# Etiquette question: Catholic Mass (need quick answer) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 7, 2015, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254 "2015-08-07T17:24:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Pai325](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@Pai325](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pai325)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/41 "2015-08-11T19:30:28Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > So communion is like swimming? I grew up Catholic and I never heard this one. Of course I’ve spent the last 40 years or so trying to forget what waws drilled into me. If you’re that old, you probably remember abstaining after midnight, or at least the three-hour fast. An hour is nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/42 "2015-08-11T19:59:58Z")
> [@Pai325](#): > > If you’re that old, you probably remember abstaining after midnight, or at least the three-hour fast. An hour is nothing. Nope. I remember no meat on Fridays, and I remember Lent, but not anything about a weekly (Sunday I presume) period of abstinence. Perhaps my parents were cafeteria Catholics. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/43 "2015-08-11T20:22:06Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Nope. I remember no meat on Fridays, and I remember Lent, but not anything about a weekly (Sunday I presume) period of abstinence. Perhaps my parents were cafeteria Catholics. Or more likely, it didn’t have much of an impact on you. You have to fast for one hour before Communion, not an hour before the Mass begins. Communion is at least 30 minutes after the Mass starts and often more like 45. Depending on how long your travel time is, a one hour fast may simply mean not eating as you are actually walking out of the house. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2015, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/44 "2015-08-11T20:40:59Z")
Well that was possible. I lived maybe a 5 minute drive from the church. ---
**Author:** ![Skammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skammer/32/143_2.png) [@Skammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skammer)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2015, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/45 "2015-08-12T19:48:24Z")
Wow, I know I tend to hang out with a lot of church people, but I’ve never heard of going to the reception and not the ceremony. I’d feel pretty bad if people had done that at my wedding. The reception is fun but the ceremony is the meaningful part. If you don’t want to go to the wedding, that’s fine, but showing up at the reception (before or after) strikes me as pretty rude behavior. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2015, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/46 "2015-08-12T20:31:36Z")
The drinking from the communal cup hasn’t happened in a very long time unless they brought it back since I left. They’d usually dip the wafer in the wine, then the priest had to drink the rest of the wine with all the soggy wafer crumbs in it. Mmm. Calling it wine was rather generous, it was really more like grapey vinegar. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2015, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/47 "2015-08-12T21:32:44Z")
I’ve never heard of a renewal of vows during a Catholic Mass. Not saying it doesn’t exist, but it seems weird to me. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2015, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/48 "2015-08-12T21:51:30Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > The drinking from the communal cup hasn’t happened in a very long time unless they brought it back since I left. They’d usually dip the wafer in the wine, then the priest had to drink the rest of the wine with all the soggy wafer crumbs in it. Mmm. I was born in 1988 and I went to mass every sunday until I was a sophomore in college. They always did drinking from the communal cup. Not only does no one do intinction anymore but I never saw anyone do it. > [@jsgoddess](#): > > I’ve never heard of a renewal of vows during a Catholic Mass. Not saying it doesn’t exist, but it seems weird to me. I could see the logic given their attempts to shoehorn baptisms back into the mass proper. I haven’t seen anyone get married during Sunday Mass but I believe the church is prepared for it. ---
**Author:** ![apollonia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/2bfe46/32.png) [@apollonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/apollonia)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2015, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/49 "2015-08-12T22:04:41Z")
> [@Wile\_E](#): > > The drinking from the communal cup hasn’t happened in a very long time unless they brought it back since I left. They’d usually dip the wafer in the wine, then the priest had to drink the rest of the wine with all the soggy wafer crumbs in it. Mmm. > > Calling it wine was rather generous, it was really more like grapey vinegar. I went to Mass last Sunday and everyone who wanted to drank from the communal cup. And the occasional person performs intinction. This is also what happens at my parents’ parish and almost all of the parishes I’ve been to in the past twenty-something years. Occasionally at some parishes during cold-and-flu season they’ll omit the wine from the general population, though, that I have seen. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/50 "2015-08-13T00:28:41Z")
