# Enterprise Future Tense Spoilers **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [February 19, 2003, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065 "2003-02-19T04:34:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/121 "2003-02-28T01:54:31Z")
The Thesaurus is the most feared predator on planet Grammar. “Maim! Multilate! See harm!” ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/122 "2003-02-28T01:57:35Z")
**The Plague of Plagiarism** apparently has no cure anywhere in the known galaxy. It’s already hit a couple of my students. :mad: ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/123 "2003-02-28T02:10:54Z")
Ah, so you’ve read _Bored of the Rings_? ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/124 "2003-02-28T02:20:14Z")
No, but I busted a three-peater who produced an entire paper on why people shouldn’t plagiarize–and she had copied and pasted the whole dad-blamed thing from the Internet! Irony is lost on most folks. So ya know what I did? I sent her to…CANAMAR! I used a transport ship without any pesky humans aboard to mess things up, and now she spends 12 hours a day in solitary confinement in a dark, dank hole with only spider-rats for company; and the 12 hours doing hard time with a pick-axe and a lot of rubble, under the watchful eyes of cruel Klingon guards (not the wussy ones from “Marauders,” but the real thing, borrowed from Rura Penthe). 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/125 "2003-02-28T02:20:31Z")
No, but I busted a three-peater who produced an entire paper on why people shouldn’t plagiarize–and she had copied and pasted the whole dad-blamed thing from the Internet! Irony is lost on most folks. So ya know what I did? I sent her to…CANAMAR! I used a transport ship without any pesky humans aboard to mess things up, and now she spends 12 hours a day in solitary confinement in a dark, dank hole with only spider-rats for company; and the other 12 hours doing hard time with a pick-axe and a lot of rubble, under the watchful eyes of cruel Klingon guards (not the wussy ones from “Marauders,” but the real thing, borrowed from Rura Penthe). 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/126 "2003-02-28T02:27:42Z")
will you please stop moving around the room like that? I’m getting a stereo effect from you ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2003, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/127 "2003-02-28T06:25:43Z")
Just be glad I wasn’t quadrophonic! Four different quadrants at once…Imagine dat. You might have a **viva O.D.**. But there are worse ways to go. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 24, 2003, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/128 "2003-03-24T14:14:36Z")
I finally saw it. Too bad there were no Daleks. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [July 12, 2003, 10:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/129 "2003-07-12T22:27:32Z")
How I spent my summer hiatus: Tossin’ old ENT threads back into action for the coming reruns. My brother wants [this](http://www.startrekexp.com/store/movies_tribbles.html) for his birthday. So I ordered it. Now, somebody go place an order for the Porthos Plushie for MY birthday. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/130 "2003-07-13T02:18:39Z")
I would but I blew my wad on the Hoshi doll. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/131 "2003-07-13T02:29:53Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Aesiron \* > \*\*I would but I blew my wad on the Hoshi doll. Sorry. \*\* Er, the inflatable one? ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/132 "2003-07-13T02:36:54Z")
Yeah. I bought it used from **Tars**. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/133 "2003-07-13T02:40:44Z")
_Used?_ Good gad, man! ---
**Author:** ![Wearia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Wearia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wearia)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/134 "2003-07-13T04:31:15Z")
You might, want to, you know, wash that. Well folks I’m heading out on vacation. And I may never return. Although I probably will. **Carny** make sure **NCB** doesn’t swallow his tongue while I’m gone. **Tars** , try not to touch anything, and **viva** , try not to to touch **Tars**. **Aesiron** just don’t do anything. Well, aloha 😉 . ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/135 "2003-07-13T13:06:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wearia \* > \*\ ***Carny** make sure **NCB** doesn’t swallow his tongue while I’m gone. \*\* I am reminded of the Tonto joke with the punch line, “You’re gonna _die_, Lonr Ranger!” ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/136 "2003-07-13T18:57:04Z")
**wearia** , have fun and then come back in time for Season 3. I didn’t recognize that Lone Ranger joke…I know two others, though–the ones that end with “What do you mean ‘we’, paleface?” and “Well, there’s nothing wrong with the horse, but I think you should know that you left your Injun runnin’.” 😃 So what was that other joke? ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/137 "2003-07-13T20:44:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vivalostwages \* > \*\* > So what was that other joke? \*\* Damn. The Masked Man and his faithfull Indian companion are riding across the prairie. As they pass the Big Rock, the Lone Ranger is struck with the urge to urinate. They dismount and the Lone Ranger goes behind the Big Rock. A rattlesnake bites him. “Tonto!” Cries the Masked Man. “A snake has bitten me on the penis. Ride into town and seek a doctor!” “Yes, Kimosave!” reponds the faithfull etc, etc, and Tonto mounts his horse and races into town. “I have too many serious patients to leave for a snake bite,” the Doctor tells Tonto, “But the only thing you can do for snake bite is to cut open the wound and suck out the poison.” Tonto rides back to the Lone Ranger. “Ah…” “What did the Doctor say, Tonto? What did he say?” “You’re gonna die, Lone Ranger!” ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/138 "2003-07-13T21:13:47Z")
Um, dude… you can use your fingers to make sure he doesn’t swallow his tongue. After that post, I’m scared to think about how you perform CPR. ---
**Author:** ![carnivorousplant](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnivorousplant/32/3563_2.png) [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/139 "2003-07-13T21:20:53Z")
I’ll dial 911 on the cell phone. From a distance. No problem. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [July 13, 2003, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065/140 "2003-07-13T23:46:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by carnivorousplant \* > \*\*Damn. > > The Masked Man and his faithfull Indian companion are riding across the prairie. As they pass the Big Rock, the Lone Ranger is struck with the urge to urinate. > They dismount and the Lone Ranger goes behind the Big Rock. A rattlesnake bites him. > “Tonto!” Cries the Masked Man. “A snake has bitten me on the penis. Ride into town and seek a doctor!” > “Yes, Kimosave!” reponds the faithfull etc, etc, and Tonto mounts his horse and races into town. > “I have too many serious patients to leave for a snake bite,” the Doctor tells Tonto, “But the only thing you can do for snake bite is to cut open the wound and suck out the poison.” > Tonto rides back to the Lone Ranger. > “Ah…” > “What did the Doctor say, Tonto? What did he say?” > “You’re gonna die, Lone Ranger!” \*\* :D: ## The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been fighting off their attackers all day. The enemy Indians were closing in on them, and The Lone Ranger figured they didn’t have long to live. “Well, Tonto,” he said sadly, “it looks like we’re done for.” Tonto regarded him skeptically. “What do you mean ‘we,’ paleface?” The Lone Ranger and Tonto arrived at a saloon on a hot, dry day and went inside for drinks. After a minute, a cowboy approached them and said, “Is that yer big white horse outside?” “Yes, that’s Silver,” replied TLR. “What about him?” “Well, he’s awfully hot and he ain’t lookin’ too good.” TLR and Tonto went outside to take a look at their mounts. Tonto’s horse was fine, but Silver was overheated. They tried giving him water and splashing some on him as well, but to no avail. “I’ve got an idea, Tonto,” said TLR. “Run around Silver as fast as you can. The motion will create a breeze and cool him down.” Tonto did as instructed and TLR went back inside to finish his drink. But a while later, another cowboy came in, approached him and said, “Is that yer big white horse outside?” “Yes,” replied TLR. “What about him?” “Well, the horse looks fine. But I think you oughta know that you left yer Injun runnin’.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-future-tense-spoilers/156065.md?page=8)