# Enough with the incompetent flirting
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [April 15, 2003, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846 "2003-04-15T10:09:25Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/1 "2003-04-15T10:09:25Z")
She’s fairly new to the office. She’s quite cute. You’re both single. And you want to flirt with her. I have no problem with that.
The problem is, dear cow-orker, that your flirting techniques suck.
Every time you walk past her desk, you feel compelled to engage her attention. You drop her stapler in the trash. You unplug her mouse. You comment on her clothing: “Nice green shirt - you could hide in the bushes with that!” Or, for some unfuckingknown reason, you’re misogynistic around her: “Women should stay at home and do the cooking! Ahahahhahaha!”.
It’s _woeful_. It makes me _cringe_. It’s remniscent of a 10-year-old who pulls the girl’s pigtails because he can’t reconcile his desire to get her attention with his awkwardness around females. You’re meant to be _subtle_, you dolt - watching you trying to flirt is like watching someone trying to swat a fly with a housebrick.
And fuck knows what effect it’s having on her… To be honest, you haven’t got a date in the two months you’ve been trying, so I don’t think it’s working. Furthermore, if you haven’t already, I predict you’re going to creep her out _very_ soon.
Dude, you’re a 32-year-old PhD. Take a lifestyle class or something. Enough already.
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### Author:  [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/2 "2003-04-15T10:18:28Z")
Out of interest, do you work in IT? I’ve got an office full of programmers, all in their 20’s and 30’s, all completely hopeless with women. It’s allowed me to note such trends as:
1. A 100% correlation between having a personal website and being single (57 test subjects).
2. The chances of getting a date decrease with time spent playing Everquest (11 test subjects) or Counterstrike (24 test subjects)
3. The likelihood of wearing a comedy tie increases with ability in Perl.
4. (related to 1) A 100% correlation between being single and wearing comedy ties.
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### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/3 "2003-04-15T10:21:21Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Gary Kumquat \*
> **Out of interest, do you work in IT?**
You guessed right there…
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### Author:  [@Dunderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dunderman)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 10:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/4 "2003-04-15T10:48:32Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Gary Kumquat \*
> **1) A 100% correlation between having a personal website and being single (57 test subjects).**
Depending on your definition of “personal website”, I think it just dropped to 98.28%.
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### Author:  [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/5 "2003-04-15T10:51:53Z")
That guy sure sounds like a clueless wonder.
Me, I just smack their arse when they walk by and comment on their wonder bra.
What? I like being single 😉
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### Author:  [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/6 "2003-04-15T11:20:36Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Gary Kumquat \*
> 3) The likelihood of wearing a comedy tie increases with ability in Perl.
I object! I’ve written tens of thousands of lines of Perl, and I never wear ties!
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### Author:  [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 12:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/7 "2003-04-15T12:16:40Z")
And I’ve tied Perl up a thousand times and her skin never shows the lines!
I think the pictures are on my personal web site somewhere…
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### Author:  [@Pabitel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pabitel)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/8 "2003-04-15T12:33:43Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Gary Kumquat \*
> \*\*4) (related to 1) A 100% correlation between being single and wearing comedy ties. \*\*
HEY! My wife **makes** my comedy ties.
(I can code Perl though 😃 )
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### Author:  [@booka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/booka)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/9 "2003-04-15T13:28:07Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by jjimm \*
> \*\*Dude, you’re a 32-year-old PhD. \*\*
A PhD. in IT?
'Nuff said.
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### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/10 "2003-04-15T13:31:18Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by booka \*
> \*\*A PhD. in IT?
>
> 'Nuff said. \*\*
Chemistry, I think.
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### Author:  [@Lsura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lsura)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/11 "2003-04-15T13:43:06Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by jjimm \*
> \*\*Every time you walk past her desk, you feel compelled to engage her attention. You drop her stapler in the trash. You unplug her mouse. You comment on her clothing: “Nice green shirt - you could hide in the bushes with that!” Or, for some unfuckingknown reason, you’re misogynistic around her: “Women should stay at home and do the cooking! Ahahahhahaha!”.
