# Ever been groped by a stranger? What were you wearing? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 27, 2018, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677 "2018-07-27T14:13:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2018, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/61 "2018-07-27T23:41:08Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > When I was volunteering as an auxiliary police officer, there was a do at the Lieutenant’s home. I was in the kitchen, his wife (who I had never met) walked in, looked around and then pressed up against me and kissed me. I was so shocked I just stood there letting it happen for a few seconds, then shoved her away. The fact that my wife and her husband were both in the next room certainly hastened my decision. I learned later that she was having an affair with another active duty cop. I don’t recall exactly, but I’m sure I was wearing jeans and a shirt. I don’t think it would have mattered if I had been naked or wearing a burka. You sexy thang! 😊 ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/62 "2018-07-28T00:05:59Z")
I don’t think he was sharing an enjoyable experience either **Pat**. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/63 "2018-07-28T00:15:18Z")
I was groped. It was late-1970s, and I was accosted while walking along 14th Street near Franklin Square around midnight. A woman approached me, grabbed my crotch, and offered her professional services as a prostitute. I declined. The two friends I was with and I all coarsely joked about it, but in all honesty it was creepy and not alluring in the slightest. But I thought at the time, and still do, that while my jeans and T-shirt were uninvolved with triggering the act, the decision to walk along an area known (at the time) for prostitution was a factor… that it was, indeed, mostly my fault. I’m still oddly and irrationally reluctant to talk about it, and embarrassed when I do. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/64 "2018-07-28T00:48:14Z")
Yes, once, at a Halloween party by a woman dressed as a cop. I was lazy and was wearing pajama pants, a robe, and a t shirt, and carrying a newspaper and a coffee cup full of scotch. She grabbed my ass with both hands and squeezed hard before I even saw her approach. I have a pretty big personal space bubble. I’d never seen this woman before and I was deeply uncomfortable. I didn’t say anything, and it wasn’t a big deal to me, but it was uncomfortable. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/65 "2018-07-28T01:10:47Z")
Once when I was about 11, my cousin and I were walking around in my neighborhood (I had just moved there) and we ran into this one kid who reached out and slapped me on the ass. I was wearing a blue teeshirt and a pair of jean shorts. Later run-ins with the guy proved he had some serious psychological problems and he ended up getting kicked out of my high school and sent to an alternative one. (I haven’t though about that in ages, until this thread, actually. I imagine he’s probably in prison) Other than that, I’ve experienced a lot of catcalls. There’s one that stands out to me the most though, and it’s not so much that he was catcalling me – in fact, it was just him whistling. It was that my sister, who was about 8 years old at the time was standing right next to me. I was 15 and as this was the 90s, I was wearing jeans and a flannel shirt. The guy was really skeevy looking, beat-up old camaro, scraggily beard, probably reeked of cologne, etc. I think I just gave him the finger, but it was one of those things that just really creep you out, due to the context. Asshole, my little sister is right here. ---
**Author:** ![DavidwithanR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@DavidwithanR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidwithanR)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/66 "2018-07-28T01:49:21Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I think you’re mischaracterizing what **SaneBill** said: I don’t think he was at all trying to defend the groper. But I don’t want to hijack this otherwise useful and interesting thread, so I’ll just [link to the post I made in the other one](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=21112502&postcount=34) rather than elaborate here. I understand the point, but I disagree with the idea that it was a good point to make. Stealing from cars is OK as long as you’re discreet enough and keep the mood light-hearted so hopefully no one gets offended enough to retaliate? Nobody thinks that, or at least next to nobody. But there are a lot of people frequently demonstrating that they believe that about groping. There is such a thing as “socially unacceptable behaviour”, and the people who grope ARE concerned about it - those gropers can’t ALL be sociopaths or whatever the correct term is - and yet they think groping is OK. Subverting the process of making it socially unacceptable to grope someone is not potentially a valid or helpful point, even if it’s technically correct in some narrow sense. In short, like it or not, yes you and Bill were defending the groper. