# Ever Get Tired of Comprimising (for the men)? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 10, 2011, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744 "2011-12-10T16:05:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![pbbth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f9ae1b/32.png) [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/21 "2011-12-10T19:28:48Z")
This past year my husband had a huge birthday party. He turned 30 and he wanted a big celebration. We ended up going to a Vietnamese place and had a ton of food set up buffet style for everyone and a karaoke machine. He had the best birthday of his life. I, on the other hand, was somewhat miserable. I was almost 6 months pregnant and the smell of the food was making me nauseous. The party was great but I didn’t eat a bite. I don’t think my husband even noticed because I made a point of having a plate and a soda in front of me and keeping my mouth shut about the fact that I couldn’t stomach any of the food. Afterwards several of us went to a diner to get dessert and I got a sandwich to go with my milkshake and no one said a word about it. I didn’t want to make my husband feel bad on his birthday because he was otherwise so incredibly happy with the evening. My wants came second to his that night and on my birthday his wants come second to mine. I can’t imagine being upset about what my spouse wants to eat on his birthday! I’m of the opinion your wife can suck it up and try a new restaurant to make you happy once a year as long as you are happy to do things for her on her birthday too. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/22 "2011-12-10T19:55:42Z")
I would just find a compromise that the women will want to do. Then next year, talk about it before hand with your wife and decide on where YOU want to go. Then invite others. If they don’t want to come, okay. ---
**Author:** ![Mixolydian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@Mixolydian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mixolydian)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/23 "2011-12-10T22:00:42Z")
Thanks again, all for your participation in this… Latest update: I calmly spoke to my wife earlier letting her know that I’d really like to try the Korean place. Met with resistance, I did have to be a bit of a birthday bitch, but only slightly. On her suggestion, I called the other female participant and restated my position - her response was “I’m game, ok, let’s do it”, so we’re going(!). Stay tuned for the conclusion…let’s hope this place lives up to the reviews. Any dish recommendations? ---
**Author:** ![Mixolydian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@Mixolydian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mixolydian)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/24 "2011-12-10T22:10:20Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > If everyone was happy to go to your 2nd and 3rd choices, I’d have more sympathy for the anti-Korean BBQ crowd. But to refuse three different restaurant destinations for your birthday is bullshit. You’re not being a prima donna to want some input into where you have a dinner in honor of your birthday. > > I think you should tell your wife that you really want to go to the Korean restaurant, you’d really like it if she’d join you, and your friends can decide for themselves if they’d like to come too. Don’t get into any “but I always compromise!!” argument, just tell her this is what you want. Thanks, Giraffe…choice two was acceptable as far as the food goes, except they only have outdoor seating(?), and the women (AFAIK) were opposed to that. Choice three was “bought out” for the evening. So, not as cut-and-dry, but I would agree with you if they had shot down all three based on the cuisine only. ---
**Author:** ![China\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/779978/32.png) [@China\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/China_Guy)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/25 "2011-12-11T01:52:49Z")
Sheesh, as they say, I make ALL the big decisions and my wife makes the small ones. Thank god, I’ve never been called on to make one of those big decisions. 🙂 But, on your birthday, play the card: “This is not for discussion, no tears nor bitchin’ about it afterwards either, it’s my birthday and my decision.” ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/26 "2011-12-11T02:04:53Z")
> [@Mixolydian](#): > > Any dish recommendations? My favorite Korean foods are bulgogi, kalbi (esp with bones!), jap chae and of course bi bim bap. If you do the BBQ, definitely get bulgogi, and some milder marinated meats for the less adventurous folks. All the lttle sides that come with your food are great, but I don’t know what any of them are called. I especially love the bean sprouts, the daikon pickle and lots of kim chee. Kim chee pancake for an appetizer is ymmy ETA - if you do get bi bim bap opt for the heated stone pot. It makes a huge difference. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/27 "2011-12-11T02:05:03Z")
