# Enough With The Stupid Vampire Shit **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [August 25, 2009, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579 "2009-08-25T01:00:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/141 "2009-08-29T02:20:49Z")
> [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](#): > > [del]We Werewolves[/del] Werewolves get no love. ☹ But you get to drink Pina Coladas at Trader Vic’s, have Beef Chow Mein at Lee Ho Fooks, walk with The Queen, and have perfect hair, all whilst hanging around London! What are you whinging about? 😃 Seriously though, I’m sick of Vampires too. As someone said upthread, they’re not “sexy”, they’re not “heroic”, and they sure as fuck aren’t role models. And the fact every other book and TV show coming out these days features a “Vampire” somewhere just beggars belief, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/142 "2009-08-29T03:01:08Z")
[Neil Gaiman](http://shelf-life.ew.com/2009/07/31/neil-gaiman-why-vampires-should-go-back-underground/) thinks we’re about to hit the end of the current vampire wave, and I hope he’s right. ---
**Author:** ![Jerseyman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@Jerseyman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jerseyman)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/143 "2009-08-29T04:01:51Z")
There’s stuff about vampires that weirdly plays into half a liberal and half a conservative agenda. Just for once it isn’t gorgeous physically beautiful cheerleader airheads realising that the nerds are a better deal than the jocks; it gives the female nerds something to hope for too in these boys more glamorous than just jocks because they’re better than human. At the same time it is conservative because nobody said _sex_, sex isn’t on the menu - you are! It’s not so far from Christian sacrifice and so on because Bram Stoker’s _Dracula_ was a sort of inversion of Christian myth. Modern vampires are sexy and _better_ than human, not the tawdry and sleazy and insane like his, but they still do it through a very conservative devotion of her to his leadership where he recognises something special about her more than just a pretty face and big boobs, so it knocks the straight-to-bed approach out with something deeper. All we need to learn to make it perfect is that the vampires have sworn off blood except the Holy Blood of Jesus (_GHAAACK!_) Nothing wrong with more to attraction than worth-bed. Nothing wrong either though than _more_ and not _instead of_. Why can’t you really appreciate each other’s inner qualities and be best friends and respect the special secrets you’ve trusted each other with and have a wonderful time showing it in bed? It’s still very much one or the other, nor both: he’ll go for your looks or for something more (and your throat) - and then too it is still very much, you (girl) wait for him to choose you. That is rarely the case - girls know men will flock around them even when they don’t want them to, but that still leaves them in the command seat of dismissing the prats and being the ones to choose. These vampire films usually follow the old 1950s format of her hoping to get his attention and him being the one in control, except where they show female vampires in a traditionally anti-male light. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/144 "2009-08-29T04:14:54Z")
> [@Lemur866](#): > > But a sparkly beautiful angel who never drinks human blood … > [@Crown Prince of Irony](#): > > Can the moratorium on “vampire shit” be lifted temporarily for Daybreakers? Because it looks awesome. To add to this: This is what vampires are all about. They gain great power; they have super-human strength and super-human charisma, they can turn into mist/bats and can (in some traditions) summon demon servants. But this comes at a price. They must murder humans and drink their blood for sustenance, they can never feel the warmth sunlight on their skin. Shiny supermen who drink deer blood or some sh\*t are _not_ vampires. The Vampire is supposed to either embrace the power and become an inhuman killing machine or try to hold on to his\* humanity and, refusing to murder other humans, face true death. > [@Grumman](#): > > Ooh! Mind-flayers! That’s what we need! Or maybe Setebos. But I really can’t see anyone falling in love with the Many Handed as a Cuttlefish. On werewolves: The wolf is the most badass animal,\*\* and werewolves combine wolves with humans, so how they not be awesome? In fact, I have an idea for a novel about a werewolf. It’s set in a medieval world and the werewolf protagonist is a mercenary. Killing humans, werewolves, other werecreatures… blood for gold, it’s all the same to him. \*I am using the masculine as the default singular pronoun. If you don’t like it too bad. \*\*Odin is represented as a wolf and Odin the most badass god. If you disagree with this then we must agree to disagree. Or go to war over it, your choice. On preview: > [@Jerseyman](#): > > That is rarely the case - girls know men will flock around them even when they don’t want them to, but that still leaves them in the command seat of dismissing the prats and being the ones to choose. I often wonder how many men Helen of Mycenae (before she was Helen of Troy) _didn’t_ run off with. ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/145 "2009-08-29T04:27:53Z")
Too late to edit: Sparta, Helen of Sparta. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/146 "2009-08-29T15:08:54Z")
> [@Jerseyman](#): > > Modern vampires are sexy and _better_ than human, not the tawdry and sleazy and insane like his, but they still do it through a very conservative devotion of her to his leadership where he recognises something special about her more than just a pretty face and big boobs, so it knocks the straight-to-bed approach out with something deeper. Not in the books I’ve been reading. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/147 "2009-08-29T16:04:09Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Not in the books I’ve been reading. I need to read the ones you’re reading. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/148 "2009-08-29T17:25:06Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I need to read the ones you’re reading. The ones that are just vampire sex? Well, the most recent was Touch the Dark by Karen Chance. I didn’t see any hint in there about anything deeper than a straight-to-bed approach. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/149 "2009-08-29T17:26:55Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > The ones that are just vampire sex? Well, the most recent was Touch the Dark by Karen Chance. > > I didn’t see any hint in there about anything deeper than a straight-to-bed approach. Well…are they very sexy? I hate reading sex scenes in books. They’re all just so bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2009, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/150 "2009-08-29T17:34:57Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Well…are they very sexy? I hate reading sex scenes in books. They’re all just so bizarre. Honestly, I can’t tell. Other than in my early teens when friends and I would sit around bookmarking places in romance novels for later, I don’t really have much grasp of what other people find sexy. For me, sex with a vampire is really gross, so the grossness wins out over everything else. They were pretty explicit, I think, but not really long. It was basically one vamp trying to seduce the main character, if I remember correctly. I think it was a book that another Doper sent me, so I can send it to you if you like, along with any sequels if I have them (I only read the one). ---
