# Enough With The Stupid Vampire Shit **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 25, 2009, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579 "2009-08-25T01:00:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/61 "2009-08-25T15:25:20Z")
Zombies will always have a place in video game lore because of the ratings board. It’s OK (well, sort of OK) to shoot zombies and have blood and guts spilling everywhere, not OK to do the same to humans. So Left 4 Dead gets an M, Postal and Postal 2 (which almost have less gore) get an AO and are even banned in some countries. So you’ve got to have zombies to serve as cannon fodder. Or Nazis. It’s OK to kill Nazis, too, according to the ratings board. Now Zombie Nazis, hell, that game would probably get an “E for everyone.” ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/62 "2009-08-25T15:30:59Z")
> [@wierdaaron](#): > > Women love vampires. > > Women hate zombies. I thought \*Twilight \*was one of the most disgusting things I’ve ever read (not just sexist, but terrible prose!), I can’t stand Anne Rice (I tried her first vampire novel once when I was stuck in an aiport, and couldn’t make myself read further than the first chapter or so because the writing was so bad), and I love zombies. Do I have to turn in my Official Vagina Card now? ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/63 "2009-08-25T15:35:09Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > Do I have to turn in my Official Vagina Card now? No, but it proves that no matter how much you’re wrong about everything else ;), everyone still has some awesome in them. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/64 "2009-08-25T15:55:57Z")
I kinda wish mainstream horror movies in general would go away for a while. How many have we had so far this year in the theaters? Eight? ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/65 "2009-08-25T15:57:29Z")
> [@Shot\_From\_Guns](#): > > and I love zombies. You…_love_ zombies? :o > [@Dangerosa](#): > > “He slowly moved towards me and took my hand in what was left of his. We kissed. His rotting jaw was warm and softly gave way to my lips.” _Twilight_ was only barely watchable with Rifftrax. What a load of bollocks it was otherwise, though. Not a single likable character. I found Buffy and Angel more plausible than Weepy Arizona Girl and Weepy Emo Vampire. I actually don’t mind vampires that much. Done right, they can be kind of awesome. And by right, I mean ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING EMO ALREADY! ---
**Author:** ![MOIDALIZE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e274bd/32.png) [@MOIDALIZE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MOIDALIZE)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/66 "2009-08-25T16:13:27Z")
You know, the original vampires of legend were actually quite a bit like zombies. They were fetid, rotting monsters who clawed out of their tombs to feast on the blood of the living. These descriptions were probably based on [misinterpretation of the natural physical manifestations of death.](http://www.amazon.com/Vampires-Burial-Death-Folklore-Reality/dp/0300048599) I wouldn’t mind a movie based on the vampires of Slavic folklore. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/67 "2009-08-25T16:20:08Z")
I dislike books that are all about sex with monsters. Sex with vampires! Sex with demons! Sex with succubi! Sex with incubi! Sex with Satan! If you can’t kill it, fuck it! Bleaargh. The only thing that makes zombies better is that there’ less shagging going on. More shedding though. BLEAARGH. I do like the way the Ilona Andrews books depict vampires. They are mindless killing machines that can be controlled by necromancers. Seriously disgusting, not sex objects. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/68 "2009-08-25T16:20:19Z")
I wasn’t even that crazy about the original _Dracula_, which I recently read. I found it rather dull. As for Rice, I only liked her Mayfair Witches trilogy. The only vampire books I liked were Christopher Pike’s _Last Vampire_ series. They’re young adult, but they’re pretty decent. Much better than _Twi-shite_, that’s for damned sure. ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/69 "2009-08-25T16:30:45Z")
> [@Duke](#): > > Now Zombie Nazis, hell, that game would probably get an “E for everyone.” You mean like Castle Wolfenstein? ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/70 "2009-08-25T16:34:42Z")
> [@Michael\_Ellis](#): > > Yeah, but how many of those zombie films have had anything like the massive popularity of garbage like _Twilight_. > > Seriously, I hate the sort of Anne Rice “vampire = perfect lover” stuff so hard that not even the prospect of seeing Anna Paquin all naked and stuff could make me want to watch _True Blood_. That’s not an accurate description of any of Anne Rice’s work. Her main character is a total prick whose lovers try to murder him because they hate him. ---
