Ever Dodge a Bullet?

In My Humble Opinion
61

Spring Break, 1989. A group of us from SMU took a road trip down to Padre Island, and one night headed across the border into Matamoros. After way too much to drink I wandered away from the bars to take a leak, then got turned around and wandered in the wrong direction. I remember noticing that there was no one around and getting a very strange vibe, so I tried to backtrack and got lost. I ran into some group of dudes sitting around, and asked them how to get back to the bars (thankfully I’m fluent in Spanish, which probably helped quite a bit).

I didn’t think much of it until we got back to Dallas and I read the paper.

62

USS Enterprise, summer of 2001. The scoop inlet to our main steam condenser had been clogged up with seaweed or something, so we were going to backflush it with the very, very large seawater pump that we operate at low speeds to keep water flowing through. This operation involved bracing a giant check valve open with a large bar and some chain, then turning on the giant pump. Normally, the check valve would automatically close, but this action would leave it open so it could force the crap out from the scoop.

So I was holding this bar up so my friend could attach the chain. Heard the distinctive whine of the seawater pump turbine spinning up, and before I could do anything, the force of this 25,000 gallon per minute seawater pump slammed that 48 inch check valve shut, resulting in that bar I was holding slamming to the ground. Nearly on to my foot. As it was it was just to the side, so it pushed my foot and cracked a single bone. Had my foot been 2 inches to the right, it would have driven straight into the center of my foot, just where that angle is where the ankle turns into the foot, and completely crushed all of it.

I know this because the force of the bar bent the 1/4 inch steel deckplate. :smiley:

Granted, its not a ‘I could have died!’ story, but I’ve no doubt I would have either lost my foot, or walked with a severe limp for rest of my life.
Another one… Dad is scared of heights, and I’m not, so he always has me climb to the top of our grain elevator in the spring to grease the fittings and make sure all the flow diverters operate freely. I don’t mind, and we have an agreement that I climb stuff, and he goes into spider infested holes. So i climb up the rickety ladder on the side, do the greasing, but one of the flow diverters is stuck. No problem, brought a bar specifically for this. Pull on bar… wow… that thing is really stuck. Lean into it. Nothing. Beat on it some, lean into it some more… a little more… a little more… CRACK! The thing breaks free, and I go flying backwards, over the low crappy rail, and fall 3 feet before being jerked to a stop by the harness I was wearing. See, the year before, I had finally convinced dad to spend a few bucks on a safety harness to wear while up there, considering its 80 ft off the ground. I pulled myself back up, and sat shaking(and vomited) for 15 minutes before I could climb down again. Found dad and told him that was the best money he ever spent.

63

Did she seriously make it to age 13 without the knowledge that lacking carnal knowledge of a man would indicate that he is not the father of her child?

64

Not me, exactly, but my oldest sister had a boyfriend who seemed to be a really great guy, so she treated him like crap. She’s one of those people who only wanted to date losers or deadbeats or other women’s husbands. So this great guy stuck around for a year or two, and treated her like a princess. Our parents adored him. Sis dumped him, saying that he was too nice and too boring.

Now he’s doing life in prison for murdering his wife. Even my Sis was shocked, but wow, good thing she dumped him!

65

You people with your well-written, fascinating, edge-of-your-seat, near-death experiences are pushing this thread out of reach of us boring folk!

Allow me to bring the thread back down with a tale of pre-teen high finance.

Back during the recession of the early 90s, interest rates were sky-high here. Bad for people with loans, awesome for a 14 year old kid who’d saved most of her birthday money for several years. I got quite into wheeling-and-dealing with regard to bank accounts; I regularly bank-hopped looking for better deals, and sometimes had my money in several accounts with different institutions. Dad was amused by my little hobby and when he saw a great looking account offered by a building society, he encouraged me to shift my money over to them. I checked it out, thought about it, and decided to leave my money where it was.

