# Episode IV, A New Pope
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [February 11, 2013, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976 "2013-02-11T15:08:08Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/1 "2013-02-11T15:08:08Z")
So there’s gonna be a new Pope.
Give me the title, star, and tagline of your idea for a new Pope movie- any genre you want, any actors you want, living or dead.
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### Author:  [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/2 "2013-02-11T15:10:19Z")
Mine:
Title- Air Bud: the DOGma of Infallibility
Star- some dog
Tagline- the Vatican just got a lot more furry!
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### Author:  [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/3 "2013-02-11T15:11:10Z")
> [@iiandyiiii](#):
>
> So there’s gonna be a new Pope.
>
> Give me the title, tagline, and star of your idea for a new Pope movie- any genre you want, any actors you want, living or dead.
_Lethal Pontiff_: Mel Gibson
“No More Mr. Nice Pope!”
_The Sedevacantist Monologues_
Clint Eastwood
“This chair’s about to be full again”
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### Author:  [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/4 "2013-02-11T15:26:08Z")
Remember that movie where a gun-toting Samuel L. Jackson talked about witnessing a miracle, recited a passage from Ezekiel, and left to walk the Earth like Caine from Kung Fu: meeting people and getting in adventures, until God puts him where He wants him to be? This summer he reunites with Tarantino for POPE FICTION.
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### Author:  [@Tapiotar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapiotar)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/5 "2013-02-11T15:29:34Z")
“Popefall”
James Bond defends the Vatican and the old Pope, played by (damn! everyone I can think of is already dead, but ideally, James Mason)who dies anyway. Bond then swears fealty to the new Pope, played by Ralph Fiennes.
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### Author:  [@Tapiotar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapiotar)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/6 "2013-02-11T15:30:34Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#):
>
> Remember that movie where a gun-toting Samuel L. Jackson talked about witnessing a miracle, recited a passage from Ezekiel, and left to walk the Earth like Caine from Kung Fu: meeting people and getting in adventures, until God puts him where He wants him to be? This summer he reunites with Tarantino for POPE FICTION.
OMG, I love you. Or would, if I weren’t laughing so hard.
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### Author:  [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/7 "2013-02-11T15:39:12Z")
The Griswolds accidently turn on the wrong smoke in the papal chimney and the Church ends up electing Pope Clark in _National Lampoons Vatican_. Luckily, Pope Clark is not the first Pontiff to have a hot wife.
Alternately, there’s the tense papal election drama _Twelve Angry Cardinals_.
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### Author:  [@Oedipus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oedipus)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/8 "2013-02-11T15:41:11Z")
_A Good Day to Die Hard._
starring: Philip Seymour Hoffman reprising his role from Doubt.
I’m done here, folks.
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### Author:  [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/9 "2013-02-11T15:46:01Z")
Rather than elect a new Pontiff, the vatican cybernetically enhances Ratzinger to bring us _Robopope_.
“I’d bless THAT for a dollar!”
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### Author:  [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/10 "2013-02-11T15:55:09Z")
It is revealed that the College is not immune from new addictions when it elects Ceiling Cat in the screwball comedy “I R Teh Poap: Moar Cheezburger plz.”
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### Author:  [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/11 "2013-02-11T15:59:12Z")
[The Pope Must Die!](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pope_Must_Die), obviously.
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### Author:  [@sohvan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sohvan)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/12 "2013-02-11T16:03:17Z")
Cardinal Club
“Robes off. No pointy hats.”
Monty Python and the Holy Pope
“Copts: We’re already got one.”
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### Author:  [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/13 "2013-02-11T16:19:02Z")
_Papal Chase_
Star: John Houseman as Pope Kingsfield I
Tagline: “You come in here with souls full of mush and you leave thinking like a church.”
Not exactly a movie, but:
2013 Papal Election
Sponsored by PopeYes, the Pontiff of Poultry!
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### Author:  [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/14 "2013-02-11T16:19:59Z")
> [@sohvan](#):
>
> Cardinal Club
> “Robes off. No pointy hats.”
>
> Monty Python and the Holy Pope
> “Copts: We’re already got one.”
African or European? 😛
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### Author:  [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/15 "2013-02-11T16:22:23Z")
_Pope Ted_
A sentient stuffed bear becomes the first non-human pope.
“Am I Catholic? I’ll tell you after I shit in the woods!”
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### Author:  [@Infovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Infovore)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/16 "2013-02-11T16:24:59Z")
> [@Sampiro](#):
>
> _Pope Ted_
> A sentient stuffed bear becomes the first non-human pope.
> “Am I Catholic? I’ll tell you after I shit in the woods!”
Wow, when I saw “Pope Ted” the first thing I thought of was Father Ted Crilly. Along with Cardinals Dougal McGuire and Jack Hackett (“Feck! Arse! Girls! That would be an ecumenical matter!”)
I’d pay to see that. 😃
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### Author:  [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/17 "2013-02-11T16:27:20Z")
Pope Benedict must step down after too many years of drinking have taken their toll in _The Days of Wine and Rosaries_.
James Stewart and his fellow dinner guests keep commenting on Benedicts absence in Alfred Hitchcocks’ _Pope_.
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### Author:  [@Balance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balance)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/18 "2013-02-11T17:32:13Z")
In the future, a Vatican researcher discovers the key to time travel among their ancient documents. The Church secretly uses the resulting technology to hide “problem” priests by sending them into the past, to a time when it is easier to conceal their crimes, and uses “prophetic” knowledge to maneuver an agent into the Papacy to coordinate the cover-up. However, Richard Dawkins’ head-in-a-jar uncovers this scheme and seizes a brief opportunity to introduce a plot-convenient poison into the wine of the Church’s chief agent in the past, who is forced to resign his position before the poison destroys his ability to lie.
With the future-Church crumbling around him, the head of the project sends himself into the past and manages to position himself to take over. In doing so, however, he unwittingly reveals the scheme to a young priest–his own younger self. Premature exposure to the corrupt misuse of this miraculous technology disillusions the young man, an effect that propagates forward to introduce bitter regret into the new time-traveling Pope. In a tense final confrontation, the young priest drives his older self to excommunicate him, ensuring that he will never have access to the Vatican archives, and thus, will never discover time travel.
Don’t miss the theological thriller of the decade: _Poper_
No, we’re not going to tell you whether or not this paradox ironically unravels all of Creation. Think for yourself, would you? Jeez.
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### Author:  [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/19 "2013-02-11T17:35:09Z")
The Holy Ghost has gone crazy and is terrorizing New York City!
Fortunately, _Popebusters_ is on the scene and ready to kick ass!
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### Author:  [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)
#### Post date: [February 11, 2013, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/episode-iv-a-new-pope/649976/20 "2013-02-11T17:45:10Z")
The Pope decides that thorny issues of church doctrine must decided in a break dancing competition. Thus, _Vatican II: Electric Boogaloo_.
A young priest must travel through the bowels of the Vatican to eliminate a Pope who is out of control: _A-pope-alypse Now_.
_The Curia Case of Benjamin Button_: Hey, he was old when we elected him…
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