# EPIC FAIL: "I convinced her to bed another man, and now I'm insanely jealous." **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 4, 2011, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498 "2011-08-04T19:34:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/41 "2011-08-05T17:22:53Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Well, um, forgive me: but I know plenty of guys who think their 5 incher is nice and big, but the reality is that I _far_ more enjoy my time with the 7 or 8 inchers. Often times, for me at least, larger than average (but not porno freak big) is a way more pleasurable experience than the guy with the short dick. Sorry. > > Again though: if the guy writing the letter has some complex where he thinks his 5 inch dick is enormous (like I said, lots of guys do), the other guy might just be a solid 7 or 8. . . Plus, what’s so hard to believe about someone having sex for 2 hours? I can’t possibly be the only one who has does this (and my vagina is fine, thank you for asking). Same here. I like 'em real big. Two hours isn’t shocking. I think perhaps both couples were new to swinging and didn’t know what they were doing, hence the full swap. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/42 "2011-08-05T17:25:20Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > Like **miss elizabeth** , the giveaways to me are the loving detail that the writer goes into when describing his “wife’s” experience with the other guy and that he “had to watch”. Also, that while he is good-looking (one could say marty-stu-ishly so), the other guy is ugly but surprisingly large and so a better lover. Admittedly, I’ve never heard a swinger husband say these things, but I’ve definitely heard it from a few wives. Literally last week, a friend basically told me this story, “Ugh, so there he was fucking the guy’s wife and she was SO hot. You seriously don’t understand, **Diosa** - her tits? Her tits were fucking huge and fake and perfect. My tits have NEVER looked like that. Her stomach was seriously perfectly flat and she didn’t have a single stretch mark \*anywhere.\*And I could tell by the way he was staring at her that he was loving EVERY minute of it. He was so freaking into her and her perfect tits. I was so distracted watching him because I’ve never seen him react that way to someone we swapped with. And to top it off, her husband couldn’t even hold a candle to mine, so it just a lose lose for me.” Granted, that friend? That friend constantly says she’s reconsidering her choice for them to become swingers. Still though, idk, I’ve heard plenty of stories like that, which to me are just the inverse of the letter in the OP. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/43 "2011-08-05T17:28:41Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Ok, so I’ve got to ask (because I’m genuinely perplexed here): what about this letter screams fake? Because no guy over 17 years old should be ascribing another guy’s superior performance to the size of his dick alone. Also, wanting to punch her in the face. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/44 "2011-08-05T17:36:36Z")
> [@needscoffee](#): > > Because no guy over 17 years old should be ascribing another guy’s superior performance to the size of his dick alone. Also, wanting to punch her in the face. To the second point, I can’t disagree. But plenty of men are pretty seriously wrapped up on dick size others, relative to their own. Last week, my friend went out on a date with a guy who is friends with someone she had previously had sex with. When friend realized this, his first question was, “Wait, so is his dick as big as everyone says it is?” He said this to a girl he was on his first date with. Within the first 15 minutes of them chatting. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/45 "2011-08-05T17:37:49Z")
The ‘I want to punch my wife in the face’ part is either way fake or holy shit, dude needs help. And yeah, the intense detail about his wife being utterly plowed by this schlub with a monster schlong, and how she was in such ecstasy… that pegged my BS meter. I thought about cuckold fetishism but expected a better reaction from the guy then. Maybe he’s in heavy self-loathing denial about his fetish, and was trying to tell himself it was just a desire to swap. Or maybe I’m just used to Savage Love columns where people tend to be a bit more accepting of the thought of a cuckold fetish, and way, way less likely to talk about wanting to punch his wife for daring to enjoy the fantasy that he talked her into. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/46 "2011-08-05T17:46:09Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > Maybe he’s in heavy self-loathing denial about his fetish, and was trying to tell himself it was just a desire to swap. Could be. ---
**Author:** ![Toucanna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3bc359/32.png) [@Toucanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toucanna)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/47 "2011-08-05T19:28:12Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > …and then, oops, the guy whipped out a real monster and knew how to use it. I have nothing to add to this thread except [spit take]ROFLMAO![/spit take] ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/48 "2011-08-05T20:11:48Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Well, um, forgive me: but I know plenty of guys who think their 5 incher is nice and big, but the reality is that I _far_ more enjoy my time with the 7 or 8 inchers. Often times, for me at least, larger than average (but not porno freak big) is a way more pleasurable experience than the guy with the short dick. Sorry. My 3 incher is HUGE - HUGE, I tell you. Some of my lady friends can’t even take it. They tell me, “You want me to use _that_?” or “Oh, hell no.” It’s depresssing, really, I’m so big I can’t get any action. > [@shiftless](#): > > This guy doesn’t care about his wife fucking another guy. He is upset to find that his dick isn’t the huge monster he thought it was. He was hoping the wife would fail to get off with the other guy. He picked an “older, somewhat overweight, and balding” guy for a reason and then, oops, the guy whipped out a real monster and knew how to use it. Yeah, that’s the effect of the description. He reads like he’s thinking: "I’d really like to screw other women, but I don’t want my wife to like