**Author:** ![Hodge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Hodge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hodge)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/151 "2009-08-30T15:38:30Z")
Popular web movie critic James Berardinelli just posted a pretty cool essay, [I Hate Vampires](http://www.reelviews.net/reelthoughts.php?identifier=597). He’s pretty much in agreement with majority opinion in this thread. Excerpt: > [@James Berardinelli](#): > > I used to love vampires. I watched Creature Double Feature every Saturday afternoon and hoped we’d get one of the Hammer vampire movies (infinitely superior to the Lugosi one). > > \ > > Modern vampires make me sick. Namby-pamby wimps. Twits that sparkle in the sunlight instead of bursting into flame or dying a long, agonizing death. Does garlic scare the shit out of Edward? What about a cross or holy water? Can he change into a bat and summon rats? Does his mesmeric influence result in Bella dining on spiders? Even cooler, he’s posted half a dozen clips of classic movie vampires through the years, any of whom could eat Edward for lunch. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/152 "2009-08-30T16:22:40Z")
I had a conversation yesterday with a woman who just was GAGA over EDWARD!!!111!! Her husband, shall we say, was less than enthused. Because I see this family 5 days a week on the sidelines of football, I held off on saying something like, " So, how long have you been interested in stalker-pedophiles?" I decided to issue a mental restraining order for myself to keep me from verbally teabagging her in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/153 "2009-08-30T16:48:00Z")
The operative word in the OP is shit. I still don’t mind vampires when they’re done well. _Being Human_ is an example. Most of the extremely popular vampire stuff these days, like _Twilight_, is shit. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2009, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/154 "2009-08-30T19:59:21Z")
Hmm. [This one](http://www.suckthemovie.com/index.html) looks like it might be fun. MOBY, Iggy Pop, Henry Rollins, Alex Lifeson, Alice Cooper, Malcolm McDowell … Canadian movie though, so who knows if it’ll see US release. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/155 "2009-08-31T20:34:38Z")
_The Fearless Vampire Killers_. Sharon Tate at her hottest, just goofy fun. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/156 "2009-08-31T20:47:12Z")
> [@Michael\_Ellis](#): > > Yes, and you could cover yourself in elephant dung and sing John Lennon songs. It still wouldn’t make this post any more valid. Covering a vampire in dung is part of a restoration ritual in Hmong culture. A friend of mine said that his family even knew a guy who’d been a vampire and was restored to life in just that way. Just thought I’d mention that. ---
**Author:** ![mr.jp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/48db29/32.png) [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/157 "2009-08-31T22:43:14Z")
> [@wierdaaron](#): > > Don’t forget “the vampire’s assistant” or some stupid movie coming soon. > > I am pretty sick of the vampire meme, and how every show/movie/book gets to make up its own, contradictory rules for how vamire-ness works. > > Vamps are just an eternally useful metaphor. > > The vampires in Twilight are used as a metaphor for abstinence. In True Blood they’re a metaphor for racism/homophobia, as well as sexual repression. Anne Rice’s swishy vampires were a metaphor for sexual and material indulgence. > > There’s a reason the Twilight books, the True Blood books, and the Lestat books are all written by women. Women fucking love sexual metaphors. > > Women love vampires. > > Women hate zombies. > > Men love zombies. > > Men hate vampires. > > Zombies are usually used as metaphors as well, but never as sexual metaphors. The metaphor of Zombies is usually a sociological one, representing a frustration with society/order/rules/other people. > > Women have vampire fantasies because they all secretly want to be seduced by a powerful, dark man and be completely powerless to him. Men have zombie fantasies because they all secretly wish society would go to hell so they could run around and shoot people without repercussion. > > The fact that vampires and zombies are both unusually trendy right now makes me think that our current culture is having some kind of repression issue. Even we’re unusually repressed with these fantasies, and have to live via these tired undead metaphors, or we’re finally unrepressed and allowed to revel in our undead trope of choice. Great post. Didn’t SDMB use to be more abstract style posts, and less “I think personally this or that inconsequential thing.” ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2009, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/158 "2009-08-31T23:00:12Z")
> [@mr.jp](#): > > Great post. > > Didn’t SDMB use to be more abstract style posts, and less “I think personally this or that inconsequential thing.” Well, isn’t pretty much everything that we post a personal opinion? ---
**Author:** ![Shot\_From\_Guns](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ccd318/32.png) [@Shot\_From\_Guns](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shot_From_Guns)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/159 "2009-09-01T14:40:41Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Well, isn’t pretty much everything that we post a personal opinion? I certainly think so. ---
**Author:** ![Mosier](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ea924/32.png) [@Mosier](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mosier)\ **Post date:** [September 1, 2009, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579/160 "2009-09-01T14:43:13Z")
> [@Bryan\_Ekers](#): > > I’d kinda hoped the vampire meme would take a serious deflating after _John Carpenter’s Vampires_ (i.e. they’re not sexy and are only good for killing), but I guess it wasn’t a popular enough movie. Oh my god, that movie was horrible. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enough-with-the-stupid-vampire-shit/507579.md?page=9)