# Ever fallen head over heels for someone of the "wrong" sex? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 4, 2009, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576 "2009-10-04T19:16:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Belrix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed655f/32.png) [@Belrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Belrix)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2009, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/21 "2009-10-05T22:25:37Z")
I’ve had “I wanna be his _friend_.” moments but no “I wanna be his _boyfriend_” moments. So, no. No sexual component to it. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2009, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/22 "2009-10-05T22:51:42Z")
> [@ascensions](#): > > Everyone’s bisexual in my opinion, though only a few will admit it. > [@LouisB](#): > > Do you have any particular reason for this opinion or any studies, data, etc, etc upon which to base it? there is Klein Sexual Orientation Grid by Dr. Fritz Klein and the Kinsey scale it seems that if you include life long experiences including feelings as well as actions then analysis like that can place lots of people in the bisexual category. ---
**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\ **Post date:** [October 5, 2009, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/23 "2009-10-05T23:58:38Z")
I thought I did. I was going through a very messy breakup with my fiance and this woman helped me through it and basically showed me how I _should_ have been treated. The woman discovered through our relationship that she’s actually gay. It was exciting and new for a few months, but after the excitement wore off, I had to be honest with myself that I am not, in fact, gay. Would’ve made life a lot easier if I were. I think sexuality is a very fluid thing and can change under different circumstances. I don’t go around checking out other females or have any desire to be in a relationship with a female, but I somehow ended up in a two year long relationship with this particular woman. I’ve heard a few very similar stories from other people as well. I guess you never know what you’re capable of until life throws you a curve ball. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/24 "2009-10-06T00:20:41Z")
> [@Justin\_Bailey](#): > > Agreed. If you thought you were straight and you fell head over heels with someone of the “wrong” sex, congratulations you’re actually bi or gay! Yep. My crushes on girls have been relatively few and far between, but they were definitely sexual in nature. The first time it happened, in high school, I thought, “Aw, crap. I’m gay.” But since all my previous and subsequent crushes were on guys, I started to think maybe I just really admired her a lot. Then, it happened again in college, and it was clearly not admiration I felt. So then it was, “Huh, I guess I’m bi, then.” The few crushes thereafter only confirmed my status. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/25 "2009-10-06T00:41:33Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > there is Klein Sexual Orientation Grid by Dr. Fritz Klein and the Kinsey scale > > it seems that if you include life long experiences including feelings as well as actions then analysis like that can place lots of people in the bisexual category. If you will give me a link, I’ll check it out. BUT----I’ve been through one very painful divorce and am now separated from a woman I will say is the love of my life. It is very unlikely that she and I will reconcile and I can only say I am devastated by that fact. BUT----I can promise you that I will not be even remotely tempted to seek comfort in the arms of a man. So where does that put me? I think I am not bisexual at all. ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/26 "2009-10-06T03:52:36Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > there is Klein Sexual Orientation Grid by Dr. Fritz Klein and the Kinsey scale > > it seems that if you include life long experiences including feelings as well as actions then analysis like that can place lots of people in the bisexual category. > [@LouisB](#): > > If you will give me a link, I’ll check it out. BUT----I’ve been through one very painful divorce and am now separated from a woman I will say is the love of my life. It is very unlikely that she and I will reconcile and I can only say I am devastated by that fact. BUT----I can promise you that I will not be even remotely tempted to seek comfort in the arms of a man. So where does that put me? I think I am not bisexual at all. no links. Klein and Kinsey did articles and books. probably lots on comment and discussion all over the web on both. as i recall it doesn’t claim that people can’t be 100% to either straight or gay but that the middle has a bigger population than people would first think. ---
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 5:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/27 "2009-10-06T05:03:14Z")