> \*\*
Wow…y’all hired my former co-worker? And there I thought he was still in Atlanta.
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### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/12 "2003-04-15T13:49:21Z")
Gah! He just walked past her desk, took some tape off the dispenser, rolled her sleeve up and stuck it to her wrist. She laughed, but when he left the room her face looked like thunder.
I don’t know why this annoys me - after all, it’s her problem not mine - I guess because it’s so persistent, clearly not working, and distracting (I’m trying to post to the SDMB here, you know).
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### Author:  [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/13 "2003-04-15T13:57:02Z")
I have a co-worker who does that. Every time he walks past my desk, he has to make some inane comment, or move something on my desk, or hit my chair. (Actually there are two who do that. ARRGHGGH.) He will find excuses to walk past, or ask me the same mind-numbingly stupid questions every day. I want to make him a sign that says, Notice Me! so he can wear it around the office. I can make sarcastic comments to his face and he laughs and laughs like I have come up with the funniest joke ever! His current kick is asking me when I am going to have a baby (several people in our office are expecting or recently had children, and he has determined that it is now “my turn”.) He finally shut up yesterday when I looked at him and said, “when I decide to have a child has absolutely nothing to do with you. Nothing.”
At first I tried to be polite with him and make subtle hints, now I am just blunt. (You just asked me that yesterday. Don’t touch that. Stop moving things on my desk.) It’s not working, it seems to make him try harder. :smack:
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/14 "2003-04-15T14:16:46Z")
> [@](#):
>
> …but when he left the room her face looked like thunder.
Keep making comments like that and I’m going to have to put you on my favorites list.
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### Author:  [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/15 "2003-04-15T14:30:45Z")
I suggest you turn the tables on these people. One of my favorites is to wave my fingers around right in front of a person’s face and taunt, “I’m not touching you … I’m not touching youooouuu.”
At’ll teach’em! 😃
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### Author:  [@Sir\_Doris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_Doris)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/16 "2003-04-15T14:31:34Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by yojimbo \*
> \*\*That guy sure sounds like a clueless wonder.
>
> Me, I just smack their arse when they walk by and comment on their wonder bra.
>
> What? I like being single 😉 \*\*
If I didn’t know better, I’d say you worked in the office next to mine. Have you ever invited your work mate’s girlfriend and friend of her choosing for a threesome?
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### Author:  [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/17 "2003-04-15T14:44:29Z")
OK, now he’s upped the ante: he just jumped up on her desk in front of her and pretended to surf on it. Then he challenged her to do the same thing. In high heels. She declined.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/18 "2003-04-15T15:04:00Z")
You and your cow-orkers all need to bust out singing _Do You Think I’m Sexy_ next time he approaches her.
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### Author:  [@Kyla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyla)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/19 "2003-04-15T15:11:38Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by jjimm \*
> \*\*OK, now he’s upped the ante: he just jumped up on her desk in front of her and pretended to surf on it. Then he challenged her to do the same thing. In high heels. She declined. \*\*
You’re kidding, right? He did _not_ just jump on her desk. There is no way that would happen in a professional work environment.
I hope.
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### Author:  [@Sapphire\_Wolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sapphire_Wolf)
#### Post date: [April 15, 2003, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-incompetent-flirting/168846/20 "2003-04-15T15:23:12Z")
Hey, **jjimm** , here’s what you can do to spare yourself the pain of watching that.
Take the guy off to the side, and quietly advise him that his actions are that of a six year old, and to knock it off. Follow it up with some threats of bodily harm if he does not.
Or you can skip the advising part, and go straight to the bodily harm. 😃
Either way, he’ll stop (hopefully) and you’ll have a new friend at the office who will worship you as a god.
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