> [@Mixolydian](#): > > I’m Jewish…we’re traditionally hen-pecked Funny, I’d have guessed Armenian. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/28 "2011-12-11T02:09:04Z")
> [@Athena](#): > > Everyone feels like they always give in. I hear this from my husband all the time, and I know I feel like I give in all the time. That’s just what compromise is; you don’t get to do your #1 choice very often, because there’s other people involved, and most often you both settle on your #2 or #3 choice because they match up. Of course this is true because that is what compromise is - the method that ensures that no-one gets what they really want. ---
**Author:** ![crypto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b3f665/32.png) [@crypto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crypto)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/29 "2011-12-11T02:10:59Z")
You aren’t the only one. It’s something I’ve just accepted.\* But my opinion is that it’s your birthday, go where you want. If your other friends don’t want to go, their loss. I’ll be damned if I’d let someone other than my wife ruin my birthday! \*My situation - since my wife and I started dating, I was made aware of what she does and doesn’t like in restaurants and food in general. Likes - Italian food and restaurants - (and no, my wife isn’t italian!) Dislikes - Everything else. Seriously. No chinese, japanese, korean, (you can flush the entire pac rim). Mexican. Tex-Mex. French, German, etc… well, you get the picture.) But she always let’s me pick where we go for my birthday dinner, if my birthday includes dinner plans, that is. 😃 It still drives me nuts, because after all these years, she still asks “where do you want to go to dinner?” as if I have a choice. I’ve told her over and over again. “Wherever you want to go is fine by me.” Because it has to be. If I don’t compromise, we don’t eat out. She’s lucky she’s cute. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/30 "2011-12-11T02:47:05Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Wives are always sure that they could have done better, so she considers you to be a big compromise, and expects you to reciprocate by giving her veto powers over everything you want to do. With the exception of my wife, their assumptions are correct. That is ONE lucky woman!😃 hh ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/31 "2011-12-11T04:05:15Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > I would just find a compromise that the women will want to do. Fuck that, it’s your birthday. One day out of a year you can eat where you want to eat because it’s your fucking birthday, and they invited you. Period. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/32 "2011-12-11T04:37:03Z")
Its your birthday, you should choose. If its a neutral day, flip a coin or take turns ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/33 "2011-12-11T05:18:46Z")
> [@Motorgirl](#): > > My favorite Korean foods are bulgogi, kalbi (esp with bones!), jap chae and of course bi bim bap. I highly, highly recommend bulgogi for the skeptical women. It’s thinly sliced beef in a sweet soy marinade. I have never met an American who didn’t like it. There’s a chicken dish that’s similar (same idea, thinly sliced chicken in sweet soy marinade) which is also really good and which Americans tend to like, but whose name I cannot remember because I am a very, very bad Korean-American. In general the restaurant will probably be able to tell you what dishes will work well for American types. Jap chae I’m not totally sure about… I liked it when I was a kid, when I refused to eat most Korean food, and still do, and it’s fairly mild, but I think American opinion varies. Kalbi is even yummier (and is my personal favorite) but can be tough when cooked BBQ style; bi bim bap I wouldn’t recommend for the skeptics, but you might like it. Also, I personally adore just about all Korean soups; if y’all like spicy (really spicy) it would be worth a try. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/34 "2011-12-11T06:16:55Z")
> [@Stink Fish Pot](#): > > \*My situation - since my wife and I started dating, I was made aware of what she does and doesn’t like in restaurants and food in general. > > Likes - Italian food and restaurants - (and no, my wife isn’t italian!) > > Dislikes - Everything else. > > Seriously. No chinese, japanese, korean, (you can flush the entire pac rim). Mexican. Tex-Mex. French, German, etc… well, you get the picture.) I go out to dinner once every six weeks with a group of friends. There are only four of us (all women) and one friend is exactly like this. She also likes only Italian and then complains that she has to pick the restaurant _all the time_. ---
**Author:** ![Farmer\_Jane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Farmer\_Jane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmer_Jane)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/35 "2011-12-11T06:40:45Z")
> [@Ibanez](#): > > Fuck that, it’s your birthday. > > One day out of a year you can eat where you want to eat because it’s your fucking birthday, and they invited you. > > Period. Yikes! I thought he invited them? At any rate, it sounds like it’s working out. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/36 "2011-12-11T15:24:45Z")
