# Enterprise: The Crossing (spoilers) **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [March 31, 2003, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364 "2003-03-31T03:54:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/1 "2003-03-31T03:54:04Z")
Pre-emptive post. It airs in a few days, but already I know this much: The ship is swallowed whole by a giant space whale, whose stomach acids infect everyone, leading to yet another ST “Crew Acting Funny” episode. Porthos pisses all over Archer and then chews the crap out of his extra uniform and boots. Archer consummates his passion with Trip. Trip fashions a fencing foil out of scrap metal and tries to skewer Reed with it. Reed hides in Sick Bay and spends the night playing nasty practical jokes on Phlox and his little critters. Phlox tells Hoshi he wants her to be his fourth wife and to make little Phloxites with him. Hoshi and T’Pol have a slumber party in T’Pol’s quarters and play an edgy, ancient Vulcan drinking game from back in the days when Vulcan was a much more barbaric place. T’Pol gets hungry and tries to eat Chef’s hat. Chef tries to give us some Panda but fails miserably because we don’t really want to see him in his skivvies. The Enterprise computer malfunctions and produces nothing but scrapple for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Sound good? Sound **goo** , NCB? ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 5:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/2 "2003-03-31T05:17:45Z")
Once upon a midnight dreary While i pondered weak and weary Came a crashing at my door “Oh no!” I cried, “Here comes the Bore™!” Always talking, never stops Eats brewer’s yeast, sniff at hops Talks of subjects no one cares Eats bunny rabbits, cals them “Hares” Blows his nose with out a tissue Always says, “I’m gonna get you!” When near the girls, he thinks he’s bad But they can see he’s just a cad I let him in, what could I do? He said he really had to poo. Thru the door he came inside None to swift, I tried to hide He found me face down in the loo Wandered in and taunted, “Boo!” I screamed, “I’m fed up with your pranks! The world would owe me many thanks If i shot you in the head And then the Police called you dead. But I will spare you this one time Be glad that you’re a freind of mine.” Quothe the Raven, “Nevermore.” Alarmed, I looked up in the night Where I beheld an awesome sight A thousand sheep landing on my porch Each one with a lighted torch. As I turned, I thought I saw A script discarded, reading “Caw.” I asked the Crow, “How dost thou speak?” Replied he, “With an open beak.” “Are these your sheep you lead amiss?” When he answered, he had a lisp “Yeth, the theep are mine, you fool! We’vthe come to uthe your thwimming pool.” At that statement, I got pissed If only the Bore my house had missed! In anger I attacked the Bore And threw him through an open door I threw them all into the night (My anger is an awesome sight!) Tell me now, Do you I bore? Quothe The Doper, “None the more!” _Look for this in its own MPSIMS thread_ ---
**Author:** ![Wearia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Wearia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wearia)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/3 "2003-03-31T06:13:11Z")
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry **NCB**. Man, life is lack luster without a new Enterprise thread. I’ve got no where to test my new material! Like this one: Why did the cactus cross the road? To spike the punch! Get it? Spike, cactus? I’ve been refining that one for weeks I tell ya! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/4 "2003-03-31T06:17:40Z")
You really need to get out more. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/5 "2003-03-31T06:17:43Z")
I should hate you for mocking the most awesome poem ever but it had me giggling like a schoolgirl; I’ll let you off the hook this time, **NCB**. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/6 "2003-03-31T06:38:14Z")
I posted a corrected version [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=173876)in MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![kasuo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8c91f0/32.png) [@kasuo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kasuo)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 7:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/7 "2003-03-31T07:12:52Z")
So yeah… ENT may or may not last 7 seasons like its predecessors… ---
**Author:** ![Achernar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e274bd/32.png) [@Achernar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achernar)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/8 "2003-03-31T07:14:26Z")
That’s a pretty bold statement there. Care to back it up? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![athelas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@athelas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/athelas)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/9 "2003-03-31T12:54:27Z")
