# Epilogues you'd like to see... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [July 19, 2016, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277 "2016-07-19T02:26:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/41 "2016-07-21T03:41:51Z")
At the end of the credits for the rebooted _Star Trek_, JJ appears smoking a huge blunt. He grins at the camera and says “Nah, I’m just fuckin’ with ya. The REAL movie will be out next year. You don’t think this dreck was the _actual_ reboot, did you?” Or, at the very least, a scroll across the screen that says “James T. Kirk then proceeded to fly the _Enterprise_ into a black hole and she and her entire crew were never seen again.” ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/42 "2016-07-21T04:03:39Z")
> [@Battle\_Pope](#): > > Dom DeLuise or…_Him! (dun dun dunnnnnnnn!)_ No one would get the joke until four years later. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/43 "2016-07-21T06:31:35Z")
_Not_ so happy ending to Jaws. Shot from behind: Brody and Hooper tread toward shore. Cut to shot from front: Giant tentacle breeches surface; vermiform motion closes in on hapless pair. ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/44 "2016-07-21T11:48:18Z")
> [@snfaulkner](#): > > After the big glorious farewell to the elves on the boat at the end of Lord of The Rings, fade to black and a simple line of text “The ships were eaten by a squid 3 hrs from port. There were no survivors” Look up Kevin Smith’s/Randal’s (Clerks II) idea for an ending to Lord of the Rings. Very NSFW. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 21, 2016, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/45 "2016-07-21T13:38:57Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Truman reaching the real world and trying realizing he has no idea what to do. Also: - Truman sues the studio and Christos for a lifetime’s worth of “acting” fees (at Equity rates) plus punitive damages. Studio goes bankrupt; Truman gains ownership of the big dome. His lawyers are now rich enough to buy Guam. - Truman gets tired of being pestered by literally every person in the world due to his fame; moves back into the dome (sans cameras) to get away from humanity. - Following him becoming a recluse, Trumanism becomes a major world religion. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2016, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/46 "2016-07-22T00:22:25Z")
Instead of the door being closed on Diane Keaton at the end of the first “Godfather”, she’s invited in, and is offered the Don’s position. She instantly starts talking like Pacino and while pointing at them with a lit cigar in her hand she instructs them that they’re going to have to start wearing their underwear on the outside now, and then hands out red clown noses that they must wear whenever they’re in her presence. ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2016, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/47 "2016-07-22T00:28:16Z")
After the end of Dead Alive/Braindead, Lionel and Paquita are picked up by the police, tried for the kidnapping and brutal sayings of dozens of towns people, and arson. Both get sent to the Chair, or Gas Chamber, or whatever it is they do to people in that era of New Zealand. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2016, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/48 "2016-07-22T02:08:22Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > Good one. > > In that vein, I think _Rendezvous with Rama_ provided its own epilogue in the style we’re mooting here. > > [spoiler]Last line, after “Rama” has sailed away into the great dark: “The Ramans did _everything_ in threes.” > > Let’s just ignore the sequels this tag led to…[/spoiler] I have to admit to liking _Rama II_. Not as a sequel but kind of a soap opera. Another great story that should never have been defiled with a lesser work is _Legacy of Heorot_ ---
**Author:** ![Hermione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/cdc98d/32.png) [@Hermione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hermione)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2016, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/49 "2016-07-22T03:43:55Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Years ago I found [The Book of Sequels](https://www.amazon.com/Book-Sequels-Henry-Beard/dp/0517105470). Most of it is just excerpts or covers, but there is a rather extensive _Moby-Dick II: Raise the Pequod_. It’s in the style of a Tom Clancy thriller; the hero’s name is Dipp Schmidt. I loved that book! Among the many “sequels” and “spinoffs” it featured was the “lost ending” to Romeo and Juliet. Turns out that Romeo’s “poison” was a drug similar to Juliet’s (since the apothecary knew it was illegal to sell poisons), and Romeo’s dagger had been stolen by a traveling acting troupe and switched with a prop dagger, so Juliet hadn’t killed HERSELF either. The two revive with the families looking on–but there’s still the matter of Romeo having killed the Prince’s kinsman Paris in the brawl before the tomb. Romeo offers to take the punishment, but the Prince, after considering this, summons his captain of the guard: “The Count’s been murdered. Take with you some men And round up those we usually suspect. Do question them awhile on Paris’ death, And then release them.” ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2016, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/50 "2016-07-22T09:26:39Z")
> [@Hermione](#): > > I loved that book! Among the many “sequels” and “spinoffs” it featured was the “lost ending” to Romeo and Juliet. > > Turns out that Romeo’s “poison” was a drug similar to Juliet’s (since the apothecary knew it was illegal to sell poisons), and Romeo’s dagger had been stolen by a traveling acting troupe and switched with a prop dagger, so Juliet hadn’t killed HERSELF either. The two revive with the families looking on–but there’s still the matter of Romeo having killed the Prince’s kinsman Paris in the brawl before the tomb. Romeo offers to take the punishment, but the Prince, after considering this, summons his captain of the guard: > > “The Count’s been murdered. Take with you some men > And round up those we usually suspect. > Do question them awhile on Paris’ death, > And then release them.” …which was basically the Victorian-era’s bowlderized version of R&J. A lot of the Shakespearian tragedies got re-written to give them desperately-contrived happy endings. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2016, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/51 "2016-07-22T13:06:43Z")
> [@mbh](#): > > One possible problem with that: > > Most of the Nazi characters on the show were played by Jewish actors who had fled Europe during the Holocaust, and they were adamant that the show would always depict all Nazis as buffoons. You don’t think he’d have been ok with Klink turning out to have been secretly an agent for the allies? ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2016, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/52 "2016-07-22T14:31:52Z")
Tony Soprano appears before St. Peter. Tony: where am I? St. Peter: You’re at the gates of Heaven, awaiting judgement. You were shot to death. Tony: Whaddaya mean? I was enjoying a meal with my family, “Don’t Stop Believing” was playing on the jukebox, then everything went black. What kind of ending is that? Ending to my life, I mean. St. Peter: Come on, you foreshadowed your own death in an earlier episode, saying you thought that when you get taken out, you probably don’t ever see it coming-- everything just goes black. Did you really need everything spelled out for you so obviously? Tony: OK, I guess you’re right. So am I getting in to Heavan? St. Peter: Oh, hells no. ---
**Author:** ![Reluctant\_A](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@Reluctant\_A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Reluctant_A)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2016, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/53 "2016-07-22T14:39:48Z")
Hrmm… > [@solost](#): > > Tony Soprano appears before St. Peter. > > Tony: where am I? > > St. Peter: You’re at the gates of Heaven, awaiting judgement. You were shot to death. > > Tony: Whaddaya mean? I was enjoying a meal with my family, “Don’t Stop Believing” was playing on the jukebox, then everything went black. What kind of ending is that? Ending to my life, I mean. > > St. Peter: Come on, you foreshadowed your own death in an earlier episode, saying you thought that when you get taken out, you probably don’t ever see it coming-- everything just goes black. **Did you really need everything spelled out for you so obviously?** (emphasis mine) Shots fired? ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2016, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277/54 "2016-07-22T15:46:46Z")
> [@Tibby or Not Tibby](#): > > _Not_ so happy ending to Jaws. > > Shot from behind: Brody and Hooper tread toward shore. > > Cut to shot from front: Giant tentacle breeches surface; vermiform motion closes in on hapless pair. If this is in any way an allusion to _Beast_… (An absolutely wretched rewrite of _Jaws_, with a deus ex ending on the very last half-page. Horrid. The author should have been shot, even if it was… Peter Benchley.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/epilogues-youd-like-to-see/760277.md?page=2)