# Ever been caught masturbating? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 9, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202 "2009-10-09T16:24:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/21 "2009-10-09T19:33:19Z")
> [@Dr.Woo](#): > > …snip…Since this story made the rounds at work I’ve noticed a lot of post-it notes taped over webcam lenses. 😃 I’m envisioning a cube farm full of masturbating employees with post-its over their webcams. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/22 "2009-10-09T19:49:00Z")
> [@corkboard](#): > > I’m envisioning a cube farm full of masturbating employees with post-its over their webcams. Gotta wonder what sort of product or service they provide. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/23 "2009-10-09T20:01:19Z")
> [@bup](#): > > It became a bit of family lore!? :eek: > > I’d kill myself. Or my mom. Indeed it did. :mad: And both crossed my mind. A lot. ---
**Author:** ![gytalf2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ac91a4/32.png) [@gytalf2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gytalf2000)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/24 "2009-10-09T20:40:16Z")
Well, I am a rare breed – a “mattress-humper” (I don’t like using the hand), and a paraphiliac, to boot, but we won’t go into that here. It was always easy enough to just close the bedroom door, or so I thought, but one time, (I think I was thirteen or fourteen, back in 1974-1975) while I was in the middle of a rousing round of pleasuring myself by rubbing my penis against the bed, I saw my mom out of the corner of my eye, in the doorway, and realized that I had not closed the door. She said something along the lines of “Are you okay? Are you sick?” and then I think she realized what I was doing, had a really shocked/mortified look on her face, and then closed the door and left. That kind of ruined the session for me, for some reason, and I could not finish! We were both too embarrassed to ever say anything about it. I just promised myself that I would always double-check the door before starting another masturbation session. Another time, I actually left some of my materials out, and I know that she saw them. I will need to start a separate thread about that, sometime. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/25 "2009-10-09T21:12:01Z")
Once, my dad the dumbass left his porno in the bathroom. I was in the kitchen, and all of a sudden, my mom yelled “There’s PORNOGRAPHY in the BATHROOM!” Stand-up guy that he is, he didn’t let me take the blame. But now, I knew that there was pornography in close proximity. I knew that he’d keep it in his van. So one day when I was alone, I went out to his van, found it, and brought it inside, to the bathroom. Five minutes later, the front door opened and the first words I heard were “WHERE’S MY PENTHOUSE?!?!” I just stopped, left it in the bathroom, and committed suicide. Joe ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/26 "2009-10-09T21:32:07Z")
A couple of years ago my roommate barged in without asking. I was mortified on the inside but clever. “hold on a minute, I’m busy. I’ll be out later”, and didn’t stop. Never heard another word about it and people started knocking. ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/27 "2009-10-09T21:49:17Z")
I have been _found_ masturbating several times by significant others. I have been _disturbed_ masturbating several times by others coming home at inopportune times. But the only time I was ever _caught_ was when my mom busted in on me trying to go down on myself when I was a teen. Luckily I hadn’t worked it out yet- she knew what I was trying to do, I am pretty sure, but she didn’t bug me about it. ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/28 "2009-10-09T21:55:49Z")
Never thought I’d have a chance to trot this one out: [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Zn3dzAgnmqA/hqdefault.jpg "RICKY: PORTRAIT OF A FUTURE SERIAL KILLER") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zn3dzAgnmqA) ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/29 "2009-10-09T21:57:52Z")
I was caught by my mom maybe 5 or 6 times between the ages 5 and 10. Early on I had this big, soft rag doll that I would hump. She took it away from me, so I used my hand. She yelled, said I was going to hell, God was watching me, blah blah blah. Obviously didn’t stop me. Then I was ‘caught’ by a couple of neighborhood boys when I was 12 or 13. One of them was the first boy I’d ever french kissed, and the other would be my first lover a few months later; we have 2 children together. The basement of our house was our hangout, and they’d come looking to see if I wanted to hang out I suppose. It wasn’t uncommon for them to peek in and tap on the window. This time, they peeked in and I was in the middle of masturbating. They didn’t know I’d seen them, and I didn’t stop. Years later my boys’ father told me about it and was surprised to learn that I’d known they were there the entire time. 😉 I caught both of my boys exactly one time each. My own fault really. The age of ‘it’s probably best to knock before entering the bedroom to say good night or good morning’ just snuck up on me. (12 or 13 or so.) No ‘catching’ to be done in our house now. Both my husband and I masturbate whenever we feel like it. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/30 "2009-10-09T22:04:45Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Gotta wonder what sort of product or service they provide. Firmware? Incidentally, while I was reading this thread, my 10yo son came into the room to complain he couldn’t sleep. Just as well I wasn’t rubbing one out, really. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/31 "2009-10-09T22:10:55Z")
> [@Hippy\_Hollow](#): > > Never thought I’d have a chance to trot this one out: > > [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zn3dzAgnmqA&feature=related](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zn3dzAgnmqA&feature=related) What the FUCK was that? Crap mom! Just leave already!!😃 ---
**Author:** ![gladtobeblazed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/85f322/32.png) [@gladtobeblazed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gladtobeblazed)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/32 "2009-10-09T22:38:29Z")
Well, people may have seen me masturbating, but if they have they never told me. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/33 "2009-10-09T22:43:16Z")
Girls start masturbating really young, don’t they? My ex-girlfriend told me she started masturbating when she was about ten or eleven. ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/34 "2009-10-09T23:07:59Z")
> [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#): > > Girls start masturbating really young, don’t they? My ex-girlfriend told me she started masturbating when she was about ten or eleven. That’s not young- I started at six, male. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 11:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/35 "2009-10-09T23:08:42Z")
> [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](#): > > Girls start masturbating really young, don’t they? My ex-girlfriend told me she started masturbating when she was about ten or eleven. I started at four, female. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/36 "2009-10-09T23:34:43Z")
Time for another poll? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![psycat90](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@psycat90](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/psycat90)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/37 "2009-10-09T23:36:14Z")
I also started at about four. ---
**Author:** ![Yorikke](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yorikke/32/4335_2.png) [@Yorikke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yorikke)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2009, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/38 "2009-10-10T02:16:42Z")
> [@John\_DiFool](#): > > Time for another poll? 😃 I got your pole right here…😃 Joe ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2009, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/39 "2009-10-10T02:40:37Z")
I’ve never been caught in the act, but my mom once saw the… evidence. When I was about 13 or 14. It was the one time in my life when I needed a clever excuse (like “I just spilled some water”, or “I forgot to tell you, but last time we came home from the beach, I brought back this jellyfish, and you know how hard they are to not drop”, or “I had to blow my nose, but I couldn’t get to the tissues in time, so I had to use the sheets instead”) and said excuse did not pop up in my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2009, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202/40 "2009-10-10T02:48:30Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > What the FUCK was that? Crap mom! Just leave already!!😃 It’s from a 70s film on “Teaching Trainables about Sex.” “Trainables” being what they called people with cognitive and/or developmental delays back then. Though it’s pretty sensitive and tries to convey the seriousness of the topic, it is accidentally hilarious in several places. You can see the whole thing in its entirety here: [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/S75i7fWlwfI/hqdefault.jpg "Sex Ed for Trainables") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S75i7fWlwfI) Highlights: the narrator, the students yelling “Cock! Dick! Joint!” and of course Ricky getting walked in on by Hillary Clinton. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-caught-masturbating/513202.md?page=3)