# Ever been groped by a stranger? What were you wearing? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 27, 2018, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677 "2018-07-27T14:13:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 6:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/81 "2018-07-28T18:09:03Z")
> [@I.Dunno](#): > > I’m a slightly overweight mid 60s guy and really nothing special. I was pinched hard on the ass by a 20 something female a year or so ago. I was attending a burlesque and pole dancing exhibition that was a fund raiser for sexual assault victims. I was waiting for a couple of friends to show up, one male, one female, (they never did show) and I was standing in the back by the bar where there was more light so they’d see me. The place was pretty dark and they would have to pass near me to enter. > > I’m so goddamn old that my first thought was to make sure my wallet was still in my back pocket. And then I turned to see who did it. She had passed behind me and was standing about 10 feet away with a big grin on her face. Our eyes met for a second or two but I’m sure my facial expression was more quizzical than anything else. I then turned my attention back to the stage and that was the end of it. I was left wondering why she did it; I guess just to be funny. Had I done it to her, I’d have likely been in big trouble. > > Oh, yeah, jeans and a sweater. I think “at a fundraiser for sexual assault victims” wins the thread no matter what you were wearing. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/82 "2018-07-28T18:17:21Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > I seem to have a different definition of “groping” than many of the guys in this thread. “I’m talking with someone and (s)he touches me” doesn’t count as groping. Could you point out which posts you’re referencing? All the ones I’ve seen in this thread cite unwanted/unexpected touching in private areas, such as ass or crotch grabs, with one person mentioning a nipple grab. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/83 "2018-07-28T18:51:50Z")
**K2500** indicates some assgrabs but “mostly just handsy”. The nipple grab was from someone previously known to **Shodan** - not even someone already met at that party. I did mix the specific posts in this thread with those from others, evidently. ---
**Author:** ![RaftPeople](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@RaftPeople](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RaftPeople)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/84 "2018-07-28T20:08:37Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > I seem to have a different definition of “groping” than many of the guys in this thread. “I’m talking with someone and (s)he touches me” doesn’t count as groping. So, you’re saying that if you were talking to someone and they just reached over and grabbed your crotch or your ass, you wouldn’t consider that a grope, because they were talking to you? ---
**Author:** ![K2500](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f6c823/32.png) [@K2500](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/K2500)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2018, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/85 "2018-07-28T21:15:03Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > **K2500** indicates some assgrabs but “mostly just handsy”. The nipple grab was from someone previously known to **Shodan** - not even someone already met at that party. I did mix the specific posts in this thread with those from others, evidently. By handsy I mean generally feeling up on my upper body, as apposed to just grabbing my dick or something. I can’t imagine it would be considered appropiate for me to casually cop a feel on some girls tits while telling a not so funny story in a bar, for example. Or to approach a woman and feel up her abs and obliques while trying to talk her into changing locations at a party either. But I’ve had girls I don’t know(usually drunk ones if it matters) do these things and more. How about having some girl straight up grab my face and try and make out with me with my then current wife standing in full view? Not really groping ig. Niether is wandering by and plopping an ass right down in my lap. ---
**Author:** ![dorvann](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/df705f/32.png) [@dorvann](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dorvann)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2018, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/86 "2018-07-29T02:20:09Z")
I’m a male in my 40’s. I don’t recall anyone groping me as an adult. I did have a strange incident as a child: 1. When I was around nine, a man grabbed me around my waist from behind at a local park and said I was growing up real nice. I recognize the man from around my neighborhood, but I didn’t know him personally. The guy moved away a few months later and I don’t remember what his name was, so I have know idea what happened to him. In hindsight, the guy was definitely a pedophile. I was wearing a tshirt and shorts. