# Ever been asked in a job interview if you have kids? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [June 17, 2009, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118 "2009-06-17T23:08:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/41 "2009-06-19T07:16:01Z")
> [@Apollyon](#): > > Got asked about kids less than a year ago… also asked what kind of games I play and where I liked to dive (games and scuba were listed as interest on my CV/resume). > > I don’t actually know if it’s a legal question in NZ – but since it ended up as a chat about families and comparing ages, etc with the kids the two interviewers themselves had I don’t think there was much of an ulterior motive. > > Male 43 fwiw. I can’t recall specifically if it is illegal (trained in HR law and managment in NZ a little over a decade ago). BUT it would be frowned upon. Is illegal to discriminate based on sex or marital status or sexual orientation, and questions that dig at any of these areas would be very much frowned upon. On the other hand, if it was genuinely part of a “getting to know you” process then no problems I don’t think ---
**Author:** ![Theodore\_Striker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@Theodore\_Striker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Theodore_Striker)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/42 "2009-06-19T14:01:18Z")
Recruiting guy here, and from my experience, it is not illegal to ask, but it is a subject best avoided altogether if possible because of potential liability. there are definitely ways to get around it, but even those are somewhat dicey. Male, 33- have been asked twice, but once was after I was offered the position, and a start date was being determined. The other time was by a newly minted manager, who also asked me my marital status, and if I had any problems working for a female manager. She was classy like that. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/43 "2009-06-19T14:44:42Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > gigi: many companies and even jurisdictions allow extra time for Family leave. This women (and sometimes men) with families do get more time off. Also, some companies have liberal sick leave polices, but ask that you be really sick if more than one day is taken- or if you kids are really sick. Thus, a non-family person with normal health would not take anywhere near as many sick days as a family person with kids- and the nasty things kids bring home, too. Is Family Leave paid or unpaid? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/44 "2009-06-19T16:01:10Z")
Family leaves are unpaid, but they secure your position. I’ve never been asked about children. I have been asked about my schedule, and told that I may need to work ridiculous hours, which can sometimes be thrown at me without much notice. They might have been hinting at children, but I think it was more along the lines of, “I hope you don’t anticipate carrying on any kind of social life.” ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/45 "2009-06-19T16:26:33Z")
[In **27** states it is legal to ask a prospective employee about their familial status **and** to use that information in making a hiring decision](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cooper-munroe-/fearless-kiki_b_31253.html). ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/46 "2009-06-19T17:37:46Z")
Family leaves can be unpaid, but employers usually run paid and unpaid leaves concurrently. That means if you have paid sick leave\* or vacation or PTO, you will be paid for the time you take a family leave until the paid leave is exhausted. There are often people who exhaust all of their paid leave and there are also often people who lose unused paid leave at the end of the year. Illness and family illness can be a big factor in who falls in which category. - Paid sick leave policies vary in terms of whether they apply to leave taken to care for others or only for the employee’s own illness. Employers can choose which kind of sick leave to offer. There may be some states that require it to be available for family illness–California? **tumbledown** , an important caveat about using family status in hiring is that if it is legal to use it, it must be used for men and women equally. Yes, in some states you can refuse to hire anyone with children, or anyone married/unmarried, but you can’t refuse to hire only women with children or only married/unmarried women. That would still be illegal sex discrimination. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/47 "2009-06-19T19:12:51Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > gigi: many companies and even jurisdictions allow extra time for Family leave. This women (and sometimes men) with families do get more time off. Also, some companies have liberal sick leave polices, but ask that you be really sick if more than one day is taken- or if you kids are really sick. Thus, a non-family person with normal health would not take anywhere near as many sick days as a family person with kids- and the nasty things kids bring home, too. Are you sure some many employers allow _extra_ time off for family leave? Because I’ve never heard of it , and I’ve always had jobs with plenty of leave. Sure, I can take 12 weeks per year of FMLA- but I can’t take 12 weeks for my own illness and another 12 for my husband’s and 12 more for a kid. It’s 12 total. Same with my sick leave- I can take it for my illness or my husband’s or child’s illness , (and the single , childless person who is not in a domestic partnership may be able to take it for a parent’s illness) but I don’t earn additional time. ---
