# Etiquette question: Catholic Mass (need quick answer) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 7, 2015, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254 "2015-08-07T17:24:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/21 "2015-08-08T16:34:34Z")
Then there’s the butt-kneel, where you’re kneeling but your butt is resting on the seat. A knee saver in a church where everyone kneels throughout Communion. But yeah, close relatives, 50th anniversary–go to the Mass out of kindness and respect. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/22 "2015-08-08T17:25:38Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Is that really a bad thing? IME it’s typical for the reception to have noticeably more attendees than the church part. Other than for immediate family, the reception is what I show up for. > > In fact, I haven’t been in a church for a long time, and on that occasion something horrid happened. (Spoilered out of consideration of those with weak stomachs) my betrothal Maybe if the luncheon came after, but this time it’s first – so it seems like he’ll just be there for the free food, then ditching because, “oh, hey, can’t get your dirty, boring religion all over me!” Suck it up and go out of respect, dude. ---
**Author:** ![Ulfreida](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ulfreida/32/8014_2.png) [@Ulfreida](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulfreida)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/23 "2015-08-08T17:42:34Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Is that really a bad thing? IME it’s typical for the reception to have noticeably more attendees than the church part. Other than for immediate family, the reception is what I show up for. > > In fact, I haven’t been in a church for a long time, and on that occasion something horrid happened. (Spoilered out of consideration of those with weak stomachs) my betrothal People don’t go to a wedding service because they haven’t been invited, not because they prefer the reception. Receptions are often in larger venues and may be designed to accommodate such people as your co-workers, college roommates, neighbors, and other satellite acquaintances. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [August 8, 2015, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/24 "2015-08-08T18:05:55Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > People don’t go to a wedding service because they haven’t been invited, not because they prefer the reception. Receptions are often in larger venues and may be designed to accommodate such people as your co-workers, college roommates, neighbors, and other satellite acquaintances. And even when the reception venue is not larger and people were invited to the service, the timing/distance often works out so that people can more easily make the reception than the service. There’s a huge difference between going to the 7 pm Friday reception and missing the 3 pm Friday ceremony and missing the service that happened immediately before the reception. The latter is like attending the funeral lunch but not the funeral- which I have never seen. ---
**Author:** ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 12:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/25 "2015-08-09T12:25:26Z")
> [@Penfeather](#): > > I’m assuming it’s because he doesn’t want to get Jesus all over him, but isn’t averse to a free feed. There’ll probably be a blessing and not just a “okay folks, dig in” before the luncheon so he’ll get Christianity cooties there. _Baby Jesus_ will know you snubbed him - why do you want to make _Baby Jesus_ cry? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/26 "2015-08-09T12:35:26Z")
Ask the couple whether it would be appropriate for you, as a non-Catholic, to attend the mass. Doctrinally, there’s no problem with you attending as long as you don’t take Communion, but this will still provide them a graceful way of saying “Oh, you don’t need to come if you don’t want to”, or “Everyone’s welcome”. Then, either go or not in accordance with what they said. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/27 "2015-08-09T12:58:29Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > … > And if you’re not Catholic, you don’t take communion. > > … What, pass on free wine? Bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![minlokwat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/minlokwat/32/2844_2.png) [@minlokwat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/minlokwat)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/28 "2015-08-09T13:12:51Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > What, pass on free wine? > Bullshit. Don’t forget about the cookie. They give you one of those too. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2015, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/29 "2015-08-09T13:47:51Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > What, pass on free wine? > Bullshit. > [@minlokwat](#): > > Don’t forget about the cookie. They give you one of those too. The sprog, who goes to Catholic school (tl;dr version: the local public schools suck), took communion at Friday mass once because he wasn’t paying attention. The sprog is not Catholic. Phone call home ensued. To the OP: Having married into a Catholic family, I’ve been to more wedding and funeral masses than I can think about. It’s not about bringing people to the Church, it’s about celebrating an important event with people who want you to celebrate with them. Suck it up and deal. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/30 "2015-08-10T02:54:56Z")
