# Enough with the fucking Anti Anti Fat people! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 3, 2003, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690 "2003-03-03T01:08:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/41 "2003-03-03T21:43:21Z")
Philster, are you REALLY that dense? Here, let me **QUOTE MYSELF** for you. > [@](#): > > _Just a few minutes ago, yosemitebabe wrote:_ > > \*\* > Don’t be attracted to whoever—that’s not a problem. No “thought police” are going to dictate who you should be attracted to.\*\* See? It’s all there, explained for you. Do you want me to quote all the other statements on this thread that indicate that no, we don’t expect you to be attracted to anyone you are not attracted to? You really aren’t this dense, are you? But I’ll repeat it again: DON’T pretend to be attracted to anyone you are not attracted to. But don’t think that because you are not attracted to them, it gives you license to have a “Save a whale, harpoon a fat chick” bumper sticker on your car. Don’t assume that you can utter, “I’d not be caught _dead_ with a fat chick.” and it won’t ruffle feathers. Don’t assume that you can be openly disdainful or derisive. Or to say, “Oh god, I fear I’ll end up with some _fatass_ chick because I’ll get so desperate” (as if that’s a fate worse than death). Because these things go beyond merely being “not attracted”. These things are rude, unecessary, and _mean._ Because, you know, just because you are not attracted to them, it doesn’t mean that they automatically don’t have _feelings._ Don’t find certain people attractive? No problem. Neither do I. I don’t advertise it, though. You know why? _Because WHO CARES?_ Why should I feel compelled to say that I don’t find such-and-such attractive, unless a person who is one of the types of people I don’t find attractive is doggedly pestering me for a date? There is a man that I know that (I suspect) might be a little interested in me, or at least he was until he detected my disinterest in him “that way”. For a variety of reasons I am not attracted to him—none of them having to do with what a great guy he is in many other ways. But will I tell him (or the rest of you) why I am not attracted to him? No. Who cares? Why carry on about it? The only person who should be remotely interested in my reasons is him, and he hasn’t asked. (And I doubt he will.) ---
**Author:** ![sperfur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a9adbd/32.png) [@sperfur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sperfur)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/42 "2003-03-03T22:03:55Z")
Hey, thanks for the advice, Indygrrl. I’ll get right on that. I had no idea that’s all I need to do to make you happy. And you know, your happiness is the highest priority in my life right now. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/43 "2003-03-03T22:03:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yosemitebabe \* > Don’t be attracted to whoever—that’s not a problem. No “thought police” are going to dictate who you should be attracted to. But to act as if a fat person or a bald person has no feelings, and won’t _mind_ (or maybe feel that they _deserve_) to be considered “loser” (or rather, that “ending up” with them is “loser”) is really **shitty.** And when I think this happens I will be absolutely happy to pile on. > [@](#): > > It’s not saying “I don’t like baldness” that is hateful. (Though I do question why it would _have_ to be said in front of a bald guy. Like he doesn’t know he’s bald? Like he doesn’t know that some people don’t find it attractive? Why remind him?) Why not? There are serious social pressures we face every day about “what is attractive”. Always have. Shame that the greek statues were a little more realistic (and yummy) than most models, but there you have it. > [@](#): > > I think many one you _enjoy_ reminding the fat and the bald that they are (get this) fat and bald. Because maybe you assume they were unaware? What? Negative reinforcement. The same thing that prompts you to take such people to task for their behavior. See the logic there? > [@](#): > > It’s more the statement of, “Oh my GOSH. _Look_ at that guy. He’s _bald._ I’d never be caught dead with a bald guy. That would be like _losing_.” _That’s_ hateful, and unnecessary. Eh. Hateful, I suppose; at least, I agree no one would say it is a nice thing to say. ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/44 "2003-03-03T22:04:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Philster \* > \*\*Should I pretend to be attracted to fat and/or ugly women? > > Fat women make good friends, and have other redeeming qualities, but I’m not attracted to them. \*\* I just want to thank Philster for letting us know that the only thing the 100 million fat women in the world are good for, is being good friends. I was wondering what they’re purpose was, but now I know. You sound like you’re talking about a product, not individual people. Each person is different, each person is attracted to different people. Don’t try to sum up an entire section of the population (based entirely on how much they weigh!) with sweeping statements like that - it doesn’t work that way. And no, I’m not a fat woman. But I know one. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/45 "2003-03-03T22:06:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Indygrrl \* > Fucking stop eating so much!! Put your ass on a treadmill!! Get off the computer for a half hour and walk around the block!!! > > …it will make you look younger and more attractive. I’d rather be fat and ugly than a pushy bitch. ---
