# Estimated Time Until Our Asses Get Kicked Out **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 17, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831 "2011-06-17T14:04:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/1 "2011-06-17T14:04:22Z")
I was hanging out at the comic store the other day, and chatting with a friend of mine and one of the employees. The friend’s got an upcoming birthday, and the employee suggested taking him to a strip club. Then someone wondered aloud if anyone ever slipped a check in a g-string at a strip club, which inspired me to riff. See, you could totally make up a bunch of pre-signed checks to CASH, in $1 and $5 amounts, and just use those instead of cash, and it would be hilarious. This idea was met with much amusement and enthusiasm and “we HAVE to do this!”, and while I agree it is a pretty funny thought, the rational part of my brain says that the bouncers would be involved after the first or second check. Having never actually been to a strip club, though, I could be wrong! How long do you think we’d get away with small denomination CASH checks in place of money? (And no, I don’t plan to do it.) ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/2 "2011-06-17T14:16:01Z")
You’ve thought of a new way to make a check bounce. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/3 "2011-06-17T14:19:17Z")
Ordinarily, when you tip a stripper, you position yourself by the stage with your cash visible. When the stripper approaches, you then give her the tip in whatever manner [del]you can get away with[/del] is appropriate for the venue. I rather suspect that, if the girls can tell you’re holding something other than cash, they won’t even approach you except maybe to chew you out. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/4 "2011-06-17T14:24:40Z")
> [@Max\_Torque](#): > > Ordinarily, when you tip a stripper, you position yourself by the stage with your cash visible. When the stripper approaches, you then give her the tip in whatever manner [del]you can get away with[/del] is appropriate for the venue. I rather suspect that, if the girls can tell you’re holding something other than cash, they won’t even approach you except maybe to chew you out. That’s not a bad point. ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/5 "2011-06-17T14:25:25Z")
You might make it through one dance, if the dancer isn’t too pissed off. She would surely report you after the dance and you would either be told to cut the shit or you would simply be escorted out. A dance lasts about three minutes, so that’s the upper boundary of how long you would get away with it. What you would not be, by any stretch of the imagination, is “hilarious”. You would be annoying, rude, and condescending. Strippers are doing a job. You don’t have to respect them for doing it, but you should keep your lack of respect to yourself. You know, the way you hope that nobody gives you shit for saying “I was hanging out at the comic store the other day”. ---
**Author:** ![BMalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@BMalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BMalion)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/6 "2011-06-17T14:25:59Z")
Unless she has a heart of gold. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/7 "2011-06-17T14:30:35Z")
> [@Gus\_Gusterson](#): > > You might make it through one dance, if the dancer isn’t too pissed off. She would surely report you after the dance and you would either be told to cut the shit or you would simply be escorted out. A dance lasts about three minutes, so that’s the upper boundary of how long you would get away with it. > > What you would not be, by any stretch of the imagination, is “hilarious”. You would be annoying, rude, and condescending. Strippers are doing a job. You don’t have to respect them for doing it, but you should keep your lack of respect to yourself. You know, the way you hope that nobody gives you shit for saying “I was hanging out at the comic store the other day”. Annoying, perhaps. Condescending? Hardly. A check for $5 is worth the same as a five dollar bill. This is, at best, a prank in the vein of Candid Camera - contravening normal expectations in a harmless way. Imagine instead of a strip joint that it was a bar, and we insisted on paying for each drink with individual checks. The bartender might be confused or annoyed, but disrespected? Please. :rolleyes: And what in my extensive posting history would ever give you the idea that I’d be ashamed or embarrassed about hanging out in a comic store? Any dumbass who thinks there’s something wrong about that can go fuck themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/8 "2011-06-17T14:36:58Z")
The majority of dancers are honest people trying to make a living. But it does seem like you’re taking an unreasonable chance at being the victim of identity theft. ---
**Author:** ![CandidGamera](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/candidgamera/32/2878_2.png) [@CandidGamera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CandidGamera)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/9 "2011-06-17T14:38:33Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > The majority of dancers are honest people trying to make a living. But it does seem like you’re taking an unreasonable chance at being the victim of identity theft. Well, yes, one reason amongst many I wouldn’t actually carry the plan out. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/10 "2011-06-17T14:42:04Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Annoying, perhaps. Condescending? Hardly. A check for $5 is worth the same as a five dollar bill. No, it’s not. You have to go cash a check, likely incurring charges if she doesn’t have a regular bank. You can spend a five dollar bill. And you don’t have to spend a lot of time poring over the details to know that the girl could possibly take it as a mocking gesture. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/11 "2011-06-17T14:42:56Z")
Strip club owners and workers never tire of juvenile frat boy antics, I’m sure you’ll be met, all around, with nothing but smiles and chuckles. Funny guys are always a big hit in such joints. I can already hear you whining, ‘It’s just a joke, man, where’s your sense of humour?’, as you’re being unceremoniously tossed from the building. Unless you’re 19yrs old you need to grow up. It’s not an easy life being a stripper, jerking them around for your own amusement is a scummy thing to do, no matter how you dress it up. If you’re that drawn to shock value only antics just pull your wang out randomly. All the shock value and attention you crave - with the advantage of actually being amusing to your audience. There will be laughter! And that’s what you want, right? ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/12 "2011-06-17T14:45:40Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Annoying, perhaps. Condescending? Hardly. A check for $5 is worth the same as a five dollar bill. This is, at best, a prank in the vein of Candid Camera - contravening normal expectations in a harmless way. Imagine instead of a strip joint that it was a bar, and we insisted on paying for each drink with individual checks. The bartender might be confused or annoyed, but disrespected? Please. :rolleyes: Have you ever been in a bar? There aren’t many, if any, that take checks. Neither do strippers. Wouldn’t it be funny if, instead of a check or direct deposit, your next pay was denominated in Zimbabwean dollars? What’s the big deal? You can just go to the currency exchange and convert them to dollars. You’re probably right, though. The strippers would surely understand that you were just contravening normal expectations in a harmless way. You’d be fine. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/13 "2011-06-17T14:47:29Z")
Well, is there a rule that you _have_ to tip after a dance? If not, then you’re already ahead of the game by giving her something rather than nothing. Would we think it was all that obnoxious if he did it to a waiter? ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/14 "2011-06-17T14:49:01Z")
I once wrote a separate check to a waitress for her tip. It was for “One Dollar and NINE CENTS!!!” à la Navin Johnson (Steve Martin) in _The Jerk._ At this point I should mention that the waitress was my sister. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/15 "2011-06-17T14:52:11Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > Well, is there a rule that you _have_ to tip after a dance? If not, then you’re already ahead of the game by giving her something rather than nothing. Would we think it was all that obnoxious if he did it to a waiter? Yep. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/16 "2011-06-17T14:55:02Z")
> [@CandidGamera](#): > > Any dumbass who thinks there’s something wrong about that can go fuck themselves. You’re in MPSIMS, not the Pit. Dial it back a little, please. **twickster** , MPSIMS moderator ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/17 "2011-06-17T14:56:34Z")
Too late - I already went and fucked myself. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/18 "2011-06-17T15:02:31Z")
Did you tip yourself afterwards? Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Gus\_Gusterson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@Gus\_Gusterson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gus_Gusterson)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/19 "2011-06-17T15:06:40Z")
Couldn’t find the checkbook. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2011, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831/20 "2011-06-17T15:07:26Z")
Checks. How quaint. Man up and swipe your bank card between her butt cheeks. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estimated-time-until-our-asses-get-kicked-out/585831.md?page=2)