**Author:** ![mswas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e99b99/32.png) [@mswas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mswas)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/71 "2009-08-25T16:36:05Z")
> [@Duke](#): > > Zombies will always have a place in video game lore because of the ratings board. It’s OK (well, sort of OK) to shoot zombies and have blood and guts spilling everywhere, not OK to do the same to humans. So Left 4 Dead gets an M, Postal and Postal 2 (which almost have less gore) get an AO and are even banned in some countries. > > So you’ve got to have zombies to serve as cannon fodder. Or Nazis. It’s OK to kill Nazis, too, according to the ratings board. Now Zombie Nazis, hell, that game would probably get an “E for everyone.” That’s why Chronicles of Riddick is so awesome. Zombie Space Nazis! ---
**Author:** ![HookerChemical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/278dde/32.png) [@HookerChemical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HookerChemical)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/72 "2009-08-25T16:36:15Z")
> [@mswas](#): > > Zombies appear past their prime? The rotting flesh is the first clue. If they’re missing limbs, they’re way past their sell-by date. I’m okay with vampires and zombies, but I want them scary. Vampires have been getting too angst-y lately. He pines for her but cannot have her lest he (lose his soul/lose control and kill her/sparkle). It’s like Romeo and Juliet only crappy and it doesn’t end in tragedy. Dracula wanted, Dracula took. Dracula was scary. I also want my zombies either scary or parodies. 28 Days/28 Weeks movies were good because even one zombie could be scary in those movies. I’ve never seen angst-y zombies, and I hope I never do. ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/73 "2009-08-25T16:46:09Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Zombies won’t jump the shark until someone turns them into sparkley romantic heroes. > > “He slowly moved towards me and took my hand in what was left of his. We kissed. His rotting jaw was warm and softly gave way to my lips.” This is awesome. You should write this as a parody of Twilight. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/74 "2009-08-25T16:46:56Z")
Question – does anyone think that _Twilight_ fans will BUY said dildo? Most of the searches I’ve seen online seem to be laughing at the damned thing. (Someone suggested a furry “werewolf” dildo for Jacob) ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/75 "2009-08-25T16:48:14Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Zombies won’t jump the shark until someone turns them into sparkley romantic heroes. > > “He slowly moved towards me and took my hand in what was left of his. We kissed. His rotting jaw was warm and softly gave way to my lips.” [It’s been done](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtokK-3tS_o). ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/76 "2009-08-25T16:48:56Z")
It’s rather sad that a movie like _Samson vs. the Vampire Women_ is a lot better than the vampire movies that have come out recently. For those of you who don’t watch MST3K (and [here’s](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCqU9iTms14) a good montage at YouTube) Samson vs the Vampire Women starts off as a reasonably good Mexican vampire movie. The plot overall makes sense and the production values really aren’t that bad considering. Now, it gets a little WTF once Samson (or Santo) the masked Mexican wrestler just walks right into the scene, saying “You asked to see me, Professor?” but even with the vampires being taken down by pro wrestling moves it’s still not an awful movie. I’d much rather watch this without Mike and the Bots than say Twilight without the RiffTrax. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/77 "2009-08-25T17:07:24Z")
> [@ArchiveGuy](#): > > [It’s been done](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtokK-3tS_o). Gah!!! That movie never fails to scare the living shit out of me. (Zelda? _shudder_) ---
**Author:** ![Una\_Persson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/una_persson/32/346_2.png) [@Una\_Persson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Una_Persson)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/78 "2009-08-25T17:29:35Z")
I’ve said it before, but I’ll repeat it as food for thought: **Cecil** receives a disproportionate amount of mail asking zombie-related questions. And I’ve been told that [my Staff Report on Zombies and Power Plants](http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2165/when-the-zombies-take-over-how-long-till-the-electricity-fails) was one of the most viewed articles on the Straight Dope (and one of the most pirated ones too at the time). ---
**Author:** ![wierdaaron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/eada6e/32.png) [@wierdaaron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wierdaaron)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/79 "2009-08-25T17:35:22Z")
> [@Una\_Persson](#): > > (and one of the most pirated ones too at the time). What would happen to power plants in the event of a pirate takeover? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2009, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/80 "2009-08-25T17:35:39Z")
I’ve always thought that since the True Blood vampires cry blood, they should sweat blood as well. And ejaculate blood. I guess that wouldn’t be as emo/sexy as crying bloody tears, though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579.md?page=5)