**Author:** ![Cosmopolitan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/94ad74/32.png) [@Cosmopolitan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cosmopolitan)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/48 "2009-06-19T19:43:22Z")
I’m female, 30, and have never been asked whether I have children. I do, though, suspect that I’ve lost out on at least one teaching job (probably a few/several, I think) because of my disability (I have Spina Bifida & use a manual wheelchair.). A fellow teacher (I’m a teaching assistant currently) suggested that during my next interview, I bring it up - tell the interviewer that I know my disability is the elephant in the room, then briefly explain that I have Spina Bifida, that it’s not degenerative, and that with reasonable accommodations, I perform my duties as an English teacher quite ably. I figure I’ll try that approach, cause failing to mention it just ain’t working. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/49 "2009-06-19T19:46:02Z")
Worse I’ve ASKED this…and a couple other illegal questions. All three times I knew it after I said it, apologised and told them not to answer. I am not a professional interviewer…interview ‘conversationally’ …doing a few a year at most. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/50 "2009-06-19T19:55:30Z")
Another example. I was a college prof at the time. We were waiting for a meeting to start and the Dean of Instruction was there. She (the Dean) was discussing applicants to an open position. She said upfront that the last person she interviewed was great but would not be hired because he wasn’t married\*. I was aghast. I said that she really shouldn’t have said that because if she was sued and we were forced in as witnesses in court we would have to say she said that. She looked confused and said “That’s not illegal!”. I said…you know the spiel…no discrimination based on age, race, sex…maritial status… She says “That’s not in there!”…and went out and looked it up. She came back really embarassed. Still, he was not hired and another man was (who was married). - This was a rural area. Experienced has shown that bringing in single men not from the area was not worth it because they left within 1-3 years. The area was 2/3 male, sparsely populated (Wyoming) and so a male would have a hard time finding a mate and (along with other considerations like the REALLY SUCKY PAY) would leave. Married men, who brought their wives/family with them tended to stay longer. Single women were fine as well. The Dean was not anti-single men…just hated hiring all the time. ---
**Author:** ![Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e56c9b/32.png) [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harriet_the_Spry)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/51 "2009-06-19T20:48:34Z")
:dubious: According to this site, Wyoming has no laws against marital status discrimination: [State Laws Against Marital Status Discrimination](http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/ms-statutes.htm) The university itself may have had a policy against it, though. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/52 "2009-06-19T21:21:21Z")
> [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](#): > > :dubious: According to this site, Wyoming has no laws against marital status discrimination: [http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/ms-statutes.htm](http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/ms-statutes.htm) > > The university itself may have had a policy against it, though. If they were against hiring a single man but not a single woman, it would be sex discrimination. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/53 "2009-06-19T21:23:43Z")
> [@Harriet\_the\_Spry](#): > > :dubious: According to this site, Wyoming has no laws against marital status discrimination: [http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/ms-statutes.htm](http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/ms-statutes.htm) > > The university itself may have had a policy against it, though. As a University, they were bound by EOE (? Equal opportunity employment?) that is the same across the nation. This I know because I was on many hiring committees and it was drilled into us by the lawyers. How the Dean missed this I have no idea (though she had the clout to blow off the meetings would be my guess) EDIT - It’s been so long my memory is fuzzy…but it could have been an accredidation thing. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/54 "2009-06-19T21:45:26Z")