[Here](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klein_Sexual_Orientation_Grid) is the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid explained on Wiki, and [a quiz](http://www.youthnetsouthampton.org.uk/breakout/kleingrid.php) that scores it for you. Unsurprisingly since I’m not attracted to other women, I scored a 0. I’m sure everyone who said they’re not bi in this thread will score a 0 (or 6) too. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/28 "2009-10-06T05:15:08Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > [Here](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klein_Sexual_Orientation_Grid) is the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid explained on Wiki, and [a quiz](http://www.youthnetsouthampton.org.uk/breakout/kleingrid.php) that scores it for you. Unsurprisingly since I’m not attracted to other women, I scored a 0. I’m sure everyone who said they’re not bi in this thread will score a 0 (or 6) too. I scored a 5. Probably because I included some early teen ‘experiences’ that included some light sexual type experimenting but never actual sex. To answer the OP, no. I’ve had some great emotional relationships with women and some of my best friends are female but I have never and couldn’t see myself falling in love with any of them. ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/29 "2009-10-06T09:48:00Z")
I’ve never fallen “head over heels” for anyone, but in the fall of 1998 I did develop a quite surprising crush on an effeminate\* gay man who was working on the same temp assignment I was. He never knew. - He didn’t wear drag, but he did wear _blue nail polish._ ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/30 "2009-10-06T14:56:28Z")
I don’t think everyone is bisexual, but I think a lot more people are than will admit. How’s that? I tend to think of sexuality as more of a sliding scale. There will always be people who are 100% gay, straight, or bi, but it’s not the majority of people by any means. Me? I have scored a low score on the Kinsey scale, meaning I have some small attraction to females. And once or twice there has been a female I felt love for, romantic love, even if not sexual. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/31 "2009-10-06T15:42:37Z")
I believe I would have to answer the OP’s question Yes, I have. I went off to University and ended up renting a room from a group of foreign students who were sharing. One of the girls and I became fast friends. We were mad about each other. Inseparable, like two peas in a pod. But it was university and people saying, “Oh they must be Lesbians!”, was just too cliche to be taken seriously. I actually had a boyfriend most of the time, but he went to school in another city. She was of a different ethnicity and came from a culture literally 10,000 miles away from my own. But we were truly like soulmates and our friends could see it clearly. She came from a culture where it was acceptable for female good friends to hold hands so we often did. We traveled together and often shared a bed, but there was never any sexual attraction as we were both heterosexual, no confusion there. Eventually our years at school came to an end, we went traveling together on her side of the globe for several months, but then that time came to an end as well. We were at a beach and the next day she would take a train back to her home and, by the evening, I’d be headed into Bangkok and onto a plane back to the west. And we would be separated by 10,000 miles! We were somewhat reflective as we retired that night, knowing our lives would never be the same again, and she said to me, “If you were a man I’d marry you.” I told her I felt the same way exactly. We still love each other, are still soulmates, and I still count her as my best friend. I don’t see her often, but when I do, I still fall in love with her, all over again. ---
**Author:** ![Mojo\_Pin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Mojo\_Pin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo_Pin)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/32 "2009-10-06T16:01:02Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > People say things like that but I can swear to you that I am a 100% straight male and I think there are lots of others like me. I literally cannot tell if males are even attractive to someone else or not although I have tried to train myself to do it. It is almost like being colorblind. I am simply not attracted to males in the least and never will be. I am not wired for it and I don’t understand it. I think being unable to judge the attractiveness of one half of your own species must be exceedingly rare and I almost can’t even fathom what that would be like. I mean I’m not gay, but surely there are elements of attraction and repulsion in every relationship? Certain people are better at gaining rapport than others, more charming, interesting, whatever, and I highly doubt such social devices magically stop at gender lines. It’s just whether that goes over into an urge to procreate. e: cool story elbows. I wonder what that’s like, really. