# Enough With The Stupid Vampire Shit **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 25, 2009, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579 "2009-08-25T01:00:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/41 "2009-08-25T05:09:52Z")
Right here on these very boards there’ve been just a shitload of threads about vampires and zombies that I find imcomprehensible. What if vampires could do THIS? How do zombies do THAT? Who wins the zombie vampire war? I can’t bring myself to search for them and give cites, but they all could have the same response. The answer is WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU THINK IT IS, BUBBA. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/42 "2009-08-25T05:11:06Z")
> [@wierdaaron](#): > > The True Blood vamps crying blood is almost as ridiculous as Twilight’s sparklies. > > The stuff you cry is the same stuff that coats and lubricates your eyeballs all the time. If vampires cry blood, their eyes would always be wet with blood. Though, I guess “tears of blood” is more poetic than “tears of tears.” I didn’t realize my eyes were lubricated with both joy and sadness. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/43 "2009-08-25T05:13:29Z")
I want so badly to agree with the OP but I somehow got hooked on this whole True Blood series just this year. The guy in me really digs “Anna Paquin Nudity” Also, I want to be one of Minotaur lady’s minions. (If that’s what she even is. I’m not sure really.) ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/44 "2009-08-25T05:17:47Z")
> [@wierdaaron](#): > > Women have vampire fantasies because they all secretly want to be seduced by a powerful, dark man and be completely powerless to him. Men have zombie fantasies because they all secretly wish society would go to hell so they could run around and shoot people without repercussion. :rolleyes: And I suppose my favorite textile has to do with how my mother never loved me\*, right? \*Not actually true ---
**Author:** ![wierdaaron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eada6e/32.png) [@wierdaaron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wierdaaron)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/45 "2009-08-25T05:27:10Z")
> [@pedescribe](#): > > :rolleyes: > > And I suppose my favorite textile has to do with how my mother never loved me\*, right? > > \*Not actually true My above generalization only applies if you have vampire fantasies. I didn’t say all women wanted to be seduced by a powerful, dark man and be completely powerless to him, I said the ones who hear the genre “vampire erotica” and don’t think “ew gross wtf!?!” all do. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 5:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/46 "2009-08-25T05:36:34Z")
Vampires are incredibly, insanely freaking boring and overdone. And having read the _Twilight_ series (just so I could see what the fuss was about), I think I’ve had my share for the next decade. Speaking of which, there’s an unofficial _Twilight_ dildo being sold. I shit you not: [The latest ridiculous Twilight product? A sparkly dildo.](http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-latest-ridiculous-twilight-product-a-sparkly-d,31972/) (yes, it follows the two-click rule) (And zombie-vampires sound pretty damned cool.) I always liked ghost stories best, myself. ---
**Author:** ![Yookeroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yookeroo/32/323_2.png) [@Yookeroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yookeroo)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/47 "2009-08-25T05:46:58Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > There are fewer popular vampire properties than either hospital or cop dramas. I’m fine with hospital and cop shows following vampires out the door. OK, I don’t hate vampires, not even sexy ones. But I think the OP does have a point. They’re a bit overexposed at the moment. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 6:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/48 "2009-08-25T06:03:28Z")
Overexposed and thriving, yet they burn up in sunlight. A delicious irony. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/49 "2009-08-25T06:11:24Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Speaking of which, there’s an unofficial _Twilight_ dildo being sold. I shit you not: > [The latest ridiculous Twilight product? A sparkly dildo.](http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-latest-ridiculous-twilight-product-a-sparkly-d,31972/) > (yes, it follows the two-click rule) At least they know Meyer’s audience. > [@](#): > > “Don’t let this eclipse pass into the breaking dawn, place your order today.” I think they need to work on their euphemisms, because “passing into the breaking dawn” sounds like the point of buying the thing, if you know what I mean. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/50 "2009-08-25T06:14:39Z")
> [@Yookeroo](#): > > I’m fine with hospital and cop shows following vampires out the door. > > OK, I don’t hate vampires, not even sexy ones. But I think the OP does have a point. They’re a bit overexposed at the moment. The thing is, there will never be a time from here on out where there are fewer current vampire storylines than there are today. I mean barring a complete reworking of our culture. It’s called genre fiction. Just like comic books superheroes and soap operas vampires are a normative part of our culture. It’s really not very hard to be blissfully unaware of pop culture that you’re not interested in. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/51 "2009-08-25T06:36:45Z")
One thing about pop culture I never could stomach - all the damn vampires. And zombies! Fucking 2HD undead! Not scary, and not worth that much XP. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/52 "2009-08-25T06:43:11Z")