> [@apollonia](#): > > I went to Mass last Sunday and everyone who wanted to drank from the communal cup. And the occasional person performs intinction. This is also what happens at my parents’ parish and almost all of the parishes I’ve been to in the past twenty-something years. > … I’m glad I left then because that sounds pretty gross. But I doubt the so-called wine is any less disgusting. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/51 "2015-08-13T00:40:39Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > You guys just made my head hurt ☹ I’ve never been to a wedding where someone was invited to the meal but not to the actual ceremony, be it Mass or Civil. I have, just last year. The ceremony was a small, religious (reformed Jewish) one, with only family and a few close friends (total attendance was under 30). The reception was for the wider gathering of friends and co-workers, as well as those who had attended the ceremony (around 100 in total). And, yes, there were separate invitations for the actual ceremony; I was in the reception-only group, so I never saw an invitation to the service. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/52 "2015-08-13T01:44:03Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I’ve never heard of a renewal of vows during a Catholic Mass. Not saying it doesn’t exist, but it seems weird to me. Depends - if you mean you’ve never seen it during a regularly scheduled Sunday Mass, I haven’t seen individual couples renew their vows during a regular Sunday Mass, either. I’ve also never seen a wedding during a regularly scheduled Sunday Mass. But weddings happen during Masses (including on Sundays) all the time, and it’s not uncommon for group vow renewals ( a parish or diocesan event for those celebrating their 25,50 or 75 anniversaries) to occur at a regularly scheduled Sunday mass. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/53 "2015-08-13T02:14:52Z")
I’ve never heard of anyone going to the reception but not the wedding. If anything, it’s the other way around. But I’ve also never been to a wedding that had a full service of any kind, though. It’s just the wedding. I’ve also only been to one renewal ceremony, though, so I don’t know if those are different. The one I went to was kinda in the middle of the anniversary party, so they weren’t really separate. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/54 "2015-08-13T02:31:06Z")
I have a friend who said he became an altar boy because the one priest at his church let all the altar boys finish the left over wine. Heh. > [@jsgoddess](#): > > I’ve never heard of a renewal of vows during a Catholic Mass. Not saying it doesn’t exist, but it seems weird to me. My grandparents did. In fact, for their fiftieth, me and all of my cousins participated in the Mass. (Did the readings, brought the gifts up, my sister sang, etc) ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/55 "2015-08-13T02:41:06Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I’ve never heard of anyone going to the reception but not the wedding. If anything, it’s the other way around. But I’ve also never been to a wedding that had a full service of any kind, though. It’s just the wedding. That probably depends a great deal on the specifics. In my area, a lot of reception venues have set time slots - for example, 12-4 or 7-11. You can’t book a reception that starts at 5 or 6. And churches often have rules about times, too- for example Catholic churches will only schedule weddings at times that don’t interfere with the scheduled Masses so that the latest ceremony on Saturday might be scheduled for 3 or 3:30 pm. If you have a 3 pm ceremony and a 7 pm reception, people who are local will attend both the ceremony and the reception and so might people staying at a hotel - but it’s not at all uncommon for people who live an hour or two away to attend only the reception. Even local people might miss a 3 pm Friday ceremony (because they don’t want to time off from work) but attend the 7 pm reception. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/56 "2015-08-13T02:44:32Z")
My first wedding had only immediate family at the wedding, and the whole extended family at the reception. Because we weren’t crazy. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/57 "2015-08-13T02:49:08Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > That probably depends a great deal on the specifics. In my area, a lot of reception venues have set time slots - for example, 12-4 or 7-11. You can’t book a reception that starts at 5 or 6. And churches often have rules about times, too- for example Catholic churches will only schedule weddings at times that don’t interfere with the scheduled Masses so that the latest ceremony on Saturday might be scheduled for 3 or 3:30 pm. If you have a 3 pm ceremony and a 7 pm reception, people who are local will attend both the ceremony and the reception and so might people staying at a hotel - but it’s not at all uncommon for people who live an hour or two away to attend only the reception. Even local people might miss a 3 pm Friday ceremony (because they don’t want to time off from work) but attend the 7 pm reception. That makes sense. I’m used to the reception being in the fellowship hall of the same church, and thus just kinda part and parcel of the whole thing. Come to think of it, I think I did once only go to a reception and not a wedding, but that was because the wedding was intentionally a small affair with only a few witnesses in a fairly small church, while the reception was outside under a pavilion, and could thus could accommodate more people. Only immediate family and a few special friends (including the best man and the maid of honor) attended the actual marriage ceremony. And it still felt really weird then, too. We were way overdressed for the reception. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/58 "2015-08-13T11:37:27Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I’ve never heard of anyone going to the reception but not the wedding. If anything, it’s the other way around. But I’ve also never been to a wedding that had a full service of any kind, though. It’s just the wedding. Wow. Maybe there are different customs locally. I go to maybe two wedding _receptions_ a year. The last time I was in a church was probably twenty years ago. And my friends follow the same pattern, unless they are _in_ the wedding. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/59 "2015-08-13T12:21:24Z")
> [@kenobi\_65](#): > > I have, just last year. The ceremony was a small, religious (reformed Jewish) one, with only family and a few close friends (total attendance was under 30). Merely to correct my personal pet peeve, it’s Reform Judaism, not Reformed. Carry on. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254/60 "2015-08-13T20:12:32Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > I’ve never heard of a renewal of vows during a Catholic Mass. Not saying it doesn’t exist, but it seems weird to me. It is weird! because it’s a sacrament and if it was valid, it doesn’t expire. But like baptismal vows,the marriage vows can be renewed…in a sense: [http://www.ewtn.com/library/Liturgy/zlitur440.htm](http://www.ewtn.com/library/Liturgy/zlitur440.htm) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question-catholic-mass-need-quick-answer/727254.md?page=4)