# Enough about the freaking wedding, already **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 5, 2001, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-about-the-freaking-wedding-already/79877 "2001-09-05T16:31:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-about-the-freaking-wedding-already/79877/41 "2001-09-06T06:30:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*Esprix: I mean to get married in a park, on the cheap, in a Pagan ceremony, to another guy. Will that do? 🙂 > \*\* You go, matt! I had a handfasting with a cake and food I made. We dressed up a bit, but our guests were told to come as they were. It went well, we only spent $500.00 between clothes and food. It was one of the best nights of my life. We celebrate our one year wedding anniversary on Oct 31st. I didn’t make a big deal over it, I didn’t discuss it every minute, and we just handled a bit of the preparations each day for the two weeks leading up to it. We only honeymooned for a weekend, and then resumed our normal day-to-day lives. It is special, but to blow lots of money and treat it like it is supposed to be the best day of your life sort of dooms it to failure. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 7:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-about-the-freaking-wedding-already/79877/42 "2001-09-06T07:17:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\*8) Please stop deluding yourself that your wedding is going to be any different from the hundreds of millions that have gone on before yours. \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cranky \* \*\* > I can’t believe the psychic energy that goes into planning every little detail only to have the end result be THE EXACT SAME WEDDING EVERYONE ELSE IS HAVING. Jesus Christ. > > And god forbid you try to anything different. All the cookie-cutter people look aghast at your sacrilege and crassness. > > \*\* Well, my sister really did have a different wedding. Actually, two of my sisters did. The oldest had everyone come dressed as children… that one was ok. But the one that rocked the house was my other sister’s… It was 1974, I think. My sister and her groom were founders of a very successful comedy mime troup that went on to costar on the Dick Van Dyke show. Knowing this makes the wedding much easier to understand. My sister’s name is Katee. To the tune of “K k k k katee, beautiful Katee, she’s the one we all adore…” played by a ragtime band, my father \* dragged \* Katee down the aisle of the theater, \* kicking and screaming.\* She was wearing a brilliant green satin gown with Irish lace. When my dad threw her up on stage at her groom, it became apparant that Katee was 9 months pregnant. Her groom took quick care of that…with a pin! The ushers and bridesmaids were in dressed up as various silent film comedy stars… Buster Keaton, Mabel Normand, Charlie Chaplin. At the point in the ceremony where the minister asks if anyone objects…two guys in 30’s gangster regalia, complete with violin cases, shoulder holsters, and a tommygun, stood up and slowly turned around, giving the evil eye to the whole audience, showing off their guns. The final vow was to have one last act of violence, and then never again. So they broke bottles over each other’s heads. The CBS local news covered it here in LA. It was completely cool. Myself, I’ve been engaged for over 3 years now and I have no idea when we are going to get married. I want a beautiful one, but I just don’t have the energy to be Bridezilla. You’ve given me some ideas, though. I’m glad I read this. stoid Who broke off an engagement a long time ago because I realized I was thrilled about the idea of the wedding and horrified at the idea of the marriage. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-about-the-freaking-wedding-already/79877/43 "2001-09-06T11:12:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*The other thing I can’t stand: Have you ever heard the bride (always the bride) gushing on and on about how it’s going to be the most wonderful day of their lives? Do they not realize what a ridiculously dour statement that is about the rest of the marriage after that point? :mad: \*\* Dang – you beat me to it. But it does suggest that the appropriate response to those ranting about “MY special day” or “the most important day of my life!” is “So – I guess it’s all downhill after that, then.” ---
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-about-the-freaking-wedding-already/79877/44 "2001-09-06T12:48:07Z")
1. Don’t bitch to me about people who have declined invitations. I know that you and your 2nd cousin Marie used to be “soooooooo close,” but guess what? She lives in San Francisco with her unemployed husband and you’re having the wedding in New York. Maybe money is tight and she’s not entirely enamored with the idea of flying across the country just because of YOUR special day. 2. The following phrases are likely to produce the exact opposite of the intended effect when uttered repeatedly by the bride: 3. For those of you who have been appointed as the Best Man, please stop calling me and assuming that because I live in New York City, I’ll know exactly how to acquire the services of hookers and strippers for the bachelor party. Yes, I do live in New York. And yes, we do seem to have quite a few prostitutes and strip clubs here. But even if I felt like approaching some “women for hire” on your behalf (which I don’t), I’m sure they wouldn’t be psyched to learn that I want to hire them to come all the way out to eastern Long Island (where you’re having the bachelor party). Also, don’t assume that I feel like picking up a giant assortment of porno movies, rubber novelties and sexual aides “on my way home from work.” There are porno shops on Long Island, too. 4. Yes, I am aware that two of your bridesmaids are single. No, I don’t think it would be “just precious” if I fell in love with one of them and we “all had to do this all over again next year.” 5. Don’t subject me to the mother of the bride. At all. Until this is all over with. She’s gone completely fucking nuts. I didn’t think it possible to get into this stuff as passionately and obsessively as the bride-to-be. Boy was I wrong. Keep her 500 yards from my person until the wedding is over, or I promise I’ll bring a really skanky Hooters waitress to the wedding as my date and ruin the whole day. I swear I will. ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-about-the-freaking-wedding-already/79877/45 "2001-09-06T14:38:16Z")
I can’t believe nobody’s commented on this one. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Green Bean \* > [fighting the urge to say “frontless”] Well, if you ever wanted all eyes to be on you! 😃 After growing up with one set of grandparents who eloped, another who shacked up, and parents who just signed a paper at the town hall and went out to dinner with friends, the Bridezillas completely baffle me. Fortunately, my fiancee and her mother feel the same way about it. –sublight. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-about-the-freaking-wedding-already/79877/46 "2001-09-06T16:20:44Z")
**Stoid** , now _that_ is a wedding - they had fun and the guests enjoyed themselves. It’s a party! Esprix ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-about-the-freaking-wedding-already/79877/47 "2001-09-06T16:33:45Z")
**THespos** , I think she’s burdening you with this in a vain attempt to mask her true, but unacceptable because she’s engaged, desire to ride you like a wild pony. Next time she brings it up tell her that you understand that she’s having trouble dealing with her carnal desires and that you would be happy to service her now as well as for years after her wedding to that bozo. As well as all of the bridesmaids. See if that shuts her up. **jarbabyj** said: > [@](#): > > my parents had come into a lot of money And that didn’t prevent the bridal consultants from taking it? No, I suppose it wouldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2001, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-about-the-freaking-wedding-already/79877/48 "2001-09-06T16:40:28Z")
Forget Elvis, I want to be married by Shaft. THespos, think its bad after the wedding and the honeymoon? Wait until you have to watch the Wedding video, followed by the wedding video again edited down with a techno soundtrack. Hell. Hell on earth. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-about-the-freaking-wedding-already/79877.md?page=2)