# Enough with the Fuckin' Vampires **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 17, 2010, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001 "2010-07-17T06:28:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![LC\_Strawhouse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e19adc/32.png) [@LC\_Strawhouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LC_Strawhouse)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/21 "2010-07-17T16:20:45Z")
I was a rabid horror movie fan and even I could never muster any interest in vampire stuff, it just seemed completely irrelevant. Not following the vampire trend now but I’m reminded of Anne Rice fans from the 1990s who mixed it up with all kinds of “pagan” imagery and insisted on spelling it “vampyre” and had vampire themed weddings and were extremely serious and self-righteous about it all. In my opinion the only good vampire movies are: Nosferatu - both the German original and German remake Vampyr - another German one from the 1930s The Hunger - with David Bowie, surprisingly enough They say Salem’s Lot was good too but I never saw it. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/22 "2010-07-17T16:21:58Z")
I like vampires…just not _these_ vampires… ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/23 "2010-07-17T16:27:51Z")
I never found vampires particularly scary or interesting. But I recently started watching the _Buffy_ series and love it. It doesn’t make me suddenly passionate about all things vampire-y. I don’t get the hype either. Vampires are the most boring villain there is. Maybe that’s why they made them into ‘‘good guys.’’ Because as bad guys they aren’t very scary. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/24 "2010-07-17T16:52:28Z")
> [@olivesmarch4th](#): > > I never found vampires particularly scary or interesting. > > But I recently started watching the _Buffy_ series and love it. Ironically, vampires are a tiny part of the Buffy series - from Season 2 onwards, they’re pretty much relegated to off-screen dusting, at best nameless mooks effortlessly dealt with to provide banter opportunities for \*actual \*characters. And don’t get me started on Spike’s decay. Fuckin’ Whedon… ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/25 "2010-07-17T17:11:42Z")
> [@Chimera](#): > > You know, this idea that being bitten by a vampire is all sexy and cool would go straight out the window in a flash of screaming agony if they really did have a bunch of razor sharp teeth slashing into their jugular. > > It’s really stupid “Oh, he’s the ultimate bad boy\*, but he won’t hurt ME!\*\*” lies and self-delusion. > > - yup, a monster who kills people to live. > \*\* and wants to make you into one of those monsters too. Or perhaps he’s just playing with his food and will eat you later. We also should keep in mind that, in the particular case of Twilight, (how I got to be taken to the theater to watch that I don’t know) Edward, the sexy hot vampire also happens to be a hundred or so year old creep that dates a high school teenager. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/26 "2010-07-17T17:40:55Z")
But Edward/Jacob is soooooo dreamy!!! _blech_ God, I hated _Twilight_. I read them just to see what the fuss was about. I don’t know how anyone can stomach that bullshit. And vampires do NOT sparkle, goddammit!!! (Although I still want to know if their poop sparkles) ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/27 "2010-07-17T18:10:58Z")
Hell, _I_ want to know if they _poop_. Also, how they manage to hang around a high school all day, when one has to presume that the cheerleaders aren’t post-menopausal. ---
**Author:** ![Cort](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/77aa72/32.png) [@Cort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cort)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/28 "2010-07-17T18:51:24Z")
I love Twilight. In fact, I love it so much I’m going to see the new movie tomorrow. WITH MY VUVUZELA!!! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!! ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/29 "2010-07-17T18:55:38Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > In every folkloric version of vampirism with which I am acquainted, vampires are disgusting undead creatures. All that varies is just _how_ disgusting. There’s an urban fantasy series where the vampires are just as disgusting as I would imagine them to be. (The Kate Daniels “Magic” series by Ilona Andrews.) In them, vampires are mindless eating machines controlled by necromancers. They are creepy and disgusting. ---
