# estranged father and his passing **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 15, 2004, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estranged-father-and-his-passing/240113 "2004-04-15T04:32:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 2\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![donnah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/45deac/32.png) [@donnah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/donnah)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estranged-father-and-his-passing/240113/1 "2004-04-15T04:32:18Z")
wow…i realize i don’t post here often, but i want to share. i have been estranged from my father fot the last 18 years over something stupid and miniscule. my father had a massive stroke (his 2nd) last sunday morning and i was at the hospital on monday. i have lived in sweden for the past 6 years and was not here for his first stroke 3 years ago. we had a major falling out 18 years ago, and have not been in contact since. i think he was concscious enough to know i was there last mondy evening…but by friday, we removed the ventilator and he simply stopped breathing later in the day. this has been an absolutely devastating and mind numbing experience for me…and there is a song i would like to share with anyone who happens to read this and finds themselves in the same boat…it is called “in the living years” Every generation Blames the one before And all of their frustrations Come beating on your door I know that I’m a prisoner To all my Father held so dear I know that I’m a hostage To all his hopes and fears I just wish I could have told him in the living years Crumpled bits of paper Filled with imperfect thought Stilted conversations I’m afraid that’s all we’ve got You say you just don’t see it He says it’s perfect sense You just can’t get agreement In this present tense We all talk a different language Talking in defence Say it loud, say it clear You can listen as well as you hear It’s too late when we die To admit we don’t see eye to eye So we open up a quarrel Between the present and the past We only sacrifice the future It’s the bitterness that lasts So don’t yield to the fortunes You sometimes see as fate It may have a new perspective On a different day And if you don’t give up, and don’t give in You may just be O.K. Say it loud, say it clear You can listen as well as you hear It’s too late when we die To admit we don’t see eye to eye I wasn’t there that morning When my Father passed away I didn’t get to tell him All the things I had to say I think I caught his spirit Later that same year I’m sure I heard his echo In my baby’s new born tears I just wish I could have told him in the living years Say it loud, say it clear You can listen as well as you hear It’s too late when we die To admit we don’t see eye to eye … that’s all, i am sad and sorry and just wanted to share. i think he knows i was there last monday…i tell myself that. thank you all for listnening. ---
**Author:** ![jastu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/43a26b/32.png) [@jastu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jastu)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2004, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/estranged-father-and-his-passing/240113/2 "2004-04-15T05:52:19Z")
I’m very sorry for your loss **donnah**. I was estranged from my father for almost 25 years when I heard of his death. A family member saw the death notice in the paper, not a nice way to find out. Even though we had not been in touch for so long, which was not my choice btw, I still felt a great sense of loss and was extremely sad for all those lost years. It was good you had the chance to be with him one last time.