Soon after…

66

Not me, but the passenger in the other car…

I’ve told of the time we were on our way out to dinner for our 10th wedding Anniversary. Reservations at l’Auberge Chez François, a swanky place in the Northern Virginia suburbs. Windy 2-lane road, wet from some rain earlier in the evening.

We got hit head on when a Chrysler LeBaron convertible coming the other way lost control on a curve.

As everyone had been seatbelted, it merely ruined our dinner (and our cars).

However, the passenger had not been belted in… until a minute or two earlier when something in his brain said “hey, we’re getting to a curvy part of the road, better buckle up”.

I’m thinking he would not have walked away from that one otherwise.

67

I was stuck in traffic in Hilla, Iraq in 2003, there was a guy in an empty lot walking in circles muttering to himself with an Ak47. He noticed I was a foreigner and stood next to the car screaming at me in Arabic until the traffic broke and we got out of there.

I’ve missed a couple of car bombs in Baghdad that happened on streets I had just been down.

But still the biggest bullet I ever dodged was when I didn’t marry the crazy lady.

68

Nearly 20 years ago, I had a business appointment in Brunswick, Georgia. To fly there from Atlanta, you had to take one of those little propeller commuter planes.

As we were about to take off, the pilot powered down, announced something didn’t feel right, and we were going back to the gate to check it out.

I decided I didn’t want to fly on that plane, and would instead take a real plane to Savannah, rent a car, and drive the 75 miles to Brunswick.
So I changed flights.

The flight I did NOT take was ASA 2311. :eek:

69

Holy. Shit.

70

I hitch hiked a ride from Oxford to London with a lorry driver. He started going on about how I reminded him of his wife, then made a grab for my crotch. I opened the door of the moving lorry which caused him to slow down and I jumped out. My spidey sense kicked in a bit late on this one.

I think it was Park Royal station where I ended up making a shakey call to the police saying I thought I’d just got away from a nutter. The back of the lorry was so dirty I couldn’t read the plate. I’m pretty sure it was this guy, although there’s no mention of him driving lorries to London.

71

There was a doper during the aftermath of 9/11 who posted that he ( or maybe a friend of his) was suppose to go into work that day in the WTC but decided to call in. Fell back asleep and woke up in the afternoon to find out what the rest of the world knew.

72

Probably got tired of women like your sister…one day…one too many screeching harpy bitch moments…suddenly, the urge to make it quiet becomes very strong.

73

Mr. Neville and I were buying our first house two years ago. Despite the fact that the rules on mortgages seemed to have changed, we listened to that voice in our heads that said “this sounds too good to be true, and if something sounds too good to be true, it almost certainly is.” We based our decision on the price range to look at houses in on what we’d been paying in rent in California, not what a bank would be willing to lend us.

74

Mrs. Spidey :cool:

Me and a friend got stranded on I-4 on the way to Orlando, we then had to walk from Lakeland back to the Beaches. (Too late to call anyone and this was before cell phones and internet).

We hopped the fence to the service road, walked a good 2 hours next to the Interstate. No one around to catch a ride from on the service road, and there going way to fast on the interstate to stop. Far and few between.

We noticed this 15ft round perfect web in a tree with this massive spider in it, back lit by a street light, as the ground was sorta dew like with a slight fog.
Wish I had a camera, be an awesome pic.

We go over to the shoulder and get off the road way to get a closer look.
As we stepped off the pavement, a loud Whooosh! went by, along with a gust of wind.
We looked at each other thinking, "Dam, that truck musta been hauling ass on the Interstate for us to feel it way over here, a good 75 or so yards away.

So, we turn around to see, and find there is no traffic on the Interstate. Then we look one way down the service road and then the next. Only to see the red tail lights of a Truck doing somewhere in the velocity of warp factor 5, with NO HEADLIGHTS ON.

Missed us by a few seconds and a few feet.
As we were just walking in the middle of the seemingly deserted road way. :eek:

Mrs. Spidey saved us from certain doom, just by being cool.

I think of Mrs. Spidey when I see webs round my house…

…and especially when ever I pass by that way on I-4.
(we got home at day break…)