# Etiquette Question **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 19, 2011, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346 "2011-08-19T18:18:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/1 "2011-08-19T18:18:23Z")
We received an invitation in the mail today, and I’m not sure technically who all is invited. It’s a 40th wedding anniversary luncheon for a couple who are like my second parents–I’ve known them my entire life, they’re my parents’ best friends. Their three kids are hosting the party. The envelope is addressed to “The Smiths.” (Not our real name, obviously.) So does that include our kids? I kind of think it does–if only because the couple in question has several grandkids around the same age as ours (toddlers and preschoolers), and I’m sure they’d want them there if this is a family thing. And it’s a luncheon, not a fancy evening party. Thankfully I’m close enough to the family that I feel comfortable just emailing one of them to ask. But if it was someone a bit more distant, I’d feel awkward. Honestly, I kind of hope the kids aren’t invited. It’d be so nice to go out for a nice meal with grownups only for a change! ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/2 "2011-08-19T18:26:31Z")
I’d expect that if it was just you and hubby/S.O./Baby Daddy/Whatever, the invitation would have been addressed “Mr. & Mrs. Peskipiksi”, or Peskipiksi and Guest, something like that. “The Smiths” sounds to me like an invitation to you and yours…essentially everyone in your household, but not extended to people that don’t live at your place. Those people should get their own invitation, if they are invited. ---
**Author:** ![Lare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/53a042/32.png) [@Lare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lare)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/3 "2011-08-19T18:36:34Z")
Seconding what **Oakminster** said. I haven’t found a specific cite for it, but from the sites I checked this is what seems implied. Besides, it’s what I learned from my parents so how could it be wrong? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/4 "2011-08-19T18:36:45Z")
“The Smiths” would be anyone residing in your household. ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/5 "2011-08-19T18:43:26Z")
Concur, with a side of “and _this_ is why the rules of etiquette matter, because how you word an invitation has to be decipherable to the invited.” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/6 "2011-08-19T18:44:30Z")
Shoot. So then, would it be rude to \*not \*bring the kids? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/7 "2011-08-19T18:44:55Z")
Yep, what everyone else said. ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/8 "2011-08-19T18:46:26Z")
> [@PeskiPiksi](#): > > Shoot. > > So then, would it be rude to \*not \*bring the kids? No. Why on earth would you think so? Just like it would be fine for only you to attend, and not your husband, or for any permutation of the people invited to attend/not attend. Just RSVP accurately and there’s nothing rude. ---
**Author:** ![Lasciel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e79b87/32.png) [@Lasciel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lasciel)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/9 "2011-08-19T19:00:30Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > No. Why on earth would you think so? Just like it would be fine for only you to attend, and not your husband, \*\*or for any permutation of the people invited to attend/not attend. \*\* Just RSVP accurately and there’s nothing rude. (bolding mine) Well, it might be kind of rude to swing by, drop off the kidlets, and then scram… 😃 On the other hand, free babysitting, right? ---
**Author:** ![PeskiPiksi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e495f1/32.png) [@PeskiPiksi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PeskiPiksi)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/10 "2011-08-19T20:43:30Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > No. Why on earth would you think so? Well, I just meant because we’re so close, it’d be almost like not bringing grandkids to their grandparents’ celebration. If it is a kid-friendly occasion, the guests of honor \*will \*want to see all the kids. Oh, I’ll take them. They’ll have a blast. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2011, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/11 "2011-08-19T23:31:11Z")
> [@PeskiPiksi](#): > > Well, I just meant because we’re so close, it’d be almost like not bringing grandkids to their grandparents’ celebration. If it is a kid-friendly occasion, the guests of honor \*will \*want to see all the kids. > > Oh, I’ll take them. They’ll have a blast. Besides, if other kids are going to be there what’s the point of not bringing yours? ---
**Author:** ![Hedda\_Rosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hedda_rosa/32/1204_2.png) [@Hedda\_Rosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hedda_Rosa)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/12 "2011-08-20T01:13:55Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Besides, if other kids are going to be there what’s the point of not bringing yours? The fun of watching other parents chase after an 18-month-old and a 3-year-old while I chill and talk with other adults? Best fun I have as a parent. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [August 20, 2011, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/etiquette-question/593346/13 "2011-08-20T13:52:41Z")
There wasn’t an inner envelope or anything? Not usually for a party, but for a formal wedding you often get an inner envelope with everybody’s name.