# Even if You Could Fix Your Gaydar, Just Shut Up! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 23, 2006, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843 "2006-02-23T20:40:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/41 "2006-02-24T14:44:28Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > Between my friend and I, we tend to say, “methinks the lady doth protest too much.” > > …many of them think I’m gay. Inconceivable. ---
**Author:** ![jlzania](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/67e7ee/32.png) [@jlzania](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jlzania)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/42 "2006-02-24T15:24:32Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > First of all, why was the brother offended by what seems to be an innocent question? I agree it wasn’t an innocent question, but did the brother know that? Not that it matters, because she was warned he might be offended. Questions concerning sexualty are seldom totally innocent. I would be annoyed as hell if someone emailed me about my sexual preferences. Unless I’ve expressed an interest in boinking them, it’s really none of their damned business. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/43 "2006-02-24T15:55:38Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Fuck the husband in front of the wife and then tell her neither of you is gay because neither of you enjoyed it. Or better yet – fuck **her** , then tell her you weren’t gay before, but now she’s turned you. ---
**Author:** ![Charger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df788c/32.png) [@Charger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charger)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/44 "2006-02-24T16:00:16Z")
> [@Velma](#): > > I have a friend like this who we all suspect really is gay. It’s just too much, we all get ‘the’ vibe, and whenever we run into him he immediately brings up women and his love for women. Did he mention he had a date with a woman? And oh how he likes hot women, yes siree! Hi-how-are-you-I-love-women. > > I just have a desire to pat his hand whenever I see him and say ‘there, there.’ Well, I think most men have some degree of that in them. I don’t participate in the “Man, I’d love to get _her_ in the sack” discussions. You see, that seems like it’s overcompensating. And, frankly, I just think it’s disrespectful and kind of ape-ish. I also take no interest in professional male sports, like football. And the only reason I can imagine that other men would take interest in something so boring is to indulge in homoerotic fantasy. Me, I prefer figure skating. The little dresses turn me on. Some people think that’s gay, go figure. So, I do kind of think of myself as far on the straight end of the gay–straight spectrum, just because I don’t feel it is necessary to put any effort into proving that I’m not gay. I also don’t mind if people think I’m gay. My friend actually does make comments about the women he’d like to “do” and takes a lot of “alone time” to watch movies and TV shows because of the women in them. I’m sure his wife is used to his comments. And I don’t really talk about things like that, so I probably seem gay to her just because of my lack of overcompensating (or compensating at all). But, like I said, I don’t really mind if someone thinks I’m gay, as long as they don’t treat me like a leper because of it. ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/45 "2006-02-24T16:06:57Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Of course, you’re right…and it really wasn’t her damn business. I was thinking of all the straight guys that get so offended if anyone even presumes they are gay. Oh, absolutely. And on re-reading my response, I think I should clarify that my pissy attitude was directed at the nosy woman, not at you. ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/46 "2006-02-24T18:29:59Z")
> [@Charger](#): > > I also take no interest in professional male sports, like football. And the only reason I can imagine that other men would take interest in something so boring is to indulge in homoerotic fantasy. What the fuck? I was in complete agreement with just about every word you wrote in this thread until I read that line, **Charger**. Perhaps you should take a step back for a second and think about how mind-blowingly asinine your statement sounds. By your reasoning, I started watching football not because I enjoyed the competition and drama. It wasn’t because of local pride for the home team, either. It wasn’t because I was awestruck by the sheer athleticism of the sport at the professional level. No, the real reason I watched my very first football game was that I had a secret hankering for 380lb. linemen when I was six years old. Certainly that makes more sense than the idea that different people have different definitions of what constitutes a boring activity. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/47 "2006-02-24T18:40:19Z")
> [@saoirse](#): > > Inconceivable. Am I being whooshed? May I ask what you’re insinuating? ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/48 "2006-02-24T18:56:14Z")
> [@neutron star](#): > > What the fuck? > > I was in complete agreement with just about every word you wrote in this thread until I read that line, **Charger**. Perhaps you should take a step back for a second and think about how mind-blowingly asinine your statement sounds. I feel the way **neutron** does, too, to a degree. _All other things being equal_, which would be more likely for a completely hetero male to watch: women skating in complex maneuvres, or men lining up bent over with their butts sticking out? Even though all other things are not equal, that feeling still strikes me in a residual way. ---
