# Equality in sex **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 23, 2015, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/equality-in-sex/735541 "2015-10-23T14:28:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 3\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e47c2d/32.png) [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hershele_Ostropoler)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2015, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/equality-in-sex/735541/21 "2015-10-23T19:41:19Z")
> [@pianodave](#): > > But why isn’t this concept of “equality in sex” more popular? It seems a no-brainer. You of course don’t want to criminalize someone who’s disgusted by a certain sex act, but why isn’t equality for both partners valued as much as respecting their individual turn-ons and turn-offs? To me, at least, it’s so sexy to show your partner that you respect their journey and will join them on it. It’s the height of acceptance and love. I feel like it should be part and parcel of the sexual experience. If this equality concept is popular, I don’t see it very often. It’s usually more “you do what you’ll do, and I’ll do what I’ll do”. People are so happy within their comfort zone. I wouldn’t endorse a strict tit-for-tat arrangement. All else being equal I don’t think I’d ask a partner to do something I would be utterly unwilling to do (or do the nearest equivalent of, if any; some things really don’t have a close reciprocal equivalent, especially in couples with different genitalia), but if she wants to do X and I want to do X and neither of us is really interested in counter-X, that’s fine. Just because some aspect of a relationship is objectively asymmetrical doesn’t mean the participants experience it that way. I certainly don’t think anyone should say “I have no interest in doing counter-X, regardless of how you feel about it, therefore there is no fair way to ask to do X” ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2015, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/equality-in-sex/735541/22 "2015-10-23T20:03:26Z")
> [@control-z](#): > > . . . Men and women are different mentally, physically, and biologically . . . And yet, while this is true, men and women are also extremely similar in all these ways. It really isn’t that hard to generalize physical sensations across sex boundaries. The genitals are very different…yet surprisingly isomorphic. In any case, individuals are very different, and so the only way to make sure you’re maximizing the pleasure of the one person you’re with is to ask. Communication is the key to good lovin’. Some people want hard, fast, rough, pile-driver sex…and others want slow, gentle, soft, soothing sex. Experimenting with an outside partner won’t help you learn what your real partner wants. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2015, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/equality-in-sex/735541/23 "2015-10-23T20:46:09Z")
> [@Hershele\_Ostropoler](#): > > I wouldn’t endorse a strict tit-for-tat arrangement. All else being equal I don’t think I’d ask a partner to do something I would be utterly unwilling to do (or do the nearest equivalent of, if any; some things really don’t have a close reciprocal equivalent, especially in couples with different genitalia), but if she wants to do X and I want to do X and neither of us is really interested in counter-X, that’s fine. Just because some aspect of a relationship is objectively asymmetrical doesn’t mean the participants experience it that way. > > I certainly don’t think anyone should say “I have no interest in doing counter-X, regardless of how you feel about it, therefore there is no fair way to ask to do X” [Dan Savage’s idea of GGG seems to be what you and others are saying:](http://www.eastbayexpress.com/oakland/good-giving-and-game/Content?oid=3056340) > [@](#): > > “GGG stands for good, giving, and game, which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think good in bed, giving equal time and equal pleasure, and game for anything — within reason.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/equality-in-sex/735541.md?page=1)