# ethics of dating 2 women at once **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 30, 2013, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156 "2013-04-30T23:59:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![fatova\_mingus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b2d939/32.png) [@fatova\_mingus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fatova_mingus)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/21 "2013-05-01T12:55:51Z")
> [@colander](#): > > my head hurts ☹ > > i wonder what oscar wilde had to say about that “Women are made to be loved not understood.” No women were consulted in the survey which led to this conclusion. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/22 "2013-05-01T13:38:39Z")
If these opportunities are rare for you I don’t think I would pass it up over some stupid moral imperative. _Indulge_ yourself **WC**. Years from now you’re not going to be looking back at this time thinking to yourself “Gee, I sure am glad I was upfront those women. I almost had sex with BOTH of those ladies. Wouldn’t THAT make for some awful memories! Whew, dodged that bullet!” Seriously, don’t be that guy in the fetal position. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/23 "2013-05-01T13:43:58Z")
Okay, we got that other SDMB member offered a FOUR way AND the hottie lady is interested him one on one as well. Now we got WC dating two women. This place is really loosing its nerd cred. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/24 "2013-05-01T15:55:47Z")
> [@ducati](#): > > You pick someone, it works or it doesn’t, and you keep on going. That’s the other thing to consider. I dated two women at once in graduate school, and wasn’t quite so forthcoming as **Alice the Goon** suggests. I ended up sleeping with one, then choosing the other, and she ended up dumping me about 2 months later anyway. In retrospect, I chose the wrong girl. The first one was a great girl and I was very compatible with her, but the other one had novelty- foreign, in grad school with me, etc… so I chose novel and interesting over compatible and fun, much to my later chagrin. One piece of practical advice though- if you do end up dating them for a few months, make sure you’re careful which friends you introduce them to- you don’t want your friends shooting their mouths off and saying things like “What happened to X? Didn’t you bring her out last week?”, ---
**Author:** ![ducati](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/cc9497/32.png) [@ducati](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ducati)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/25 "2013-05-01T17:54:38Z")
> [@bump](#): > > One piece of practical advice though- if you do end up dating them for a few months, make sure you’re careful which friends you introduce them to- you don’t want your friends shooting their mouths off and saying things like “What happened to X? Didn’t you bring her out last week?”, I alternated evenings with my two. Restaurant A on Monday with GF1, then A on Tuesday with GF2, as well as B and C. 1 drank red wine, the other white. One night our waiter brought #1 red instead of white. She looked at him and said “I think you’re thinking of the other blonde with big boobs.” :smack: She knew things I didn’t know she knew. Bottom line: Honesty is the best policy. ---
**Author:** ![typoink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@typoink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/typoink)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/26 "2013-05-01T18:24:08Z")
Two rules in a situation like this: 1. Don’t lie. If either asks if you’re going on dates with another, tell the truth. You don’t necessarily have to tell one about the other off the bat – going on multiple dates is normal. But don’t lie by omission, either. 2. If you take either to bed, you are obligated either to break it off with the other or be transparent about the situation. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/27 "2013-05-01T19:23:24Z")
As long as they both know its not an exclusive relationship, I don’t see a problem. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/28 "2013-05-01T19:47:54Z")
> [@ducati](#): > > I alternated evenings with my two. Restaurant A on Monday with GF1, then A on Tuesday with GF2, as well as B and C. > > 1 drank red wine, the other white. One night our waiter brought #1 red instead of white. > She looked at him and said “I think you’re thinking of the other blonde with big boobs.” :smack: > > She knew things I didn’t know she knew. > Bottom line: Honesty is the best policy. Hah! I had something similar happen, but I was actually in the clear. I’d dated one girl for a while, and then we broke up, but remained pretty close, and when I was dating my wife early on, I actually had dinner with the ex to ask her for some advice on how not to fuck things up with the wife (to be). The waiter at the place had happened to see wife and I in there several times over the past week, and then saw me in there with the ex, and gave me the most horrible stink-eye I think I’ve ever received- to the point where the ex picked up on it. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2013, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/29 "2013-05-01T21:33:11Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Okay, we got that other SDMB member offered a FOUR way AND the hottie lady is interested him one on one as well. > > Now we got WC dating two women. > > This place is really loosing its nerd cred. If it makes you feel better, I also had a fuck buddy for a couple months earlier this year and she wasn’t one of the 2 women. Yup, everything is coming up Milhouse. I wish I had had better social skills in college, obtainable women were everywhere. Now I have to look to find them. ---
