# Eve vs. Glurge, part VI **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 24, 2012, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518 "2012-01-24T18:00:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/21 "2012-01-24T23:09:01Z")
> [@](#): > > Every morning ask yourself: “How may I best serve the most people?” If you’re lucky, the answer will be “By going back to bed.” ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/22 "2012-01-24T23:16:12Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Monomania means an overwhelming, pathological focus on _ONE_ thing. If you have that with a few things, it’s not _MONO_mania. It’s just being obsessive and anal, and probably boring and unpleasant to boot. This New Year, buy a dictionary. > “The Art of War” Read 6. > Demand that your loved ones and coworkers do everything exactly the way you tell them to, charge them double for everything, and spend most of your time acting smug and hanging out with hipsters who kiss your ass. > Make sure to recite the list aloud right after sex. It’s a great way to motivate your partner for next time. > And if they don’t smile back, follow them home with an unblinking smile on your face. > Leave a dead bird on your boss’ door every morning. It’s important to remember that life is short. > And don’t be the deadest person in the country club. I _know!_ What’s so great and delicious about this particular glurge is that is almost completely 100% idiotic! ---
**Author:** ![detop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bcef8e/32.png) [@detop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/detop)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2012, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/23 "2012-01-24T23:58:19Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. Every morning ask yourself: “How may I best serve the most people?” Stew is always a crowd-pleaser. The mix enhance and hide the defects of each individual meats. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/24 "2012-01-25T00:35:48Z")
I agree that you should keep a journal. I’ve been keeping one about my most intimate personal thoughts for 35 years and the parts involving Andreas Baader, Yassir Arafat, a 400 pound Yorkshire sow, and a confused store clerk asking about the Vaseline were the best hits. ---
**Author:** ![Spoons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spoons/32/3141_2.png) [@Spoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoons)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/25 "2012-01-25T02:38:08Z")
Is anybody else reading Eve’s rewrite and thinking that it would be great narrated and set to music–rather like National Lampoon’s [Deteriorata](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1NAwlepnSs)? (YouTube video.) ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/26 "2012-01-25T03:10:55Z")
Oh, I can’t stop laughing! I have an old high school friend who sends out a little quote like this every day on Facebook, and I so want to rewrite them now! She means well…she’s gone through a lot of crap in her life (lifelong diabetic, bad divorce from a gay husband, found love again and then needed a liver or kidney transplant, and I think maybe cancer in there somewhere…have lost track) but still…she rarely posts anything anyone wants to read anymore! Maybe I can use this as my Safe Place and post them here for all of us to try rewriting! Here’s today’s: “If you attach to the negative behavior of others it brings you down to their level.” I’m visualizing car batteries and jumper cables… ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/27 "2012-01-25T03:47:58Z")
I love you for your mind, Eve. This is terrific. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/28 "2012-01-25T03:54:49Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > I do know a few amiable boobs who chirp over these things and innocently send them along. My mother and all of my aunts were made of much sterner stuff. I know a woman who reminds me a lot of you - another historian and curmudgeon (curmudgine? curmudgeonette? :)) - but she’s handicapped by her Yankee background. If she’d written this at all, it’d be about three short sentences, wise, but no funnier than absolutely necessary. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/29 "2012-01-25T04:01:03Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > I know a woman who reminds me a lot of you - another historian and curmudgeon (curmudgine? curmudgeonette? :)) - but she’s handicapped by her Yankee background. If she’d written this at all, it’d be about three short sentences, wise, but no funnier than absolutely necessary. I believe the preferred nomenclature is curmudgienne. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/30 "2012-01-25T06:24:10Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > “The Art of War” Read 6. Maybe [this book](http://www.amazon.com/War-Art-Through-Creative-Battles/dp/0446691437)? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/31 "2012-01-25T06:26:13Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > Maybe [this book](http://www.amazon.com/War-Art-Through-Creative-Battles/dp/0446691437)? I’m sure that’s the book the list writer intended, yes. I googled it after I read **Eve** ’s post but I hadn’t heard of it before. I guess the author was making a pun on the Sun Tzu book. ---
**Author:** ![Khadaji](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Khadaji](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khadaji)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/32 "2012-01-25T08:52:56Z")
I confess to liking some of \*both \*the lists… Did they say where the first list came from? Some it sounds like Robert Fulgham ---
**Author:** ![Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/43a26b/32.png) [@Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pine_Fresh_Scent)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/33 "2012-01-25T17:33:24Z")
1. Don’t be the richest person in the graveyard. But find out who is, and dig them up. I was dreading filling out the “favorite quote” part of the mini-bio at my next job in March. Now I’m not. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/34 "2012-01-25T17:42:09Z")
I also especially loved #4. But this is New Yorker quality stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/35 "2012-01-25T17:49:47Z")
> [@](#): > > 1. Lots of vodka is the key to staggering long-term results. That should probably read “long-term staggering results”. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2012, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/36 "2012-01-25T17:52:06Z")
- blushes prettily \* I wish I took more time with it–lots of typos and lots of quotes that could have been polished–but someone forwarded this to me and I just hit the ground running and had fun with it. And, really, who \*doesn’t \*love Sea Monkeys? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2012, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/37 "2012-01-26T03:55:56Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > I believe the preferred nomenclature is curmudgienne. Curmudgiatrix. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2012, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/38 "2012-01-26T14:22:49Z")
> [@Little\_Nemo](#): > > Curmudgiatrix. I guess it’s preferable to “bitch,” which I am \*generally \*called. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2012, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518/39 "2012-01-26T14:32:41Z")
> [@An\_Gadai](#): > > Seriously, who the fuck sends you all the glurge? I don’t think I’ve ever once received an item of glurge in my inbox. Want me to give your address to my aunts and second cousin? You can get glurge in Spanish! The glurge from cousin doesn’t even always include power points, but one of my aunts hasn’t been able to learn how to delete previous addresses, so you can get… hundreds of addresses of people who’ll love a chance to send you glurge in Spanish! Bonus: the can’t-erase-addys aunt sends glurge in Catalan too! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/eve-vs-glurge-part-vi/610518.md?page=1)