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/67 "2018-07-28T02:22:12Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I haven’t though about that in ages, until this thread, actually. I imagine he’s probably in prison BTW, I hope nobody takes this to mean I’m minimilizing this kind of thing! I’m just stating a fact. Trust me, that kid was seriously messed up. My best friend in high school later told me about the time he on the bus when he grabbed her hand, pinched the skin, and just twisted it until a piece came off. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/68 "2018-07-28T02:51:25Z")
> [@DavidwithanR](#): > > I understand the point I don’t think you do. If you think **Bill** and I were making the same point, you don’t understand, or else I don’t. I was trying to defend **SaneBill** without (fully) agreeing with him. There’s more than one question being addressed here. Among them: (1) Does the way a woman is dressed affect how likely she is to be groped by a stranger? That’s the question that this current thread is addressing, by trying collect anecdotal evidence for or against. (2) If the way a woman is dressed can increase the likelihood of her being groped [not, I think, a safe assumption, but an assumption that some people seem to be working from], what, if anything, should women do (or wear) differently to avoid being groped? (3) Is there any excuse or defense for men who grope women? For the record, my own answers to these questions are: (1) I don’t know, but I’m leaning towards no, and this current thread is helping to push me further in that direction. (2) Nothing. I can kind of understand why people might say otherwise, but I think they’re mistaken, and I think they would still be mistaken if the answer to (1) were “yes.” (And the point you make about “Subverting the process of making it socially unacceptable to grope someone” may be one reason why.) (3) Absolutely not, barring some sort of exceptional circumstances, such as mental illness on the part of the groper. ---
**Author:** ![CelticKnot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/celticknot/32/3392_2.png) [@CelticKnot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CelticKnot)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/69 "2018-07-28T03:06:26Z")
High School cross country practice in the woods behind the school. I was wearing some running gear, probably shorts and a tee-shirt. I was a sophomore, so around 14. A man grabbed me and put his hands everywhere he could. I was always far behind the rest of the team when we ran in the woods. If a teammate hadn’t been sick that day and far enough back that he heard me screaming, I’m sure I would have been raped. This was in the Netherlands, so the police took a report but basically admitted they wouldn’t bother to look for the guy since I didn’t have a great description. I was too busy fighting the hands to look at his face. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/70 "2018-07-28T03:20:15Z")
> [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > Over in [this](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=859466) thread **SaneBill tries to defend a groper by pointing out what the gropee was wearing**. This is a common misconception “Yeah, but she was looking hot” or sending signals or whatever. > > So if you (male or female) had unwanted groping, what were you wearing at the time. I’ve never understood the whole “their clothes mean they were asking for it” bit from men or women (Mayim Bialik at the start of #MeToo comes to mind). It happens way too often for it to be about clothes. There have been many instances but the standouts were when I was in my teens. My freshman year in high school a senior girl grabbed my ass as I walked by on the school bus, and I slapped her hand away hard enough for her to yelp and I was wearing the classic jeans/t-shirt combo of high schoolers everywhere, everything a size or two too big. While a pizza delivery driver a woman shoved her hand down the front of my pants, and few would describe the Domino’s Pizza uniform as overtly sexy. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/71 "2018-07-28T04:12:37Z")
> [@EricaRoche](#): > > I was groped (male in my 20s) when I was in school because the kids thought I had a big bum. The secondary school uniform trousers probably accentuated that problem. > > The weirdest thing though was a biracial young guy who when drunk asked if he could touch my bum…I was a bit flattered since I’m bisexual but it was still very awkward. Femmejean? Is that you? ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/72 "2018-07-28T04:45:34Z")
In the '80s I was in elementary school and liked to wear sweatshirts and leggings. I had my breasts touched in the lunch line. In the '90s I was into wide-leg jeans, baggy tshirts, and wallet chains. I had my ass grabbed and I had people touch my (then very long) hair. In the '00s I was going through a conservative phase. I had my ass grabbed while wearing a long woolen skirt and a cashmere sweater. In the '10s I had my breast grabbed underwater in a public swimming pool. ---