**Author:** ![Krouget](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b38774/32.png) [@Krouget](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Krouget)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/30 "2013-05-02T12:12:56Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > I don’t get a lot of options with women, and like the mighty camel when I am presented with a water source I drink that fucker up before the next dry spell. So I currently have 2 women I am talking with, both of whom seem interested in me (I met both around the same time). I don’t want to drop either, but I don’t feel comfortable doing this with both at the same time. This is the first time this has happened, normally my relationships with women involve me crying in the fetal position while they make fun of me with their friends. > > How could I let one or the other down, while still keeping that door open for later if we are both available? Or is that rude? I don’t know how I’d feel if someone did that to me, I’d feel like a backup. Interestingly enough, just today I heard a friend of mine had been actively dating 10 guys, at once. She wasn’t sleeping with any of them, but she was enjoying herself. So yeah, two isn’t anything, at this stage. Given the leverage some women can afford at times, the converse may also be true, if not, more dramatic. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/31 "2013-05-02T15:49:21Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > If it makes you feel better, I also had a fuck buddy for a couple months earlier this year and she wasn’t one of the 2 women. Yup, everything is coming up Milhouse. I wish I had had better social skills in college, obtainable women were everywhere. Now I have to look to find them. Being relatively newly single and having the social skills of your average nerd let me say this: No. That does not make me feel any better. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/32 "2013-05-02T21:03:19Z")
> [@typoink](#): > > 1. If you take either to bed, you are obligated either to break it off with the other or be transparent about the situation. When did monogamy become a rule for single people? It’s always been my understanding that if monogamy is expected it must be requested. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/33 "2013-05-02T21:22:02Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > This place is really loosing its nerd cred. In other news, Game Stop 1st quarter earnings 7% below expectations. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/34 "2013-05-02T21:25:51Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Being relatively newly single and having the social skills of your average nerd let me say this: > > No. > > That does not make me feel any better. There are always many lovely Russian ladies waiting to make your aquaintance. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/35 "2013-05-02T21:39:50Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > Being relatively newly single and having the social skills of your average nerd let me say this: > > No. > > That does not make me feel any better. You should be happy for me, I’m like Kevin Bacon in the film murder in the first. Its like I’ve escaped my dark cell and snuck out onto the roof, and now I’m jacking it while enjoying the sunshine. Sure soon the guards will come, beat the shit out of me and drag me back down thus ending my moment of pleasure, but be happy for me in my moment of triumph. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2013, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/36 "2013-05-02T22:57:50Z")
For now, it’s nobody’s business how many women you are talking to. They could each be talking to five guys for all you know. Personally, I am a no sex before commitment gal. When and if the time for intimacy comes, that’s when you lay your cards on the table and show your hand, ---
**Author:** ![hopeok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@hopeok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hopeok)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2015, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/37 "2015-02-12T05:06:38Z")
Finding out this kind of behavior of person, give you more time to explore better person. Take time more on career, and other time, go out to meet more people and find good one. Love come and go. Accept it and move on when finding that your partner or future partner see two or more at once. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2015, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/38 "2015-02-12T05:27:17Z")
I had a similar thing happen but it was with chocolates. And I couldn’t decide which I wanted more so I chose both. At the time it was nice but I regretted it later. ---
**Author:** ![DooWahDiddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9bcb4/32.png) [@DooWahDiddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DooWahDiddy)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2015, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/39 "2015-02-12T05:32:35Z")
Well, since we’re here eating brains, what happened with WC and these two ladies? ---
**Author:** ![Inna\_Minnit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Inna\_Minnit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inna_Minnit)\ **Post date:** [February 12, 2015, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156/40 "2015-02-12T06:11:55Z")
Dammit. Why do I never look at dates? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ethics-of-dating-2-women-at-once/657156.md?page=3)