thread at the time. I now understand the position. ---
**Author:** ![Ximenean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/aca169/32.png) [@Ximenean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ximenean)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/22 "2012-01-11T02:01:56Z")
It sounds like something Alan Partridge would say, while trying and failing to ingratiate himself with the bar staff. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard it in real life. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/23 "2012-01-11T02:31:42Z")
Never heard it said by someone who wasn’t chatting up the bar staff. Live in a city, but the local is honestly the sort of place someone got the _entire pub singing Christmas carols_ last year. Something I never thought happened outside of tiny villages where everyone was related and probably fictional. ---
**Author:** ![glaeken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@glaeken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glaeken)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/24 "2012-01-11T10:06:10Z")
In 25 years of going to pubs I have never said and one for yourself to bar staff. I would be amazed if in most big pubs that are busy if the bar staff would even remember who you were let alone expect a drink. As a percentage of what you are spending on a round the cost of one drink is actually pretty high. I would also find it odd if bar staff even want to get free drinks as if you are working in a pub all day you can hardly be drinking as well. I guess alcoholic bar staff might be the exception. I am sure people do buy drinks for bar staff in pubs that only see local customers but I would not expect a tourist to end up in a pub like that. If nothing else such pubs are normally the types of places where when a non-local comes in the place goes silent and the non-local will feel quite uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Fiendish\_Astronaut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiendish_astronaut/32/3295_2.png) [@Fiendish\_Astronaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiendish_Astronaut)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/25 "2012-01-11T10:19:54Z")
> [@glaeken](#): > > If nothing else such pubs are normally the types of places where when a non-local comes in the place goes silent and the non-local will feel quite uncomfortable. Does this really happen? In the many years of visiting all sorts of pubs all around Britain including many small villages I’ve never experienced anything like this. In fact, the more remote the place the larger the welcome in my experience! ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/26 "2012-01-11T10:26:30Z")
I’ve experienced this once. Cold wet winter day in obscure village and walked into a pub with yet-to-be-Mrs P. It was like walking into a large family loungeroom. The whole village, children and all, were in there. Kids sitting in front of the fire playing board games, mothers at one table, fathers at another, teens off to one side. They weren’t unfriendly but it did feel like we were intruding on a family gathering. ---
**Author:** ![glaeken](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@glaeken](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glaeken)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/27 "2012-01-11T10:52:44Z")
> [@Fiendish\_Astronaut](#): > > Does this really happen? In the many years of visiting all sorts of pubs all around Britain including many small villages I’ve never experienced anything like this. In fact, the more remote the place the larger the welcome in my experience! I have seen it happen mostly in urban pubs that are a bit out of the centre of things. Say a pub on a big housing estate. They tend to become very territorial and it’s unusual for them to see people come in that they don’t know. Really any inner city pub that has nothing else near it but housing can be dodgy. Busy pubs in high streets you would be unlikely to see this type of thing in. I would also not expect to see it in rural pubs much though I have still come across it a couple of times in such settings. ---
**Author:** ![kferr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/71e660/32.png) [@kferr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kferr)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/28 "2012-01-11T11:16:02Z")
My local is in a residential area and most of the regulars are pretty regular. It’s the kind of place where all the staff know your name and you introduce yourself to the new people. I visit between 3 and 7 days a week and will usually offer a drink about once a week or so, especially if it’s busy. The person will either politely refuse, have a drink right away, or put it in the book for later. Occasionally they get American business travelers in who try to tip by leaving change on the bar. There isn’t any tip jar so the staff puts it into one of the charity boxes. ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/29 "2012-01-11T18:35:44Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Sorry but for reasons I have outlined in a post in that other thread, this is just factually incorrect. These qualifications you now give simply were not present until I queried the position. You are the one misrepresenting the facts. Let’s look at what people actually said in the other thread, and bear in mind with the five minute edit that none of these people could have altered what they said to agree with your all-seeing Australian eye on British customs and habits. [QUOTE=SciFiSam] Tipping: tip taxi drivers, waiters, bar staff \*\*sometimes \*\*(“and one for yourself” - don’t leave money on the table; people won’t realise it was left as a tip, and will take it). [/QUOTE] My bolding. Point: people only sometimes tip bar staff, but they do so in this specific way, so don’t leave money on the table. [QUOTE=Malden Capell] certainly not bar staff, except for the ‘one for yourself’ rule. [/QUOTE] Point: most people don’t tip bar staff, but if they do, agreement that it would be done according to this custom, or “rule” if you will, that it is done in the form of “one for yourself”, not money on the table. [QUOTE=Me] I don’t think I’ve ever tipped bar staff, though in pubs where I’ve been a regular I would invite them to have “one for yourself”. [/QUOTE] Point: I never leave cash, and only when I’ve been a regular have I invoked the “one for yourself” system. [QUOTE=Candyman74] It’s extraordinarily common. I say it, and I hear it all the time. [/QUOTE] The single person who thinks it’s very common. Maybe he has a local. Maybe he’s a gregarious drunk (no offence, pal). Who knows. [QUOTE=Hermette] I’ve only seen it in old man style pubs, usually said by the regulars (old men!) to the barman. Or on Eastenders [/QUOTE] Point: only WHEN PEOPLE ARE REGULARS does this phrase/convention/system/custom/RULE take place. All the people in EastEnders are regulars in their tragic pub. [QUOTE=SciFiSam] If you were a regular at a pub and never bought the staff a drink, you’d have come across like a real miser. [/QUOTE] Can you see the word “regular” in there? [QUOTE=codgerone] Nobody tips bar staff. The “have one yourself” thing is fairly common but usually only occurs in a situation where a regular group of friends are drinking in their local pub and are on first name terms with the bartender. I do this at my local but wouldn’t dream of doing it in a pub I’d never been in. [/QUOTE] And in this one? It says “regular”, “local” _and_ “first name terms”. Can you see them yet? [QUOTE=SciFiSam] Like I said in my first post - you sometimes say “one for yourself.” [/QUOTE] The needle returns to the start of the song… …and then you demonstrate that you’re not actually reading most of the words: [QUOTE=Princhester] Going by the responses in this and the other specific thread I started on this topic, you are more the exception than the rule, and further most emphasise that this is something they do only in their regular, and/or with staff they know well. [/QUOTE] Yes, one of the people who emphasised it was… drum roll… **SciFiSam**! > [@](#): > > In other words, mentioning buying “one for yerself” as if failing to do so may be an etiquette breach in a thread started by an American planning to visit is somewhere between inapt and outright misleading. And whilst I have really no legs to stand on having just spent time doing all this quoting across (in my defence I’m trying to avoid the pile of work I brought home), I have to wonder why you’ve gone to the extreme of starting a whole new thread about something which has absolutely no bearing on your life, but could have been sorted out by you simply reading what people had written. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [January 11, 2012, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/30 "2012-01-11T22:04:43Z")
\*\*Teacake \*\*this isn’t hard. As your post above amply demonstrates, _at the time I started this thread_, 3 out of 4 posters in the other thread mentioned no “regular” qualification. They simply said that “one for yourself” was a “rule”, that it was done “sometimes” and indeed that it was “extraordinarily common”. Now, in your revisionist post above you try to say that the point being made in these posts was something else, namely that one doesn’t tip in cash. That is not quite what the posts say when read in isolation without the benefit (that you have) of already being familiar with the system. Of course, the posters concerned were not trying to be misleading. They probably took it as read that “one for yourself” was only something done by regulars because they are so familiar with that fact that they didn’t realise that to someone unfamiliar, their posts come across as saying "you tip bar staff [as a rule/sometimes/commonly] but you do it by offering to buy the bar staff a drink not in cash. Because that is what the posts say. The “regular” qualification was unstated. _After_ I started this thread the “regular” qualification started to appear but by then I had started this thread. Is this really so hard to understand? Why are you getting so worked up about me asking a simple question based on some no doubt unintentionally misleading answers? ---
