# Even if You Could Fix Your Gaydar, Just Shut Up! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 23, 2006, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843 "2006-02-23T20:40:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![psychonaut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/psychonaut/32/4655_2.png) [@psychonaut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psychonaut)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/21 "2006-02-23T21:57:10Z")
> [@Charger](#): > > There’s this married couple I know and the husband is very much like me, he doesn’t think anyone’s sexuality is something that needs “intervention.” His wife, however, has a different perspective. She told her husband _not to hang out with a friend of his_ because **she** suspected he was gay. Her maiden name isn’t Phelps, by any chance…? ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/22 "2006-02-23T21:58:47Z")
Ah. But are you a _confident_ heterosexual? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/23 "2006-02-23T22:03:38Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Okay… I can still remember being called a “fag” in the locker room at school because I spent all my free time with the girls in the drama club, instead of, you know, in rugby scrums and whatnot. What a strange deductive process the woman has, **Charger**. I wonder what she’d think of me if I recommended some Vikram Seth to her? [Scott Thompson] Oh, by the way – I’m becoming an Indian woman. [Scott Thompson] ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2006, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/24 "2006-02-23T22:04:11Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > It sounds like _The Crucible_ meets _Will & Grace_. > > _The Cruisable_. This was brilliant. Just had to mention it. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 12:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/25 "2006-02-24T00:35:47Z")
You win, **Otto**. You win. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/26 "2006-02-24T02:01:20Z")
Meh, if I’d _really_ been on my game, I would’ve closed with “Repeat as necessary.” ---
**Author:** ![Hung\_Mung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hung\_Mung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hung_Mung)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/27 "2006-02-24T02:51:19Z")
_Stop_ that. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/28 "2006-02-24T04:02:06Z")
> [@Hung Mung](#): > > _Stop_ that. I know. Man’s making me cackle like the Wicked Witch of the West. Especially with the mental images. “Whoa boy, I’m really hatin’ this… little to the left there…” ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/29 "2006-02-24T04:30:04Z")
> [@Charger](#): > > Absolutely not, I’m _excessively_ heterosexual. To the point where my obsession with women may come across as kind of gay. I have a friend like this who we all suspect really is gay. It’s just too much, we all get ‘the’ vibe, and whenever we run into him he immediately brings up women and his love for women. Did he mention he had a date with a woman? And oh how he likes hot women, yes siree! Hi-how-are-you-I-love-women. I just have a desire to pat his hand whenever I see him and say ‘there, there.’ ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 4:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/30 "2006-02-24T04:32:05Z")
> [@Velma](#): > > I have a friend like this who we all suspect really is gay. It’s just too much, we all get ‘the’ vibe, and whenever we run into him he immediately brings up women and his love for women. Did he mention he had a date with a woman? And oh how he likes hot women, yes siree! Hi-how-are-you-I-love-women. > > I just have a desire to pat his hand whenever I see him and say ‘there, there.’ You’re friends with Tom Cruise? ---
**Author:** ![spool\_of\_thread](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3da27b/32.png) [@spool\_of\_thread](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spool_of_thread)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/31 "2006-02-24T05:22:21Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > I think he means it could be taken as overcompensating. See also Rosie O’Donnell’s fawning over Tom Cruise (not to mention **Ferret Herder** above). Rosie O’Donnell fawned over Ferret Herder? ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/32 "2006-02-24T05:47:48Z")
> [@](#): > > So, the latest “victim” of her gaydar crosshairs is the husband’s brother. He recommended a book to her which had a gay character in it (sorry, no idea what the book was). This, coupled with the fact that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and probably just that he’s a nice guy, has brought her to the conclusion that he is gay. The book was _Casino Royale_. James Bond is obviously gay what with his British accent and his fancy suits and his shaken martinis. Plus he never settled down with any of the nice girls he was always meeting. And if he was straight he’d call himself Jim. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/33 "2006-02-24T06:49:08Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > First of all, why was the brother offended by what seems to be an innocent question? I agree it wasn’t an innocent question, but did the brother know that? Not that it matters, because she was warned he might be offended. It can be offensive to have people just assume things about you with no real basis, even if the thing they’re assuming isn’t bad on its own. When you know they disapprove of whatever it is they assume you are, it’s still a bad thing. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/34 "2006-02-24T07:01:50Z")
