# Etiquette mavens: handwritten RSVP?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [March 11, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076 "2005-03-11T19:53:12Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/1 "2005-03-11T19:53:12Z")
My husband brought in the mail last night and handed me an envelope, saying flatly “This is a wedding invitation. We’re not going.” Turns out it’s a cousin who he dislikes personally, marrying either the woman the cousin dated while cheating on his wife, or possibly someone else.
My husband’s grim condemnation aside, I’m quite tickled because they didn’t include an RSVP card; Miss Manners would approve. I’ve never done a handwritten RSVP, and am eager to respond with excruciatingly correct regrets… I found the correct form online:
“Mr. Dear Hubby and Ms. Podkayne Fries
regret that they are unable to accept
the very kind invitation of
Mr. and Mrs. Parents-of-the-Bride
for
Saturday, the nth of Smarch.”
Should it actually be centered line by line? That looks _really_ dorky.
What should I use for stationery? I have some very simple ivory notecards with embossed daisies that I got for our wedding thank-you notes. Would that be appropriate, or do I need to get some plain stationery?
---
### Author:  [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2005, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/2 "2005-03-11T20:05:12Z")
I would break out my correspondence cards, as they are perfect for such an occasion. I also wouldn’t center it, but that’s just me.
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### Author:  [@cj\_finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cj_finn)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2005, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/3 "2005-03-11T20:11:30Z")
Frankly, it doesn’t really matter as regardless of what you do, there will be another maven out there with a differing opinion that considers you to be a boor.
Make sure to let your husband add a rude P.S.
CJ
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### Author:  [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2005, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/4 "2005-03-11T20:30:12Z")
Thank you so much for your response, **cj finn**. It really was too kind of you to take time out of your busy day to respond to my humble query.
> [@UrbanChic](#):
>
> I would break out my correspondence cards, as they are perfect for such an occasion. I also wouldn’t center it, but that’s just me.
And if one finds that one’s personal stock of correspondence cards is _cough_ depleted, where would one aquire some on short notice? Sadly, the stationery store I used to rely upon is closed. Think Staples would have anything suitable? Hallmark? _Increasing desperation_ Target? Or should I bite the bullet and order online from Crane’s and accept the delay?
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### Author:  [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2005, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/5 "2005-03-11T20:43:42Z")
I’d get some plain stationery. Daisies seem a bit too cheerful for regrets, plus you get to go shopping at the stationery store.
It is, indeed, supposed to be centered, according to tradition and Miss Manners. Dunno why. There isn’t alway a “why” to these things.
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### Author:  [@romansperson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/romansperson)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2005, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/6 "2005-03-11T20:44:06Z")
> [@Podkayne](#):
>
> And if one finds that one’s personal stock of correspondence cards is _cough_ depleted, where would one aquire some on short notice? Sadly, the stationery store I used to rely upon is closed. Think Staples would have anything suitable? Hallmark? _Increasing desperation_ Target? Or should I bite the bullet and order online from Crane’s and accept the delay?
I think what you’ve already got would work fine, but if you want something plain, Staples will have something you can use. If you don’t find what you want in the stationery section, go over the the labels section - they’ve got packs of cards there that are made for laser printing, and you can get either plain postcards or simple embossed notecards with envelopes. The ivory notecards are very nice, and I use them all the time.
The Hallmark Gold Crown stores will have card stock you can use, too, but it’ll probably cost more.
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### Author:  [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2005, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/7 "2005-03-11T20:54:37Z")
Hold on for a sec while I move my glasses down to the tip of my nose and peer at you disapprovingly.
OK.
One should not find that one’s correspondence cards are no more. A proper lady would always ensure she has enough stationary for all occasions readily available.
I ordered mine from Crane’s. Head over to [www.crane.com](http://www.crane.com), click Find a Retailer and pick up a box today.
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### Author:  [@chefjef](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chefjef)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2005, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/8 "2005-03-11T21:00:40Z")
Yes, I would use very nice, white, crisp stationary and yes, you break it down by line. How do I know? I had to do this recently and called my mom. 🆒
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### Author:  [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2005, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/9 "2005-03-11T21:07:09Z")
> [@UrbanChic](#):
>
> Hold on for a sec while I move my glasses down to the tip of my nose and peer at you disapprovingly.
_withers_
> [@](#):
>
> One should not find that one’s correspondence cards are no more. A proper lady would always ensure she has enough stationary for all occasions readily available.
Yes, ma’am.
> [@](#):
>
> I ordered mine from Crane’s. Head over to [www.crane.com](http://www.crane.com), click Find a Retailer and pick up a box today.
Oh, neato! I didn’t know they did the retail thing. Unfortunately, the nearest store they list would be a bit of a schlep. I’ll probably scamper down to Staples and get some plain stationary tonight (as per **chefjef’s** mom), but I will order from Crane’s online to ensure and adequate future supply.
Thanks all for your advice!
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### Author:  [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2005, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/10 "2005-03-11T21:30:49Z")
You can acquire correspondance cards from your local printer, also, although I really would like some on really nice stock from Crane’s. It can be quite quick, if you like.
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### Author:  [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)
#### Post date: [March 11, 2005, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/11 "2005-03-11T22:42:15Z")
So, what if you RSVP a declination, but you don’t center it? Does it not count? Do they set a place for you and grip about your not showing? or do they just giggle at your ignorance?
