# Erection During Medical Exam **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 20, 2004, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761 "2004-08-20T18:52:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![seosamh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@seosamh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seosamh)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/21 "2004-08-20T23:16:13Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > Reminds me of the joke about two nurses chatting. One of the nurses says “that patient I just bathed has a tattoo on his penis that says SWAN.” > > The next day the other nurse explained, “When I gave him his bath, that tattoo read SASKATCHEWAN!” Of course, I have a tattoo on my hampton which normally says WENDY but when being bathed by attractive female nurses (yeah, right: like that’s going to happen) says WELCOME TO JAMAICA, HAVE A NICE DAY (including the comma). ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2004, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/22 "2004-08-20T23:39:28Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > “Dear _Journal of the American Medical Association_, > I’ve read your magazine for years but I never thought it could happen to me…” That made me laugh out loud. Perfect end to a week of earning a weekly tax payment. ---
**Author:** ![MizQuirk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/94ad74/32.png) [@MizQuirk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MizQuirk)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2004, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/23 "2004-08-21T00:57:14Z")
[QUOTE=bughunter] One of the regulars over at alt.tasteless, a medical professional going by the unenviable online alias “NurzRatchet,” claims that there’s particular place you can \ with the ol’ waggly fingerwhip that will cause an erection to instantly subside. QUOTE] I thought all nurses and doctors knew that technique. You’re saying they don’t?! ---
**Author:** ![emekthian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ecae2f/32.png) [@emekthian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emekthian)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2004, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/24 "2004-08-21T03:30:38Z")
I’ve never had an erection during a medical exam. However, whenever my (male) doctor examenes my genitals, I burst out laughing. I’m very ticklish you see. ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2004, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/25 "2004-08-21T22:37:26Z")
Heh, I’ve been too nervous to get an erection in front of girls I’ve gone to bed with never mind a doctor :smack: Even though I seem to have a fantasy thing about doctors and nurses the one time I had to let my doc see my wang it did nothing for me 😕 ---
**Author:** ![Carcosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@Carcosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carcosa)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2004, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/26 "2004-08-21T23:34:56Z")
> [@bughunter](#): > > One of the regulars over at alt.tasteless, a medical professional going by the unenviable online alias “NurzRatchet,” claims that there’s particular place you can \ with the ol’ waggly fingerwhip that will cause an erection to instantly subside. > > I can think of several places where that might be effective, myself, but I believe she was referring to the glans. When I was in the Navy I had a guy in my division describe this to me. He came back from a physical in a very sullen mood and confessed that there was a new and very pretty doctor on base. Appears he became aroused during the exam which conflicted with his deep religious beliefs and caused him great discomfort. The doctor, on noticing his condition gave the offending member a quick two-finger karate chop. I think it sent my friend over the edge, he never was quite the same. ---
**Author:** ![Critical\_Mass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f1d935/32.png) [@Critical\_Mass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical_Mass)\ **Post date:** [August 21, 2004, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/27 "2004-08-21T23:58:46Z")
A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns. He was in agony and already starting to blister. The doctor prescribed IV saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours. The nurse, rather astounded, asked “What good will Viagra do him?” The doctor replied “It’ll keep the sheets off his legs.” ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/28 "2004-08-22T00:13:46Z")
> [@emekthian](#): > > I’ve never had an erection during a medical exam. > > However, whenever my (male) doctor examenes my genitals, I burst out laughing. I’m very ticklish you see. I see, and how do you feel about this **emekthian**? By the way the place where you may thwack erections to make them go away is Utah. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/29 "2004-08-22T00:18:41Z")
I’ve only had occasion to worry about something like this on one occasion. I had a small red mark form on the head of my member, and after a few days i decided that i should get it looked at. I went to the Sexual Health Clinic at the closest hospital, and was shown into the doctor’s office after a short wait. The doctor was a fairly young woman (i’d say about 28-30), and extremely attractive. If i saw her on the street, i’d certainly take notice. But, no matter how attractive the doctor, there’s something fundamentally unsexy about having your old fella manipulated with a wooden spatula by a woman wearing rubber gloves. I don’t think i oculd have achieved an erection even if i had wanted to. (BTW, the problem was a minor fungal infection, quickly cured with a prescription cream. In case you were wondering :)) ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/30 "2004-08-22T00:29:09Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > (BTW, the problem was a minor fungal infection, quickly cured with a prescription cream. In case you were wondering :)) Dang…I thought you were going to say she prescribed Noxema to remove the lipstick! ---