other men over me. But if I talk her into swinging, then it’s not like I’m cheating on her, so I’ll just make sure we pick couples where the guy isn’t very hot, and that way she’ll always want me, but I’ll get to screw other women, too. Yeah. Here’s a couple, the woman is decent, but that man is a schlub - there’s no way my wife will enjoy him more, she’ll probably be fantasizing about me the whole time. Yeah. Wait, the fat guy has a 12 incher? No way! And look at him go, thrusting and pumping my poor wife, she can’t take that! I mean, listen to her! Why doesn’t she stop him? Oh my, and look at him last! This can’t be! Ug, I hate my wife! She had entirely too good a time with that fat old bozo, now she’ll be thinking about him when she’s with me! Waaaaa! " Now maybe he was just a newbie who didn’t really know what swinging entails, just wanted to play around but not want his wife to do the same. He certainly didn’t think through the ramifications - his wife was going to be having sex with other men! Oh No! I certainly can see how this experience could play out in real life, with guys and gals trying something without really considering what it means, and creating all sorts of relationship problems because of their own insecurities. > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Ok, so I’ve got to ask (because I’m genuinely perplexed here): what about this letter screams fake? The part where “I’m so hot, I’m such a stud, and I’m huge - my nickname in college was _tripod_. But here’s this fat old guy I picked for my wife, and oops he’s even bigger than me! And he’s so good at it, for so long.” Then the guy talks about how bad he feels about it, and hates his wife and wants to punch her in the face. It reads like any number of those joke stories that circulated in email and websites 15 years ago. It’s the whole “surprise” factor and the whole moral of the story where he did it to himself. It has all the earmarks of an urban legend. To me, it doesn’t read like a cuckold fantasy, it reads like a “prank the sex columnist”. > [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > Also, in there are threesomes and the like, of course. From what I’ve seen, most people don’t go beyond soft swapping or full swapping in the same room. It’s pretty rare for a couple to do full swap in separate rooms and REALLY rare for them to just kind of go off on their own. In fact, let’s say there was a single man a wife wanted to have sex with, even if the husband didn’t want to participate, usually he’d sit there in the room anyway. Oddly enough, my one encounter with this involved an open couple who were comfortable with the threesome or with the independent sex. _I_ wasn’t comfortable with the situation, but they both were. After I balked at the threesome, he said “have fun” and split, leaving her in my room. But I concede they are probably rare. They also seemed to have thought about the situation and considered ramifications in detail. ---
**Author:** ![DirkGntly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d9b06d/32.png) [@DirkGntly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirkGntly)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/49 "2011-08-05T20:59:30Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > They also seemed to have thought about the situation and considered ramifications in detail. “Real” swingers usually do. Immature couples that don’t give full consideration to these things generally don’t last in swingers’ circles. Swinging is NOT going to fix a marriage - if there are problems, it’s going to amplify them, regardless of what they are. This is especially true where its the man just looking to find a way to get some “strange” on the side without it being “cheating.” FTR, I do consider “swinging” and “open marriage” to be a viable alternative lifestyle, but if a lot of ground rules aren’t in place, and if a lot of mutual respect isn’t already mature with the couple, it’s asking for trouble. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2011, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/50 "2011-08-05T21:19:15Z")
> [@Irishman](#): > > Oddly enough, my one encounter with this involved an open couple who were comfortable with the threesome or with the independent sex. _I_ wasn’t comfortable with the situation, but they both were. After I balked at the threesome, he said “have fun” and split, leaving her in my room. And then you whipped out your 40-incher and pounded her for sixteen hours until her pussy was the size of a manhole cover, is (from what I gather from this thread) what usually happens in real life. ---
**Author:** ![Irishman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/b487fb/32.png) [@Irishman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Irishman)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2011, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/51 "2011-08-08T22:14:19Z")
Um, yeah, that’s what happened. No wait, that’s when she saw my massive 3 inch dick, and ran for the door. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/52 "2011-08-09T00:42:06Z")
> [@Dangerosa](#): > > Length isn’t necessarily good either. It is possible to bruise your cervix. And it isn’t comfortable. And when that happens combined with staying power, you have a lot of pain. So guys with short dicks and no staying power are preferable? I always did my best to live up to those standards; why wasn’t I more popular? ---
**Author:** ![Woeg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Woeg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Woeg)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/53 "2011-08-09T15:57:08Z")
NOT trying to stealth brag - but I have had an experience that is relative to the convo, but from the other side. My ex and I were in a swinging relationship for quite some time, though we stopped several years before other issues broke us up. The main reason we stopped is that my ex could not handle her jealousy. She really, really wanted to have sex with other guys, but could not handle me having sex with other women. At one party (orgy) that we attended, there was one woman in particular that drove my ex crazy - she was considerably older than us (about 12 yrs), and considerably “frumpier” - but she was one of the most enthusiastic lovers I have ever encountered. She was also really pleased by my stamina (again, not trying to brag - I just take a long time to “get