**Author:** ![Teacake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Teacake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Teacake)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/31 "2012-01-12T21:18:12Z")
What is misleading about “sometimes”, “certainly not bar staff”, “I don’t think I’ve ever tipped bar staff” and “in pubs where I’ve been a regular”? How is “don’t leave money on the table” not making the point that you shouldn’t tip in cash, whether read in isolation, as part of the thread, or as a mariachi-style voice-over to a piece of interpretive dance about the evils of drink? And how is it “revisionist” to quote exactly what people have said? Do you disagree with my interpretation of any of the posts above? As for “The “regular” qualification was unstated”, it was only unstated for less than two hours, while the OP was probably at work/asleep anyway, and after that it was the explicit consensus. Your investigation still mystifies me. Also, you’ve mistaken “worked up” for “avoiding work”. It’s easily done. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mk\_VII](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Mk\_VII](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mk_VII)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/32 "2012-01-12T21:47:15Z")
We don’t want to encourage tipping bar staff in this country, either in cash or in kind. And if you work with alcohol constantly you don’t really want to be drinking it as well. ---
**Author:** ![Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Capt.Ridley\_s\_Shooting\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capt.Ridley_s_Shooting_Party)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/33 "2012-01-12T22:57:16Z")
My fiancée’s parents own an inn in a hamlet in the country, mostly frequented by locals. You occasionally hear people saying this in there, but it isn’t particularly common, nor in any other pub I’m familiar with. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/34 "2012-01-12T23:13:31Z")
The guy who lives a few doors down from me is from London, and he has commented several times that that is the custom in England. No tipping, but “one for yourself” periodically. Here’s the thing, and I think it rings true across cultures-- you don’t want to be just any old schmo to the bartender. You want him to know who you are, and appreciate your patronage. I know I do, with the various bars I visit. Tip well (whatever the custom is) and you’ll have a much better bar experience. And so I do. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/35 "2012-01-12T23:16:46Z")
These are pretty much the three situations I ever see this in any kind of local place: 1. Cocky bastards who are trying to ingratiate themselves and/or show off (they will attempt to offer a drink to everyone), 2. Tourists trying to be nice (this is cool, but totally unnecessary), 3. Really quiet nights where there is only a handful of regulars and the bar person. It just seems right if you are chatting to someone who is working, but isn’t all that busy, to offer one. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/36 "2012-01-12T23:29:46Z")
> [@Teacake](#): > > What is misleading about “sometimes”, “certainly not bar staff”, “I don’t think I’ve ever tipped bar staff” and “in pubs where I’ve been a regular”? How is “don’t leave money on the table” not making the point that you shouldn’t tip in cash, whether read in isolation, as part of the thread, or as a mariachi-style voice-over to a piece of interpretive dance about the evils of drink? And how is it “revisionist” to quote exactly what people have said? Do you disagree with my interpretation of any of the posts above? As for “The “regular” qualification was unstated”, it was only unstated for less than two hours, while the OP was probably at work/asleep anyway, and after that it was the explicit consensus. Your investigation still mystifies me. 1/ When one states the way of doing something without qualifying that one does not do that thing at all except in certain limited circumstances, an unfamiliar audience will not assume the qualification. Particularly when the audience in question is used to doing that thing universally. It is revisionist to suggest that the only point being made in these circumstances was the way of doing the thing: like it or not, intended or not, the point the audience will unintentionally take is that this thing is done outside of the limited circumstances in which it will actually be done. It surprises me that someone with a sufficiently responsible job that they bring a “pile of work” home can repeatedly post in a way that shows no understanding of this fundamental of clear communication. 2/ Your post does not evince any obvious understanding of the basic concept of the one way nature of the flow of time. Generally what we find is that one can know the past but not the future. Thus if we read something that confuses us, we may ask for clarification, despite the fact that in future that clarification may be provided. We generally don’t know what clarification will be provided till we receive it. And a standard way of obtaining that clarification is to ask for it. You say that my “investigation” (by which I assume you mean my commencement of this thread) mystifies you. I don’t know there is much I can do more for you in this respect. Some sort of basic textbook about the nature of time may assist. 