**Author:** ![epolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b487fb/32.png) [@epolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epolo)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/46 "2003-03-03T22:19:55Z")
Okay, I want to throw my lot in here with the OP. I identified with **Rex** ’s rant from the beginning and when people started attacking him for his anti-fat bias, I reacted defensively thinking: “but he said fatass loser girls, as if fat and loser were separate things.” But then I though about it more and realized that that was somewhat disingenuous. Fat and loserish are tied together, but not by **Rex** , by society, and by each of our own minds. What _I_ read **Rex** to have said was “I don’t want to end up with a straight female version of what **jayjay** \* used to be like.” That is to say, he doesn’t want to end up settling for someone who feels that they’ve been rejected by society and so they’re settling for him. And I have to say, I heartily agree. But this has been said (and more eloquently) by other posters already, so why am I bothering to post? Because, somewhere in that other thread I posted what I think is the best rant I’ve ever written and it was totally ignored in the back and forth between the anti-fat and anti-anti-fat idiots. I told **Rex** that the only viable solutions to his problem were suicide or joining a cult. And nobody responded. No one said “Gee, **epolo** that’s kind of a nasty thing to say” or “That’s a damn funny rant.” Instead all you fucking fat and skinny and in-between losers tried to make the thread about you. Not **Rex** , not me, not anyone with a real fucking problem or anything to say, but you and your imagined slights. Go fuck yourselves. “So you’re cheesed that nobody laughed at your sick little joke, you fucker?” No, I’m cheesed that no one stood up to say “Hmm, suicide might not be the answer you’re looking for.” I’m pissed because, as I hope I made clear in that other post, that’s how I’ve been feeling for weeks now. I _identify_ with **Rex** ’s OP because that’s how I’ve been feeling. Like my life is fucking crap. That I’m a fucking loser that no one should have to be exposed to. And no one said “Things will get better” or even “Shut your pie-hole you fucker. You’re a real asshole for posting something like that.” I spent this past weekend and the one before in bed within the confines of my eight by eight bedroom because I can’t face the fucking world outside. Mostly because of assholes like you. Go fuck all yourselves \*Sorry dude, great post ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/47 "2003-03-03T22:28:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by erislover \* > > Why not? There are serious social pressures we face every day about “what is attractive”. Always have. And you are contending that these societal pressures are _good_? The anorexia that is a common problem among teenagers, that’s a result of social pressure. And that’s good? > [@](#): > > Negative reinforcement. The same thing that prompts you to take such people to task for their behavior. See the logic there? No. For one thing, the two behaviors do not compare. We taking someone to task for being hurtful and offensive to others. An anti-fat bias is _going out of your way_ to tell someone else (who is not hurting you, just minding their own business) that they don’t “measure up”. “Negative reinforcement” can be the most obnoxious intrusive thing imaginable. People very often use the excuse “negative reinforcement” as a rationale to be a complete ASSHOLE. “I was insulting you for _your own good._ See? See? I was _trying to help you_ by humiliating you and telling you what a hideous repulsive loser you are! I did it in the hopes that you would _improve_ yourself! See? See? I was deliberately cruel because I am a _good person_ who wants you to be _better_!” Oh my gosh, this is the biggest load of crap ever, and I’ve heard it as an excuse for bad and cruel behavior more than once. For one thing, why do these people appoint themselves as the person who is (through “negative reinforcement”) going to “fix” someone else’s problem? WHO THE HELL ASKED THEM to “fix” anyone? How arrogant and obnoxious. They need to work on fixing themselves before they start in on anyone else. I think it makes assholes justify their cruelty and jerkiness. But the truth is, it almost never is meant to “help”, it just give cruel assholes the jollies. They love insulting other people who they don’t think “measure up”. But of course, if someone were to do the exact same thing to them, it would be completly _different_, wouldn’t it? _That_ would be cruel and unwarranted. Because _they’d_ be the one who was the target for a change. It’s never the same when they are on the receiving end of some “negative reinforcement”, is it? ---
**Author:** ![Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/db5fbb/32.png) [@Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fred)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/48 "2003-03-03T22:32:35Z")
One thousand pardons, **epolo**. Allow me to lavish well-deserved praise and attention on your person. You, sir, are a man of breeding, intelligence, and wit. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/49 "2003-03-03T22:35:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by epolo \* > \*_Okay, I want to throw my lot in here with the OP. I identified with **Rex** ’s rant from the beginning and when people started attacking him for his anti-fat bias, I reacted defensively thinking: “but he said fatass loser girls, as if fat and loser were separate things.” But then I though about it more and realized that that was somewhat disingenuous. Fat and loserish are tied together, but not by **Rex** , by society, and by each of our own minds. What I read **Rex** to have said was "I don’t want to end up with a straight female version of what **jayjay** _ used to be like." That is to say, he doesn’t want to end up settling for someone who feels that they’ve been rejected by society and so they’re settling for him. And I have to say, I heartily agree. > > But this has been said (and more eloquently) by other posters already, so why am I bothering to post? Because, somewhere in that other thread I posted what I think is the best rant I’ve ever written and it was totally ignored in the back and forth between the anti-fat and anti-anti-fat idiots. I told **Rex** that the only viable solutions to his problem were suicide or joining a cult. And nobody responded. No one said “Gee, **epolo** that’s kind of a nasty thing to say” or “That’s a damn funny rant.” Instead all you fucking fat and skinny and in-between losers tried to make the thread about you. Not **Rex** , not me, not anyone with a real fucking problem or anything to say, but you and your imagined slights. Go fuck yourselves. > > “So you’re cheesed that nobody laughed at your sick little joke, you fucker?” > > No, I’m cheesed that no one stood up to say “Hmm, suicide might not be the answer you’re looking for.” I’m pissed because, as I hope I made clear in that other post, that’s how I’ve been feeling for weeks now. I _identify_ with **Rex** ’s OP because that’s how I’ve been feeling. Like my life is fucking crap. That I’m a fucking loser that no one should have to be exposed to. And no one said “Things will get better” or even “Shut your pie-hole you fucker. You’re a real asshole for posting something like that.” I spent this past weekend and the one before in bed within the confines of my eight by eight bedroom because I can’t face the fucking world outside. Mostly because of assholes like you. > > Go fuck all yourselves > > \*Sorry dude, great post \*\* Suicide is not the way. Having sex with the daughters off all these uptight assholes is a far better route. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![epolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b487fb/32.png) [@epolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epolo)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/50 "2003-03-03T22:38:34Z")
**Fred** , thank you for validating me. Fuck you for patronizing me. If I wasn’t so busy stewing in my own juices, I’d insert a smilie. ---
**Author:** ![Profane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e47774/32.png) [@Profane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Profane)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/51 "2003-03-03T22:39:07Z")
No it isn’t! My daughter’s is only five, you sick fuck. :eek: 😉 ---
**Author:** ![samarm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@samarm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/samarm)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/52 "2003-03-03T22:41:54Z")
epolo: You will not get any sympathy by hijacking a thread with phrases like “Go fuck all yourselves”. What reaction did you expect? Why not start a new thread, and give people a chance to listen to what you have to say and then respond properly? ---
**Author:** ![Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/db5fbb/32.png) [@Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fred)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/53 "2003-03-03T22:42:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by epolo \* > \*\ ***Fred** , thank you for validating me. > Fuck you for patronizing me. > > If I wasn’t so busy stewing in my own juices, I’d insert a smilie. \*\* Very witty, very witty indeed. You are a credit to your family, sir. ---
**Author:** ![TigoleBitties](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cab0a1/32.png) [@TigoleBitties](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TigoleBitties)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/54 "2003-03-03T22:44:18Z")
Speaking as a guy who is not fat… I like big woman. I like a girl who looks like she model for a Titian painting, a girl who knows she is all woman and a lot of it. I love my womans generous proportions and go for ones that could be mistaken for something out of a Coop print (look him up if you dont know). I like a girl who is not worried want you think, nor cares what you say behind her back, and loves a man like he loves her back. Who, just by strolling past my office nude to grab a pair of shorts out of the dryer can set me off to go jump in the sack with her over my shoulder (and yes, she is heavy to carry but oh so worth it) I love a girl who has gained weight, has a pot belly, smiles at me in the morning, and is a fantastic lover. I have this woman right now. I am very happy. There are a lot of women out there that do not fit the skewed ‘ideal female’ out there like her… and you are a total idiot if you are this blind to ignore them and go for what society says is ‘the norm’. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/55 "2003-03-03T22:59:55Z")
**erislover** , I thought that “Fatassed loser girls” was a rather ignorant comment, because I felt it implied that larger women were losers. If this was not the intent, then I retract the “ignorant” comment. However, I still feel that the whole tone of the post is mean. It is possible to express an opinion about what you find attractive, without being nasty to people that don’t fit the bill. For example, **Rex** could have said “When I finally get a woman interested in me, I probably won’t be attracted to her.” It convey’s the same message without the hurtfulness. Oh, and **Philster** , you’re a jerk. I don’t know how it is that you only date supermodels, but I assume it’s either because a) you don’t actually date, b) the women are stunningly stupid, or c) as soon as they get to know your real personality they dump your ass. ---
**Author:** ![Tee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@Tee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tee)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/56 "2003-03-03T23:00:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by epolo \* > **No, I’m cheesed that no one stood up to say “Hmm, suicide might not be the answer you’re looking for.” I’m pissed because, as I hope I made clear in that other post, that’s how I’ve been feeling for weeks now. I _identify_ with Rex’s OP because that’s how I’ve been feeling. Like my life is fucking crap. That I’m a fucking loser that no one should have to be exposed to. And no one said “Things will get better” or even “Shut your pie-hole you fucker. You’re a real asshole for posting something like that.” I spent this past weekend and the one before in bed within the confines of my eight by eight bedroom because I can’t face the fucking world outside. Mostly because of assholes like you.