there”), and over a period of about 5 hrs or so, we had a lot of really wild, really fun sex. Now, I don’t think I reacted any differently with this woman than I did with my ex, but my ex was furious - even though she was there, in the room, having just as much sex with other guys. And I didn’t choose to focus on this woman - but she came back to me time and again, and hey, in those kind of parties, you do what’s the most fun. For the next few months, my ex became the queen of frigidity, and our sex life pretty much dried up. She never wanted to talk about it, until I finally dragged it out of her, and her reaction was pretty much what the guy in the advice column was: she thought it’d be hot to see me with another woman, but not one who was “prettier” or “better” than her (HUGE insecurity problems, obviously) - and when it turns out that the other woman, despite being “worse” than her, was a fun, enjoyable lay, my ex got really mad at ME for daring to enjoy it so much. Needless to say, this pretty much ended our swinging - up to this point, we had mostly done “soft swing” with some oral - and though she thought it was perfectly fine for her to have full sex, she couldn’t handle me doing the same. When I told her that I was perfectly happy having sex with just her as long as she was happy having sex with just me, she got mad, but agreed and we stopped swinging. Of course, she didn’t stop having sex with other guys. She just stopped telling me about it - 😛 But that’s a whole nother ball of yarn. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/54 "2011-08-09T16:03:13Z")
> [@LouisB](#): > > So guys with short dicks and no staying power are preferable? **I always did my best to live up to those standards** ; why wasn’t I more popular? Sometimes being an “overachiever” can cause problems 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/55 "2011-08-09T16:53:19Z")
It reminds me of the story “The Great Switcheroo” by Roald Dahl. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/56 "2011-08-09T18:50:33Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > And huge **plus** a couple hours worth of screwing? A guy who could manage that would probably leave her in pain, not pleasure. There’s such a thing as too much friction. I’ve had sex sessions (changing positions and activities) which lasted more than 3 hours and didn’t cause any pain and others (with Mr Missionary Man) where I was in pain and ready to copy Lorena Bobbit after half an hour. MMM simply happened to be a lousy lay, maybe the letter’s Fatty Man knew there’s more to women than a vagina and a pair of tits. ---
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/57 "2011-08-09T21:22:21Z")
There’s several reasons this screams fake. The most basic is that, in terms of tone and structure, this reads precisely like a cuckold / humiliation fantasy. Having a size-obsessed wife voraciously satisfied by oversized genitals is pretty much standard fare in that arena. Also, I’ve known a fair few open / swingy couples, and this course of events is one I’ve never seen (insistant husband -\> immediate full swap -\> satisfied wife -\> broken husband). It’s just not sensible. Also, he never mentioned the woman he (presumably) screwed. What kind of schmucky advice-column-writing guy wouldn’t get that plug in there? ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/58 "2011-08-09T21:31:44Z")
I’ve always considered myself a pretty well-rounded guy with an expansive circle of friends, but none of them (as far as I know, although I suspect a couple) is an active swinger, much less to the extent that we’d share conversations about it, much less do I have multiple swinger friends. Maybe I don’t travel in the right circles. My one and only experience with it was when a girl I knew and flirted with wanted to hook up with me and my girlfriend. However, her boyfriend was only going to go along with hooking up with my GF because the girl wanted to hook up with me; my GF wasn’t interested in the BF, but wanted a 3-way with the girl, but the girl wasn’t into other girls. There was so much potential there, but we couldn’t get our interests to jibe, so it never happened. Sooo close. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/59 "2011-08-09T21:49:41Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > I’ve always considered myself a pretty well-rounded guy with an expansive circle of friends, but none of them (as far as I know, although I suspect a couple) is an active swinger, much less to the extent that we’d share conversations about it, much less do I have multiple swinger friends. Maybe I don’t travel in the right circles. My experience is that swingers are very, very, VERY quiet about their activities. It’s sort of the swinger code or something, I don’t know. The point is, I had friends deny they were swingers (with shock and horror that I’d even ask) right until I walked into a swinger party and saw them standing there. Swinging = super secret squirrel activity. Frankly, what has surprised me perhaps most about the swingers is just how many of them there are. And how many are all around me. There are all kinds of code words and stuff that swingers use for their various activities (or the names of parties and stuff) and once you know what to listen or watch for, it’s pretty impressive how many folks around you are swinging but would never admit it. Heck, the first party I went to in my little hick city had over 250 people at it. In Vegas, there are at least 3 full on swing clubs and countless parties. So, my point is that you probably know some swingers. . . they just wont ever admit it. ---
**Author:** ![ladyfoxfyre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ad7895/32.png) [@ladyfoxfyre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ladyfoxfyre)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2011, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498/60 "2011-08-09T22:18:01Z")
> [@DiosaBellissima](#): > > There are all kinds of code words and stuff that swingers use for their various activities (or the names of parties and stuff) and once you know what to listen or watch for, it’s pretty impressive how many folks around you are swinging but would never admit it. See, now I want to know the codes so I can figure out who they are! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epic-fail-i-convinced-her-to-bed-another-man-and-now-im-insanely-jealous/591498.md?page=4)