# Etiquette in Asking for Money **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 4, 2011, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094 "2011-02-04T00:22:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/1 "2011-02-04T00:22:22Z")
I coach chess at a local private school (K-8 if it matters). The position is strictly voluntary; I have not been paid a dime apart from some free snacks here and there that parents have brought to meets. I’m fine with this; it’s a very minimal time commitment, and I love chess and love kids, so it’s really no bother. However, the state finals tournament is in two weeks, and this event is going to cost me some money. Hotel room, gas each way, and about six meals on the road, and it’s going to add up. Would I be out of line is asking my athletic director for some pocket money for this event? Or should I just suck it up and pay for it myself? Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/2 "2011-02-04T00:26:17Z")
Wow, the school doesn’t just automatically pay for all of that? At my (public) school the chess sponsor would pay out of pocket for everything but he’d get reimbursed afterwards. Why aren’t you asking the parents to pay for their children’s rooms and meals? ---
**Author:** ![Absolute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b2d939/32.png) [@Absolute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Absolute)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/3 "2011-02-04T00:32:48Z")
You would not be out of line at all. This is something the school should pay for. Not just for you, but for the students as well. I would not ask for “pocket money”, but rather that you be reimbursed for all your expenses once the event is over. **AClockworkMelon** , presumably the parents _are_ paying for their kid’s travel, hotel rooms and food - but not for **HeyHomie’s**. ---
**Author:** ![HeyHomie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heyhomie/32/207_2.png) [@HeyHomie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HeyHomie)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/4 "2011-02-04T00:38:07Z")
> [@Absolute](#): > > **AClockworkMelon** , presumably the parents _are_ paying for their kid’s travel, hotel rooms and food - but not for **HeyHomie’s**. Correct. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/5 "2011-02-04T01:27:17Z")
Oh, oops. I got the impression from the OP that you were paying, out of your own pocket, hotel and food costs for yourself and all the kids! ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/6 "2011-02-04T01:36:52Z")
You should challenge all the parents to a chess match, where you play them all simultaneously. If you win at least half the games, they pay twice the cost of your trip. Otherwise, you pay your own way. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/7 "2011-02-04T01:45:41Z")
Don’t phrase it as a question. There is no question they will be funding your trip (or at least there should not be). Simply ask the athletic director where to submit your receipts for reimbursement after the trip is over. If he doesn’t know, try to contact a secretary. Again, don’t make it look like you’re asking for money, because you’re not. You’re simply being reimbursed what they owe you. ---
**Author:** ![wheresmymind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@wheresmymind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wheresmymind)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/8 "2011-02-04T01:51:49Z")
> [@rachelellogram](#): > > Don’t phrase it as a question. There is no question they will be funding your trip (or at least there should not be). Simply ask the athletic director where to submit your receipts for reimbursement after the trip is over. If he doesn’t know, try to contact a secretary. Again, don’t make it look like you’re asking for money, because you’re not. You’re simply being reimbursed what they owe you. This! Excellent advice for this type of situation. ---
**Author:** ![Staggerlee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/staggerlee/32/3134_2.png) [@Staggerlee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Staggerlee)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/9 "2011-02-04T11:50:25Z")
Explain that you don’t expect much in remuneration; just one cent for the first square of the chess board, two cents for the next, four the next, and so on. ---
**Author:** ![Omar\_Little](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omar_little/32/269_2.png) [@Omar\_Little](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omar_Little)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/10 "2011-02-04T19:17:31Z")
There’s no downside to asking about the reimbursement procedure for your traveling expenses. The worst thing that could happen is they tell you they can’t and you’ve got to pick it up yourself. Which is the position you think you are already in. ---
**Author:** ![mckall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eada6e/32.png) [@mckall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mckall)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/11 "2011-02-04T19:39:35Z")
As a volunteer, depending on school districts, the OP isn’t entitled to any reimbursement. He’s not a school employee. I’m not saying he _shouldn’t_ be reimbursed, and as a teacher I really appreciate you taking time to help those kids; but the fact remains it’s on a voluntary basis and the costs will come out of pocket. ---
**Author:** ![brickbacon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@brickbacon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brickbacon)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/12 "2011-02-04T19:45:35Z")
Most of the time, they should reimburse you for expenses. If not, you should build your costs into the cost of the trip for the students. There is no reason you should be working in your capacity as a coach, AND picking up the tab. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2011, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/13 "2011-02-04T19:51:10Z")
> [@mckall](#): > > As a volunteer, depending on school districts, the OP isn’t entitled to any reimbursement. He’s not a school employee. The OP is volunteering at a private school, so the rules are presumably different. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2011, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/14 "2011-02-06T16:45:45Z")
I always find that you should present your firearm first, barrel forwards. It saves a lot of pointless arguing about the reason _why_ people should give you money. ---
**Author:** ![Rand\_Rover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/db5fbb/32.png) [@Rand\_Rover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rand_Rover)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2011, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/15 "2011-02-07T03:53:28Z")
I don’t think that there’s an objective “should” in a situation like this, but if I were you, I wouldn’t ask anyone for a dime (or intimate in any way that anyone should give me a dime). If the money were a problem for me, I simply wouldn’t go. ---
**Author:** ![jonesj2205](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecc23a/32.png) [@jonesj2205](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jonesj2205)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/16 "2011-02-09T17:21:24Z")
> [@Rand\_Rover](#): > > I don’t think that there’s an objective “should” in a situation like this, but if I were you, I wouldn’t ask anyone for a dime (or intimate in any way that anyone should give me a dime). If the money were a problem for me, I simply wouldn’t go. I think this is the worst option actually. As the coach of the team one of things you’re teaching is commitment. And by simply not going - especially if unclear whether there is even an issue - is the wrong message. I think a conversation with the athletic director is the right thing to do and then go from there. ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2011, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-in-asking-for-money/570094/17 "2011-02-09T19:15:38Z")
I think a key point is that the OP already agreed to go on the trip (which is how I read the post). If he was going to ask for reimbursement then ISTM the best time would be when he’s deciding to go or not. That might give whoever has to approve this some leverage, if anyone asks later they can say “Well if we didn’t cover expenses for HeyHomie then he probably wouldn’t have been able to take the kids.” At this point I think all you can really say is that it’s “appreciated” if they can cover some or all of the travel.