**Author:** ![splatterpunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@splatterpunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/splatterpunk)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/73 "2018-07-28T05:25:23Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Femmejean? Is that you? Ding, ding, ding ding! ---
**Author:** ![I.Dunno](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9f8e36/32.png) [@I.Dunno](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I.Dunno)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/74 "2018-07-28T06:05:21Z")
I’m a slightly overweight mid 60s guy and really nothing special. I was pinched hard on the ass by a 20 something female a year or so ago. I was attending a burlesque and pole dancing exhibition that was a fund raiser for sexual assault victims. I was waiting for a couple of friends to show up, one male, one female, (they never did show) and I was standing in the back by the bar where there was more light so they’d see me. The place was pretty dark and they would have to pass near me to enter. I’m so goddamn old that my first thought was to make sure my wallet was still in my back pocket. And then I turned to see who did it. She had passed behind me and was standing about 10 feet away with a big grin on her face. Our eyes met for a second or two but I’m sure my facial expression was more quizzical than anything else. I then turned my attention back to the stage and that was the end of it. I was left wondering why she did it; I guess just to be funny. Had I done it to her, I’d have likely been in big trouble. Oh, yeah, jeans and a sweater. ---
**Author:** ![Weedy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/weedy/32/301_2.png) [@Weedy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weedy)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/75 "2018-07-28T07:58:28Z")
School uniform (I was 15 at the time, waiting at the bus stop with around 30 other people). T-shirt and jeans (by an instructor on a course) A kind of gothy skirt & top with opaque tights and black boots Some pants and top, but I don’t remember exactly. The last two times were on the street at night, walking to the pub, or hanging outside, with friends. The fourth time, I turned around and punched the guy that had grabbed my ass, but it was a pretty wussy punch, and he just laughed. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/76 "2018-07-28T11:27:09Z")
Age 13, jeans and sweater; groped on the butt by a male stranger in a crowd. Age late 20’s, t-shirt and gym shorts, guy sitting next to me groped my upper thigh as I dozed off. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/77 "2018-07-28T12:44:41Z")
I seem to have a different definition of “groping” than many of the guys in this thread. “I’m talking with someone and (s)he touches me” doesn’t count as groping. “I’m walking along, or on the subway, or at the library, wherever, minding my business, when I feel a hand grabbing my ass or a dick sticking between my buttcheeks” counts. ---
**Author:** ![Patx2](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/73ab20/32.png) [@Patx2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patx2)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/78 "2018-07-28T14:17:56Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > I don’t think he was sharing an enjoyable experience either **Pat**. Yes, I realize that and as soon as I submitted I knew it was out of line. I do think this is a serious topic and I shouldn’t have made a stupid comment. ---
**Author:** ![BlankSlate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blankslate/32/80_2.png) [@BlankSlate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlankSlate)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/79 "2018-07-28T14:23:36Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I don’t think you do. If you think **Bill** and I were making the same point, you don’t understand, or else I don’t. I was trying to defend **SaneBill** without (fully) agreeing with him. > > There’s more than one question being addressed here. Among them: > > (1) Does the way a woman is dressed affect how likely she is to be groped by a stranger? That’s the question that this current thread is addressing, by trying collect anecdotal evidence for or against. > > (2) If the way a woman is dressed can increase the likelihood of her being groped [not, I think, a safe assumption, but an assumption that some people seem to be working from], what, if anything, should women do (or wear) differently to avoid being groped? > > (3) Is there any excuse or defense for men who grope women? > > For the record, my own answers to these questions are: > (1) I don’t know, but I’m leaning towards no, and this current thread is helping to push me further in that direction. > (2) Nothing. I can kind of understand why people might say otherwise, but I think they’re mistaken, and I think they would still be mistaken if the answer to (1) were “yes.” (And the point you make about “Subverting the process of making it socially unacceptable to grope someone” may be one reason why.) > (3) Absolutely not, barring some sort of exceptional circumstances, such as mental illness on the part of the groper. When **SaneBill** used the term “triggered” he was making an excuse for the groper. Then what should be black and white turns gray because, hey, he was provoked. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/80 "2018-07-28T15:35:19Z")
Multiple times, and it never seems to make a damn bit of difference what I’m wearing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677.md?page=5)