# Etiquette for going to the neighbors' for Thanksgiving? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 23, 2011, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928 "2011-11-23T22:55:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/1 "2011-11-23T22:55:44Z")
We’ve been invited to our next-door neighbors’ for Thanksgiving this year. The wife next door is a nurse at the hospital that my husband is a resident at, which is how we know them. We’ve socialized some over the last year (which is when we realized we were neighbors) but not a whole lot. I called and asked what we could bring tomorrow, and she said they had a lot of food and didn’t need us to bring any more, but that we could bring some wine if we wanted. So we got a couple of bottles of wine. Is there any further expectation that I might be unaware of that is common etiquette? I plan on sending over a thank you card afterward. I’ve only ever either done Thanksgiving at my house or at a relative’s house, so I don’t know if there is some social expectation (hostess gift? etc) that I’m not aware of. ---
**Author:** ![SpoilerVirgin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SpoilerVirgin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpoilerVirgin)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/2 "2011-11-23T23:11:44Z")
The wine will be your hostess gift. Since you’re planning on sending a bread and butter note, I think you have everything covered. Just remember your table manners and you’ll be fine. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/3 "2011-11-23T23:47:56Z")
Do not, under any circumstances, yell “FOOD FIGHT!!!” That’s just plain tacky. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/4 "2011-11-23T23:51:01Z")
If you need to fart, either leave the table or scold the dog. ---
**Author:** ![Mrs.Cake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2acd7d/32.png) [@Mrs.Cake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mrs.Cake)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/5 "2011-11-23T23:55:36Z")
Two bottles of decent wine and a follow-up thank-you card is what I am bringing as well (probably not to the same party). Invited to spend T-giving with a friend’s family as my husband has to work out of town once again this week. Like you I have been assured that there will be monster quantities of food. If we screw up **OpalCat** , at least we can cry on each others’ shoulders. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2011, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/6 "2011-11-23T23:59:24Z")
I thini you’re covered with the wine and a note. It would be thoughtful of you to offer your driveway or whatever for overflow parking for other guests, if that’s applicable. ---
**Author:** ![fifty-six](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@fifty-six](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fifty-six)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/7 "2011-11-24T00:01:15Z")
Stay out of the kitchen. And if on a whim you do decide to bring something make sure it does not need heating or chilling. ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/8 "2011-11-24T00:52:32Z")
Offer to put something in your oven if she’s short on space. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/9 "2011-11-24T01:11:44Z")
> [@Lacunae\_Matata](#): > > I thini you’re covered with the wine and a note. It would be thoughtful of you to offer your driveway or whatever for overflow parking for other guests, if that’s applicable. Our driveway is steep, curving, and has almost no room to maneuver in–it would be a hazard to offer it as a place to park. Also our houses aren’t very close together. The lots are quite large and both of our driveways are pretty long, and fairly far apart. It’s probably at least a 5 minute walk from my front door to theirs. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/10 "2011-11-24T01:15:32Z")
Never mind![/Emily Litella] But maybe call tonight and ask whether she needs to borrow anything, like refrigerator space. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/11 "2011-11-24T03:50:19Z")
Do remember that your wine might not be served. It shocked me the first time I brought wine as a hostess gift and we didn’t taste it. Your hostess will have already selected the wine for the meal and will probably save your wine to enjoy later. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/12 "2011-11-24T04:04:24Z")
Well her exact words were “some wine that you like” which indicated that she probably intended that we’d be drinking our own wine. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/13 "2011-11-24T05:02:53Z")
I’m not good at that sort of social thing, which is why I was so shocked that my wine wasn’t opened. I learned about why she didn’t on the Dope 🙂 Hopes you have a wonderful time. I probably would help move used plates and what not into the kitchen for my hostess, but as soon as I got the evil eye, I’d stop. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 10:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/14 "2011-11-24T10:25:49Z")
Don’t jump in, no matter how good your intentions, to help out in their family’s internal disputes ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/15 "2011-11-24T16:19:19Z")
😃 > [@YogSosoth](#): > > Don’t jump in, no matter how good your intentions, to help out in their family’s internal disputes Unless, of course, you can clearly see who was right and who was wrong!😃 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/16 "2011-11-24T17:14:58Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > Don’t jump in, no matter how good your intentions, to help out in their family’s internal disputes I actually broke up with a girlfriend who did that. It’s that big a deal to some people. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/17 "2011-11-24T17:52:00Z")
Helping with cleanup after dinner–how much is expected and how much is “getting in the way”? ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/18 "2011-11-24T18:00:27Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Do not, under any circumstances, yell “FOOD FIGHT!!!” That’s just plain tacky. > > 😃 So you’re supposed to just start chucking side dishes into faces without giving fair warning? ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/19 "2011-11-24T18:20:29Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > Helping with cleanup after dinner–how much is expected and how much is “getting in the way”? Unfortunately that’s different for every person in the world. The best you can do is offer and attempt to understand her responses. The problem is that people are rarely straightforward about what they want. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2011, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928/20 "2011-11-24T18:40:00Z")
Also, I don’t know if this matters, but the wife is Brazilian. Are there any cultural things that would change the etiquette that I should know about? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-for-going-to-the-neighbors-for-thanksgiving/603928.md?page=2)