# Envious and Jealous **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [February 16, 2018, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/envious-and-jealous/808958 "2018-02-16T21:22:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Steven\_Estes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Steven\_Estes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steven_Estes)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2018, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/envious-and-jealous/808958/1 "2018-02-16T21:22:39Z")
If I am envious of, say, George, because he has more money, a better family life, whatever than I have, it is obvious whom I am envious of: George. Now, consider jealous. If my girlfriend seems to be becoming attracted to, say, Harry, am I jealous of Harry or my girlfriend? Logically, I think it would b Harry I was jealous of. He is the one who is threatening to get what I have. But I have seen a number of movies in which a girlfriend says to her boyfriend, “'my goodness, you’re jealous”. The implication seems to be that she is saying that her boyfriend is jealous of her. Is the boyfriend jealous of the guy whom the girlfriend seems to be attracted to or the girlfriend? ---
**Author:** ![Ashtura](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ashtura/32/2963_2.png) [@Ashtura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashtura)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2018, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/envious-and-jealous/808958/2 "2018-02-16T21:29:37Z")
Depends on context. Colloquially, jealous and envious are pretty interchangeable. In material matters, we gravitate towards envy, although jealously probably more commonly used. Heck, when was the last time you heard someone say envy out loud? Jealousy is almost exclusively used in matters of the heart. You never would be envious of your girlfriend or Harry, unless you want to get into a three way. In this case, you’re not jealous “of” someone, you’re just jealous. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2018, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/envious-and-jealous/808958/3 "2018-02-16T21:45:27Z")
> [@Steven\_Estes](#): > > I > But I have seen a number of movies in which a girlfriend says to her boyfriend, “'my goodness, you’re jealous”. > The implication seems to be that she is saying that her boyfriend is jealous of her. That’s not the implication I get at all. She’s obviously saying “You’re jealous (of Harry).” The logical implication breaks down as such: Her affection is the desired object. Harry is getting more of the desired object than the boyfriend. So yes, the GF is making a bold statement by saying HER affection is enough to incite jealousy in him should she choose to give it to another person. But she is clearly not saying he is jealous of her. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2018, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/envious-and-jealous/808958/4 "2018-02-16T22:16:29Z")
The definition I’ve heard before is: \*\*Envy \*\*= you want what someone else has, but it’s okay for you and them to both possess that thing. (“Bill Gates is a billionaire; sure wish I had billions of dollars, too.”) \*\*Jealousy \*\*= you want what someone else has, AND you don’t want them to have it. (“Kevin is dating the woman I have a crush on; I want her to dump him and be with me instead.”) ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2018, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/envious-and-jealous/808958/5 "2018-02-16T22:19:57Z")
That bastion of rigor, [Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/joy-and-pain/201401/what-is-the-difference-between-envy-and-jealousy), says > [@](#): > > Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another. > > Jealousy occurs when something we already possess (usually a special relationship) is threatened by a third person > > And so envy is a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation. Envy is a reaction to lacking something. Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something (usually someone). The PubMed paper they link to says that experimental results show: > [@](#): > > Envy was characterized by feelings of inferiority, longing, resentment, and disapproval of the emotion. Jealousy was characterized by fear of loss, distrust, anxiety, and anger. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim_r.mortiss/32/142_2.png) [@Tim\_R.Mortiss](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_R.Mortiss)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2018, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/envious-and-jealous/808958/6 "2018-02-16T23:00:11Z")
I don’t think a jealous boyfriend (or whatever) needs to be specifically jealous _of someone_ in particular (such as the OP’s buddy Harry). They can just be jealous, in general, about possibly losing their girlfriend to some interloper. As in, “she has a very jealous husband; don’t even let him see you talking to her!” It is kind of equivalent to “clingy” or “possessive.” ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2018, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/envious-and-jealous/808958/7 "2018-02-17T03:57:59Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > The definition I’ve heard before is: > \*\*Envy \*\*= you want what someone else has, but it’s okay for you and them to both possess that thing. (“Bill Gates is a billionaire; sure wish I had billions of dollars, too.”) > > \*\*Jealousy \*\*= you want what someone else has, AND you don’t want them to have it. (“Kevin is dating the woman I have a crush on; I want her to dump him and be with me instead.”) I would tend to disagree. To me, envy is when you want something that belongs to somebody else. Jealousy is when you think somebody else wants something that belongs to you.