I recently had a recruiting firm email me a “candidate questionaire” which included the following: > [@](#): > > Family > i.e., spouse (name) (any career?) > > Kids (ages)? > > Special needs? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2009, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/55 "2009-06-19T22:52:29Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > Are you sure some many employers allow _extra_ time off for family leave? Because I’ve never heard of it , and I’ve always had jobs with plenty of leave. Sure, I can take 12 weeks per year of FMLA- but I can’t take 12 weeks for my own illness and another 12 for my husband’s and 12 more for a kid. It’s 12 total. Same with my sick leave- I can take it for my illness or my husband’s or child’s illness , (and the single , childless person who is not in a domestic partnership may be able to take it for a parent’s illness) but I don’t earn additional time. Every company has different policies. If they are only giving you the 12 wek mandated Family leave, then yes, you’re right, you get just 12 weeks. But honestly, what’s more likely- for a single man to need it or a working Mom with kids and planning more? I have never taken any Family leave and have never used up my sick leave either. Generally, those that do are Moms, or dudes with serious LT illnesses, many of whom never come back to work anyway. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/56 "2009-06-20T00:28:59Z")
> [@DrDeth](#): > > Every company has different policies. If they are only giving you the 12 wek mandated Family leave, then yes, you’re right, you get just 12 weeks. But honestly, what’s more likely- for a single man to need it or a working Mom with kids and planning more? I have never taken any Family leave and have never used up my sick leave either. Generally, those that do are Moms, or dudes with serious LT illnesses, many of whom never come back to work anyway. I wasn’t questioning who was more likely to use it - just your statement that many employers allow extra time off for family leave. I’ve never seen that, and don’t think it would be legal here - unless you were talking about an employer with no real policy about sick leave, etc. Maybe in that situation those with families get more time off, but most employers have policies. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/57 "2009-06-20T01:26:44Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > I wasn’t questioning who was more likely to use it - just your statement that many employers allow extra time off for family leave. I’ve never seen that, and don’t think it would be legal here - unless you were talking about an employer with no real policy about sick leave, etc. Maybe in that situation those with families get more time off, but most employers have policies. They do allow “extra time”, that is twelve “extra” weeks instead of whatever Sick leave you may get. Those with families do not get any extra time, but they use more time. ---
**Author:** ![Rin\_Twisted](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/82dd89/32.png) [@Rin\_Twisted](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rin_Twisted)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/58 "2009-06-20T03:45:14Z")
> [@mnemosyne](#): > > No, that one does matter, because you want to be forewarned if you’re about to hire a Leaf’s fan… > > I may have been asked, but I don’t recall for sure if it was during interviews or simply on my first days at new jobs. I think, when I used to work in labs, the questions were more along the lines of “our policy is to not have pregnant women working in the labs, so if you are or might become pregnant while employed here, it’s something you’ll have to discuss with your supervisor so you can be assigned to other work.” I’d be pretty worried about any woman that would want to work in a chemical lab while pregnant! Heh. It’s sad when a former Torontonian doesn’t have a ready defense for that one… I don’t know what kind of labs you worked in, of course, but I do believe that it’s okay to ask things/base decisions on hiring when there’s a safety factor involved. At least, I know that in the warehouse department where I work, they’re allowed to require that you be able to lift 75 pounds or more on a regular basis. Obviously that doesn’t exclude all women from taking the job, but I bet a fair amount of us wouldn’t make the cut. ---
**Author:** ![flickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7bcc69/32.png) [@flickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flickster)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/59 "2009-06-20T04:02:57Z")
Recruiter checking in - agree with the view that asking there types of questions can open your firm up to liability so unless it is critical to the job, stay away. ---
**Author:** ![BaconAndEggs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f4b2a3/32.png) [@BaconAndEggs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BaconAndEggs)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2009, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118/60 "2009-06-20T20:05:43Z")
> [@tumbleddown](#): > > [In **27** states it is legal to ask a prospective employee about their familial status **and** to use that information in making a hiring decision](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cooper-munroe-/fearless-kiki_b_31253.html). What states? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-asked-in-a-job-interview-if-you-have-kids/500118.md?page=2)