# Enterprise Bounty spoilers **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 13, 2003, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077 "2003-05-13T22:50:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/201 "2003-05-18T05:03:00Z")
It has always been in the back of my mind… dreaming about going through the corners of tim; I always wanted to fly in strange machines. I wanna do centuries in a lifetime and feel it with my hands. Touch World War II and Cleopatra. Flying… Could it be that my dream would come true? Building a machine that would actually do what I want it to do. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/202 "2003-05-18T05:08:33Z")
Kids! Now you know why they call it Dope™! Stay in drugs. Don’t do school. Burn dust. Eat my rubber. Wait, wait. Stop. Rewind. Reverse that. Ok then… ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/203 "2003-05-18T05:10:19Z")
A man, a plan, a canal; Panama! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/204 "2003-05-18T05:17:39Z")
“Madam, in Eden, I’m Adam” ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/205 "2003-05-18T05:24:28Z")
Dennis sinned ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/206 "2003-05-18T05:29:56Z")
What about Carmen Electra? ---
**Author:** ![Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linus_Van_Pelt)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/207 "2003-05-18T20:20:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vivalostwages \* > \*\*Good limericks! Got any more? \*\* OK, **viva** , because you requested it. Here’s the next one. If there’s any interest, I’ll see about doing the others. Dr. Phlox is a right friendly fellow Who is usually laid-back and mellow He’s along just for thrills (And to cure a few ills) And perhaps start a ship-board bordello ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/208 "2003-05-18T20:30:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Linus Van Pelt \* > \*\*OK, **viva** , because you requested it. Here’s the next one. If there’s any interest, I’ll see about doing the others. > SNIP \*\* “Doing” the others? Hmmmmm… I swear, it’s contagious. * * * There was a Denobulan Doc Who looked nothing like Mister Spock His critters needed kibble So he tossed them a tribble And sent poor Hoshi into shock. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/209 "2003-05-18T20:54:05Z")
While watching _The Squire of Gothos_ I ate a huge platter of nachos They gave me bad gas Which I proceeded to pass And blamed it on that poor dog, Porthos ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/210 "2003-05-18T20:57:27Z")
> [@](#): > > _from the wrong thread_ > > I once met a foxy girl Doper > > Who asked if I want to come over > > I shouted, "Hell yes! > > Now get out of that dress!" > > ## And proceeded in all haste to grope her. > > I knew a girl good at translating > > Whose forehead seemed to be inflating > > Before it was stopped > > I heard a loud pop > > Now I’m cleaning her off the hull plating > > * * * > > I once read a poster named Tricky > > Who came up with a relevant sticky: > > "If you post a lim’rick > > Make sure it’s not sick > > ## 'Cause no one likes rhymes that are icky." > > _Courtesy of li’l ol’ me_ ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/211 "2003-05-18T21:25:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > **\_Courtesy of li’l ol’ me_** Aha! He proves it! ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/212 "2003-05-18T22:01:44Z")
There once was a fencer from Fisk, Whose thrust was exceedingly brisk. So fast was his action The Lorentz Contraction Turned his rapier into a disk. Or at least it would, if the _Star Trek_ universe paid more than lip-service to the laws of Relativity. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2003, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/213 "2003-05-19T01:21:09Z")
I thought the Lorentz contraction described objects at near relatavistic speeds. That’s some fast swordplay! And, you have a rapist wit. I mean rapier wit. I’m sore from playing both basketball and coed softball this afternoon. The squeeze doesn’t like outdoor sports. She likes the outdoors, just not playing in it. I really really suck at softball. If I can think of the rhymes, I’ll limerick me about sucking at softball. Or, you guys can do it. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2003, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/214 "2003-05-19T01:58:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NoClueBoy \* > \*\*While watching _The Squire of Gothos_ > > I ate a huge platter of nachos > > They gave me bad gas > > Which I proceeded to pass > > And blamed it on that poor dog, Porthos \*\* That’s why Quantum brought the pooch along. Captains never poot. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2003, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/215 "2003-05-19T02:28:20Z")
If B&B read this stuff-and that’s why they’ve slated changes for next season-the crew’s gonna start speaking in bad rhyme. Please, stop while we still have time. I beg you. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2003, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/216 "2003-05-19T03:01:17Z")
**Archer** : There’s a bounty on my head, Some Klingon warlord wants me dead. If you guys have a grappling hook, Then I’ll go in and take a look. Maybe I can find a way To stay alive another day. At least I’m not an acting ham, Like that bitch Kirk. Quantum I am. **T’Pol** : I do not think your Prime directive Will end up being too effective. Because our Vulcan scientists Have come up with an awesome list Of things that simply can’t be done. Don’t you guys just love my bum? **Porthos** : Bark bark bark bark Arf arf woof woof Bark woof arf growl Arf arf bark woof **Mayweather** : **Tripp** : When I lived down home on the farm The chickens used to sound alarm To warn us of the giant bunny Who told us jokes that were not funny. Well, I just slept with an alien And I know you’re thinking Not Again! But I am not a star ship whore I even mopped up the catwalk floor. Though Chef will keep my dinners mild As it appears that I’m with child. [continue…] ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2003, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/217 "2003-05-19T03:08:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \* > \*\*If B&B read this stuff-and that’s why they’ve slated changes for next season-the crew’s gonna start speaking in bad rhyme. > Please, stop while we still have time. > I beg you. \*\* There once was a Doper named **'plant** Who let loose with a Trek mini-rant. We paid him no heed, Smoked **Aesiron’s** weed, And kept right on limericking whether it rhymed or not, just out of spite, and besides, we’ve got to have something to do between episodes. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2003, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/218 "2003-05-19T03:11:08Z")
Gilbert and Sullivan in the 21st century. ---
**Author:** ![Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ebca7d/32.png) [@Linus\_Van\_Pelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Linus_Van_Pelt)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2003, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/219 "2003-05-19T05:39:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \* > \*\*If B&B read this stuff-and that’s why they’ve slated changes for next season-the crew’s gonna start speaking in bad rhyme. \*\* Hey, my rhymes are good! Bad jokes, perhaps, but good rhymes. Or are you saying that B&B will take our _good_ rhymes and make bad ones out of them? ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2003, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077/220 "2003-05-19T13:31:36Z")
_Gazing about in mystification._ Jesus H. Shit. Now I know what you guys do with your weekends. Is there any tequila left? When in Rome… here’s my Limerick contribution. Travis and Quantum, respectively: To keep _Enterprise_ on its route, Requires a helmsman astute, But Travis, though swell, Can’t express himself well For the poor boy’s entirely mute! A hyperemotional loon Who’s irrational night, morn and noon, Somehow gained command Of a starship most grand Despite being a thorough buffoon. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-bounty-spoilers/175077.md?page=12)