I’m glad things worked out. I’ve been the one who compromises quite often in relationships. You don’t need to do that. As you can see, talking it out worked. Have a great birthday. And keep trying that “calmly talking” thing. It seems to work. ---
**Author:** ![nashiitashii](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7c8e57/32.png) [@nashiitashii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nashiitashii)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/37 "2011-12-11T17:09:46Z")
> [@Giraffe](#): > > If everyone was happy to go to your 2nd and 3rd choices, I’d have more sympathy for the anti-Korean BBQ crowd. But to refuse three different restaurant destinations for your birthday is bullshit. You’re not being a prima donna to want some input into where you have a dinner in honor of your birthday. I had a situation like this a couple of years ago: I was going through a point where I had very little interest in meat, and was regularly cooking vegetarian or semi-vegetarian meals for myself. My in-laws make it a point of taking out “the kids” for dinner to celebrate birthdays, and they had asked me via email about where I’d like to go. I made about four or five suggestions of places I’d like to try that I thought would meet my MIL’s dining requirements\*, to have them all rejected by MIL. FIL suggests a steak place (albeit a really nice one) or an Italian restaurant with a limited menu, neither of which I wanted as I had gotten really, really, really tired of eating at the same two or three different restaurant types with them. I opted to not go out for my birthday that year and told I was being selfish about the whole thing. I was to some extent, but at the time the attitude was that I was supposed to just suck it up and go along with it because they needed to celebrate my birthday, whether I liked it or not. \*Neither of my in-laws are adventurous eaters, but at times my MIL’s food preferences are pathologically narrow. It does sound like your dinner plans are going to work out, though. Let us know how it goes. ---
**Author:** ![Mixolydian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/da6949/32.png) [@Mixolydian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mixolydian)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2011, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/38 "2011-12-12T13:48:23Z")
Epilogue: Once we arrived at the restaurant and were seated, I could tell that the other three were still a bit apprehensive, although the smells and the sights weren’t as off-putting as I think they imagined. One of the owners came over (she stated she knows all her customers) and put us all at ease. She recommended the dolsot bibimbob (beef, rice & veggies in a clay pot where the rice gets crunchy at the bottom) along with the beef and pork Bulgogi. We ordered fried dumplings instead of the recommended Kimchee Jun (pancake) appetizer - other male guest’s request. Once the order was placed, my wife immediately apologized to everyone that she overreacted about the whole thing, and that she felt much better about the way it was going. As I expected, everything was delicious - kimchee certainly lives up to its reputation. I think my wife liked it all more than the other couple(!). Popcorn ice cream for dessert too… Looking back at the thread, I realized I didn’t indicate my belief that it was my wife who was more opposed to being adventuresome, and used her friend’s text response as her reinforcement that I was being unreasonable. Once I spoke to this friend on the phone, I immediately felt her demeanor as supportive - hence my wife’s apology to everyone at the restaurant. Here’s the restaurant info in case anyone’s curious - [Gabose Korean/Japanese Restaurant - Lauderhill, FL](http://www.urbanspoon.com/r/12/152532/restaurant/Miami/Gabose-Korean-Japanese-Restaurant-Lauderhill). Thanks again for the responses and the birthday wishes! ---
**Author:** ![raspberry\_hunter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b19c9b/32.png) [@raspberry\_hunter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raspberry_hunter)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2011, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/39 "2011-12-12T16:09:14Z")
Yay! I’m glad everyone had a good time and that you had a good birthday celebration! (I am shocked your wife liked kimchee; my husband, who doesn’t mind most foods, refuses to eat it!) ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 12, 2011, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744/40 "2011-12-12T22:58:24Z")
> [@jabiru](#): > > I go out to dinner once every six weeks with a group of friends. There are only four of us (all women) and one friend is exactly like this. She also likes only Italian and then complains that she has to pick the restaurant _all the time_. And you other three put up with this childish nonsense why? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ever-get-tired-of-comprimising-for-the-men/605744.md?page=1)