3/ You may be familiar with a joke, the punchline of which is that on the third occasion the bear meets the man the bear says “You’re not here for the hunting, are you?” It’s a bad taste joke and I hesitate to draw parallels. However, I wonder if it is really advisable for you to post a third time, along the lines of your last two? ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/37 "2012-01-12T23:34:34Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Here’s the thing, and I think it rings true across cultures-- you don’t want to be just any old schmo to the bartender. In Australia you won’t be just “any old schmo”. You’ll probably be the big headed Yank wanker who thinks he’ll ingratiate himself by splashing money around. The bar staff will probably take your money, but don’t assume you know what is going on behind their smile or what is said about you behind your back. Whether you care about this is of course a moot point. Edited to add: I’m not suggesting you _are_ a “big headed Yank wanker who thinks he’ll ingratiate himself by splashing money around”, **John**. Sorry if my post reads that way. I’m just saying there would be a danger in this culture of being perceived that way. ---
**Author:** ![Baron\_Greenback](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/baron_greenback/32/48_2.png) [@Baron\_Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baron_Greenback)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2012, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/38 "2012-01-12T23:36:10Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > 1/ When one states the way of doing something without qualifying that one does not do that thing at all except in certain limited circumstances, an unfamiliar audience will not assume the qualification. Particularly when the audience in question is used to doing that thing universally. It is revisionist to suggest that the only point being made in these circumstances was the way of doing the thing: like it or not, intended or not, the point the audience will unintentionally take is that this thing is done outside of the limited circumstances in which it will actually be done. It surprises me that someone with a sufficiently responsible job that they bring a “pile of work” home can repeatedly post in a way that shows no understanding of this fundamental of clear communication. > > 2/ Your post does not evince any obvious understanding of the basic concept of the one way nature of the flow of time. Generally what we find is that one can know the past but not the future. Thus if we read something that confuses us, we may ask for clarification, despite the fact that in future that clarification may be provided. We generally don’t know what clarification will be provided till we receive it. And a standard way of obtaining that clarification is to ask for it. You say that my “investigation” (by which I assume you mean my commencement of this thread) mystifies you. I don’t know there is much I can do more for you in this respect. Some sort of basic textbook about the nature of time may assist. > > 3/ You may be familiar with a joke, the punchline of which is that on the third occasion the bear meets the man the bear says “You’re not here for the hunting, are you?” It’s a bad taste joke and I hesitate to draw parallels. However, I wonder if it is really advisable for you to post a third time, along the lines of your last two? Bloody hell. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/39 "2012-01-13T08:33:26Z")
I worked in a pub back in my student days and we would all collect tips in our own glasses behind the bar. About 2 or 3 times a night someone would say ‘and one for yourself’. The management rule was that we would not take a drink, or the full price of a drink, but take about half the price of a drink. The manager abandoned this rule on New Year’s Eve when we could accept a full priced drink. It doesn’t happen much in London, because London isn’t like the rest of the country. ---
**Author:** ![SanVito](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sanvito/32/2805_2.png) [@SanVito](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanVito)\ **Post date:** [January 13, 2012, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998/40 "2012-01-13T08:39:33Z")
> [@Mk\_VII](#): > > We don’t want to encourage tipping bar staff in this country, either in cash or in kind. And if you work with alcohol constantly you don’t really want to be drinking it as well. When I worked in pubs (in Birmingham) it was VERY common to tip bar staff, either with ‘and one for yourself’ or with ‘keep the change’ or just by handing over hard cash, even from people who weren’t regulars. Clearly us Brummies are more generous than most 🙂 BTW, you don’t drink your tips. You take the cash home. Or stick it in the fruit machine. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/english-pub-etiquette-and-one-for-yourself/608998.md?page=3)