> [@wierdaaron](#): > > Vamps are just an eternally useful metaphor. > > The vampires in Twilight are used as a metaphor for abstinence. In True Blood they’re a metaphor for racism/homophobia, as well as sexual repression. Anne Rice’s swishy vampires were a metaphor for sexual and material indulgence. > > There’s a reason the Twilight books, the True Blood books, and the Lestat books are all written by women. Women fucking love sexual metaphors. > > Women love vampires. > > Women hate zombies. > > Men love zombies. > > Men hate vampires. > > Zombies are usually used as metaphors as well, but never as sexual metaphors. The metaphor of Zombies is usually a sociological one, representing a frustration with society/order/rules/other people. > > Women have vampire fantasies because they all secretly want to be seduced by a powerful, dark man and be completely powerless to him. Men have zombie fantasies because they all secretly wish society would go to hell so they could run around and shoot people without repercussion. I think plenty of men like vampires; they just fantasize about BEING the vampire, not be seduced by one. Or about being the one who kills the vampire. And not the teenage girl fantasy vampires like TwiVamps; the terrifying, badass slaughters-his-enemies-and-drinks-their-blood type. Kain of the Legacy of Kain series of video games comes to mind. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 7:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/53 "2009-08-25T07:08:10Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > I’d kinda hoped the vampire meme would take a serious deflating after _John Carpenter’s Vampires_ (i.e. they’re not sexy and are only good for killing), but I guess it wasn’t a popular enough movie. Which is a shame, because John Carpenter’s Vampires was fucking awesome! ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 9:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/54 "2009-08-25T09:36:45Z")
> [@Zakalwe](#): > > Zombies: > World War Z - Book 2006 - Movie currently in production > Dead Rising - Video Game only (why not include any vampire VGs?) > Left 4 Dead - Ditto > Dawn of the Dead - Original film 1978, remake 2004 - nothing current > Shaun of the Dead - Film 2004 - nothing current > 28 Days/Weeks Later - 2002/2007 - Possible 3rd film > Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - Book 2009 - Film rights purchased > > So other than 1 movie, a parody, and some video games, zombies appear past their prime (heh) while vampire are alive (heh) and well and taking over. > > I sense some bias in your reporting, sir. I don’t even recognize many of the entries on your list. In addition to a half-dozen or so direct-to-DVD zombie flicks I’ve seen on cable that shouldn’t really count in this discussion, (eg: Zombie Honeymoon, Diary of the Dead, etc,) I would point out that you forgot: Resident Evil (2002, 2004, 2007, part 4 scheduled to open in 2010) Doom Slither Grindhouse: Planet Terror To be fair, though, you also forgot a bunch of vampire movies: Blade Van Helsing Underworld 30 Days of Night I Am Legend (Kind of zombie-like, but can’t go in the sun = vampire) According to IMDb, since 2000 there have been or are scheduled to be: [253 Zombie movies](http://www.imdb.com/keyword/zombie/?title_type=feature&sort=release_date&start=301) [210 Vampire movies](http://www.imdb.com/keyword/vampire/?title_type=feature&sort=release_date&start=401) Where the OP is in for trouble is that if you notice, there are way more vampire movies listed as in production than zombie movies. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/55 "2009-08-25T12:31:54Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Men are from Haiti, women are from Translyvania? Your newsletter, I wish to subscribe to it. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/56 "2009-08-25T13:26:25Z")
I thought about reading Twilight. However, I drank some chocolate milk instead of the KoolAid. Some vampire and werewolf fiction is very well done indeed. However, Sturgeon’s Law is in effect here, as with any other type of media. The stuff that’s written or produced simply because vampires are in this season is just about guaranteed to be crap. ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/57 "2009-08-25T14:34:12Z")
> [@EllisDee](#): > > I don’t even recognize many of the entries on your list. In addition to a half-dozen or so direct-to-DVD zombie flicks I’ve seen on cable that shouldn’t really count in this discussion, (eg: Zombie Honeymoon, Diary of the Dead, etc,) I would point out that you forgot: > > Resident Evil (2002, 2004, 2007, part 4 scheduled to open in 2010) > Doom > Slither > Grindhouse: Planet Terror > > To be fair, though, you also forgot a bunch of vampire movies: > > Blade > Van Helsing > Underworld > 30 Days of Night > I Am Legend (Kind of zombie-like, but can’t go in the sun = vampire) > According to IMDb, since 2000 there have been or are scheduled to be: > > [253 Zombie movies](http://www.imdb.com/keyword/zombie/?title_type=feature&sort=release_date&start=301) > > [210 Vampire movies](http://www.imdb.com/keyword/vampire/?title_type=feature&sort=release_date&start=401) > > Where the OP is in for trouble is that if you notice, there are way more vampire movies listed as in production than zombie movies. Yeah, but how many of those zombie films have had anything like the massive popularity of garbage like _Twilight_. Seriously, I hate the sort of Anne Rice “vampire = perfect lover” stuff so hard that not even the prospect of seeing Anna Paquin all naked and stuff could make me want to watch _True Blood_. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/58 "2009-08-25T14:40:04Z")
Zombies won’t jump the shark until someone turns them into sparkley romantic heroes. “He slowly moved towards me and took my hand in what was left of his. We kissed. His rotting jaw was warm and softly gave way to my lips.” ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/59 "2009-08-25T14:52:49Z")
> [@Yookeroo](#): > > I’m fine with hospital and cop shows following vampires out the door. How about instead we have vampire/cop and vampire/hospital shows. The vampire cop has all sorts of plot potential, and one can imagine the struggle of the vampire doctor trying to operate with all that blood right there just for the taking… Now, I don’t think zombie/cop has much that could work…and zombie/hospital seems a bad idea for all concerned. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/60 "2009-08-25T15:00:25Z")
> [@Biotop](#): > > How about instead we have vampire/cop and vampire/hospital shows. The BBC show “Being Human” includes a vampire and werewolf that work in a hospital. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579.md?page=4)