**Author:** ![Chastain86](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Chastain86](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chastain86)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/31 "2004-08-22T01:23:34Z")
> [@ultrafilter](#): > > If your penis is exposed at the dentist, I don’t think they can be offended by whatever happens next. Coolest. Dentist. EVAR. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/32 "2004-08-22T01:51:58Z")
What if you stick tongue depressors up your butt? Would the doc get offended? How about if you put them back in the jar afterwards? ---
**Author:** ![ultrafilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/3d9bf3/32.png) [@ultrafilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultrafilter)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 1:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/33 "2004-08-22T01:56:00Z")
> [@Revtim](#): > > What if you stick tongue depressors up your butt? Would the doc get offended? How about if you put them back in the jar afterwards? That would require you to have your anus exposed (maybe it’s a clear night?), and I never said anything about that. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/34 "2004-08-22T14:54:38Z")
A good customer of mine used who used to stop in every weekend to watch the horse races and have a few beers told this story several years ago… It probably won’t strike anyone who reads this it amusing, but trust me, the people that knew Eddie and heard him tell his _‘tail of woe’_ thought it was hysterical: Having turned 45, Ed (a very dry, hard-edged, blue-collar & old-fashioned type guy) took his father-in-law’s advice and went for his first medical check-up since he was a kid. Not having his own doctor - or the initiative it takes to find one - his father-in-law made an appointment for him with his general practitioner. Toward the _end_ of the exam, the doctor told Ed he was going to check his prostrate and explained why and what that en_tailed_. Following doctor’s orders, Ed straddled the floor naked and held onto the examination table to keep his balance as the doctor stood behind him with his non-gloved hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “I’ll be gentle & it’ll be over in a moment,” the good doc assured him. After a minute or two, the doctor pulled out his finger and told Ed he had to recheck one more thing. They got back into the same position: with Ed in the straddled position and doctor in the rear. Suddenly, Ed felt the doctors examining hand grab his right shoulder - he turned quickly to the left and quickly realized both hands were visible but he still had something up his dumper. ‘WTF’, Ed yelled as he pulled away. The doctor broke out laughing as he pulled a handle of a reflex mallet covered in a rubber glove and KY out of Ed’s ass. Turns out the father-in-law set the whole thing up. Cruel? Yes. Against the hypocratic oath? I’m sure it is. Grounds for a lawsuit? Ed’s not that type. All I know is, everyone who knew him and heard him retell the story thought it was F.A.F. ---
**Author:** ![calm\_kiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9fc348/32.png) [@calm\_kiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/calm_kiwi)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/35 "2004-08-22T15:34:20Z")
MY father recently told me “We all go someway. No bloody doctor is sticking his finger up my arse. If I have a dodgy prostate so be it.” This is probably why I have such a positive attitude to doctors. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2004, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/36 "2004-08-22T22:08:43Z")
> [@SolGrundy](#): > > “Dear _Journal of the American Medical Association_, > I’ve read your magazine for years but I never thought it could happen to me…” [Stewie Griffin] _HA!_ [/Stewie Griffin] ---
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/37 "2004-08-23T06:41:09Z")
I had a large erection for several days and finally called up the doctors office to make an appt. The nurse said she would try and squeeze me in. Thank you, I’ll be here all week. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/38 "2004-08-23T15:49:58Z")
Funny thing is, whether you show up for the appointment or skip out and make them wonder where you are, either way you’re giving them the shaft. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2004, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/39 "2004-08-23T23:06:54Z")
> [@seosamh](#): > > Of course, I have a tattoo on my hampton which normally says WENDY but when being bathed by attractive female nurses (yeah, right: like that’s going to happen) says WELCOME TO JAMAICA, HAVE A NICE DAY (including the comma). Oh yeah? well, mine normally appears to say ‘HANDY’, but occasionally reads "HAVE YOU EVER VISITED LLANFAIRPWYLLGWYNGYLLGOGERYCHWYRNDROBWILLANTSYILIOGOGOGOCH IN THE SPRINGTIME? OH YOU MUST! - I WENT THERE ONCE WHEN ON A WELSH HOLIDAY FOR A LONG WEEKEND IN APRIL, WHICH WAS VERY PLEASANT; WE ALSO VISITED THE CHARMING LITTLE RAILWAY STATION AT GORSAFAWDACHAIDRAIGODANHEDDOGLEDDOLLONPENRHYNAREURDRAETHCEREDIGION, WHERE WE STOPPED FOR A WONDERFUL PICNIC - ALL IN ALL, A MOST ENJOYABLE DAY ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [August 24, 2004, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761/40 "2004-08-24T17:02:22Z")
> [@seosamh](#): > > Of course, I have a tattoo on my hampton Hampton? Is this rhyming slang or something? Is this the one that has something to do with Peter Frampton? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/erection-during-medical-exam/260761.md?page=3)