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### Author:  [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2005, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/12 "2005-03-12T01:12:17Z")
you answer on house paper. (house paper is paper with your address at the top. like business letterhead.) miss manners does show the centering thing.
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### Author:  [@lizardling](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lizardling)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2005, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/13 "2005-03-12T01:27:05Z")
_raises hand_
As an etiquette-deprived person, and moreover, a child of the computer age, I must pose this question to all y’all.
How do you center something nicely when you’re writing something out by hand? I can never guess exactly how long each line is going to be, which results in not-so-even centering. Do you break words in the middle to make them fit the pattern, or…?
_sits back down_
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### Author:  [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2005, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/14 "2005-03-12T03:35:56Z")
> [@lizardling](#):
>
> How do you center something nicely when you’re writing something out by hand?
When I’ve had to do this on handwritten signs and things, I’ve done a rough draft, first.
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### Author:  [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2005, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/15 "2005-03-12T03:50:35Z")
Sheesh! I’d just grab whatever was handy and say “Sorry–I’d love to come but unfortunately I have other commitments on that day. I hope you have a wonderful wedding!,” throw it in the mailbox, and be done with it."
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### Author:  [@Ashes\_Ashes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ashes_Ashes)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2005, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/16 "2005-03-12T04:19:51Z")
I seem to remember picking up some Crane paper at Staples. It was just envelopes and paper, but they _might_ carry Crane correspondance cards. More likely they’ll just have some other brand like my local Staples has.
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### Author:  [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2005, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/17 "2005-03-12T14:36:32Z")
As you’re familiar with Miss Manners, you already know where to find the answer to your question.
Miss Manners would tell you to reply on your own paper using the third person \*even if \* they had included an RSVP card.
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### Author:  [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2005, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/18 "2005-03-12T16:58:50Z")
> [@Metacom](#):
>
> Sheesh! I’d just grab whatever was handy and say “Sorry–I’d love to come but unfortunately I have other commitments on that day. I hope you have a wonderful wedding!,” throw it in the mailbox, and be done with it."
1. But . . . what fun would that be?
2. If I sent what you wrote, verbatim, it would contain no less than three bald lies. Poor form, IMHO.
I scored some excellent laser-cut correspondence cards at Borders, similar to [this style](http://www.metmuseum.org/store/st_beautyShop_Page.asp/familyID/%7B4556D839%2D9EE0%2D11D6%2D944B%2D00902786BF44%7D/shopperID/FromPage/FromPage//catID/%7B3A37CF94%2D1465%2D11D5%2D93F0%2D00902786BF44%7D/familyNo//callFromRelViewer//SpecialPermFlag//FromSearch/), but with a slightly different lace design along the short edge. They had correspondence cards and B&N, too, but they only had one style and it struck me as very mannish, so I’m glad that I turned those down went out of the way to go to Borders. I was somewhat annoyed to find that _none_ of the places I tried (Borders, B&N, Staples, Target, and AC Moore) had plain white stationery!
**bluethree** , I searched the Miss Manners archive at [washtingtonpost.com](http://washtingtonpost.com), and also the [etiquettegrrls.com](http://etiquettegrrls.com) archive, and could find the information I was looking for. I really should start aquiring her books, though. And, whatever Miss Manners thinks, I think it would be somewhat rude and _very_ pretentious to send a formal response when the bride provided an RSVP card.
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### Author:  [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2005, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/19 "2005-03-12T18:10:08Z")
> [@UrbanChic](#):
>
> Hold on for a sec while I move my glasses down to the tip of my nose and peer at you disapprovingly.
>
> OK.
>
> One should not find that one’s correspondence cards are no more. A proper lady would always ensure she has enough stationary for all occasions readily available.
>
> I ordered mine from Crane’s. Head over to [www.crane.com](http://www.crane.com), click Find a Retailer and pick up a box today.
Crane’s _sob_ discontinued my favorite stationery. And I’ve only got a half of a box left…
I’m a bit put out.
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### Author:  [@Metacom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Metacom)
#### Post date: [March 12, 2005, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-mavens-handwritten-rsvp/294076/20 "2005-03-12T18:24:48Z")
> [@Podkayne](#):
>
> 1. If I sent what you wrote, verbatim, it would contain no less than three bald lies. Poor form, IMHO.
Well, OK then.
“I don’t really want to come to your wedding–frankly, I’d rather have a 3-year old pull my teeth out with rusty pliers then watch you walk down the aisle. I don’t have any plans that night; however, I’ve decided just now that I’m going to spend it with a bucket of KFC extra-crispy resting on my stomach and a fifth of Smirnoff’s mixed with a bottle of Mr. and Mrs. T’s Bold and Spicy Bloody Mary Mix on my right. I’ll get a video from Blockbuster on the pretext of watching it, but frankly I won’t care what’s on the tube after the second breast and fourth gulp. I feel this will be a more life-enriching experience then your wedding. I hope the cake makes your guests crap their pants, the band turns out to be a moonlighting neo-Nazi metal troupe who kick the reception off with ‘Deutschland Uber Allies,’ and I hope your new wife gives you syphillis on the wedding night, if she hasn’t already.”
Better? 😉
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