**Author:** ![Satyagrahi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f475e1/32.png) [@Satyagrahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satyagrahi)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/49 "2006-02-24T19:59:56Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Ask her if maybe her obsession is just covering for the fact that SHE’s secretly gay? A good thought. **Charger** , do a bit of googling for “psychological projection.” Although definitions do vary from authority to authority, here’s one that’s used quite commonly: “A defense mechanism in which the individual attributes to other people impulses and traits that he himself has but cannot accept. It is especially likely to occur when the person lacks insight into his own impulses and traits.” To put it another way, we attack in others what we hate (or are afraid of) in ourselves. I’ve occasionally been successful in social situations in defusing a homophobic diatribe by commenting on the bravery of the speaker in exposing his own insecurities so openly. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Charger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df788c/32.png) [@Charger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charger)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/50 "2006-02-24T20:15:44Z")
Allow me to re-emphasize… > [@Charger](#): > > I also take no interest in professional male sports, like football. And the **only reason I can imagine** that other men would take interest in something so boring is to indulge in homoerotic fantasy. What I meant was that, yes, football is _so_ boring **to me** that I can’t think of any other reason someone would enjoy it. And I was also playing upon the irony that sometimes people think I’m gay because I _don’t_ have any interest in seeing a lineup of muscular man asses poised to collide in the grass. But I will point out that cocky-jock behavior is indicative of overcompensation. And professional sports have a fanatical fanbase that doesn’t quite add up for me. Sometimes it seems the market for all male professional sports is greater than that of pornography. I didn’t mean to imply that every expression of male machoism makes a man secretly gay, it’s just a possible indicator, especially when it’s excessive. Why, do you want to fight about it? Because the whole man-on-man fighting thing doesn’t do it for me. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/51 "2006-02-24T20:21:10Z")
> [@Ludovic](#): > > I feel the way **neutron** does, too, to a degree. _All other things being equal_, which would be more likely for a completely hetero male to watch: women skating in complex maneuvres, or men lining up bent over with their butts sticking out? Even though all other things are not equal, that feeling still strikes me in a residual way. The problem is that it’s stupid. Maybe it used to be funny in a “turnabout is fair play!” kind of way, although I doubt it. Whenever I hear the “sports are gay,” it just irritates me because the person who said it thinks it’s _sooooo_ clever. Since I’ve be enough to say this much, I’ll go a little further: I’m straight, and when the topic is sports, I’d rather watch guys do something that interests me instead of watching women do something that bores me. If I wanted sexy, I wouldn’t be watching sports at all; that’s not why sports interest me. The only women’s sport that has any sex appeal, to me, is tennis. I find skating so damned dull that it hardly matters that the skaters are women- often women who look half-starved, although it’s not quite as bad as gymnastics in that regard. ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/52 "2006-02-24T20:33:30Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > Am I being whooshed? > > May I ask what you’re insinuating? I’m not sure. What are you inferring? ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/53 "2006-02-24T20:43:51Z")
> [@Little Nemo](#): > > The book was _Casino Royale_. James Bond is obviously gay what with his British accent and his fancy suits and his shaken martinis. Plus he never settled down with any of the nice girls he was always meeting. And if he was straight he’d call himself Jim. Random point: Bond did, in fact, marry one of the “Bond Girls” in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service. However, She died at the end of the book, shot by one of his many enemies. ---
**Author:** ![friendlessboob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/71c47a/32.png) [@friendlessboob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friendlessboob)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/54 "2006-02-24T21:19:46Z")
Not sure if Charger is still reading at this point… IMHO if I had a “friend” who A) married someone like this lady, and B) let her influence his life to the extent that he didn’t see people on her say so, and C) you are not going to do anything to keep the friendship alive (eg make an aggressive effort to stay in touch with your friend) and get him away from this marriage, then the “friendship” is not worth saving. Of course maybe my little recap is not an accurate description of the situation, in which case I will FO. ---