> [@Velma](#): > > I have a friend like this who we all suspect really is gay. It’s just too much, we all get ‘the’ vibe, and whenever we run into him he immediately brings up women and his love for women. Did he mention he had a date with a woman? And oh how he likes hot women, yes siree! Hi-how-are-you-I-love-women. > > I just have a desire to pat his hand whenever I see him and say ‘there, there.’ I know that guy. My best female friend is in love with him. And he vehemently denies that he’s gay whenever the subject comes up. Between my friend and I, we tend to say, “methinks the lady doth protest too much.” Among my friends gay circle of friends (she works in theater, and knows many…I’ll let you decide if that’s stereotyping), many of them think I’m gay. I’m not, but I’m secure enough in my masculinity not to let it bother me. The “sisters” - as she calls them - refer to me as “Big Gay Kev.” A nickname which doesn’t bother me in the least. In fact, I find it funny. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/35 "2006-02-24T07:27:08Z")
I have a fun suggestion. But this would require your friend to allow a little mocking of his wife. This can be very tricky, but it could pay off huge. It could also cost you a friendship. There are exactly 3 people on Earth I would never do this to. The rest? If I considered them friends and they were married to women that sided with the woman in the OP and accepted that over what is right, I don’t need them as friends. Act gay. Act flaming. Make Nathan Lane, Jim J Bullock and Boy George look butch in comparison. But only in front of her friends. And her friends? Try to “run into” them when she isn’t around. Then flirt and act like you’re trying to pick them up (or actually go for it) and explain to them that she likes being around gay men since she gets a sense of power out of it. Use your most twisted fantasies and attribute them to why she likes being with gay men. Hell, make shit up. Why worry about her social status? Of course, swear the friends to secrecy. If they think you’re willing to go so far to make your friend’s wife happy, imagine what they’ll think you’ll do for them when you’re all theirs? Knowing you’re straight. Bonus: You know damn well it’ll get back to her. Danger: You know it’ll get back to her. End result? She’s going to be humiliated, you may end up with a girl, your friend may wind up hating you. (It would suck, but if he’s going to stay with her, losing him means losing her.) Hey, I didn’t say it was perfect. Just a thought or three. Good luck with whatever happens. ---
**Author:** ![Imasquare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Imasquare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Imasquare)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 9:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/36 "2006-02-24T09:07:28Z")
> [@Charger](#): > > I asked him if I’m on “The List,” but he didn’t answer (he might as well have). But I’m really suspecting that this is the reason I haven’t seen her husband in a long time (a few times in the last year). She’s probably afraid that my “gayness” will rub off on him. She also won’t let me take him to Hooters, though. Maybe she is insecure in her marriage and afraid that if her husband has any gay friends that they might try to steal him away from her. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/37 "2006-02-24T11:35:08Z")
> [@spool of thread](#): > > Rosie O’Donnell fawned over Ferret Herder? Pardon me while I go bleach my brain… (I’m straight but not narrow, but were I to go play for the other team, there’s a real big list of women I’d drool over before I ever got to her.) ---
**Author:** ![robertliguori](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/46a35a/32.png) [@robertliguori](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robertliguori)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/38 "2006-02-24T13:34:44Z")
Hoom. Back in high school, my personal favored reaction to people speculating as to my sexual preference was to kiss them passionately, then return to whatever I was doing. This may work less well in your case. ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/39 "2006-02-24T13:54:14Z")
> [@lissener](#): > > Nothing after Otto’s post counts. WooHooo! _Under the wire baby!_ Yessssss! ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/40 "2006-02-24T14:04:12Z")
I’m not too sure it’s any of your business. He’s your “friend”? So what? She’s his _wife_. And as far as his brother is concerned… well, she’s now part of the family and is fully entitled to make a complete ass of herself to them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843.md?page=3)