# Enterprise Cease Fire spoilers **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 12, 2003, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480 "2003-02-12T00:44:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 19
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/361 "2003-03-18T22:00:20Z")
BTW, **Vivaneedsarubdown** , not being gay makes your obsession with “plasma conduits” quite teat-a-lating! * * * Mrs Slockem: “My pussy feels neglected.” Spock: “The Vulcan Science Directorate has determined that double entedres are illogical.” Trip: “I’m guessing spelling isn’t high on Vulcanians list, either, huh?” (You see, ENT era people should be calling them Vulcanians, not Vulcans, as that was what they were called in the first few TOS shows,) ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/362 "2003-03-19T03:20:10Z")
Speaking of lightbulbs…(I just dug this up and had to share): Q. How many members of the USS Enterprise (TOS) does it take to change a lightbulb? ## A. Seven. Scotty will report to Kirk that the lightbulb in Engineering in burnt out, so Kirk sends Bones to pronounce it dead. Scotty notices after checking that they have no more lightbulbs and complains that he “canna see i’ the dark t’ tend mah wee engines.” Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Gamma Globulin IV, to procure a lightbulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirts beam down. The redshirts are killed immediately by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out to escape detection. Bones cures the native king of the flu and is rewarded by having the landing party set free and given all the lightbulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk and what remains of the landing party. The new bubl is inserted and the Enterprise continues its mission. Vary this for the other Trek series. Serieses. Serii? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/363 "2003-03-19T04:50:16Z")
bubl? HA! Miss Nitpicky! ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/364 "2003-03-19T04:52:50Z")
You forgot Chekov! Lightbulbs were first produced in the Motherland, y’know. The American capitalist pig dogs stole the idea from them. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/365 "2003-03-19T05:24:14Z")
I put **bubl** in there just to see if you were paying attention. 😉 It wasn’t my joke. Y’all can modify it any way you want. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/366 "2003-03-19T05:46:31Z")
Then… let’s replace light bulbs with T’Pol Gamma Globulin IV with a bowl of lime Jello Scotty with Trip And finally, replace the Klingons with three very annoying young Iguanas smoking pot. Now, rewrite the joke… ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/367 "2003-03-19T05:49:51Z")
What do we replace **bubl** with though? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/368 "2003-03-19T05:52:25Z")
GOO! ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/369 "2003-03-19T05:59:13Z")
Q. How many members of the USS Enterprise (TOS) does it take to change a lightbulb? A. Seven. Trip will report to Kirk that the T’Pol in Engineering in burnt out, so Kirk sends Bones to pronounce it dead. Trip notices after checking that they have no more T’Pols and complains that he “canna see i’ the dark t’ tend mah wee engines.” Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, a bowl of lime jello, to procure a T’Pol from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirts beam down. The redshirts are killed immediately by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Trip notices a ship with three very annoying young Iguanas smoking pot approaching and must warp out to escape detection. Bones cures the native king of the flu and is rewarded by having the landing party set free and given all the T’Pols they can carry. Trip cripples the three very annoying young Iguanas smoking pot ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk and what remains of the landing party. The new goo is inserted and the Enterprise continues its mission. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/370 "2003-03-19T06:04:55Z")
I LOVE IT! ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2003, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/371 "2003-03-19T06:06:32Z")
My favorite line is “Trip notices after checking that they have no more T’Pols and complains that he ‘canna see i’ the dark t’ tend mah wee engines’.” Teeheehee. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/372 "2003-03-20T07:15:56Z")
Or…Archer tries to get lightbulbs from those stinking Kretassans, but he yawns without authorization and is forced to conduct humiliating public apology rituals in exchange for just a few bulbs. Trip attempts to negotiate lightbulbs from some alien chick but winds up pregnant instead. Hoshi asks for lightbulbs in what she believes to be an approximate translation but doesn’t realize until too late that what she actually said was, “Please fire at us while our hull is not polarized.” ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/373 "2003-03-20T17:29:12Z")
What, you mean to imply that no Decon scene was necessary in the lightbulb changing scenario? That is so bogus. The panda and I are disgruntled. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/374 "2003-03-20T17:57:32Z")
Damn, a disgruntled panda. I remember a disgruntled panda on Voyager. Janeway shot him five times with a compression phaser rifle, and all it did was piss him off. They had to get Nelix to cook him something. Put him in the hospital for a week. But I digress. ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/375 "2003-03-20T18:11:57Z")
Yeah, disgruntled panda = not a good thing. Now, a GRUNTLED panda, on the other hand, is a pleasant, placid beast. Just lolls around, casually chewing his bamboo. Either way, they’re kind of big and ungainly, though. I’ve got a gruntled panda napping under my desk, and it’s kind of in the way; I’ve got nowhere to put my feet. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/376 "2003-03-20T19:42:48Z")
Oh, to lie about chewing my bamboo… ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/377 "2003-03-20T20:42:17Z")
Why would you lie about that? We wouldn’t think less of you if you admitted to chewing bamboo. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/378 "2003-03-20T20:48:08Z")
I quit abusing bamboo using the patch. It goes under your fingernails. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/379 "2003-03-20T21:09:47Z")
Is it _spotted_ bamboo? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [March 20, 2003, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480/380 "2003-03-20T21:15:08Z")
I don’t know if it is spotted or not. It’s hell on your teeth, though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480.md?page=18) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-cease-fire-spoilers/154480.md?page=20)