**Author:** ![Charger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/df788c/32.png) [@Charger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charger)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/55 "2006-02-24T21:48:42Z")
He and I have been friends since 1979, in kindergarten. We didn’t see much of each other in college (when he started dating the woman who is now his wife), then we ended up getting jobs in nearby towns. A couple of years ago, I saw a lot more of him. There are other indicators about their relationship that annoy me. He had to campaign for nearly a year to be able to spend money on an Xbox. He used me as an excuse for getting broadband internet (“If I sign up this month, Charger gets a month at half price for referring me” --not true). Here’s a conversation six months ago that is a sample of her people skills… Husband: Hey, Charger, did you hear who is directing the upcoming Halo movie? Charger: Nope. Husband: Peter Jackson [note: Peter Jackson is executive producer, not director] Charger: Who’s that? Wife: _You don’t know who Peter Jackson is?_ He’s only the **defining director** of our generation. Charger: _[bewildered]_ Husband: I would say that would be Spielberg. Charger: I agree, everyone knows Spielberg. Even though James Cameron is my favorite director. Wife: I knew you would say that. Charger: _[interior monologue] Eat my poop._ ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/56 "2006-02-24T23:16:25Z")
> [@Charger](#): > > Allow me to re-emphasize… > [@](#): > > the **only reason I can imagine** that other men would take interest in something so boring is to indulge in homoerotic fantasy. Well then you **really** don’t have much of an imagination, do you? > [@](#): > > What I meant was that, yes, football is _so_ boring **to me** that I can’t think of any other reason someone would enjoy it. And I was also playing upon the irony that sometimes people think I’m gay because I don’t have any interest in seeing a lineup of muscular man asses poised to collide in the grass. And yet somehow you fail to see the irony of your own position. You started a thread to lambaste a woman for assuming that half the men she knows are secretly gay, then later posted back to the thread with the idiotic assumption that every male fan of the most popular sport in the U.S. is secretly gay. Pot, meet kettle. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/57 "2006-02-24T23:24:12Z")
> [@Charger](#): > > He and I have been friends since 1979, in kindergarten. We didn’t see much of each other in college (when he started dating the woman who is now his wife), then we ended up getting jobs in nearby towns. A couple of years ago, I saw a lot more of him. > > There are other indicators about their relationship that annoy me. He had to campaign for nearly a year to be able to spend money on an Xbox. He used me as an excuse for getting broadband internet (“If I sign up this month, Charger gets a month at half price for referring me” --not true). > > Here’s a conversation six months ago that is a sample of her people skills… > Husband: Hey, Charger, did you hear who is directing the upcoming Halo movie? > Charger: Nope. > Husband: Peter Jackson [note: Peter Jackson is executive producer, not director] > Charger: Who’s that? > Wife: _You don’t know who Peter Jackson is?_ He’s only the **defining director** of our generation. > Charger: _[bewildered]_ > Husband: I would say that would be Spielberg. > Charger: I agree, everyone knows Spielberg. Even though James Cameron is my favorite director. > Wife: I knew you would say that. > Charger: _[interior monologue] Eat my poop._ Again: It’s his relationship with his _wife_. Why is it any of your business? I mean… you’re just a friend. You didn’t make a lifelong commitment to him, nor him, you. You’re not even family and I don’t really see where the boundaries of their marriage need to include your opinions. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2006, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/58 "2006-02-24T23:28:26Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Again: It’s his relationship with his _wife_. Why is it any of your business? > > I mean… you’re just a friend. You didn’t make a lifelong commitment to him, nor him, you. You’re not even family and I don’t really see where the boundaries of their marriage need to include your opinions. Since when does being someone’s spouse count as permission to act like a douchebag? The woman’s a giant bitch, it’s pretty much ruining a friendship the OP has had since kindergarten… this is an eminently pittable situation. What’s your beef with his beef? ---
**Author:** ![Zabali\_Clawbane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/ecd19e/32.png) [@Zabali\_Clawbane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zabali_Clawbane)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2006, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/59 "2006-02-25T02:27:17Z")
Were the friend mentioned in the OP female, and the person being griped about a male that did things to seperate their spouse from their lifelong friends we’d be speculating about abuse. That is the kind of thing an abuser does, cutting off their victim from any kind of support system. Just something for you to mull over. Maybe she’s so insecure she can’t handle the thought of him having any friends who might possibly know him in ways she doesn’t, so she flings the “gay” accusation to get her husband all for herself? It’s jealousy at work here, and the relationship is pretty twisted in on itself. Sounds to me like the husband is almost an enabler, and the wife is subtley abusive. ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2006, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843/60 "2006-02-25T05:02:32Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Since when does being someone’s spouse count as permission to act like a douchebag? The woman’s a giant bitch, it’s pretty much ruining a friendship the OP has had since kindergarten… this is an eminently pittable situation. What’s your beef with his beef? If the husband was any kind of friend the OP wanted, he needs to step up or step out. If the guy accepts the woman’s attitude then maybge the OP needs to re-examine the person he considers a friend and decide if he maybe has grown into a person he doesn’t really want to be a friend of. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/even-if-you-could-fix-your-gaydar-just-shut-up/345843.md?page=4)