** Well. So that wasn’t a patronizing/ridiculing thing after all? Because it looked like one. Very true, it turned out to go in that direction but I also think there were people trying to be helpful there…don’t focus solely on the negative now. Suicide is definitely not the answer. **Jayjay’s** post in this thread was excellent - want to comment on that one? ---
**Author:** ![epolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b487fb/32.png) [@epolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epolo)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/57 "2003-03-03T23:00:57Z")
**samarm** , I wasn’t exactly looking for sympathy. And I guess I do owe the OP an apology for (slightly) hijacking this thread. Sorry **Blalron**. I was just kind of pissed about how people hijacked the other thread. I didn’t want my own thread. I wanted that first one back. As I pointed out, I was a little overly personally invested in that other one. **Fred** , as shitty as I feel today, I was trying to be lighthearted. I hope that’s the way you took it. Um, I couldn’t quite tell. I’ve thought I’ve had something to contribute to a thread on this board about 85 times. The other half of my posts are apologies for screwing up so badly in how I express myself that I unintentionally pissed someone off. Which is pretty bad in this case, as the whole point was that I’m a jerk. ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/58 "2003-03-03T23:04:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Indygrrl \* > \*\*Rexdart admitted that he is overweight himself, so it’s a hypocritical judgment. \*\* There’s nothing hypocritical about it. If I said that I found heavy girls unattractive but expected girls to find _me_ attractive despite _my_ extra pounds, then _that_ would be hypocrisy. What I’ve actually stated is that I don’t find heavy girls attractive, and I similiarly believe that I myself am unattractive for the same reason. I fully expect women to apply the same standards to me as I apply to them, and therefore I don’t judge them or fault them for having their tastes just as I have mine. Perfectly consistent. What I don’t like, and what got me into this whole “fat” thing all those months ago in the first place, is the implication that because I’m overweight I should just try to date other overweight people and be happy about it. Who I am, and who I find attractive, those are two separate and unrelated things. Just because I’m overweight doesn’t mean I have to celebrate fatness, I’m under no obligation to trumpet a love of fat from the rooftops. As long as I apply the same standard to myself as I apply to others, and I am doing exactly that, I don’t see anything hypocritical about it. ---
**Author:** ![epolo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b487fb/32.png) [@epolo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epolo)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/59 "2003-03-03T23:19:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tee \* > \*\*Well. So that wasn’t a patronizing/ridiculing thing after all? Because it looked like one. > > Very true, it turned out to go in that direction but I also think there were people trying to be helpful there…don’t focus solely on the negative now. Suicide is definitely not the answer. **Jayjay’s** post in this thread was excellent - want to comment on that one? \*\* Hm…I suppose it was sort of a patronizing/ridiculing thing. But I was patronizing/ridiculing myself too, although I’m sure that doesn’t make it much better. There were people trying to be helpful in the other thread, even if they were drowned out. My problem (in this limited instance, not in general because that would certainly need its own thread) is that most of the responses tend to be about getting some excercise and maintaining a positive attitude. While this is almost certainly the correct response, it becomes sort of an irritating refrain when you’re really in the pits (at least I think so). Everything looks so hopeless from here, and of course it does, otherwise this wouldn’t be the pits. As I said before, I think **jayjay** ’s post was excellent. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2003, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690/60 "2003-03-03T23:22:56Z")
I have known many fat girls, and only one of them would I describe as a “fatass loser”. Allow me to explain… She probably weighs in somewhere between 250-300 lbs. She dresses in a manner which is _completely_ unflattering. She complains about her weight, claiming she can’t lose any so why bother. Then, as I observed her eating habits, she would drink 4 or 5 cans of Coke a day, whole milk instead of something lighter, ect. She’s engaged to a guy who has cheated on her multiple times, and gave her a ring which looks like something out of a quarter machine in the supermarket. Now, who could blame **Rexdart** (or anyone for that matter) for not wanting to end up with someone like that? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-fucking-anti-anti-fat-people/158690.md?page=4)