> [@minlokwat](#): > > Don’t forget about the cookie. They give you one of those too. Stop calling it a cookie. It’s a wafer. Cookies have flavor. ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/31 "2015-08-10T03:10:44Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > Sit when everyone kneels. Or breakdance in the aisle. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/32 "2015-08-10T05:06:09Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > People don’t go to a wedding service because they haven’t been invited, not because they prefer the reception. Receptions are often in larger venues and may be designed to accommodate such people as your co-workers, college roommates, neighbors, and other satellite acquaintances. > [@doreen](#): > > And even when the reception venue is not larger and people were invited to the service, the timing/distance often works out so that people can more easily make the reception than the service. There’s a huge difference between going to the 7 pm Friday reception and missing the 3 pm Friday ceremony and missing the service that happened immediately before the reception. The latter is like attending the funeral lunch but not the funeral- which I have never seen. You guys just made my head hurt ☹ I’ve never been to a wedding where someone was invited to the meal but not to the actual ceremony, be it Mass or Civil. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/33 "2015-08-10T06:18:51Z")
> [@MsRobyn](#): > > … > To the OP: Having married into a Catholic family, I’ve been to more wedding and funeral masses than I can think about. It’s not about bringing people to the Church, it’s about celebrating an important event with people who want you to celebrate with them. Suck it up and deal. Hell yeah, can I have some more wine please. To the OP. Bring your own wine mug. Their cups are pathetically small. ---
**Author:** ![Alley\_Dweller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alley_dweller/32/430_2.png) [@Alley\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alley_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/34 "2015-08-10T08:01:37Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Hell yeah, can I have some more wine please. > > To the OP. Bring your own wine mug. Their cups are pathetically small. You’re thinking of some other Church. Catholics don’t get to use individual cups. Everyone must drink from the same cup in order to demonstrate that we are all one body. (In practice, they’ll use one cup per line.) Most Catholics actually just take the Communion wafer and skip the wine. I think that up to maybe thirty or forty years ago, only the priest drank from the cup. ---
**Author:** ![Alley\_Dweller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alley_dweller/32/430_2.png) [@Alley\_Dweller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alley_Dweller)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/35 "2015-08-10T08:04:47Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > You guys just made my head hurt ☹ I’ve never been to a wedding where someone was invited to the meal but not to the actual ceremony, be it Mass or Civil. Around here, civil weddings are held in a small room in the basement of the county courthouse. You can bring a few guests, but no way are a hundred people going to fit. And they would all have to go through the metal detectors and take off their belts, empty their pockets, etc (unless they happen to be judges or lawyers, in which case they are whisked through a special line on the other side where the deputies just look at their bar cards). ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/36 "2015-08-10T11:02:29Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > You guys just made my head hurt ☹ I’ve never been to a wedding where someone was invited to the meal but not to the actual ceremony, be it Mass or Civil. Around here, for a civil ceremony you can hire an officiant to perform a ceremony at the reception site, or you can have a ceremony at the same office where the license is issued. If you choose the latter, it’s only the couple and one or two witnesses. Personally, if I were going to have a reception, I would never choose that option- I’d at least find a friend to get “ordained” and perform a ceremony at the reception But people do- I’ve seen brides in gowns come out of that office, presumably on the way to a reception. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 11:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/37 "2015-08-10T11:13:59Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > You guys just made my head hurt ☹ I’ve never been to a wedding where someone was invited to the meal but not to the actual ceremony, be it Mass or Civil. Yeah, my invites specify time and location of church part and wedding part. I attend the reception part. I bring a gift and have a great time. The church part is just not my cuppa. Many of my friends feel the same way; maybe we’re peculiar. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 10, 2015, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/38 "2015-08-10T12:36:42Z")
> [@Ulfreida](#): > > People don’t go to a wedding service because they haven’t been invited, Meaning they haven’t been told specifically what time the ceremony is? In the Catholic church it’s a public ceremony and anyone can go, invited or not. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/39 "2015-08-11T19:11:16Z")
> [@Pai325](#): > > … You have to abstain from food an hour before Communion, so usually you eat after, even though there will probably be more than an hour from the last bite of food until Communion. … So communion is like swimming? I grew up Catholic and I never heard this one. Of course I’ve spent the last 40 years or so trying to forget what waws drilled into me. ---
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/40 "2015-08-11T19:29:13Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > So communion is like swimming? I grew up Catholic and I never heard this one. Of course I’ve spent the last 40 years or so trying to forget what waws drilled into me. If you’re that old, you probably remember abstaining after midnight. An hour is nothing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254.md?page=3)