**Author:** ![Nametag](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nametag/32/406_2.png) [@Nametag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nametag)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/30 "2010-07-17T19:10:50Z")
And let’s not forget the whole slew of ugly, nasty supernatural “pretenders” in Nancy Collins’s Sonja Blue series. ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/31 "2010-07-17T19:23:21Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Can’t we have more movies with naked chicks who AREN’T horribly slashed or torn to pieces once the clothes come off? Sure, it’s called porn. Unfortunately when it comes to “serious”, “artistic” movies usually the more naked the actors are, the worse it is. It’s a shame ain’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/32 "2010-07-17T21:36:47Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Vampires do not exist. They are imaginary. The vampires of “Twilight” are no more or less delusional than the vampire in “Nosferatu.” If the mythology changes to make vampires more like Edward Cullen than like Count Dracula, the mythology changes, but it’s not “delusional.” There are no vampires in real life. There is nothing to be “deluded” about. Christ does this drive me crazy too. Especially around here, because whenever you point this out a whole posse of people stop jizzing on their Angel posters to point out that the Twilights vamps aren’t _real_ vamps. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/33 "2010-07-17T21:39:47Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Christ does this drive me crazy too. Especially around here, because whenever you point this out a whole posse of people stop jizzing on their Angel posters to point out that the Twilights vamps aren’t _real_ vamps. > > :rolleyes: It’s not that they aren’t “real” vampires, it’s that they are sissy sparkling vampires. Still plenty contempt-worthy. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/34 "2010-07-17T21:54:54Z")
It’s not that there are real vampires; it’s that all this sexy vampire stuff contradicts how people who did believe in vampires imagined them. ---
**Author:** ![Squink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5e925/32.png) [@Squink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Squink)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/35 "2010-07-17T22:35:25Z")
So, “Care-Vampires”, or “My Little Vampires”? I think the later would be somewhat sparklier. “Sponge Bob Vampire Pants” is probably too far round the twist for teenieboppers, but maybe the 16 year old _male_ demographic? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2010, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/36 "2010-07-17T22:45:07Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > It’s not that there are real vampires; it’s that all this sexy vampire stuff contradicts how people who did believe in vampires imagined them. I really don’t get it. A three hundred year old delusion is no more respectable than last week’s desusion. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/37 "2010-07-18T00:14:38Z")
> [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](#): > > You know what would be worse than nothing but Vampires? Wall to wall Ashton Kutcher movies. Wow I think I really disagree. ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/38 "2010-07-18T00:38:21Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > But Edward/Jacob is soooooo dreamy!!! _blech_ > > God, I hated _Twilight_. I read them just to see what the fuss was about. I don’t know how anyone can stomach that bullshit. And vampires do NOT sparkle, goddammit!!! (Although I still want to know if their poop sparkles) Rifftrax has been hit or miss, but the [Twilight Rifftrax](http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/twilight) is as good as any of the best MST3K episodes. It’ll fix you right up. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/39 "2010-07-18T01:41:56Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > It’s not that there are real vampires; it’s that all this sexy vampire stuff contradicts how people who did believe in vampires imagined them. But the commonly accepted vampires in popular fiction before Twilight weren’t like the vampires people actually believed in, either. The Dracula-format vampires, were more or less a modern invention as well - specifically, invented by John Polidori in 1819 - and became popular in modern fiction largely because Dracula went into public domain in the USA shortly after it was written. The vampire myth as we currently understand it really isn’t that old, all things considered. Shakespeare would not have heard of such a thing. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2010, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001/40 "2010-07-18T01:58:38Z")
I wasn’t referring to Dracula-type vampires, either. I am referring exactly to the folkloric beliefs regarding vampires that pre-date the relatively modern literary and cinematic vampires. It isn’t a case of preferring one delusion over another, either, since I don’t believe in vampires at all. What it is, is vampires as I studied them were scary, supernatural creatures. People were genuinely afraid of them. _This_ is what I want to read about or see on the screen if a vampire story is supposedly what I am going to be told. The emo Eurotrash Anne Rice sparklepyre romantic versions produced by the entertainment industry do not entertain or scare me. They, in fact, make my ass itch to get up and go do something else every time I try to read a book or watch a movie featuring such creatures. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fuckin-vampires/547001.md?page=3)