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2018, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/87 "2018-07-29T02:44:19Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > Really? That many men are that stupid? Really? That’s your opinion as a man, from asking men, from listening to men, from studying men? That when men talk about how they can be lead around by the dick, about how stupid it makes them, that they are all lying? Where exactly do you get off? Yes, men are that stupid. It offends me to be called a liar. > [@nelliebly](#): > > That many have never seen a woman get outraged when a man groped her, either IRL or on social media? I don’t hang out on social media: I don’t watch videos of women being groped. _I have never seen a person get outraged when they were groped_. All I know about it is from personal experience and from talking to people. > [@nelliebly](#): > > I think they’re thinking, all right. They’re thinking the thrill of an illicit grope and the possibility of getting away with it are too appealing to resist, heh, heh, heh. No stranger who’s groped me has ever acted surprised that I responded angrily. They merely snickered. “Hey, I’d love it if a woman did this to me!” And he snickered “Or maybe they don’t think at all.” And he snickered. " don’t understand how it makes women feel" And he snickered. So there were three possible alternative suggestions for why men snicker, but you prefer your own explanation: that men are looking for the “thrill of the illicit”. And your evidence for this? Merely that men are not surprised. “Hey, I’d love it if a woman did this to me!” But I’m not surprised by anything women do. “Or maybe they don’t think at all.” So I’m not surprised by anything " don’t understand how it makes women feel" So I’m not surprised by how women feel about anything. See? All work equally well with an explanation. You have at least two choices about you you interpret the behavior of men: you can listen to what men say about their behavior, or you can make up your own explanations, based on how you feel about their behavior. Listening to what people say about themselves is never a complete explanation: I guarantee that just making up stories based on your own feelings is even less effective. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2018, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/88 "2018-07-29T02:57:27Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > Really? That’s your opinion as a man, from asking men, from listening to men, from studying men? That when men talk about how they can be lead around by the dick, about how stupid it makes them, that they are all lying? > > Where exactly do you get off? > > Yes, men are that stupid. It offends me to be called a liar. > > I don’t hang out on social media: I don’t watch videos of women being groped. _I have never seen a person get outraged when they were groped_. All I know about it is from personal experience and from talking to people. > > “Hey, I’d love it if a woman did this to me!” And he snickered > “Or maybe they don’t think at all.” And he snickered. > " don’t understand how it makes women feel" And he snickered. > > So there were three possible alternative suggestions for why men snicker, but you prefer your own explanation: that men are looking for the “thrill of the illicit”. And your evidence for this? Merely that men are not surprised. > > “Hey, I’d love it if a woman did this to me!” But I’m not surprised by anything women do. > “Or maybe they don’t think at all.” So I’m not surprised by anything > " don’t understand how it makes women feel" So I’m not surprised by how women feel about anything. > > See? All work equally well with an explanation. > > You have at least two choices about you you interpret the behavior of men: you can listen to what men say about their behavior, or you can make up your own explanations, based on how you feel about their behavior. > > Listening to what people say about themselves is never a complete explanation: I guarantee that just making up stories based on your own feelings is even less effective. Except that I don’t think that any of the men who have speculated on why other men grope are speaking to their own personal motivations. They are guessing as to the motivations of others, which is as valid as nellibly guessing as to their motivations. In other words, no one is saying anything about themselves- we have all been trying to figure out why other people act the way they do. But perhaps you do grope strange women, and thus we should listen attentively to your explanations of motivation. ---
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2018, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677/89 "2018-07-29T03:04:19Z")
> [@raventhief](#): > > Except that I don’t think that any of the men who have speculated on why other men grope are speaking to their own personal motivations. They are guessing as to the motivations of others, which is as valid as nellibly guessing as to their motivations. In other words, no one is saying anything about themselves- we have all been trying to figure out why other people act the way they do. > > But perhaps you do grope strange women, and thus we should listen attentively to your explanations of motivation. Wanted to add: If you don’t grope strange women, I fail to see how you could be accused of lying about why. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-been-groped-by-a-stranger-what-were-you-wearing/818677.md?page=4)