Well…it’s not a bad episode some things happened, and there was a big problem, but it was all better at the end ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/10 "2003-03-31T13:55:00Z")
Damn you, **athelas**! Damn you to FOX! I mean, why should I even bother watching now? ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/11 "2003-03-31T14:43:29Z")
Well, don’t highlight the spoiler boxes unless you wanna get spoiled, **NCB**. My prediction for this week: Full frontal nudity. Featuring Porthos. I’d write more, but I really have to go to the bathroom, and exploding in a gory, bloody mess here at my desk would be totally uncool. I think it could get me fired. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2003, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/12 "2003-03-31T23:28:15Z")
NCB, that poem was, like, you know, so cool and totally awesome. – **vivavalleyofthe50footlostwages** ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/13 "2003-04-02T05:54:17Z")
BUMP Interpret that any way you want. 😉 This is for the 4/2 episode. ---
**Author:** ![Wearia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/13edae/32.png) [@Wearia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wearia)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/14 "2003-04-02T06:33:31Z")
Saw it a few hours ago. I don’t know how to say this, but it uh, didn’t suck. It sounds weird to say that in an Enterprise thread. Sure you got your classic Trek deus ex and overly informed aliens but thats to be expected. We got some funny moments, Some T’pol in a night gown and Travis got some lines. Oh and the Catwalk set got used again. I guess they’re being forced to use it until it pays for itself. Now that I think about it, Porthos wasn’t there at all! You would think that Archer would be worried about the bodysnatchers getting poor Porthos, heck, he didn’t even bring him to the catwalk! On the other hand the Enterprise actually kicked some alien ass. Go Torpedos! Oh and the shower scene with Hoshi, you know I could have sworn that at one point HAHA! Made you look **Tars**! Oh well, it was a good episode. ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/15 "2003-04-02T06:40:08Z")
That was cruel, **Wearia**. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/16 "2003-04-02T07:20:00Z")
Oh, i’ll get you good! ---
**Author:** ![Kn\_ckers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/96bed5/32.png) [@Kn\_ckers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kn_ckers)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2003, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/17 "2003-04-02T13:59:27Z")
Good one, **Wearia** - you made me look, too. Hope you meant that part about it not sucking. I’m going to hold you to that. And I see you are the Beast. Congratulations on your 666 posts. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/18 "2003-04-03T00:13:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wearia \* > **I don’t know how to say this, but it uh, didn’t suck.** I, also, will hold you to this. 😉 Seriously, though, another dopey “ghostly space aliens possess the crew and make them act weird” episode might just be more than my already overtaxed sense of Trek tolerance can, uh, tolerate. If I didn’t have better things to do, I’d go back through all the shows and mark up a list of all the times the writers fell back on this device ([just one of many examples](http://www.startrek.com/library/tng_episodes/episodes_tng_detail_68536.asp)). On one level, I can understand the producers wanting to give their bored actors something to do besides pretending to push buttons and stare at something threatening on the viewscreen. But, come on. I hope it doesn’t suck. Man, it hurts to say that. We deserve better from Trek than that our fervent wish for the quality of a show be only for avoidance of black holes of suckage. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2003, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/19 "2003-04-03T01:32:52Z")
But… What does a non-corporeal being need with a star ship? Hmmm… Good visual of the posession, exhorcism stuff. The “being” shapes to the face of the human, just for an instant. Very cool. At the start, though, it looked like Archer was taking cues from the other two, his subordinates. It was a body language/position thing. Bugged me. But, later, Sam showed some backbone. Even stopped his silly pause/talk affectation. Sam = Archer Man, that girl has some large breasts! I can’t believe they showed so much in a Trek. Long live Panda! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2003, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364/20 "2003-04-03T01:47:23Z")
“Have you tried this?” “It’s bread. You’ve never eaten bread before?” “I’ve never eaten before.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/enterprise-the-crossing-spoilers/165364.md?page=2)