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/33 "2009-10-06T16:53:07Z")
Head over heels? No. But I find myself with a very mild crush on a woman I know. It definitely has me “wondering what the heck is going on with” myself as this is entirely unprecedented. She’s just so darn cute! I think she does swing the other way, or I probably wouldn’t have noticed her in this way. Would I pursue it? No. If she pursued it…I’d probably give it a try. But I’d make sure to let her know that I have absolutely no experience in this department, and that there’s a significant chance that I’d end up bailing out. Then she could decide if she does indeed want to go ahead. I wouldn’t want to use her as a guinea pig without making sure she’s okay with it. I always considered myself straight–not even “bi-curious”–so it’s nice to know that I might actually have some capacity to feel something for a woman. ---
**Author:** ![Trepa\_Mayfield](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/34 "2009-10-06T17:01:51Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > [Here](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klein_Sexual_Orientation_Grid) is the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid explained on Wiki, and [a quiz](http://www.youthnetsouthampton.org.uk/breakout/kleingrid.php) that scores it for you. Unsurprisingly since I’m not attracted to other women, I scored a 0. I’m sure everyone who said they’re not bi in this thread will score a 0 (or 6) too. Slight hi-jack: That may be the most stupid personality quiz I have ever seen. The whole point of those things is to try to trick you into answering honestly–otherwise you answer based on what you think of yourself as. That whole thing is no better than asking, “What are you?”. ---
**Author:** ![fervour](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@fervour](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fervour)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/35 "2009-10-06T17:09:20Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > [Here](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Klein_Sexual_Orientation_Grid) is the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid explained on Wiki, and [a quiz](http://www.youthnetsouthampton.org.uk/breakout/kleingrid.php) that scores it for you. Unsurprisingly since I’m not attracted to other women, I scored a 0. I’m sure everyone who said they’re not bi in this thread will score a 0 (or 6) too. I find the quiz results to be suspect. I scored 4.67. I’m gay. Because I have and have always thought that it’s good to form strong emotional bonds to members of the opposite sex and because I have and have always felt that it’s good to hang out in mixed company, I’m between “more than incidentally” and “incidentally” hetero? Playing with the questions: Switching to strong same-sex emotional bonds only yields a result of 5.1. Basically, the only way to be a pure homosexual is to only associate with homosexuals. I think that’s simply wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/36 "2009-10-06T17:19:31Z")
Oh you mean the so called “Bro-mance” or “Man crush” 🙂 I actually have seen this a lot among women. I’ve seen two women that are friends to such a degree that as soon as one walks into the room the other’s face lights up with joy. These are strictly friendship with no sexual intent. I think men get it to, that’s why the join clubs or go on week long golfing trips. As a gay man I can say there is one huge difference. Homosexuality is no longer the huge deal it was. Younger people are more apt to say “I’ll try it just to see.” Or men will say “Well I was horny and no one else was around.” I recall an interview with _Rolling Stone_ magazine where Daryl Hall openly admits he had sex with me, but he then says “Yeah but I have a girlfriend now, and I prefer women.” So what do you do with someone like that. A sex act does not a homosexual make 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2009, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/37 "2009-10-06T18:40:10Z")
> [@Markxxx](#): > > As a gay man I can say there is one huge difference. Homosexuality is no longer the huge deal it was. Younger people are more apt to say “I’ll try it just to see.” Or men will say “Well I was horny and no one else was around.” That’s what porn and masturbation are for. I’ve never known a straight guy to experiment with another guy just because they’re horny. > [@Markxxx](#): > > I recall an interview with _Rolling Stone_ magazine where **Daryl Hall openly admits he had sex with me** , but he then says “Yeah but I have a girlfriend now, and I prefer women.” So how was he? ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576/38 "2009-10-09T10:02:02Z")
I’m a bit bi, but in a purely occasional physical way. I much prefer men for the whole package. But every once in a while I get a mad “girl crush” but for me it’s more that I want to be that woman’s friend and wires cross. It all gets sorted out quickly though. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-fallen-head-over-heels-for-someone-of-the-wrong-sex/512576.md?page=1)